Life is about admitting your mistakes. Those who cannot admit their mistakes, are doomed to repeat them.
I met a girl like that once; even fell in love with her. In her life, everything bad that happened was somebody else's fault. By blaming others, she never felt the need to take responsibility for her own life's situations, so she never changed herself. It was always somebody else who needed to change to suit her. And, if she never changes that tune, she will always be the willing victim in her life. That's sad.
So, my life, my mistakes. Not learning to be more unselfish in my twenties, that was my mistake, and it cost me my first marriage. Not wanting or willing to be alone, that was my mistake, and it led to me marrying my second wife. Not dealing with my past and hiding my head in the sand, that was my mistake, and that helped lead to my second marriage failing. Falling in love with someone, when I was married to somebody else, that was my mistake, and it hurt somebody I really had no desire to hurt. Falling in love with a non-Christian, that was my mistake, and it has led me to a lifetime of pain and a crossroads in my life.
Wearing my heart on my sleeve, and being open...that wasn't a mistake, that is just me, that is who I am.
All of my mistakes, they lead me to who I am today. Today...today is a new day. Each and every day, is a new day, a day of choices and opportunities. A day of forgiveness. Each and every day, is a blessing, a gift from God to me.
I admit my mistakes. I learn from them. I am forgiven. And I move on into my future.
This is my life. I accept it, I live it, and I am thankful for it. May God bless it, and use it for His glory.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Oh, Ow! I Love Jesus
I was searching through some of my various piles of stuff and what-nots and junk on some of my shelves, sorting through it all to find what to throw, what to keep, what to store, etcetera.
I came upon a card that I had tucked away. It was from my second wife, Rachelle. She had given it to me sometimes after we had separated. The card was encouraging me to get close to God, that we COULD work things out between us still and that she believed in me and would be there for me.
Ouch. Good thing that God is forgiving, isn't it?
I do not beleive in coincidences, so I guess was meant to find this now...
When Rachelle and I split up, I was hurt, very very hurt and very tired of trying. Although I feigned some "trying" (to work on our relationship) for her sake, I spent most of my time ignoring her. The only thing that I ignored more than her, was me and my own problems. I didn't have the strength to face myself. So, I didn't. I put my life on "ignore", and spent my time doing anything but making my own life or my own self better. I did not FEEL supported by Rachelle - after everything we had gone through, I just felt very very judged. There was little to no trust left between us, she had spied on me without reason too many times. She had attacked me too many times. And the fact that the same person who ridiculed me for my strong stand with God, would turn to Him only when we were split up...well, that is just like human nature, isn't it?
I hate letting people down. I let Rachelle and Chelsea both down. And, by the time I HAD spent some time working on me and mine, it was too late, she wanted nothing to do with me, as I had hurt her several more times in between.
I guess I will never know how things would have turned out, if Melanie had not come into my life. On the one hand, she drove me away from Rachelle. On the other hand, she was the impetus for change in my inner life, making me beleive that God wanted to use me, and encouraging me to look within myself and find some good. And when Mel and I went our separate ways, I was forced to deal with all the things in me that I did not like (still am, I suppose).
Huh. Life...some wild ride it is, huh?
Yeah, some...wild...ride...
I came upon a card that I had tucked away. It was from my second wife, Rachelle. She had given it to me sometimes after we had separated. The card was encouraging me to get close to God, that we COULD work things out between us still and that she believed in me and would be there for me.
Ouch. Good thing that God is forgiving, isn't it?
I do not beleive in coincidences, so I guess was meant to find this now...
When Rachelle and I split up, I was hurt, very very hurt and very tired of trying. Although I feigned some "trying" (to work on our relationship) for her sake, I spent most of my time ignoring her. The only thing that I ignored more than her, was me and my own problems. I didn't have the strength to face myself. So, I didn't. I put my life on "ignore", and spent my time doing anything but making my own life or my own self better. I did not FEEL supported by Rachelle - after everything we had gone through, I just felt very very judged. There was little to no trust left between us, she had spied on me without reason too many times. She had attacked me too many times. And the fact that the same person who ridiculed me for my strong stand with God, would turn to Him only when we were split up...well, that is just like human nature, isn't it?
I hate letting people down. I let Rachelle and Chelsea both down. And, by the time I HAD spent some time working on me and mine, it was too late, she wanted nothing to do with me, as I had hurt her several more times in between.
I guess I will never know how things would have turned out, if Melanie had not come into my life. On the one hand, she drove me away from Rachelle. On the other hand, she was the impetus for change in my inner life, making me beleive that God wanted to use me, and encouraging me to look within myself and find some good. And when Mel and I went our separate ways, I was forced to deal with all the things in me that I did not like (still am, I suppose).
Huh. Life...some wild ride it is, huh?
Yeah, some...wild...ride...
dv
I really liked my daily devotional for today...
When the Time Comes
God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Matthew 6:34 (MSG)
That last phrase is worthy of your highlighter: “when the time comes.”
You may be wanting to know everything to soon. Could it be that God will reveal answers to you when the time comes?
The key is this: Meet today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow’s strength yet. You simply have enough for today.
When the Time Comes
God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Matthew 6:34 (MSG)
That last phrase is worthy of your highlighter: “when the time comes.”
You may be wanting to know everything to soon. Could it be that God will reveal answers to you when the time comes?
The key is this: Meet today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow’s strength yet. You simply have enough for today.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Without A Vision, Man Perishes
I have a vision in my mind.
I am standing there, with one arm around my lovely daughter, Keegan. My other arm is around my wife. I cannot see who she is, of course. A lot of this vision is cloudy yet, but I am sure it will get clearer when it is supposed to. My wife has one or maybe two children in front of her, pressed close in against our legs; I cannot see their faces or tell what sex they are or what age they are. My wife also has a young baby in the crook of one arm, a very young baby wrapped up tight.
Everyone is smiling. Even though I cannot see the faces, I know that everyone is smiling and happy and relaxed. We are family. Family, a place of love.
I beleive this vision is coming.
I have a vision in my mind. And I am working hard to keep it there, to encourage myself with. To give me hope, and a future. My God has plans for me. It says so in Jeremaiah 29:11.
It is my vision, and I like it, and I call it to me.
I am standing there, with one arm around my lovely daughter, Keegan. My other arm is around my wife. I cannot see who she is, of course. A lot of this vision is cloudy yet, but I am sure it will get clearer when it is supposed to. My wife has one or maybe two children in front of her, pressed close in against our legs; I cannot see their faces or tell what sex they are or what age they are. My wife also has a young baby in the crook of one arm, a very young baby wrapped up tight.
Everyone is smiling. Even though I cannot see the faces, I know that everyone is smiling and happy and relaxed. We are family. Family, a place of love.
I beleive this vision is coming.
I have a vision in my mind. And I am working hard to keep it there, to encourage myself with. To give me hope, and a future. My God has plans for me. It says so in Jeremaiah 29:11.
It is my vision, and I like it, and I call it to me.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Take Care
I am learning to take care of myself.
Some will say that when I decided I was not going back to my second wife to try to make things work (not that they had EVER really worked between the two of us), that it was a selfish decision.
Can't say that I would disagree with them; they're right.
However, to assume that the story has ended with that statement, would be completely false. As with every coin, there are two sides, both equally correct.
The fact is, when I decided not to go back, I was spreading my wings. I was leaving the nest. I needed "me" time, time to discover who I was and what I wanted.
What I DIDN'T want, was to be stuck in a loveless marriage that made me (and everybody else) miserable. I did not want to be in a place where I was being told what I had to be (something completely different than who and what I was). So I chose to re-make myself. I set myself free, and gave myself permission to do it. I did it, and then I forgave myself. It helped to know that my God had forgiven me.
So, I moved on. It has been a bumpy road. A curvy road. The ride has not been fun. But, it was (and still is) necessary.
I am learning about myself; I know what I am like under pressure, and what I'm like when I am happy to be alive, I know Who I rely on when I am down and what happens to me when I turn to distractions instead. I am not relying on anybody to take care of me, but me (and God, of course). Some days, I just cannot like myself at all. A lot of days, I am not very pleased with my life. But, I am determined to own myself as never before. What happens, happens because I allow it to. My life is nobody's fault but my own, and only I can change it (or, only God can change me for the better, but only if I let Him).
It is about personal responsibiliy. If I step on your toes, it is because I mean to; deal with it. If you step on my toes, then it is my decision whether to allow you to be close enough to me to possibly step on them again. My life, my choice - my responsibility.
There are areas of my life where I am fairly 'okay' in. For instance, most of the time I do not feel that I need a woman in my life to complete me. It isn't that I do not 'want' a good woman in my life - I just do not "need" one. I want to be more of a giving person, and I want to be a compassionate lover and sharer, and I desire to have a special someone in my life that I can be like that with - but, it'll happen when it happens, and in the meantime it is just me, I need to take care of me.
Problem being, women do not like my openness; it scares them. Nor do they like "me", as they all want to change me. No acceptance of what IS in their love. Well, I cannot accept that, nor will I accept that. That isn't good for me, and I only want what is good for me in my life.
See? I am learning to take care of myself. Me, all by myself, like a big boy.
20 years since I have become an adult, and I am just now starting to figure it all out...and I have a long long long way to go yet...sigh...
Some will say that when I decided I was not going back to my second wife to try to make things work (not that they had EVER really worked between the two of us), that it was a selfish decision.
Can't say that I would disagree with them; they're right.
However, to assume that the story has ended with that statement, would be completely false. As with every coin, there are two sides, both equally correct.
The fact is, when I decided not to go back, I was spreading my wings. I was leaving the nest. I needed "me" time, time to discover who I was and what I wanted.
What I DIDN'T want, was to be stuck in a loveless marriage that made me (and everybody else) miserable. I did not want to be in a place where I was being told what I had to be (something completely different than who and what I was). So I chose to re-make myself. I set myself free, and gave myself permission to do it. I did it, and then I forgave myself. It helped to know that my God had forgiven me.
So, I moved on. It has been a bumpy road. A curvy road. The ride has not been fun. But, it was (and still is) necessary.
I am learning about myself; I know what I am like under pressure, and what I'm like when I am happy to be alive, I know Who I rely on when I am down and what happens to me when I turn to distractions instead. I am not relying on anybody to take care of me, but me (and God, of course). Some days, I just cannot like myself at all. A lot of days, I am not very pleased with my life. But, I am determined to own myself as never before. What happens, happens because I allow it to. My life is nobody's fault but my own, and only I can change it (or, only God can change me for the better, but only if I let Him).
It is about personal responsibiliy. If I step on your toes, it is because I mean to; deal with it. If you step on my toes, then it is my decision whether to allow you to be close enough to me to possibly step on them again. My life, my choice - my responsibility.
There are areas of my life where I am fairly 'okay' in. For instance, most of the time I do not feel that I need a woman in my life to complete me. It isn't that I do not 'want' a good woman in my life - I just do not "need" one. I want to be more of a giving person, and I want to be a compassionate lover and sharer, and I desire to have a special someone in my life that I can be like that with - but, it'll happen when it happens, and in the meantime it is just me, I need to take care of me.
Problem being, women do not like my openness; it scares them. Nor do they like "me", as they all want to change me. No acceptance of what IS in their love. Well, I cannot accept that, nor will I accept that. That isn't good for me, and I only want what is good for me in my life.
See? I am learning to take care of myself. Me, all by myself, like a big boy.
20 years since I have become an adult, and I am just now starting to figure it all out...and I have a long long long way to go yet...sigh...
CDFF-Lucky This Time by Mr. Big - lyrics
Lyrics to "CDFF-Lucky This Time" by Mr. Big
Lost and alone in this city of darkness
Empty of lovers and full of lies
You build a wall between your dreams and the madness
I reach out my hand but you run and hide
I've watched you cry in the rain
I wanna bring back the joy again
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
No guarantees when you risk your emotion
So you surrender and it all went astray
Bitter and hopeless in your cold isolation
But you my love won't ever fade away
I wanna dry all your tears
You know there's nothin' to fear, baby
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
And when the shadows start to fall
Let my love break down the walls
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
Lost and alone in this city of darkness
Empty of lovers and full of lies
You build a wall between your dreams and the madness
I reach out my hand but you run and hide
I've watched you cry in the rain
I wanna bring back the joy again
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
No guarantees when you risk your emotion
So you surrender and it all went astray
Bitter and hopeless in your cold isolation
But you my love won't ever fade away
I wanna dry all your tears
You know there's nothin' to fear, baby
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
And when the shadows start to fall
Let my love break down the walls
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Spilled Soul
Something interesting happened to me tonight. A workmate was telling me that she had recently contacted MJ via telephone to congratulate her on the new baby girl, Amelia. (Amelia, it’s Hebrew meaning is “work of the Lord.”)
There was some stuff passed on, mainly Melanie’s continuing declaration that her “husband” is never there for her, that he is never at home and just leaves her on her own with the (now) three kids, and that she is miserably unhappy. (Same old stuff she always spouts; she never takes responsibility to change her own life for the better, though)
My name never came up. She only asked about one person here at work, another supervisor, the only person she still feels she can manipulate here; and she is right, she can manipulate that person – she has proven it time and time again, and others have done so as well.
As my workmate and I discussed, Melanie has always been about manipulating people and things around her. She is all about subtle control. She manipulates everything and everyone in her life. That is how she manages her fears (fears which she says she does not have).
The reason my name never came up, is she has changed the facts in her life to make me 'the bad guy'. She has manipulated the facts, and tried hard to manipulate those around her to believe the facts as she now sees them. She cannot ask about me, even if she wanted to (which I highly doubt she does), for to ask about me would destroy the façade she has built up where everything was my fault that happened between us. Pure, unfair manipulation. Thankfully, God is my judge, and He knows the truth.
Know what the amazing thing is? I still feel deeply for her, and about her. She still carries my heart with her; I just no longer believe that my love for her will ever be returned in this lifetime. She is incapable of it. I pray for her, that God saves her as He promised to, and that He changes her life for the better. And I also continue to pray that God does not allow me to see her, not ever, not unless He wishes for it to happen (God will not give me more than I can bear).
And I try to move on. Hurting still, but moving on, slowly and at my own pace. I’m doing things the only way that I know how, and praying for God’s strength and wisdom to see me through. I hope and believe that I am becoming more and more ready to have a real, and a really good, relationship with a nice Christian woman who loves God passionately. I think that I deserve a good safe happy loving relationship with somebody special, and I think that there is somebody out there who deserves having me in their life. I just wish that I knew where God was leading me. I wish I knew where my life was going, or at least had some small idea. My life has been a sucking whirlpool of aloneness for so long, I just tire of it. I want excitement, I want passion; Lord, I want to love again.
I am ready to live again. To live, to give, and to love. Lord, send it my way, and soon. Fulfill Your promise to me. Make me useful again.
Sometimes, you do not know what you are missing, because you never had it before. Then, when you do have it, and then lose it, you almost wish you had never experienced it, because the loss is so much greater than you can bear.
“I gave her my heart…and she gave me a pen.” – Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything
People get wrapped up in the thinking that I had a romantic, fairytale love for Melanie, and that I should 'grow up, get real, and move on'. People miss the point, they entirely miss the point…
The love I had for her, was not romantic, it was not a heart-love – I was truly in love with her SOUL, because I recognized it. Talking to her and getting to know her, was like getting slapped in the face with the realization that you have a twin that you never knew about. On the surface, we were quite different – but my soul recognized something in her, my spirit recognized her, and it was if I had always known her. It was her SOUL that I loved, and I could not help it. Still to this day, in spite of all my hurt, I STILL recognize her soul. Nothing has changed. I weep for her, because she needs Jesus. I miss her terribly. I wish that I could lay down my life, right here and now, and die for her. If my death would guarantee her salvation, I’d give my life without a second thought – can’t say as I’ve ever felt like THAT about anybody else before this!
I know I can’t have her. I realize that I cannot even be her friend. And I hate it. But I accept it. It is indescribable loss to me.
The reason I never want to see her again, is because I know that if I do, I will have to walk away. Walk away, when every fibre of my being screams not to. I have already had to walk away from her once, to protect myself from her manipulations; I do not jest when I say it almost cost me my sanity. I have never been closer to losing my mind. It has taken me ten months to get to a sane place again. To have to do that again, to have to PHYSICALLY walk away from her….it would kill me.
When I say she still has my heart, it is because I recognize her soul. I’ll never forget her soul. Her soul, I believe it is 'marked' – it belongs to God, she just does not know it yet. I cannot think badly about her, because I love her on a spiritual level. I no longer love her physically, mentally, or emotionally. But spiritually, I think I always will on that level. It can’t be helped.
I gave her my everything, because I was supposed to. I planted seeds, and I watered seeds planted by others. I did my job. Now, God will continue to do His. She WILL be saved. End of story.
For those of you who cannot understand what I say about her; I am sorry. Hopefully, God will lead me to a wonderful woman whom I fall madly in love with, and we will be very happy together. I know that it is possible. I’ve experienced love on a level I never thought I could, so I know it is out there…I’ve just never ever had it returned to me by someone else…
Green-Tinted Sixties Mind by Mr. Big
She just woke up, but she's still tired
Is that the telephone ringing?
The curtains can't hold back the light
That's reaching into her dreams
Down in her heart
If it had fingers, it'd be tearing it apart
You be lookin' groovy
In a sixties movie
Maybe tell the press you died
Little legend baby
Try your very best to hide
A green-tinted sixties mind
She keeps some memories locked away
But they are always escaping
Neglect won't make them fade away
They're reaching into her dreams
Down in her heart
Don't need fingers to be tearing it apart
Gotta face the day
There is no other way
To clear the fog inside your mind
Fill it up with dreams
But all that you can seem to find
A green-tinted sixties mind
Hangin' out with Janis
Movin' to Atlantis
Could've made it if you tried
What's the point of force
It's easy as a horse to ride
A green-tinted sixties mind
You be looking groovy
In a sixties movie
Maybe tell the press you died
Little legend baby
Try your very best to hide
A green-tinted sixties mind
-U can't hide-
And, a poem that I wrote tonight...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/improbable-drift.html
There was some stuff passed on, mainly Melanie’s continuing declaration that her “husband” is never there for her, that he is never at home and just leaves her on her own with the (now) three kids, and that she is miserably unhappy. (Same old stuff she always spouts; she never takes responsibility to change her own life for the better, though)
My name never came up. She only asked about one person here at work, another supervisor, the only person she still feels she can manipulate here; and she is right, she can manipulate that person – she has proven it time and time again, and others have done so as well.
As my workmate and I discussed, Melanie has always been about manipulating people and things around her. She is all about subtle control. She manipulates everything and everyone in her life. That is how she manages her fears (fears which she says she does not have).
The reason my name never came up, is she has changed the facts in her life to make me 'the bad guy'. She has manipulated the facts, and tried hard to manipulate those around her to believe the facts as she now sees them. She cannot ask about me, even if she wanted to (which I highly doubt she does), for to ask about me would destroy the façade she has built up where everything was my fault that happened between us. Pure, unfair manipulation. Thankfully, God is my judge, and He knows the truth.
Know what the amazing thing is? I still feel deeply for her, and about her. She still carries my heart with her; I just no longer believe that my love for her will ever be returned in this lifetime. She is incapable of it. I pray for her, that God saves her as He promised to, and that He changes her life for the better. And I also continue to pray that God does not allow me to see her, not ever, not unless He wishes for it to happen (God will not give me more than I can bear).
And I try to move on. Hurting still, but moving on, slowly and at my own pace. I’m doing things the only way that I know how, and praying for God’s strength and wisdom to see me through. I hope and believe that I am becoming more and more ready to have a real, and a really good, relationship with a nice Christian woman who loves God passionately. I think that I deserve a good safe happy loving relationship with somebody special, and I think that there is somebody out there who deserves having me in their life. I just wish that I knew where God was leading me. I wish I knew where my life was going, or at least had some small idea. My life has been a sucking whirlpool of aloneness for so long, I just tire of it. I want excitement, I want passion; Lord, I want to love again.
I am ready to live again. To live, to give, and to love. Lord, send it my way, and soon. Fulfill Your promise to me. Make me useful again.
Sometimes, you do not know what you are missing, because you never had it before. Then, when you do have it, and then lose it, you almost wish you had never experienced it, because the loss is so much greater than you can bear.
“I gave her my heart…and she gave me a pen.” – Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything
People get wrapped up in the thinking that I had a romantic, fairytale love for Melanie, and that I should 'grow up, get real, and move on'. People miss the point, they entirely miss the point…
The love I had for her, was not romantic, it was not a heart-love – I was truly in love with her SOUL, because I recognized it. Talking to her and getting to know her, was like getting slapped in the face with the realization that you have a twin that you never knew about. On the surface, we were quite different – but my soul recognized something in her, my spirit recognized her, and it was if I had always known her. It was her SOUL that I loved, and I could not help it. Still to this day, in spite of all my hurt, I STILL recognize her soul. Nothing has changed. I weep for her, because she needs Jesus. I miss her terribly. I wish that I could lay down my life, right here and now, and die for her. If my death would guarantee her salvation, I’d give my life without a second thought – can’t say as I’ve ever felt like THAT about anybody else before this!
I know I can’t have her. I realize that I cannot even be her friend. And I hate it. But I accept it. It is indescribable loss to me.
The reason I never want to see her again, is because I know that if I do, I will have to walk away. Walk away, when every fibre of my being screams not to. I have already had to walk away from her once, to protect myself from her manipulations; I do not jest when I say it almost cost me my sanity. I have never been closer to losing my mind. It has taken me ten months to get to a sane place again. To have to do that again, to have to PHYSICALLY walk away from her….it would kill me.
When I say she still has my heart, it is because I recognize her soul. I’ll never forget her soul. Her soul, I believe it is 'marked' – it belongs to God, she just does not know it yet. I cannot think badly about her, because I love her on a spiritual level. I no longer love her physically, mentally, or emotionally. But spiritually, I think I always will on that level. It can’t be helped.
I gave her my everything, because I was supposed to. I planted seeds, and I watered seeds planted by others. I did my job. Now, God will continue to do His. She WILL be saved. End of story.
For those of you who cannot understand what I say about her; I am sorry. Hopefully, God will lead me to a wonderful woman whom I fall madly in love with, and we will be very happy together. I know that it is possible. I’ve experienced love on a level I never thought I could, so I know it is out there…I’ve just never ever had it returned to me by someone else…
Green-Tinted Sixties Mind by Mr. Big
She just woke up, but she's still tired
Is that the telephone ringing?
The curtains can't hold back the light
That's reaching into her dreams
Down in her heart
If it had fingers, it'd be tearing it apart
You be lookin' groovy
In a sixties movie
Maybe tell the press you died
Little legend baby
Try your very best to hide
A green-tinted sixties mind
She keeps some memories locked away
But they are always escaping
Neglect won't make them fade away
They're reaching into her dreams
Down in her heart
Don't need fingers to be tearing it apart
Gotta face the day
There is no other way
To clear the fog inside your mind
Fill it up with dreams
But all that you can seem to find
A green-tinted sixties mind
Hangin' out with Janis
Movin' to Atlantis
Could've made it if you tried
What's the point of force
It's easy as a horse to ride
A green-tinted sixties mind
You be looking groovy
In a sixties movie
Maybe tell the press you died
Little legend baby
Try your very best to hide
A green-tinted sixties mind
-U can't hide-
And, a poem that I wrote tonight...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/improbable-drift.html
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tag, I'm It!
This is the new photo of me, just taken today. It is for my new gaming tag at work.
Click on the photo, to see me in scary-big-size!
Click on the photo, to see me in scary-big-size!
I
I cannot stand when people are all friendly with you for a while, and then they seem to disappear and back completely off the face of the earth. Because you know that they will come back around at some point, suck you in again, and then walk off and ignore you again. No thought for others' feelings, only for their own.
By this logic, i admit that i probably hate myself, as i am quite sure i am guilty of this as well at times...
Y'know, this probably explains why I want nothing to do with Melanie, why i live in fear of seeing her, bumping into her somewhere, why I literally pray every day that God will not allow me to meet her anywhere. I do not want falseness in my life. I do not want users in my life. I do not want fairweather friends. I really have never been a believer in casual friendships; i am quite sure that they do not exist. A casual friend, is an acquaintance. Nothing more. I have people at work who tell me that i am their friend - i tell them, "No, i am a work acquaintance. A friend whom you only see because your work dictates that you have to, that isn't a friend. A friend is somebody you care about, you stay in contact with, and you make time for. Somebody you consciously and frequently go out of your way to be with, that is a friend."
So, I have had very few friends in my life. I have had some people who were friends for a period, but that period has long since ended. They were friends, now they are acquaintances. Currently, i haven't had a deep and pentrating and meaningful and lasting friendship in close to ten years. I have some people that i am friendly with at times, some people whom i enjoy talking to at times. But are we close? Not really, no. Do i see them on a regular basis? No, not at all. Are they there for me? Again, no.
That isn't to lay any blame. Some of you reading this may have thought you were casual friends, and now you see that i place very high value on that descriptive word, "friend". To me, being a friend really MEANS something. It has value. It has heart. It isn't about 'like', it is about sacrifice and sharing and time spent together with purpose.
I guess I just expect a lot out of life, out of friendships. I usually only have one (or none) friend at a time. I get kicked enough from life, i don't need to get hurt or let down from those I allow close to me. Because that just sucks.
And that is my opinion on that.
By this logic, i admit that i probably hate myself, as i am quite sure i am guilty of this as well at times...
Y'know, this probably explains why I want nothing to do with Melanie, why i live in fear of seeing her, bumping into her somewhere, why I literally pray every day that God will not allow me to meet her anywhere. I do not want falseness in my life. I do not want users in my life. I do not want fairweather friends. I really have never been a believer in casual friendships; i am quite sure that they do not exist. A casual friend, is an acquaintance. Nothing more. I have people at work who tell me that i am their friend - i tell them, "No, i am a work acquaintance. A friend whom you only see because your work dictates that you have to, that isn't a friend. A friend is somebody you care about, you stay in contact with, and you make time for. Somebody you consciously and frequently go out of your way to be with, that is a friend."
So, I have had very few friends in my life. I have had some people who were friends for a period, but that period has long since ended. They were friends, now they are acquaintances. Currently, i haven't had a deep and pentrating and meaningful and lasting friendship in close to ten years. I have some people that i am friendly with at times, some people whom i enjoy talking to at times. But are we close? Not really, no. Do i see them on a regular basis? No, not at all. Are they there for me? Again, no.
That isn't to lay any blame. Some of you reading this may have thought you were casual friends, and now you see that i place very high value on that descriptive word, "friend". To me, being a friend really MEANS something. It has value. It has heart. It isn't about 'like', it is about sacrifice and sharing and time spent together with purpose.
I guess I just expect a lot out of life, out of friendships. I usually only have one (or none) friend at a time. I get kicked enough from life, i don't need to get hurt or let down from those I allow close to me. Because that just sucks.
And that is my opinion on that.
me
You know, i am never quite sure what to think or how to react when somebody asks me if I "live on Facebook". I have been asked this question several times.
I have to consider the people who ask me these sorts of questions. Usually, they tend to be people who i once knew, people who have never apparently given me a second thought in the last twenty years or so, and who only converse with me on Facebook for a scant few seconds, probably to help themselves feel as if they show care for me by speaking to me once in twenty years.
As well, they are usually busy people, people with friends and family (and as happens with those whom I once knew, they tend to have a flock to look after as well).
Just once, i wish people would walk a mile in my shoes before they leap over the keyboard and judge me with a snide remark!
So sorry that I have no family. So sorry that I am twice divorced, middle-aged, and have no friends that I can get together with. So sorry that life has crapped on me, and i spend too much time in my little apartment where it is safe, where people can't hurt me - problem is, they can; as soon as one reaches out, even on Facebook, you open yourself up to possibly judgemental and narrowminded people who say they love people but yet have no time for you except to mock you or insult you or ignore you.
And I am so sorry that I only have twenty "friends" on Facebook, not the hundreds that some people might have. So sorry that of those twenty people, two of them are from my work (and I am not even allowed to see them outside of work or risk getting fired), one of them I speak with (long-distance) semi-regularly via computer, and one of them i see on an occasional basis (because I used to be married to her); the rest are people who have no time for me at all.
I am so tired of people refusing to see the real me. Maybe that is why i spend so much time on Facebook, hoping against hope that somebody out there will care about me. And maybe i spend time on Facebook, not because i want to chat with people and force myself into their lives, but because it gives a lonely bachelor a chance to play a few games online and fill out a few quizzes, soemthing to fill my time while i try to piece my life together; a job that is made more difficult, when people ridicule me and do not try to understand me or reach out to me and cause me more hurt feelings than i already have.
I am tired of "fake" people. You can call yourself a Christian all that you want, but you need to act like it to prove it. If your words and actions don't add up, then it does not matter what you do or what you profess, you are just another faker.
It is people like that, that cause people like me to hide at home in disgust.
I'd rather be real here in my home, than profess to be something that I am not to the world at large.
I have to consider the people who ask me these sorts of questions. Usually, they tend to be people who i once knew, people who have never apparently given me a second thought in the last twenty years or so, and who only converse with me on Facebook for a scant few seconds, probably to help themselves feel as if they show care for me by speaking to me once in twenty years.
As well, they are usually busy people, people with friends and family (and as happens with those whom I once knew, they tend to have a flock to look after as well).
Just once, i wish people would walk a mile in my shoes before they leap over the keyboard and judge me with a snide remark!
So sorry that I have no family. So sorry that I am twice divorced, middle-aged, and have no friends that I can get together with. So sorry that life has crapped on me, and i spend too much time in my little apartment where it is safe, where people can't hurt me - problem is, they can; as soon as one reaches out, even on Facebook, you open yourself up to possibly judgemental and narrowminded people who say they love people but yet have no time for you except to mock you or insult you or ignore you.
And I am so sorry that I only have twenty "friends" on Facebook, not the hundreds that some people might have. So sorry that of those twenty people, two of them are from my work (and I am not even allowed to see them outside of work or risk getting fired), one of them I speak with (long-distance) semi-regularly via computer, and one of them i see on an occasional basis (because I used to be married to her); the rest are people who have no time for me at all.
I am so tired of people refusing to see the real me. Maybe that is why i spend so much time on Facebook, hoping against hope that somebody out there will care about me. And maybe i spend time on Facebook, not because i want to chat with people and force myself into their lives, but because it gives a lonely bachelor a chance to play a few games online and fill out a few quizzes, soemthing to fill my time while i try to piece my life together; a job that is made more difficult, when people ridicule me and do not try to understand me or reach out to me and cause me more hurt feelings than i already have.
I am tired of "fake" people. You can call yourself a Christian all that you want, but you need to act like it to prove it. If your words and actions don't add up, then it does not matter what you do or what you profess, you are just another faker.
It is people like that, that cause people like me to hide at home in disgust.
I'd rather be real here in my home, than profess to be something that I am not to the world at large.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
my review of Stryper's Murder By Pride
Murder By Pride – by Stryper … my album review by Dredd Sweet.
CD Case – Personally, I prefer a case that closes and stays closed, and one not made of cardboard that will break down and ruin faster than one made totally of plastic.
Artwork – The artwork is good. It means something, which is nice.
Liner notes – Lyrics are very hard to read at times. A full photo of the band would have been nice, too.
Track one –
Eclipse For The Son –
Has the raw guitars and vocals of The Yellow And Black Attack, but the smooth gang vocals and slightly 90’s sounding chorus of In God We Trust. Good break-down at times where the music quiets and almost stops while Michael screams some of the lyrics. Excellent guitar solo. A very good track. Great lyrics, very meaningful. May have made a better track two than a track one, though. Love the bass-guitar solo right at the end by Tracy Ferrie, very cool stuff. Robert’s drums sound very…ordinary, I wish he had put a little more into it (or they had done the drum production on this album differently). I will give this track a 9/10.
Track two –
4 Leaf Clover –
Guitars start off reminiscent of a mid-tempo track from Soldiers Under Command, but when the vocals come in they sound way too polished, they do not match the guitars. The song starts great, but the vocals change the entire song into something other than what it originally was. Again, it is that In God We Trust influenced vocal style. For me, the lyrics are fairly weak, dealing with fantasy and fairy-tale themes, not very typical Stryper stuff. When the vocals are not present, the guitars sound good, just a tad over-produced. Again, an awesome bass guitar breakdown in this song, followed by one of Michael’s better screams. I will give this track a 7/10.
Track three –
Piece of Mind –
This is a Boston cover track, and features guitarist Tom Scholz of Boston. This is an excellent song when performed by Boston, and a close-to-excellent track when done by Stryper. Lyrically, you cannot go wrong with this. I think Robert’s drumming on this song is better than what he displays on the first two tracks. Lots of good screams by Michael, it sounds like he really has fun with this track. Guitars, of course, are excellent. The bass is buried quite a bit in the mix, but listen to it on headphones and you will appreciate what Tracy brings to this band. I will give this track a 10/10, as they did a bang-up job with this cover tune. It rocks, it is fun, and the band’s enthusiasm and professionalism show throughout this song.
Track four –
Alive –
Opens with piano. Michael’s vocals here are the best they have ever been on a ballad. The lyrical content is incredibly emotional. I will have to give this highly-charged ballad a 10/10.
Track five –
The Plan –
Good guitar tone to start off. Vocals start off sounding like their last album, Reborn. Again, the song could have been so much better, but it has been over-produced to a slickness. Shades of In God We Trust era production values. This song could have been a really great song, it had the potential, but instead it sounds more like something off of Against The Law, some mid-tempo song that doesn’t know what it wants to be, and neither the producer nor the band know what to do with it. So much potential, so wasted. I will only give this track a 5/10.
Track six –
Murder By Pride –
Good Soldiers Under Command style guitars riffs to open the song. Excellent lyrics. Great vocals, especially on the chorus. The chunky rhythm guitar sound makes the song great. This song definitely gets the full-bore treatment, they held back on the production just enough to keep it sounding raw and emotional. Guitar solos are top-notch. Just wish Robert Sweet had gone a little more nuts with the drumming, instead of playing it safe. All told, when it is all added up, this is THE song of the album, and fully earns its rating of 10/10.
Track seven –
Mercy Over Blame –
Starts with Michael yelling his lyrics, and the guitars going for it; makes me think they are having fun, right out of the gate. Very strong lyrics on this one. Again, the bass guitar is buried in the mix, but still does a bang-up job. Mr. Robert Sweet does a little better job with this song; they brought his drums forward in the mix a little more, which helps to make him sound a little bit angrier. Michael’s screams are controlled but still hit hard. I do wish the guitar solo could have been a bit longer, it was over way too fast. I will give this track a 10/10, in spite of the IGWT gang-vocals at the end. We are definitely at a good place in the album at this point. Keep it goin’, boys!
Track eight –
I Believe –
Michael’s wonderful voice, and a soft electric guitar bring this song to life. Drums come in and fit right in perfectly. Soft and quiet, then it unleashes in the chorus. Cannot get better lyrics than these ones, folks! After the chorus, back to the controlled fury of the quietness. This song could very easily have fit into To Hell With The Devil, and from me that is a high compliment indeed! Nice solo-ing, of a tasty enough length. Michael Sweet’s screams are at the top of his game in this song. I will have no problem giving this song another 10/10.
Track nine –
Run In You –
Starts off with an almost jazz-rock feel, like something Bruce Hornsby might do. Beautiful lyrics. This seems to be an up-tempo ballad. Lots of acoustic picking, keyboards, great bass line throughout. I will give it an 8/10.
Track ten –
Love Is Why –
Some IGWT-type guitars start off, then fall away to acoustic. This probably would have been better off as a ballad, instead they made it into a pseudo-soft-rock song, and it doesn’t really work for me. The lyrics are nice and all, but listening to them there is really no question that this should be a piano ballad, not what they went and made it into. Sorry boys, but this one is a failure in my books. Too bland, too passé; it’s 4/10 for this one. Michael should have kept this for one of his solo albums…
Track eleven –
Everything –
Starts off with semi-strong guitars (looking for more muscle here, Oz!) and some of Michael's screams and grunts. Again, cannot fault the lyrics at all, they are extremely strong again. Not only that, but I like how Michael arranges the lyrics and sings them on this tune. I wish the producer had brought the guitars a little further forward in the mix. Robert again sounds a tad bit better on this song. I love the chorus, it really hits you at gut level. Once again, have to pass out another 10/10.
Track twelve –
My Love (I’ll Always Show) –
This is the song from The Yellow And Black Attack album, but this time recorded how it was originally written; not as a ballad, but as a rock song. I have to admit, I like it. I didn’t think I would, but I really do. This has the raw sound that I wish some of the other tracks here had. The fact that this got ballad-ized on their first album shocks me; whose decision was that?! There isn’t much to say about this song; think Yellow And Black Attack meets Reborn, and you’ll get an idea, although the sound (of course) is much closer to their original sound as a band than anything else here. Got to give this one only a nine, I cannot rate it a ten because it really does not match anything else on the album! Then again…it is one of my favourite tracks, so 10/10 it is!
Okay then. A total of twelve tracks, each track rated out of ten. So out of a possible 120, this album rated a very strong 103. Only tracks 5 and 10 did not work for me. With a little less over-production, some longer guitar solos, and less reticence by Robert Sweet to really hammer on those drums, this album could have been their best ever. As it is, I feel it still rates a long ways below both To Hell With The Devil and Soldiers Under Command. Also, I would have considered putting Mercy Over Blame first on the album, following it with Eclipse For The Son and then Peace Of Mind, thereby giving the album a little bit of a stronger start. Track four then could have been Alive, followed by 4 Leaf Clover and The Plan, and going on from there.
I do have to admit, with an album this good, Stryper has shown that they are not just back to do a reunion tour, they are back for as long as they want to be.
CD Case – Personally, I prefer a case that closes and stays closed, and one not made of cardboard that will break down and ruin faster than one made totally of plastic.
Artwork – The artwork is good. It means something, which is nice.
Liner notes – Lyrics are very hard to read at times. A full photo of the band would have been nice, too.
Track one –
Eclipse For The Son –
Has the raw guitars and vocals of The Yellow And Black Attack, but the smooth gang vocals and slightly 90’s sounding chorus of In God We Trust. Good break-down at times where the music quiets and almost stops while Michael screams some of the lyrics. Excellent guitar solo. A very good track. Great lyrics, very meaningful. May have made a better track two than a track one, though. Love the bass-guitar solo right at the end by Tracy Ferrie, very cool stuff. Robert’s drums sound very…ordinary, I wish he had put a little more into it (or they had done the drum production on this album differently). I will give this track a 9/10.
Track two –
4 Leaf Clover –
Guitars start off reminiscent of a mid-tempo track from Soldiers Under Command, but when the vocals come in they sound way too polished, they do not match the guitars. The song starts great, but the vocals change the entire song into something other than what it originally was. Again, it is that In God We Trust influenced vocal style. For me, the lyrics are fairly weak, dealing with fantasy and fairy-tale themes, not very typical Stryper stuff. When the vocals are not present, the guitars sound good, just a tad over-produced. Again, an awesome bass guitar breakdown in this song, followed by one of Michael’s better screams. I will give this track a 7/10.
Track three –
Piece of Mind –
This is a Boston cover track, and features guitarist Tom Scholz of Boston. This is an excellent song when performed by Boston, and a close-to-excellent track when done by Stryper. Lyrically, you cannot go wrong with this. I think Robert’s drumming on this song is better than what he displays on the first two tracks. Lots of good screams by Michael, it sounds like he really has fun with this track. Guitars, of course, are excellent. The bass is buried quite a bit in the mix, but listen to it on headphones and you will appreciate what Tracy brings to this band. I will give this track a 10/10, as they did a bang-up job with this cover tune. It rocks, it is fun, and the band’s enthusiasm and professionalism show throughout this song.
Track four –
Alive –
Opens with piano. Michael’s vocals here are the best they have ever been on a ballad. The lyrical content is incredibly emotional. I will have to give this highly-charged ballad a 10/10.
Track five –
The Plan –
Good guitar tone to start off. Vocals start off sounding like their last album, Reborn. Again, the song could have been so much better, but it has been over-produced to a slickness. Shades of In God We Trust era production values. This song could have been a really great song, it had the potential, but instead it sounds more like something off of Against The Law, some mid-tempo song that doesn’t know what it wants to be, and neither the producer nor the band know what to do with it. So much potential, so wasted. I will only give this track a 5/10.
Track six –
Murder By Pride –
Good Soldiers Under Command style guitars riffs to open the song. Excellent lyrics. Great vocals, especially on the chorus. The chunky rhythm guitar sound makes the song great. This song definitely gets the full-bore treatment, they held back on the production just enough to keep it sounding raw and emotional. Guitar solos are top-notch. Just wish Robert Sweet had gone a little more nuts with the drumming, instead of playing it safe. All told, when it is all added up, this is THE song of the album, and fully earns its rating of 10/10.
Track seven –
Mercy Over Blame –
Starts with Michael yelling his lyrics, and the guitars going for it; makes me think they are having fun, right out of the gate. Very strong lyrics on this one. Again, the bass guitar is buried in the mix, but still does a bang-up job. Mr. Robert Sweet does a little better job with this song; they brought his drums forward in the mix a little more, which helps to make him sound a little bit angrier. Michael’s screams are controlled but still hit hard. I do wish the guitar solo could have been a bit longer, it was over way too fast. I will give this track a 10/10, in spite of the IGWT gang-vocals at the end. We are definitely at a good place in the album at this point. Keep it goin’, boys!
Track eight –
I Believe –
Michael’s wonderful voice, and a soft electric guitar bring this song to life. Drums come in and fit right in perfectly. Soft and quiet, then it unleashes in the chorus. Cannot get better lyrics than these ones, folks! After the chorus, back to the controlled fury of the quietness. This song could very easily have fit into To Hell With The Devil, and from me that is a high compliment indeed! Nice solo-ing, of a tasty enough length. Michael Sweet’s screams are at the top of his game in this song. I will have no problem giving this song another 10/10.
Track nine –
Run In You –
Starts off with an almost jazz-rock feel, like something Bruce Hornsby might do. Beautiful lyrics. This seems to be an up-tempo ballad. Lots of acoustic picking, keyboards, great bass line throughout. I will give it an 8/10.
Track ten –
Love Is Why –
Some IGWT-type guitars start off, then fall away to acoustic. This probably would have been better off as a ballad, instead they made it into a pseudo-soft-rock song, and it doesn’t really work for me. The lyrics are nice and all, but listening to them there is really no question that this should be a piano ballad, not what they went and made it into. Sorry boys, but this one is a failure in my books. Too bland, too passé; it’s 4/10 for this one. Michael should have kept this for one of his solo albums…
Track eleven –
Everything –
Starts off with semi-strong guitars (looking for more muscle here, Oz!) and some of Michael's screams and grunts. Again, cannot fault the lyrics at all, they are extremely strong again. Not only that, but I like how Michael arranges the lyrics and sings them on this tune. I wish the producer had brought the guitars a little further forward in the mix. Robert again sounds a tad bit better on this song. I love the chorus, it really hits you at gut level. Once again, have to pass out another 10/10.
Track twelve –
My Love (I’ll Always Show) –
This is the song from The Yellow And Black Attack album, but this time recorded how it was originally written; not as a ballad, but as a rock song. I have to admit, I like it. I didn’t think I would, but I really do. This has the raw sound that I wish some of the other tracks here had. The fact that this got ballad-ized on their first album shocks me; whose decision was that?! There isn’t much to say about this song; think Yellow And Black Attack meets Reborn, and you’ll get an idea, although the sound (of course) is much closer to their original sound as a band than anything else here. Got to give this one only a nine, I cannot rate it a ten because it really does not match anything else on the album! Then again…it is one of my favourite tracks, so 10/10 it is!
Okay then. A total of twelve tracks, each track rated out of ten. So out of a possible 120, this album rated a very strong 103. Only tracks 5 and 10 did not work for me. With a little less over-production, some longer guitar solos, and less reticence by Robert Sweet to really hammer on those drums, this album could have been their best ever. As it is, I feel it still rates a long ways below both To Hell With The Devil and Soldiers Under Command. Also, I would have considered putting Mercy Over Blame first on the album, following it with Eclipse For The Son and then Peace Of Mind, thereby giving the album a little bit of a stronger start. Track four then could have been Alive, followed by 4 Leaf Clover and The Plan, and going on from there.
I do have to admit, with an album this good, Stryper has shown that they are not just back to do a reunion tour, they are back for as long as they want to be.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
digitz
Like the five digits on a hand, here are five more of my poetic creations!
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/its-my-life.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/process-this.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/love-light-never-dies.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/mouthful-of-funny.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/stupify.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/its-my-life.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/process-this.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/love-light-never-dies.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/mouthful-of-funny.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/stupify.html
Saturday, August 15, 2009
songs
I happily present here the lyrics to four songs from Stryper’s new album that have touched my heart and spirit tonight.
Buried in the middle of the 12-song album, these songs are the crux of what the Christian life is really about.
May they touch you…
The Plan
Ten years ago
I know I loved You so
Right here, right now
I just don’t know
I’ve tried, I’ve lied
I’ve told the truth sometimes
I’ve laughed, I’ve cried
I’ve slept with open blinds
Where do I go from here?
I’ve gotta crucify my fear
(Chorus)
I want to be the man, the one I know You see
I want to live the plan, the one with You and me
I’m worn, I’m torn
I’m sheared from side to side
But Your love, Your light
Is something I won’t hide
I wanna go somewhere from here
So I can sail a sky that’s clear
(Chorus)
I want to be the man, the one I know You see
I want to live the plan, the one with You and me
Murder By Pride
Saturday night’s a lie, I follow every cue
Sunday is sanctified, I smile and take the pew
Monday it’s back to school – Am I learning, not at all
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I just crawl
(Chorus)
Gotta fight, gotta stop living a lie
Gotta fall, gotta lay down and die
Gotta stand and run to the other side
Gotta live or it’s murder by pride
Seeds that were growing have been dried up by my flesh
I walk the walk and talk the talk but where’s the rest
I could have everything even what’s behind the stars
But I built my prison without windows, without bars
(Chorus)
Gotta fight, gotta stop living a lie
Gotta fall, gotta lay down and die
Gotta stand and run to the other side
Gotta live or it’s murder by pride
Mercy Over Blame
Love saves the soul
Hate kills the heart
Fear robs the goal
Hope gives a start
Forgiveness is a gift
Bitterness a chain
The ugliness we sift
His beauty still remains
(Chorus)
When we all reach Heaven
There will be no shame
‘Cause when we stand before Him
It’s mercy over blame
Faith heals the scars
That pride has brought upon
Grace will be ours
When all we have is gone
(Chorus)
When we all reach Heaven
There will be no shame
‘Cause when we stand before Him
He will know each name
It’s all about believing
He died and took the pain
When we all reach Heaven
It’s mercy over blame
I Believe
I believe in You and You believe in me
I believe in Love and Love believes in me
I believe in faith and hope and destiny
I believe
I believe in Life and Life believes in me
I believe in God and what He sees in me
I believe there’s more to life eternally
(Chorus)
I believe
I believe
I receive
I believe
I believe in peace and peace believes in me
I believe in grace and grace believes in me
I believe in mercy ‘cause it’s holding me
I believe
I believe in what is good and what is right
I believe in darkness there’s a shining light
I believe to win the war you have to fight
(Chorus)
I believe
I believe
I receive
I believe
A full review of Stryper's "Murder By Pride" should be posted here in the coming days/weeks. Stay tuned.
Buried in the middle of the 12-song album, these songs are the crux of what the Christian life is really about.
May they touch you…
The Plan
Ten years ago
I know I loved You so
Right here, right now
I just don’t know
I’ve tried, I’ve lied
I’ve told the truth sometimes
I’ve laughed, I’ve cried
I’ve slept with open blinds
Where do I go from here?
I’ve gotta crucify my fear
(Chorus)
I want to be the man, the one I know You see
I want to live the plan, the one with You and me
I’m worn, I’m torn
I’m sheared from side to side
But Your love, Your light
Is something I won’t hide
I wanna go somewhere from here
So I can sail a sky that’s clear
(Chorus)
I want to be the man, the one I know You see
I want to live the plan, the one with You and me
Murder By Pride
Saturday night’s a lie, I follow every cue
Sunday is sanctified, I smile and take the pew
Monday it’s back to school – Am I learning, not at all
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I just crawl
(Chorus)
Gotta fight, gotta stop living a lie
Gotta fall, gotta lay down and die
Gotta stand and run to the other side
Gotta live or it’s murder by pride
Seeds that were growing have been dried up by my flesh
I walk the walk and talk the talk but where’s the rest
I could have everything even what’s behind the stars
But I built my prison without windows, without bars
(Chorus)
Gotta fight, gotta stop living a lie
Gotta fall, gotta lay down and die
Gotta stand and run to the other side
Gotta live or it’s murder by pride
Mercy Over Blame
Love saves the soul
Hate kills the heart
Fear robs the goal
Hope gives a start
Forgiveness is a gift
Bitterness a chain
The ugliness we sift
His beauty still remains
(Chorus)
When we all reach Heaven
There will be no shame
‘Cause when we stand before Him
It’s mercy over blame
Faith heals the scars
That pride has brought upon
Grace will be ours
When all we have is gone
(Chorus)
When we all reach Heaven
There will be no shame
‘Cause when we stand before Him
He will know each name
It’s all about believing
He died and took the pain
When we all reach Heaven
It’s mercy over blame
I Believe
I believe in You and You believe in me
I believe in Love and Love believes in me
I believe in faith and hope and destiny
I believe
I believe in Life and Life believes in me
I believe in God and what He sees in me
I believe there’s more to life eternally
(Chorus)
I believe
I believe
I receive
I believe
I believe in peace and peace believes in me
I believe in grace and grace believes in me
I believe in mercy ‘cause it’s holding me
I believe
I believe in what is good and what is right
I believe in darkness there’s a shining light
I believe to win the war you have to fight
(Chorus)
I believe
I believe
I receive
I believe
A full review of Stryper's "Murder By Pride" should be posted here in the coming days/weeks. Stay tuned.
Friday, August 14, 2009
link, and quote
Posting another new poem link here...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/isnt-it-ironic.html
"Good sense makes one slow to anger,
and it is his glory to overlook an offense."
—Proverbs 19:11
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/isnt-it-ironic.html
"Good sense makes one slow to anger,
and it is his glory to overlook an offense."
—Proverbs 19:11
love is a comedic tragedy
Is it wrong for me to say here that I am still in love with my first wife? I have to admit, it always feels good to admit it. :)
Just spent time with her (and our daughter).
I don’t know why it is, but she inspires me so much. I find it funny, that when I spend time with her, when I leave I am always filled with this huge sense of how much God loves her, so much that it makes me grin and cry at the same time.
The only other person I have felt that sense of God’s love for (other than my daughter), is Melanie.
Rachelle, my second wife…as I have said before, I loved Rachelle. I liked Rachelle a lot. I appreciated her stability. I admired some of her traits. Plus, she was there, and she was available. I do not think either Rachelle or I needed each other all that much, I just think we needed “somebody”, and so we took a chance on each other.
I loved Rachelle. But I was never “in love” with her. Not in any way that really counted, anyways. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be. I knew I was supposed to be, and I wanted to be; so I “made myself” be in love with her. Funny thing about love – you cannot control it like that. Rachelle was a friend, and a roommate, who became a lover. But I was never really in love with her. I guess I was still ‘in love’ with somebody else…
Y’know how the Bible says that the people need to come back to their first love, meaning God? And y’know how the Bible says to train a child up in the way that he should go and he will not depart from it? I believe there is an unexplored Biblical principle therein. See, I believe that when a heart is young, when you train that heart to love at first, that love never departs from it. In a sense, because Shiray was my first love, she will never be out of my heart. And I am okay with that.
Hey, when I say I love my first wife, I am not talking about romantic mushy feelings and kiss-on-the-lips type stuff. There has not been that kind of love between us in many a year. That just isn’t there. It would be totally inappropriate to even think about having that sort of love right now. So I won’t go there. Now, three or four or five or more years down the road, if the opportunity came up between us, would I consider it then; sure I would. But until that far off (if ever) day, I can say that I love her without having to worry about it being misconstrued like that.
To me, Shiray is many things. She is like a mommy. I still remember the many times she took care of me (in her own way, she still does!), and to this day a word of encouragement from her (or a hug) goes a long long way towards making me feel invincible and not-alone. She is like a sister. She may tease me at times, but she does admire who I am, and for the most part she has been around to see me grow up in life. She knows where I am came from and what I have accomplished, and besides which she is also my sister in Christ. She is like a lover. Well, she is a former lover, obviously, but she is also a lover of the real me. To be bluntly honest, I do not think anybody else in life has ever taken the time to get to know me that she has. And, go figure, she still likes me! Wow. And lastly, she is like little girl. I see her, and she does such silly things, and she makes my face smile and my heart leap. Truly, she is a wonder to behold. So, yes indeed, she is my Mother, Sister, Lover, and my Little Girl. (Can you tell I have been listening to Mr. Big songs lately?)
I am so proud of Shiray. I know where she has come from. I support her in the battles she has gone through, and is still going through. Because, you see, I have the inside track, I know how her race is going to turn out, and I know that she comes in as a winner, as a champion, as an over-comer. I am so very proud of what she has accomplished in her life. I know she has been hurt many times (and I sorrow over the fact that I have been one of the ones to hurt her), and yet she has picked herself up and trudged on. It wasn’t easy, but she has done it. And it shows in her strength of character. She has strength that she does not even know is there. She is an encouragement to me, she is both an anchor to hold on to in the storm, and also somebody who gives me strength to encourage her and believe for God’s very best for her.
So, yes, I am in love with my first wife still. Does anybody think that is alright? But really, what is not to love?
"Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go"
Here's lookin' at you, kiddo. You're still number one in my books!
Just spent time with her (and our daughter).
I don’t know why it is, but she inspires me so much. I find it funny, that when I spend time with her, when I leave I am always filled with this huge sense of how much God loves her, so much that it makes me grin and cry at the same time.
The only other person I have felt that sense of God’s love for (other than my daughter), is Melanie.
Rachelle, my second wife…as I have said before, I loved Rachelle. I liked Rachelle a lot. I appreciated her stability. I admired some of her traits. Plus, she was there, and she was available. I do not think either Rachelle or I needed each other all that much, I just think we needed “somebody”, and so we took a chance on each other.
I loved Rachelle. But I was never “in love” with her. Not in any way that really counted, anyways. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be. I knew I was supposed to be, and I wanted to be; so I “made myself” be in love with her. Funny thing about love – you cannot control it like that. Rachelle was a friend, and a roommate, who became a lover. But I was never really in love with her. I guess I was still ‘in love’ with somebody else…
Y’know how the Bible says that the people need to come back to their first love, meaning God? And y’know how the Bible says to train a child up in the way that he should go and he will not depart from it? I believe there is an unexplored Biblical principle therein. See, I believe that when a heart is young, when you train that heart to love at first, that love never departs from it. In a sense, because Shiray was my first love, she will never be out of my heart. And I am okay with that.
Hey, when I say I love my first wife, I am not talking about romantic mushy feelings and kiss-on-the-lips type stuff. There has not been that kind of love between us in many a year. That just isn’t there. It would be totally inappropriate to even think about having that sort of love right now. So I won’t go there. Now, three or four or five or more years down the road, if the opportunity came up between us, would I consider it then; sure I would. But until that far off (if ever) day, I can say that I love her without having to worry about it being misconstrued like that.
To me, Shiray is many things. She is like a mommy. I still remember the many times she took care of me (in her own way, she still does!), and to this day a word of encouragement from her (or a hug) goes a long long way towards making me feel invincible and not-alone. She is like a sister. She may tease me at times, but she does admire who I am, and for the most part she has been around to see me grow up in life. She knows where I am came from and what I have accomplished, and besides which she is also my sister in Christ. She is like a lover. Well, she is a former lover, obviously, but she is also a lover of the real me. To be bluntly honest, I do not think anybody else in life has ever taken the time to get to know me that she has. And, go figure, she still likes me! Wow. And lastly, she is like little girl. I see her, and she does such silly things, and she makes my face smile and my heart leap. Truly, she is a wonder to behold. So, yes indeed, she is my Mother, Sister, Lover, and my Little Girl. (Can you tell I have been listening to Mr. Big songs lately?)
I am so proud of Shiray. I know where she has come from. I support her in the battles she has gone through, and is still going through. Because, you see, I have the inside track, I know how her race is going to turn out, and I know that she comes in as a winner, as a champion, as an over-comer. I am so very proud of what she has accomplished in her life. I know she has been hurt many times (and I sorrow over the fact that I have been one of the ones to hurt her), and yet she has picked herself up and trudged on. It wasn’t easy, but she has done it. And it shows in her strength of character. She has strength that she does not even know is there. She is an encouragement to me, she is both an anchor to hold on to in the storm, and also somebody who gives me strength to encourage her and believe for God’s very best for her.
So, yes, I am in love with my first wife still. Does anybody think that is alright? But really, what is not to love?
"Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go"
Here's lookin' at you, kiddo. You're still number one in my books!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
A Muse Ing
Obey the muse, or die.
That seems to sum up me, lately.
I am going through a whirlwind of emotions, most of them bad. I still have so much in my life, in my thoughts, and in my heart, to deal with.
So, not having anybody to talk with, and not having any idea what i would say even if I could talk (Lord, i long for the day when i can just sit by someone, put my head on their shoulder, and cry while they hug me until i feel better!), i continually pour my soul onto paper.
5 more poems I have written lately...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/care-and-poison-in-my-heart-heat-that.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/haphazard-way-of-life-of-self-hater.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/drawing-me-out.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/fracturing-psyche-of-nothing.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/ck-cat.html
That seems to sum up me, lately.
I am going through a whirlwind of emotions, most of them bad. I still have so much in my life, in my thoughts, and in my heart, to deal with.
So, not having anybody to talk with, and not having any idea what i would say even if I could talk (Lord, i long for the day when i can just sit by someone, put my head on their shoulder, and cry while they hug me until i feel better!), i continually pour my soul onto paper.
5 more poems I have written lately...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/care-and-poison-in-my-heart-heat-that.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/haphazard-way-of-life-of-self-hater.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/drawing-me-out.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/fracturing-psyche-of-nothing.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/ck-cat.html
Monday, August 10, 2009
mooooorrrrreeeee....
Writing lot sof poetry lately, it is just spilling out of me. Must be a healing thing.
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/walk-like-shark-bait.html
and
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/full-of-you-and-thus-nothing.html
and
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/cerberus-and-bitch-that-i-loved-love.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/walk-like-shark-bait.html
and
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/full-of-you-and-thus-nothing.html
and
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/cerberus-and-bitch-that-i-loved-love.html
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
future-birth
From my Hope For Today Bible by Joel and Victoria Osteen.
Take Heart
God has granted me another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed (Genesis 4:25).
Imagine the disappointment and devastation Adam and Eve must have felt when they discovered that their son Cain had killed their son Abel. Despite their pain, they said in Genesis 4:25 that God granted them another son. They were saying in effect, “We are horrified that something like this could happen in our family, and we feel wiped out. But we’re not going to mourn forever.”
In your difficult times when you feel like conditions couldn’t get any worse, God still says, “Take heart. I’m going to provide another. I’m going to do a new thing.” God always has a plan. He always has a way, even when there seems to be no way.
Remember, if you will do your part to let go of the old and start pressing forward, you will give birth to more in the future than you’ve lost in the past.
Take Heart
God has granted me another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed (Genesis 4:25).
Imagine the disappointment and devastation Adam and Eve must have felt when they discovered that their son Cain had killed their son Abel. Despite their pain, they said in Genesis 4:25 that God granted them another son. They were saying in effect, “We are horrified that something like this could happen in our family, and we feel wiped out. But we’re not going to mourn forever.”
In your difficult times when you feel like conditions couldn’t get any worse, God still says, “Take heart. I’m going to provide another. I’m going to do a new thing.” God always has a plan. He always has a way, even when there seems to be no way.
Remember, if you will do your part to let go of the old and start pressing forward, you will give birth to more in the future than you’ve lost in the past.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
newp
new poetic utterances can be found here;
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/stage-dive-of-life.html
and at
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/square-me-in-round-hole.html
Thanks!
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/stage-dive-of-life.html
and at
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/square-me-in-round-hole.html
Thanks!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Gimme More (Gimme All) Of You
lyrics to "Take The World" by Tim Hughes
The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah
The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah
is not enough for me
you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! yeah
The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah
you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! yeah
The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah
you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! yeah
All I want is You, all I need is You, yeah, All I want is You, all I need is You!
you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You!
All I want is You, Jesus I love You,
all I have is You, all I want is You.
E.L. and T.C.
“Enjoying life” should not be a goal, nor should it be a way-of-life or how a person’s life should be lived. It is not a motto.
To enjoy life is a side-effect of a life well-lived, a life that is fulfilling and giving, a life that honours God in everything and follows His commandments. Enjoyment of life comes out of knowing who you are and what you are on earth for, what you were created for, what you were born to do, your sense of meaning and of destiny.
If you live your life to enjoy yourself, you only honour yourself. You become a selfish hedonist, wanting your own pleasure above all else, and naming yourself God of your own life.
True enjoyment of one’s life comes from a good relationship with God built on true faith in the Lord Jesus, from understanding that you have worth because God loves you and because Jesus died for you, from realizing that God has a plan and a purpose for your life, and from walking in His light and His truth. From knowing that you can gain the blessings of God that He has for you to walk in, simply by putting Him first in your life and by knowing that there are Biblical principles that you must follow in order for His blessings to be able to flow to you.
When you put God first and others second, when you honour God by obeying His commandments, when you walk a life of faith and of love and charity, then you will enjoy your life.
And, just as enjoyment of life should not be a lifestyle, so too one should not have a motto of “just survive.” To live this way, is to sell yourself short, and to sell short the spark of greatness that God has placed in you. To just try to survive each day until the next, is to hide your gifts and be ineffective in life. It is to not believe what God says about you, and to not believe that God is in control. It is a life without faith, without hope, and without love.
There are two ends of the spectrum; both are wrong. Both sabotage God’s plan for your life, and keep you from being what He created you to be.
Living a life of faith and belief and obedience, is not easy. Some find it easier to give up; others, to ignore and focus just on self.
But living the life God has prepared for you and wants for you, that is not an extreme act, that is not going out on a limb – it is merely settling down and understanding who you truly are, and being confident that faith will lead you to where you should be. It isn’t crazy, it is the sanest and most wonderful thing that you can do.
You can be everything God says you can be, and live your life to the fullest. Or you can hide from your destiny. Thanks to free will, the choice is always yours.
Thanks to God, there IS a choice…and He eagerly waits for you to make it.
True contentment always comes when you are where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing.
To enjoy life is a side-effect of a life well-lived, a life that is fulfilling and giving, a life that honours God in everything and follows His commandments. Enjoyment of life comes out of knowing who you are and what you are on earth for, what you were created for, what you were born to do, your sense of meaning and of destiny.
If you live your life to enjoy yourself, you only honour yourself. You become a selfish hedonist, wanting your own pleasure above all else, and naming yourself God of your own life.
True enjoyment of one’s life comes from a good relationship with God built on true faith in the Lord Jesus, from understanding that you have worth because God loves you and because Jesus died for you, from realizing that God has a plan and a purpose for your life, and from walking in His light and His truth. From knowing that you can gain the blessings of God that He has for you to walk in, simply by putting Him first in your life and by knowing that there are Biblical principles that you must follow in order for His blessings to be able to flow to you.
When you put God first and others second, when you honour God by obeying His commandments, when you walk a life of faith and of love and charity, then you will enjoy your life.
And, just as enjoyment of life should not be a lifestyle, so too one should not have a motto of “just survive.” To live this way, is to sell yourself short, and to sell short the spark of greatness that God has placed in you. To just try to survive each day until the next, is to hide your gifts and be ineffective in life. It is to not believe what God says about you, and to not believe that God is in control. It is a life without faith, without hope, and without love.
There are two ends of the spectrum; both are wrong. Both sabotage God’s plan for your life, and keep you from being what He created you to be.
Living a life of faith and belief and obedience, is not easy. Some find it easier to give up; others, to ignore and focus just on self.
But living the life God has prepared for you and wants for you, that is not an extreme act, that is not going out on a limb – it is merely settling down and understanding who you truly are, and being confident that faith will lead you to where you should be. It isn’t crazy, it is the sanest and most wonderful thing that you can do.
You can be everything God says you can be, and live your life to the fullest. Or you can hide from your destiny. Thanks to free will, the choice is always yours.
Thanks to God, there IS a choice…and He eagerly waits for you to make it.
True contentment always comes when you are where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
what.
The person who is unsaved, whether they be a spouse, a lover, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or a neighbour, such a person can never be what we (we, the born-again) need them or want them to be.
They are totally and completely incapable, just as we too once were.
It is a hard lesson to learn. Many of us never learn it. Those who do learn, often learn through great pain and misery.
Fact is, God's Word is true. What can darkness have to do with light? What can the two have in common?
Really, nothing. Everything we have in common with an unsaved person, is temporary. It is based in a temporary life, one that is only a drop in the bucket of our eternity. The things we will have in common with these people, will mainly revolve around things that are fleeting, things that will pass away, temporary things, things designed to lead us AWAY from God and from our calling, things that distract us.
This is not to say that the unsaved are evil. They are merely without God, and as such they are incapable of filling any true void in our life.
Unless we let go of what we see in some of these people in our life, God is blocked from bringing into our life the people and things that He desires for us.
The people that are saved, but ignore God, at least they have the potential to change. To be something. To follow God, and His commandments, and His will for their life. The potential may stay untapped, but it is there. In the unsaved, the only hope they have is in salvation. Aside from that, they have nothing we need or desire. And if we could all figure that out in life, and remember it, we'd all be better off.
They are totally and completely incapable, just as we too once were.
It is a hard lesson to learn. Many of us never learn it. Those who do learn, often learn through great pain and misery.
Fact is, God's Word is true. What can darkness have to do with light? What can the two have in common?
Really, nothing. Everything we have in common with an unsaved person, is temporary. It is based in a temporary life, one that is only a drop in the bucket of our eternity. The things we will have in common with these people, will mainly revolve around things that are fleeting, things that will pass away, temporary things, things designed to lead us AWAY from God and from our calling, things that distract us.
This is not to say that the unsaved are evil. They are merely without God, and as such they are incapable of filling any true void in our life.
Unless we let go of what we see in some of these people in our life, God is blocked from bringing into our life the people and things that He desires for us.
The people that are saved, but ignore God, at least they have the potential to change. To be something. To follow God, and His commandments, and His will for their life. The potential may stay untapped, but it is there. In the unsaved, the only hope they have is in salvation. Aside from that, they have nothing we need or desire. And if we could all figure that out in life, and remember it, we'd all be better off.
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