me

You know, i am never quite sure what to think or how to react when somebody asks me if I "live on Facebook". I have been asked this question several times.

I have to consider the people who ask me these sorts of questions. Usually, they tend to be people who i once knew, people who have never apparently given me a second thought in the last twenty years or so, and who only converse with me on Facebook for a scant few seconds, probably to help themselves feel as if they show care for me by speaking to me once in twenty years.

As well, they are usually busy people, people with friends and family (and as happens with those whom I once knew, they tend to have a flock to look after as well).

Just once, i wish people would walk a mile in my shoes before they leap over the keyboard and judge me with a snide remark!

So sorry that I have no family. So sorry that I am twice divorced, middle-aged, and have no friends that I can get together with. So sorry that life has crapped on me, and i spend too much time in my little apartment where it is safe, where people can't hurt me - problem is, they can; as soon as one reaches out, even on Facebook, you open yourself up to possibly judgemental and narrowminded people who say they love people but yet have no time for you except to mock you or insult you or ignore you.

And I am so sorry that I only have twenty "friends" on Facebook, not the hundreds that some people might have. So sorry that of those twenty people, two of them are from my work (and I am not even allowed to see them outside of work or risk getting fired), one of them I speak with (long-distance) semi-regularly via computer, and one of them i see on an occasional basis (because I used to be married to her); the rest are people who have no time for me at all.

I am so tired of people refusing to see the real me. Maybe that is why i spend so much time on Facebook, hoping against hope that somebody out there will care about me. And maybe i spend time on Facebook, not because i want to chat with people and force myself into their lives, but because it gives a lonely bachelor a chance to play a few games online and fill out a few quizzes, soemthing to fill my time while i try to piece my life together; a job that is made more difficult, when people ridicule me and do not try to understand me or reach out to me and cause me more hurt feelings than i already have.

I am tired of "fake" people. You can call yourself a Christian all that you want, but you need to act like it to prove it. If your words and actions don't add up, then it does not matter what you do or what you profess, you are just another faker.

It is people like that, that cause people like me to hide at home in disgust.

I'd rather be real here in my home, than profess to be something that I am not to the world at large.