Thursday, May 14, 2009

Wisdom from...

Wisdom from the mouth of comic book characters...

"I think people are lonely. And it makes them sad. And I think some people can't tell the difference between being sad and being angry. They lash out at the people who care about them. I don't know. I guess I just feel sorry for them."

And, wisdom from my daily devotionals...

The Purpose of Life

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.
Matthew 22:37 (NCV)

Mine deep enough in every heart and you'll find it: a longing for meaning, a quest for purpose. As surely as a child breathes, he will someday wonder, "What is the purpose of my life?"

Some search for meaning in a career. "My purpose is to be a dentist." Fine vocation but hardly a justification for existence. They opt to be a human "doing" rather than a human "being." Who they are is what they do; consequently they do a lot. They work many hours because if they don't work, they don't have an identity.

For others, who they are is what they have. They find meaning in a new car or a new house or new clothes. These people are great for the economy and rough on the budget because they are always seeking meaning in something they own.... Some try sports, entertainment, cults, sex, your name it.

All mirages in the desert of purpose....

Shouldn't we face the truth? If we don't acknowledge God, we are flotsam in the universe.





And, then there is wisdom (or lack of understanding, perhaps?) from my own turmoiled life...
Here I sit, still heart-broken and confusion-wracked over a woman who i fell in love with a year or so ago. A woman who only briefly flirted with returning that love. A woman who i prayed for, every day, for many many months. A woman I believed in. A woman who God talked to me about, and a woman who I shared my faith in God with. A woman who needs to be saved. A woman i respected and believed in. A woman who abandoned me and hurt me badly, and now tries to ruin my reputation and get me fired, for no good reason. A woman i still have some feelings for. A woman that i still miss having in my life.
Where is the wisdom in this? Where is the sense, the reason?
Where is the way out? How do i stop the loop in my mind? How do i move on, truly move on?
No answers. Just questions. And i KNOW there are no answers. But it does not make the questions go away. Oh, sometimes i do not think them. Sometimes a day or two or maybe even three goes by, until i think about her again. But always, my mind comes back, to a better time for me, a time when i thought she was everything that i wanted, a time i thought i was good for her, a time i thought i was doing what was right and was following my spiritual destiny, a time i felt useful and truly alive for the first time in my life.
But, the here and now is different for me. Adrift. Unmoored. I once almost had everything i thought was supposed to be mine. I was THAT close to everything i wanted, for once i actually believed i deserved to be happy and that i was going to be happy. I had never been that close to earthly perfection and bliss before. Everything was within my reach. Then came that one dreaded word, the word that i detest more than anything, the word that has brought about the ruin of more plans than any other - "BUT".

I think she was sad, very very sad about her life, and she confused that sadness for anger and lashed out at me, the one person on this earth who would have supported her unconditionally, maybe the one person on this earth who would truly love her for who she is.
I also think that she has no real idea what her life is about. As a non-Christian, she has wrapped her whole life's purpose up in the words "family" - she believes that in spite of the fact that she, her mate, and her children are all miserable, that she should have to suffer through this pain for her lifetime in order to keep the family together. She believes that is what her life's purpose is.
On a third level, i showed her God, and she rejected Him, and so in the end she had to reject me as well, becuz otherwise i would keep showing Him to her and she would keep having to make that choice, and she did not want to admit that she was a sinner who needed God's help. I hope and pray that one day she will make the right choice and choose Christ. But she had to reject me, becuz she could not separate me from my God (or Him from me).

That is all that i know. That is all the "wisdom" that i have.

That, and the hope that time heals all wounds. How much time, now...that is the question that scares me...

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