So Lost, so free

Lately, I have passed my time watching the first season of the television show Lost on DVD.

I actually bought this in March, but had not got around to watching it until now.

In episode 5 or 6, one of the characters leads another back to his faith in God, and the episode ends with her praying with him. I thought that was pretty cool!

Even cooler was a line she used just a bit earlier. She was talking about her husband, who had not been found after the plane crash, and who she believes is still alive. The line goes like this; “There is a thin line between faith and denial.”

That made me think quite a bit.

My faith that she and I were going to work out and be together…all the signs were there that it WASN’T going to happen. I ignored them, and called that "faith." In the end, I had to come to the realization that I was just in denial. What I wanted to happen, what I wanted more than anything else, was not coming true. Praying for something, and believing for it, even believing (and feeling) that it is RIGHT, doesn’t make it so. God will only give us what He says is right. And He will not go against His Word; He cannot do that, not ever.

Sometimes, we want God to speak to us in a booming voice, to tell us when we are doing wrong. Not hearing that, we beleive that we must therefore be correct. Too often, we miss the still small voice of the Holy Spirit, because we are only listening for what we WANT to hear. So we continue on in error, and we get hurt.

There is a thin line between faith and denial. I now know that I was in denial.

I am not anymore. Unless God changes that situation, so that it lines up with His Word, and unless He blesses it and wants it, He will not allow it to happen. It isn’t good for me.

Even though I still miss her immensely, even though I still sometimes wonder how I could have made things turn out differently, even though I feel very alone at times and betrayed yet again by love, even though I am hurting – still, still I am thankful that God awoke me to the truth, before things proceeded any further, before I made yet more large mistakes that would have hurt me.

Life is tough. Not getting what you want and desire, that is hard to deal with. But, that is life; that is my life. And that is better than having to deal with the consequences of continuing on in wrong thinking, and screwing up my life even more because of that.

God knows what is best for me; my job is not to fight Him, but to serve Him and say “Yes, Lord.”

Even when it hurts.

You shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free.