Wednesday, July 29, 2009
ASA
I think that modern technology, and breakthroughs in various specialty fields, are simply amazing. And I am thankful for them. They work. Amazing. Simply amazing.
Monday, July 27, 2009
new poems posted
I was feeling something, so I used that to write. Here is the birthed emotion.
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/sands-of-slipping-tides-of-turmoil-7.html
and
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/sense.html
and finally
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/haley-called-but-operator-cannot.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/sands-of-slipping-tides-of-turmoil-7.html
and
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/sense.html
and finally
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/haley-called-but-operator-cannot.html
Me
Heartache does not control me, or define me. I choose not to wallow in it. But, when it shows up, I accept it, go through it, and move on until next time.
That's me, in a heartachey nutshell.
:-)
That's me, in a heartachey nutshell.
:-)
Friday, July 24, 2009
define
The worst thing about being alone physically, is being alone emotionally. Friends and family are great, but you need somebody to be there for you on an emotional level, somebody to share with you, to cry with you, to laugh with you.
When you do not have that…that is the definition of alone.
So, raise a glass to better times…they are out there, somewhere.
When you do not have that…that is the definition of alone.
So, raise a glass to better times…they are out there, somewhere.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Drew
Drew Barrymore makes me cry now.
That probably sounds pretty stupid. It definitely does not make me sound very manly, that much I know. But I cannot help it, it is just the truth.
It might be because she reminds me of somebody, somebody who said she looked a bit like her (and she was right). And it might be because Drew acts in romance movies that have a lot of reality in them, a rawness of need.
I just finished watching "Lucky You." Most people would say that it isn't a very good movie. But I thought it was great. In its fiction, there was more reality than most people are used to seeing in films nowadays, and more reality than they know how to deal with. The emotions aren't over the top, they have soft undertones and harshly-jangled overtones; you have to look to see overall tune, but it is when you can finally pick out the hidden melody in the emotions that you truly grasp how great of an actress this woman really is.
Music and Lyrics; yeah, there is a movie that I am not sure that I can ever watch again. It was awesome, and i will never forget it, but...it is like Hi Fidelity starring John Cusack, a movie that has TOO much emotional attachment for me to be able to even remotely enjoy it.
Yeah, I am blabbering now. I think I want to end this blog-post by saying this; I may not have a special someone in my life right now, but they ARE out there somewhere, and we will meet and be together, it is a sure thing, and I look forward to the day it happens.
Peace, hope, and love to you all...
That probably sounds pretty stupid. It definitely does not make me sound very manly, that much I know. But I cannot help it, it is just the truth.
It might be because she reminds me of somebody, somebody who said she looked a bit like her (and she was right). And it might be because Drew acts in romance movies that have a lot of reality in them, a rawness of need.
I just finished watching "Lucky You." Most people would say that it isn't a very good movie. But I thought it was great. In its fiction, there was more reality than most people are used to seeing in films nowadays, and more reality than they know how to deal with. The emotions aren't over the top, they have soft undertones and harshly-jangled overtones; you have to look to see overall tune, but it is when you can finally pick out the hidden melody in the emotions that you truly grasp how great of an actress this woman really is.
Music and Lyrics; yeah, there is a movie that I am not sure that I can ever watch again. It was awesome, and i will never forget it, but...it is like Hi Fidelity starring John Cusack, a movie that has TOO much emotional attachment for me to be able to even remotely enjoy it.
Yeah, I am blabbering now. I think I want to end this blog-post by saying this; I may not have a special someone in my life right now, but they ARE out there somewhere, and we will meet and be together, it is a sure thing, and I look forward to the day it happens.
Peace, hope, and love to you all...
Saturday, July 18, 2009
2 things
1. Some lyrics...
We've Lost Ground - by Idle Cure
When I sit back and listen, I can hear
It's getting worse year after year
"In God we trust" a thing of the past
If we keep on going we're never gonna last
Who will lead and who will follow
Where's the rock for tomorrow
God and country are drifting away
It doesn't look good but there's still another day
(Chorus)
We've lost ground, reclaim the glory
We've lost ground, don't throw away the key
We've lost ground, reclaim the glory
We've lost ground, it's up to you and me
When all is said and done, we've been blessed
Many lives were put to the test
We had honor, we made a stand
It took a country with a Bible in it's hand
Now it's changed, we've sent God home
We'll never make it on our own
Candle lights last for a while
Then fade fast and get thrown into a pile
(Chorus)
Do or die, the future's before us
Good things never come easy
We will survive, stand up and be counted
Too many people wanna push it to the side
(Chorus)
2. movie review.
I do not usually push on my readers what mvoies they should watch. But, i just finished watching "Burn After Reading", and, if you do not mind some cursing and some violence, this is seriously the most frigged-up movie i have seen in a long, long time! Check it out, and see what I mean!
We've Lost Ground - by Idle Cure
When I sit back and listen, I can hear
It's getting worse year after year
"In God we trust" a thing of the past
If we keep on going we're never gonna last
Who will lead and who will follow
Where's the rock for tomorrow
God and country are drifting away
It doesn't look good but there's still another day
(Chorus)
We've lost ground, reclaim the glory
We've lost ground, don't throw away the key
We've lost ground, reclaim the glory
We've lost ground, it's up to you and me
When all is said and done, we've been blessed
Many lives were put to the test
We had honor, we made a stand
It took a country with a Bible in it's hand
Now it's changed, we've sent God home
We'll never make it on our own
Candle lights last for a while
Then fade fast and get thrown into a pile
(Chorus)
Do or die, the future's before us
Good things never come easy
We will survive, stand up and be counted
Too many people wanna push it to the side
(Chorus)
2. movie review.
I do not usually push on my readers what mvoies they should watch. But, i just finished watching "Burn After Reading", and, if you do not mind some cursing and some violence, this is seriously the most frigged-up movie i have seen in a long, long time! Check it out, and see what I mean!
Friday, July 17, 2009
surrendering self
You will never, in this life, know who you really and truly are, until you ask the One Who made you, the One Who knows you better than any other (and loves you just the same).
You will never ask the One Who knows you who you really and truly are, unless you trust Him and the answer He will give you.
You will never trust Him, if you do not know Who He is.
You will never know Who He is, unless you spend time with Him. Unless you spend time sitting at His feet and listening to Him, opening up your heart and mind to Him. Drinking Him in, until He fills your very soul to overflowing. Revering Him, worshipping Him, being thankful to Him for everything.
You will never, in this life, know who you really and truly are, unless you spend enough time with God (worshipping Him and listening to Him and expressing thankfulness to Him) that you can trust Him and believe what He says (and what you read in His holy Word).
Without God, you are nothing. With God, you are everything He says that you are, and you are everything that He has declared you to be, everything that He has made you to be, and fully equipped to do every good work that He pre-destined for you before the beginning of time.
Center Of It All – by Tim Hughes
In the beginning
Before You set the world in motion
Uncreated God eternal
Radiant beauty
Infinite, the God-head, three-in-one
Perfect Father, Spirit, Savior
And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all
All of the Universe explodes in song before designer King
Valley-shaper, mountain-maker
The stars sing out, they can't contain the praises of their God
Earth creator, heaven shaker
And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all
Beginning of it all
The reason for it all
The centre of it all
And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all
Living For Your Glory – by Tim Hughes
What good is it to gain the whole world
But lose your soul?
What good is it to make a sweet sound
But remain proud?
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
The road I’m on that leads nowhere without You
And the life I live that finds meaning and surrender
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
Life without God, is no life at all. Life without total surrender to the Master, is wasted.
Lord, let me not waste what You have given me…
May everything I touch, everything that I see and taste and hear and do, may it all turn to unsatisfying dust in my hands and in my heart, until my life is completely Yours.
Take me, Lord Jesus.
You will never ask the One Who knows you who you really and truly are, unless you trust Him and the answer He will give you.
You will never trust Him, if you do not know Who He is.
You will never know Who He is, unless you spend time with Him. Unless you spend time sitting at His feet and listening to Him, opening up your heart and mind to Him. Drinking Him in, until He fills your very soul to overflowing. Revering Him, worshipping Him, being thankful to Him for everything.
You will never, in this life, know who you really and truly are, unless you spend enough time with God (worshipping Him and listening to Him and expressing thankfulness to Him) that you can trust Him and believe what He says (and what you read in His holy Word).
Without God, you are nothing. With God, you are everything He says that you are, and you are everything that He has declared you to be, everything that He has made you to be, and fully equipped to do every good work that He pre-destined for you before the beginning of time.
Center Of It All – by Tim Hughes
In the beginning
Before You set the world in motion
Uncreated God eternal
Radiant beauty
Infinite, the God-head, three-in-one
Perfect Father, Spirit, Savior
And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all
All of the Universe explodes in song before designer King
Valley-shaper, mountain-maker
The stars sing out, they can't contain the praises of their God
Earth creator, heaven shaker
And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all
Beginning of it all
The reason for it all
The centre of it all
And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all
Living For Your Glory – by Tim Hughes
What good is it to gain the whole world
But lose your soul?
What good is it to make a sweet sound
But remain proud?
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
The road I’m on that leads nowhere without You
And the life I live that finds meaning and surrender
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory
Life without God, is no life at all. Life without total surrender to the Master, is wasted.
Lord, let me not waste what You have given me…
May everything I touch, everything that I see and taste and hear and do, may it all turn to unsatisfying dust in my hands and in my heart, until my life is completely Yours.
Take me, Lord Jesus.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
hero sandwich
Hero.
I have always wanted to be a hero.
I think there is something that lies within each and every man, a burning part of us; this something is put there by our Creator, our God, our Lord. It is the desire to be a hero. It is accompanied by the desire to create and give life to something, to create something from nothing, something lasting; for this reason, men throw themselves into their work, into providing for themselves and for others. In the same way, I believe that women have implanted within them the desire to be rescued, to be cherished, and to give life and nurture to a child; and for this reason, women sacrifice themselves for a family and especially for their children.
A hero.
It is all part of the Great Romance. Rescuing from danger is a part of it, and being rescued from danger. This is a good thing, given to us by the Great Romancer Himself.
I’ve always wanted to rescue a woman, to have her feel that I am her knight-in-shining-armour. I’ve wanted that feeling of power and omnipotence, that satisfied feeling that comes from knowing you have given all to save what and who you love most, and you have succeeded.
Never really been there, though. Close at times. On the right path? Perhaps. But never quite there.
I am still hoping to, one day. Be that hero, that is.
God willing, I might still be, I might still be. After all, I have it within me. I am capable, because God equipped me to be able to be that hero. He gave me everything that I need; now I just need the right opportunity, and the right princess to save.
Again, God willing, it’ll happen. His job is to set up the perfect opportunity; my job is to have the faith to stand up and move into it when I see it unfolding before me.
The future…who knows what it holds?
Not I…but, I do know the One Who does.
Hero.
I have always wanted to be a hero.
I think there is something that lies within each and every man, a burning part of us; this something is put there by our Creator, our God, our Lord. It is the desire to be a hero. It is accompanied by the desire to create and give life to something, to create something from nothing, something lasting; for this reason, men throw themselves into their work, into providing for themselves and for others. In the same way, I believe that women have implanted within them the desire to be rescued, to be cherished, and to give life and nurture to a child; and for this reason, women sacrifice themselves for a family and especially for their children.
A hero.
It is all part of the Great Romance. Rescuing from danger is a part of it, and being rescued from danger. This is a good thing, given to us by the Great Romancer Himself.
I’ve always wanted to rescue a woman, to have her feel that I am her knight-in-shining-armour. I’ve wanted that feeling of power and omnipotence, that satisfied feeling that comes from knowing you have given all to save what and who you love most, and you have succeeded.
Never really been there, though. Close at times. On the right path? Perhaps. But never quite there.
I am still hoping to, one day. Be that hero, that is.
God willing, I might still be, I might still be. After all, I have it within me. I am capable, because God equipped me to be able to be that hero. He gave me everything that I need; now I just need the right opportunity, and the right princess to save.
Again, God willing, it’ll happen. His job is to set up the perfect opportunity; my job is to have the faith to stand up and move into it when I see it unfolding before me.
The future…who knows what it holds?
Not I…but, I do know the One Who does.
Hero.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
upsetting the balance
A just had a thought. It happened while listening to the following song in my car. The song was both sobering and awe-inspiring. See below.
DeGarmo & Key – “Let’s Get Upset”
I was raised in America when streets were safe
And children learned to pray, learned to pray.
Things have changed, and it's not the same,
The hand of God that we felt has gone away, gone away.
Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.
We used to blush at vulgarity,
Now we watch while the TV plays all night, plays all night.
Used to stand with our backbones strong,
Now the drugs turn our courage into fright; It's not right.
Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.
If we Christians pray, the Lord will clear the way,
We are examples to the rest.
And if we place God first,
He will heal all our hurts,
And we will see our country blessed, blessed.
Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.
Let's get upset!
Let's get upset!
With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around!
Let's get upset!
Let's get upset!
So, here is my thought…
When I was young, I looked to the adults in my life, the adults around me, my parents and my pastors, to be the ones to lead the charge for glory. If God needed things done on this earth, they were the ones to do it. They answered His call.
Now, I look around, and I see a hell-bound humanity that is running away from God and embracing sickness and disease and sin at an alarming rate. I see the economy failing, politicians making things worse, and people despairing. I see a world that is ripe for the coming of the anti-christ. I feel sickened in my spirit.
And then, then I realize something, something sobering and awe-inspiring both; if God wants to do anything in this earth, “I” am the one who must now stand up and be used! I am the adult now. I am the maturing Christian that God desires to use to reach out to a lost world. He wants to heal people, and He wants to use me. Signs and wonders? Yup, He wants to do those through me as well. When God desires somebody to stand up and sound an alarm to His people, that somebody He desires to use? Yep, once again, that is me!
I am the person that others around me once were. Nobody else is gonna do it for me anymore. It is my responsibility. My duty. My privilege. It is up to me. I have to be willing. I have to jump up and down on my fear and stand up in faith and move forward. I have to listen to God and obey Him. Me. It is all up to me…
God, may I be found willing, and then You make me able.
DeGarmo & Key – “Let’s Get Upset”
I was raised in America when streets were safe
And children learned to pray, learned to pray.
Things have changed, and it's not the same,
The hand of God that we felt has gone away, gone away.
Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.
We used to blush at vulgarity,
Now we watch while the TV plays all night, plays all night.
Used to stand with our backbones strong,
Now the drugs turn our courage into fright; It's not right.
Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.
If we Christians pray, the Lord will clear the way,
We are examples to the rest.
And if we place God first,
He will heal all our hurts,
And we will see our country blessed, blessed.
Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.
Let's get upset!
Let's get upset!
With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around!
Let's get upset!
Let's get upset!
So, here is my thought…
When I was young, I looked to the adults in my life, the adults around me, my parents and my pastors, to be the ones to lead the charge for glory. If God needed things done on this earth, they were the ones to do it. They answered His call.
Now, I look around, and I see a hell-bound humanity that is running away from God and embracing sickness and disease and sin at an alarming rate. I see the economy failing, politicians making things worse, and people despairing. I see a world that is ripe for the coming of the anti-christ. I feel sickened in my spirit.
And then, then I realize something, something sobering and awe-inspiring both; if God wants to do anything in this earth, “I” am the one who must now stand up and be used! I am the adult now. I am the maturing Christian that God desires to use to reach out to a lost world. He wants to heal people, and He wants to use me. Signs and wonders? Yup, He wants to do those through me as well. When God desires somebody to stand up and sound an alarm to His people, that somebody He desires to use? Yep, once again, that is me!
I am the person that others around me once were. Nobody else is gonna do it for me anymore. It is my responsibility. My duty. My privilege. It is up to me. I have to be willing. I have to jump up and down on my fear and stand up in faith and move forward. I have to listen to God and obey Him. Me. It is all up to me…
God, may I be found willing, and then You make me able.
a quote i heard today
"Your destiny is not tied to the people in your life who walk away." - Joel Osteen
Monday, July 13, 2009
poem a nouveau
Another new poetic creation lies within...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/somnolence-of-your-innocence.html
Slainte!
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/somnolence-of-your-innocence.html
Slainte!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
new poem
New Poem posted here...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-liked-girl.html
Thanks for caring!
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-liked-girl.html
Thanks for caring!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
hope for today
Just wanted to share with you what it says inside my new Hope For Today Bible that I received from Joel Osteen’s Ministry.
Dear Friend,
What you hold in your hand is more than just a good book; it is without question the most valuable possession you will ever own and the best gift you could ever receive or share with someone.
These pages are filled with the promise, the hope, and the power to live the abundant life that Jesus came to give. Proverbs 10:28 tells us that “the hopes of the godly result in happiness.” We believe wholeheartedly that hope in the Word of God is the very foundation for a well-lived, happy, prosperous, and fulfilled life.
What does it mean to have hope in the Word of God? It means that no matter what you may be facing, no matter where you may have been, no matter what anyone may have said, you can live in victory because you have a promise from Almighty God. Are you facing difficult times today? You can have hope because God promises that the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter (Proverbs 4:18). Do you have a need in any area of your life? You can have hope because God promises to restore you and fulfill the desires He has placed in your heart (Psalm 37:4). You can have hope for today and every day because God promises that His plans for you are good – to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
As you make time to consistently read and study His Word, hope will be ignited in your heart. The Scripture promises us that God rewards the people who seek after Him, so decide today to put Jesus first in everything you do. As you do, we believe what it says in Romans 15:13, that “God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him”!
We love you and believe your best days are still ahead,
Joel & Victoria
Dear Friend,
What you hold in your hand is more than just a good book; it is without question the most valuable possession you will ever own and the best gift you could ever receive or share with someone.
These pages are filled with the promise, the hope, and the power to live the abundant life that Jesus came to give. Proverbs 10:28 tells us that “the hopes of the godly result in happiness.” We believe wholeheartedly that hope in the Word of God is the very foundation for a well-lived, happy, prosperous, and fulfilled life.
What does it mean to have hope in the Word of God? It means that no matter what you may be facing, no matter where you may have been, no matter what anyone may have said, you can live in victory because you have a promise from Almighty God. Are you facing difficult times today? You can have hope because God promises that the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter (Proverbs 4:18). Do you have a need in any area of your life? You can have hope because God promises to restore you and fulfill the desires He has placed in your heart (Psalm 37:4). You can have hope for today and every day because God promises that His plans for you are good – to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
As you make time to consistently read and study His Word, hope will be ignited in your heart. The Scripture promises us that God rewards the people who seek after Him, so decide today to put Jesus first in everything you do. As you do, we believe what it says in Romans 15:13, that “God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him”!
We love you and believe your best days are still ahead,
Joel & Victoria
Saturday, July 4, 2009
my pride
I decided something on the way to work today.
I decided to give myself permission to be proud of myself.
This last year, year and a half, has been very hard on me. And i have been very hard on myself, always looking and digging to try to find where I have made mistakes. I think i need to stop doing that (so much) now. I know i made mistakes. But, i am also proud of myself; proud of myself for trying, proud of myself for caring, proud of myself for believing in the face of much opposition.
I am thinking that it is time to throw my shoulders back, raise my gaze up off of the ground, put a smile on my face, and get out there. Have confidence again. It has been awhile, it’d be nice to be confident again.
There is more to be proud of myself for. Much more. I am beginning to find a little pride in my decision to move on, to not keep my heart bound to MJ forever, to recognize that as much as i cared about her and for her that i now see that she is not good for me. Not that she is a bad person, but because she isn’t good FOR ME. It hurts me still to have to admit that. It hurts me still to have to walk away from what i had faith in. It hurts me not to see her. But i need to move on. And i recognize that, and i am proud of myself for doing what has to be done, for doing what is best for me.
I am giving myself permission to be proud of myself.
In honour of my new-found pride in myself, I am presenting here my newest favourite song. I must have played this 4 or 5 times in a row today. Although it is a bit harsh, and although not all of the lyrics actaully apply to me, still it strikes a chord within me; a chord of hope.
I Love Myself Today - by Bif Naked
You left me like a broken doll,
In pieces as I took the fall
For you, you dumb chump!
You left me free-falling like space junk,
Burning up in the atmosphere of life.
Well I sound like a philosopher,
But I'm a fool who's off her rocker
'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time.
I've had enough, made up my mind,
I'm gonna get up, and out, and...wahhh!!!
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever
Well look at you, you're all puffed up,
In that big red truck- but you're outta luck (this time),
Well, that's tough
'Cause I'm on fire - too hot to touch
With a chatroom full of lovers on the line.
Gonna step right up, Spit shine my soul,
I'm gonna be proud, and loud, and outta control!
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever
I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see;
I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me,
'Cause being with you is like a hangman's noose,
I was living my life in dead man's shoes!!
I've had enough, Made up my mind,
I'm gonna get up, and out, and...wahhh!!!
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
You're dead and gone
I'm gonna get my way
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever!!
I love myself today [x7]
I decided to give myself permission to be proud of myself.
This last year, year and a half, has been very hard on me. And i have been very hard on myself, always looking and digging to try to find where I have made mistakes. I think i need to stop doing that (so much) now. I know i made mistakes. But, i am also proud of myself; proud of myself for trying, proud of myself for caring, proud of myself for believing in the face of much opposition.
I am thinking that it is time to throw my shoulders back, raise my gaze up off of the ground, put a smile on my face, and get out there. Have confidence again. It has been awhile, it’d be nice to be confident again.
There is more to be proud of myself for. Much more. I am beginning to find a little pride in my decision to move on, to not keep my heart bound to MJ forever, to recognize that as much as i cared about her and for her that i now see that she is not good for me. Not that she is a bad person, but because she isn’t good FOR ME. It hurts me still to have to admit that. It hurts me still to have to walk away from what i had faith in. It hurts me not to see her. But i need to move on. And i recognize that, and i am proud of myself for doing what has to be done, for doing what is best for me.
I am giving myself permission to be proud of myself.
In honour of my new-found pride in myself, I am presenting here my newest favourite song. I must have played this 4 or 5 times in a row today. Although it is a bit harsh, and although not all of the lyrics actaully apply to me, still it strikes a chord within me; a chord of hope.
I Love Myself Today - by Bif Naked
You left me like a broken doll,
In pieces as I took the fall
For you, you dumb chump!
You left me free-falling like space junk,
Burning up in the atmosphere of life.
Well I sound like a philosopher,
But I'm a fool who's off her rocker
'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time.
I've had enough, made up my mind,
I'm gonna get up, and out, and...wahhh!!!
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever
Well look at you, you're all puffed up,
In that big red truck- but you're outta luck (this time),
Well, that's tough
'Cause I'm on fire - too hot to touch
With a chatroom full of lovers on the line.
Gonna step right up, Spit shine my soul,
I'm gonna be proud, and loud, and outta control!
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever
I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see;
I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me,
'Cause being with you is like a hangman's noose,
I was living my life in dead man's shoes!!
I've had enough, Made up my mind,
I'm gonna get up, and out, and...wahhh!!!
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
You're dead and gone
I'm gonna get my way
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever!!
I love myself today [x7]
my my my
This is my daily devotional for today.
Definitely a good word.
We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit Himself speaks to God for us.
Romans 8:26 (NCV)
You know, we really don't know what to pray for, do we?
What if God had answered every prayer that you ever prayed?
Just think who you'd be married to.
Just think where you'd be living.
Just think what you'd be doing.
God loves us so much that sometimes He gives us what we need and not what we ask.
Definitely a good word.
We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit Himself speaks to God for us.
Romans 8:26 (NCV)
You know, we really don't know what to pray for, do we?
What if God had answered every prayer that you ever prayed?
Just think who you'd be married to.
Just think where you'd be living.
Just think what you'd be doing.
God loves us so much that sometimes He gives us what we need and not what we ask.
Friday, July 3, 2009
empty socket of the lightbulb in my soul - need spark, send help.
Romance. Love.
Just words.
Just words?
Funny, but they are more too; aren’t they?
Every time…oh, I don’t know what I want to say!
There was a time that I was mourning love lost (or unfulfilled, perhaps), and during this period I cried a lot. I cried when I saw love.
I seem to be back to it, or in a similar period of my life. Once again, the mere sight or sound or smell of love, of romance, and people connecting and hearts soaring, it sets my eyes to violently gushing. It generally only lasts a few seconds, and then I either stuff it back down or I pray that God will send me love soon.
I do not want to be feeling sorry for myself. Not sure if that is what makes me cry, or not.
After all, its just words, right? But when it is words that you are without, it means a lot to not have them.
Sometimes in life, it is alright to be by yourself, to be unloved and to not love another. I know, I have gone through a period like that lately. It is part of life. But I am through that period, and on to another.
I want to love again. Is that so wrong?
Just words.
Just words?
Funny, but they are more too; aren’t they?
Every time…oh, I don’t know what I want to say!
There was a time that I was mourning love lost (or unfulfilled, perhaps), and during this period I cried a lot. I cried when I saw love.
I seem to be back to it, or in a similar period of my life. Once again, the mere sight or sound or smell of love, of romance, and people connecting and hearts soaring, it sets my eyes to violently gushing. It generally only lasts a few seconds, and then I either stuff it back down or I pray that God will send me love soon.
I do not want to be feeling sorry for myself. Not sure if that is what makes me cry, or not.
After all, its just words, right? But when it is words that you are without, it means a lot to not have them.
Sometimes in life, it is alright to be by yourself, to be unloved and to not love another. I know, I have gone through a period like that lately. It is part of life. But I am through that period, and on to another.
I want to love again. Is that so wrong?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Choice
Choice.
I choose to be happy (“more or less at peace”), to be thankful, for my situation.
What a blessed life I live! Thank You, Lord.
I may not have close friends or a loved one of my own right now, but that is okay. It is okay, because God has blessed me by putting me into this situation.
When God looks at me, He sees all of me; the good, the bad, and the good-lookin’. When God looks at me, He sees my entire life laid out in front of Him. He knows all about me. He knew before I was ever born, that I would be in this situation right now, and He knows how He will be able to use me and bless me because of it.
I can look at my life with natural eyes, and see a lonely middle-aged man, with nobody in his life, sad and depressed and with no future.
Hah! Not much good to look at things that way, is it?
Or, I can look with God’s eyes, with the eyes of my spirit. With those eyes, I can leap for joy, because God has a plan, and nothing I have done in my life has derailed that plan or caused God to change His plans for me. Not one thing has surprised my Father in heaven. When I look at myself with spiritual eyes, I am thankful to God. I am thankful that He knew that both of my marriages would end in divorce, and so He chose to teach me Godly principles through those hard times, so that I could be of great use to the next woman God caused to love me. I may not have any close friends to spend time with right now, but God allowed that because He is preparing for me a future circle of influence. I may not be young, but I am entering the prime of my life, and I expect to do greater things to bring glory to the name of Jesus in the next few years than I have done in the first 38 years. I may only have one child, but she is a wonderful girl whom I adore, and I am not so old that I cannot father some more if God is willing!
Choice.
We make choices every day. How will we look at things; the way God wants us to, or the way the devil tells us to?
I choose to be happy (“more or less at peace”), to be thankful, for my situation.
What a blessed life I live! Thank You, Lord.
I may not have close friends or a loved one of my own right now, but that is okay. It is okay, because God has blessed me by putting me into this situation.
When God looks at me, He sees all of me; the good, the bad, and the good-lookin’. When God looks at me, He sees my entire life laid out in front of Him. He knows all about me. He knew before I was ever born, that I would be in this situation right now, and He knows how He will be able to use me and bless me because of it.
I can look at my life with natural eyes, and see a lonely middle-aged man, with nobody in his life, sad and depressed and with no future.
Hah! Not much good to look at things that way, is it?
Or, I can look with God’s eyes, with the eyes of my spirit. With those eyes, I can leap for joy, because God has a plan, and nothing I have done in my life has derailed that plan or caused God to change His plans for me. Not one thing has surprised my Father in heaven. When I look at myself with spiritual eyes, I am thankful to God. I am thankful that He knew that both of my marriages would end in divorce, and so He chose to teach me Godly principles through those hard times, so that I could be of great use to the next woman God caused to love me. I may not have any close friends to spend time with right now, but God allowed that because He is preparing for me a future circle of influence. I may not be young, but I am entering the prime of my life, and I expect to do greater things to bring glory to the name of Jesus in the next few years than I have done in the first 38 years. I may only have one child, but she is a wonderful girl whom I adore, and I am not so old that I cannot father some more if God is willing!
Choice.
We make choices every day. How will we look at things; the way God wants us to, or the way the devil tells us to?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
toooooday
As I meander my way through this life, I keep coming back to the same basic thought: I don’t know enough, nor will I ever.
I am like a ball in a pinball game too often, I cannot seem to control my own destiny very well, and it is only by getting whacked with a flipper that I actually get anywhere. I spend much more time trying to stay alive than I do reaching out to try to get a high score.
How could I possibly know what I need to know about even myself, let alone about others?
It is easy enough to see when somebody is doing something wrong. But it is much harder to see when they are doing some things right, or what their motivation is for what they do, or to truly understand how somebody feels and thinks and reasons and chooses. Can’t be done. As humans, we can never understand another person in that way.
It is no wonder that God tells us not to judge others.
To anyone who has felt judged, shamed, picked on, or turned off by anything that I have said, wrote, done, acted, or inferred; please accept my apologies. Sometimes, I do things because I am hurt, and I lash out. Sometimes, I just am too narrow-sighted to see enough of the big picture. And sometimes, sometimes I am just not Godly enough. Mostly, though, I do believe that I wish to spare people pain. Unfortunately, as we all find out in life, we have to learn from both our successes and failures in life, and we have to live our lives our way, nobody can do it for us.
So, my apologies.
Unfortunately, I will not always be in this sort of mood; within mere moments, I may resort back to the ‘other me’, the less-sensitive one, and hurt somebody again. Because that is what I do; I am human, therefore I hurt (within, and I hurt others). That is why I need God; He is much more than human.
Happy July 1st holiday, everybody. I love you all.
I am like a ball in a pinball game too often, I cannot seem to control my own destiny very well, and it is only by getting whacked with a flipper that I actually get anywhere. I spend much more time trying to stay alive than I do reaching out to try to get a high score.
How could I possibly know what I need to know about even myself, let alone about others?
It is easy enough to see when somebody is doing something wrong. But it is much harder to see when they are doing some things right, or what their motivation is for what they do, or to truly understand how somebody feels and thinks and reasons and chooses. Can’t be done. As humans, we can never understand another person in that way.
It is no wonder that God tells us not to judge others.
To anyone who has felt judged, shamed, picked on, or turned off by anything that I have said, wrote, done, acted, or inferred; please accept my apologies. Sometimes, I do things because I am hurt, and I lash out. Sometimes, I just am too narrow-sighted to see enough of the big picture. And sometimes, sometimes I am just not Godly enough. Mostly, though, I do believe that I wish to spare people pain. Unfortunately, as we all find out in life, we have to learn from both our successes and failures in life, and we have to live our lives our way, nobody can do it for us.
So, my apologies.
Unfortunately, I will not always be in this sort of mood; within mere moments, I may resort back to the ‘other me’, the less-sensitive one, and hurt somebody again. Because that is what I do; I am human, therefore I hurt (within, and I hurt others). That is why I need God; He is much more than human.
Happy July 1st holiday, everybody. I love you all.
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