Monday, November 10, 2008

Tonight I Ache

Should I miss somebody who isn’t right for me?

That is a question I am struggling with. It is hard to ignore your heart when it aches so much. Of course, maybe the real question I should be asking is, “IS she right for me?” There are so many things in my life that I just do not understand right now; I need to add this one to the top of my list.

Is it possible that a person’s heart can be so deceitful? In my lifetime, I have never had to ask that question; not until now. Can I have fallen, can I have connected so much, with somebody I truly have no right to be falling for or connecting with? Or are my circumstances with her just a big mess right now, one that I cannot sort out within myself, and is it possible that (in the future) God may yet cause something to bloom (or re-bloom) in these circumstances?

And, the other question is, Should I even be thinking along these lines? Am I just hurting myself and prolonging my agony by refusing to let go of the best thing that ever happened to me?

Do I really want to completely let go of this, and lose forever my chances of happiness in this regard?


Life sucks. It is full of confusion and heartache. Being religious, or a Christian, does not really help it be any better. Life is a struggle. Nothing tends to make sense the way that you think it should.

I hurt. I feel wounded, like there is a big bite out of my soul, a wound that cannot heal. The last few days, I find myself fighting back tears a lot. The rest of the time, I find myself ignoring my feelings and trying not to think; but I always come back to “what might have been, and might yet be.”

This song was a tear-jerker for me tonight…I am probably killing myself slowly by even writing out these lyrics, but tonight I just cannot help it!

Austin – by Blake Shelton


She left without leavin' a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling
If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not
buyin'
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then

If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone, all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

Well, this time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'
And this is what he heard

If you're callin' 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you

I still love you




Hope. I think it is the only thing that makes life worth living.

Please God, do not take my last hope away from me. It is all that i have got left.

1 comment:

  1. Are you hurting yourself by prolonging this agony? The simple answer is YES. Can you a make her love you? NO. Can you go back in time and change what happened? NO. Can you make her leave her idiot husband? NO.

    Can you change how you feel? .....
    YES.

    I firmly beleive that what you choose to focus on becomes your reality. In fact, the Bible states that SEVERAL times...

    "let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2

    "but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" Phil 3 :13

    "My troubled thoughts prompt me to answer because I am greatly disturbed." Job 20:2

    "All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless." Eccles 2:23

    "No man has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death.
    As no one is discharged in time of war, so wickedness will not release those who practice it.
    9 All this I saw, as I applied my mind to everything done under the sun. There is a time when a man lords it over others to his own hurt." Eclles 8:8,9

    "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Is 26:3

    "He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?" Luke 24:28

    "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." Romans 8:5

    "But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing." 1Cor 7:37
    (I use this to show the Bible stating, once again, the power of our minds, not to say anything about MJ being a virgin or not, etc!)

    "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Eph 4:22 - 24

    "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
    8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phil 4:6-8

    "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." Prov 23:7

    I could go on, but basically, these are the verses I've been living off of for awhile. Why did God give us free will? So we could be frikking miserable?? You know I want the best for you, and I have been there to support you and listen, etc. And I will still do that. I just ask you think about it, pray about, do whatever... CONSIDER the possiblity that you are making YOURSELF live in this agony...

    And do you want to continue in it??
    "Are we having fun yet?"

    xo
    ~S~

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