Things That I Have Learned In The Hard Times Lately (And Am Still Learning)
1. You can love non-Christians, but do not be IN love with them. What do darkness and light have in common?
2. In love, your heart and mind and spirit must all work together. If one of them rebels against the other two, it is time to pull back and re-examine and re-evaluate what you are doing.
3. Not all good people are good for you...no matter how often you tell yourself that they are.
4. I'm not God. I'm not in charge of my life. It isn't about me and what I want, it is about God and what He wants. My life's goal is to bring glory to God.
5. Pain and heartache can be lived with. Anger and bitterness cannot. You can live, and love, through pain. Anger and bitterness choke off and kill love.
6. Like any loving father, God will allow me to fall down and hurt myself, so that I may grow up to understand life's dangers. God has given me "fences" in His Word to keep me from danger; like how the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. When i climb over the fence, I pay a steep price. But God uses it. God uses all things in my life to make me more like Him.
7. It is good to love. It is best to love God, and then be able to love yourself. Love others out of your love for God and self, not out of unmet needs. Be a whole person who gives love to others, not a partial person looking to gain love from others.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
True Thanksgiving
God worked in me through this situation. I have not been able to see that clearly until now, my pain has been too great. But God chose to use this time to work into me some things He wanted in my life.
So…God did not fail me. Love did not fail me. I did not fail me. Faith did not fail me. Prayer and belief did not fail me. All happened just as God knew it would, and He has used it to my greater good.
So…thank You, Lord. On this Thanksgiving weekend, even though my heart is heavy with grief, I choose to be thankful, that You use every situation that comes into my life to work within me for a greater good.
Lord, thank You for Your love.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Heads
I blogged earlier about heads rolling, God surgically striking with precision and cutting off the head.
I thought this was a word from God about something, but it ended up being about something else entirely.
The head came off, all right. But the head that had to be severed by God, was MINE. The head that God needed to cut off was MY WILL.
Do i still have a will of my own? Of course i do. I still have dreams, i still have wishes, i still have emotions.
But, does my will really matter to God? In a sense, no, and in a sense, yes. See, my will matters ot God, only in that it is subjected to His will.
In a nutshell, to put this in me-speak, I have learned that I suck. I am the one who gets in the way of God having His will in my life, and His blessings flowing to me.
Life is not about me; it is about Him. God doesn't want me to get the glory in life, He wants to use my life to bring glory to Himself.
The lessons that I am learning, they burn and sear the heart, they try the spirit. God talks about throwing our works on the fire, and seeing what burns up and what is left. Right now, in my life, not much is left.
I am trying to count it as a blessing that God is allowing me to realize this. I guess it is because He wants to use me. Truly, I am the last person God should be desiring to use!
There is a quote I have been using a lot lately, about hottest fires being used to temper the finest steel, or something to that effect.
I am just starting to realize just how hot the holy fire of God in a person's life is...
I will go through this, Lord, and I will come out as more of a servant to You than when I went in. But...please do not let me go through this alone, Lord...I have prayed that once before in my life, Lord, and You answered my prayer. Please do so again...I need that good woman to support me in this!
I thought this was a word from God about something, but it ended up being about something else entirely.
The head came off, all right. But the head that had to be severed by God, was MINE. The head that God needed to cut off was MY WILL.
Do i still have a will of my own? Of course i do. I still have dreams, i still have wishes, i still have emotions.
But, does my will really matter to God? In a sense, no, and in a sense, yes. See, my will matters ot God, only in that it is subjected to His will.
In a nutshell, to put this in me-speak, I have learned that I suck. I am the one who gets in the way of God having His will in my life, and His blessings flowing to me.
Life is not about me; it is about Him. God doesn't want me to get the glory in life, He wants to use my life to bring glory to Himself.
The lessons that I am learning, they burn and sear the heart, they try the spirit. God talks about throwing our works on the fire, and seeing what burns up and what is left. Right now, in my life, not much is left.
I am trying to count it as a blessing that God is allowing me to realize this. I guess it is because He wants to use me. Truly, I am the last person God should be desiring to use!
There is a quote I have been using a lot lately, about hottest fires being used to temper the finest steel, or something to that effect.
I am just starting to realize just how hot the holy fire of God in a person's life is...
I will go through this, Lord, and I will come out as more of a servant to You than when I went in. But...please do not let me go through this alone, Lord...I have prayed that once before in my life, Lord, and You answered my prayer. Please do so again...I need that good woman to support me in this!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Updating My Life
Love is a powerful emotion.
But the heart can be deceitful, and should not always be trusted. It has a tendency to overpower all your other senses, leaving you blind to reason.
Love is a beautiful thing, but it can also be a poison-dripping dagger.
This year, I fell in love. But, she was wrong for me. I did not listen to my head, only to my heart.
The lessons that I have learned lately have broken my heart. I feel crushed.
I also lost my sanity.
Now, I feel terribly alone. If not for my faith in God, I do not think I would still be able to stand up at all.
It has been that bad for me. My life is a shambles. Only my spiritual self, only my soul and my fellowship with God has lived through this; the rest of me has died.
In the end, I should have known better. She was not meant for me. I know that now. Now, I know that.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
And now, now it is truly over. It must be over, as now I feel that I can write about it here. And, indeed, I feel I NEED to write about it here, to get off of my chest how my life has changed.
Right now, I find myself so very ALONE.
I know that I am a good person. I know that I am capable of loving a woman and treating her right. I have learned that this year.
I also know that, in spite of that, I am alone. And I am feeling it; alone. Eternal, soul-aching aloneness. Emptiness of joy and mirth and belief and vision for my life. Nobody to share with, no one to share my joys and triumphs, my walk with God, my hard times, nobody to share life with.
This is not a good time for me.
I want to share my life with a special woman. I NEED to.
And soon.
But yet, I find myself alone, again.
Just me and my Creator.
At least I have God. At least I have a God Who has promised that He has somebody for me.
Lord, I am so tired of being alone!
I am so lonely…
So empty…
So alone.
And I am feeling it, feeling it deeply right now, an ache in my bones, an ache in my heart, an ache in my spirit.
I cannot go on like this forever, Lord. Be merciful and send me somebody. Somebody right for me. Somebody You approve of. Please be merciful and send her to me soon. A life lived alone is no life at all. I was not made to be alone...so please do not leave me here. I know, Lord, that You are here with me, and I thank You for that. But I need somebody to partner with, another life to give into, another to share life with.
Being alone is not good, not good at all. And, realistically, i have been alone for so long now...
As DC Talk sings (in "Supernatural")..
I need an intervention
A touch of providence
It goes beyond religion
To my very circumstance
God, You have taught me so much through all of this, and You have stood by me and propped me up when I deserved nothing more than to fall down on the ground dead. You have been more than faithful; You have been my all.
All I need is You, it is true. Yet, it is also true that You have made me to desire human companionship, partnership, and earthly love. Do not let these God-given desires go unfulfilled. Do not let my heart grow bitter and disillusioned. Keep my heart soft and tender towards You and towards others. And send me, in Your love and mercy and grace, that one woman who will understand me, accept me, and tenderly love me as no other can. And, in turn, I will commit to her very best in life, to constantly uphold her before You, to lead her into all good things that You provide, and to never leave her or forsake her. Perhaps, Lord, that last is the thing I still need to learn in relationships; yet, without being in one, how can I learn it?
Lord, You are good. You are a good God, and Your love endures forever. Help me to be able to share that love with another. I know that I am capable of it; this last year has taught me that. Give me that chance, Lord, give me that chance. I will not let You down!
But the heart can be deceitful, and should not always be trusted. It has a tendency to overpower all your other senses, leaving you blind to reason.
Love is a beautiful thing, but it can also be a poison-dripping dagger.
This year, I fell in love. But, she was wrong for me. I did not listen to my head, only to my heart.
The lessons that I have learned lately have broken my heart. I feel crushed.
I also lost my sanity.
Now, I feel terribly alone. If not for my faith in God, I do not think I would still be able to stand up at all.
It has been that bad for me. My life is a shambles. Only my spiritual self, only my soul and my fellowship with God has lived through this; the rest of me has died.
In the end, I should have known better. She was not meant for me. I know that now. Now, I know that.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
And now, now it is truly over. It must be over, as now I feel that I can write about it here. And, indeed, I feel I NEED to write about it here, to get off of my chest how my life has changed.
Right now, I find myself so very ALONE.
I know that I am a good person. I know that I am capable of loving a woman and treating her right. I have learned that this year.
I also know that, in spite of that, I am alone. And I am feeling it; alone. Eternal, soul-aching aloneness. Emptiness of joy and mirth and belief and vision for my life. Nobody to share with, no one to share my joys and triumphs, my walk with God, my hard times, nobody to share life with.
This is not a good time for me.
I want to share my life with a special woman. I NEED to.
And soon.
But yet, I find myself alone, again.
Just me and my Creator.
At least I have God. At least I have a God Who has promised that He has somebody for me.
Lord, I am so tired of being alone!
I am so lonely…
So empty…
So alone.
And I am feeling it, feeling it deeply right now, an ache in my bones, an ache in my heart, an ache in my spirit.
I cannot go on like this forever, Lord. Be merciful and send me somebody. Somebody right for me. Somebody You approve of. Please be merciful and send her to me soon. A life lived alone is no life at all. I was not made to be alone...so please do not leave me here. I know, Lord, that You are here with me, and I thank You for that. But I need somebody to partner with, another life to give into, another to share life with.
Being alone is not good, not good at all. And, realistically, i have been alone for so long now...
As DC Talk sings (in "Supernatural")..
I need an intervention
A touch of providence
It goes beyond religion
To my very circumstance
God, You have taught me so much through all of this, and You have stood by me and propped me up when I deserved nothing more than to fall down on the ground dead. You have been more than faithful; You have been my all.
All I need is You, it is true. Yet, it is also true that You have made me to desire human companionship, partnership, and earthly love. Do not let these God-given desires go unfulfilled. Do not let my heart grow bitter and disillusioned. Keep my heart soft and tender towards You and towards others. And send me, in Your love and mercy and grace, that one woman who will understand me, accept me, and tenderly love me as no other can. And, in turn, I will commit to her very best in life, to constantly uphold her before You, to lead her into all good things that You provide, and to never leave her or forsake her. Perhaps, Lord, that last is the thing I still need to learn in relationships; yet, without being in one, how can I learn it?
Lord, You are good. You are a good God, and Your love endures forever. Help me to be able to share that love with another. I know that I am capable of it; this last year has taught me that. Give me that chance, Lord, give me that chance. I will not let You down!
quote
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ in me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man
Who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man
Who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.
- Saint Patrick
Christ behind me, Christ in me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man
Who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man
Who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.
- Saint Patrick
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
still small voice
Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10
My life is in God's hands. He will do as He deems best. I will let Him guide me as He chooses to.
My faith is not dead; it is just in GOD now, rather than in what I want Him to bring me...
A hard lesson to learn, to be sure. But a worthwhile one.
Psalm 46:10
My life is in God's hands. He will do as He deems best. I will let Him guide me as He chooses to.
My faith is not dead; it is just in GOD now, rather than in what I want Him to bring me...
A hard lesson to learn, to be sure. But a worthwhile one.
Monday, October 6, 2008
My Prayer
Still
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan
Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
I will be still and know You are God
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan
Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
I will be still and know You are God
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