Bray King

I can feel myself braking.

And breaking.

Both are good things.


Today (the 23rd of June) was the one-year anniversary of a day that caused me much pain (later) and much joy (at the time). It is a day that I wish I could forget, but can’t. I expected it to be a tough day on me emotionally…

…But it wasn’t, not at all. In fact, I was at work, and was able to share with a co-worker how I am realizing, more and more, that “she” used me. Not only used me, but abused me. She has no love in her life, and no love within her. This doesn’t make me hate her; it makes me pity her.

She, in many instances that I can now see, used me to make her boyfriend jealous. She played us two off of each other, in order to get what she wanted out of each of us. She was cruel. She was heartless. She was entirely selfish. And I doubt she has changed any over time.

I thank God that I am able to see some of these things now. And when I say “now”, I mean just lately, like just within the last day or two. And, I know why. I know why it is happening “now”, this un-blurring of my inner sight. If it had happened any earlier, the chances are good that it would have caused a root of bitterness within me. I might have been mad at God. I certainly would have been mad at her. But now, now enough time has gone by, I have gone through enough of the fire and emerged out the other side (singed, but not well-done), that I can handle this revelation in the right way.

This is a breaking within me, as I begin to tear away from all that is in the past that has held onto me. This is a braking, as I am at last beginning to put a halt to wrong thinking patterns.

It is a new me, budding into sight out of the fresh earth. My Springtime is finally arriving! My Winter is over!

At work, I had a good talk with my boss. Yes, I am not happy that he continues to slough so much important work that he should be doing, stuff that his staff asks him to do he does not attend to., But at least he respects me and tries to pass on to me stuff that I need to know, that is good at least.

Also at work, I worked with the person I like least there, and got along with her. She shared some stuff with me that I needed to know, and I helped her with a few problems she was having (even staying ten minutes late to help her out). Of course, it helps that she was three hours late to work, so I actually only had to work with her for 3 hours in total…

God is good. God is good TO me. God is good FOR me. And God is good, period.

Somewhere out there, is a new destiny for me. And somewhere within, is a soon-coming future when I do not have to walk around with a foggy head and a heavy heart. Healing comes in the arms of Love. Thank You, Lord. Keep calling me, keep healing me, keep loving me, and please Lord use me again…