Moving On

Moving on.

Moving on is not a simple thing.

I once thought it was, many years ago; I discovered that was not true. When my first marriage broke up for the last time, I met somebody. She was kind to me, and we hung out together. Eventually, we fell in love and got married. I thought I was over my first wife, over the marriage break-up. I found out, I was not.

Moving on. I am a guy, always have been. I do not know what it is like to be a girl, nor will I ever know. As a guy, I know form experience that many guys “get over” break ups and “move on” in life, by getting angry. They get enraged at the woman, they draw upon those negative and angry feelings that are always near the surface thanks to testosterone, and that is how they move on.

I do not wish to go that route. Anger destroys you, it does not heal you. It isn’t a solution, just a crippling disease that focuses your emotions somewhere other than your pain and loss.

Another way to get over somebody you have loved and cared for, is to find somebody else to care about. You know what? Truthfully, this sounds like a good option. I believe I have a lot to give, a lot to offer somebody. But herein lies the problem; as I have already discovered, you can set yourself up for a greater world of pain if you jump into one relationship without dealing with previous feelings first. I thought I was ready to move on when I met Rachelle, my second wife, I really did! But it took me a few years more before I had totally dealt with those emotional roadblocks from my first marriage. And it ruined the start of my second marriage, setting us on an uneven foundation.

So, the question remains; how do I move on?

It sounds so easy to make myself available to lover again. In theory, it is the correct thing to do. But which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Do I finish healing first and THEN get into another relationship, or do I finish my healing BY becoming involved with somebody else and truly moving on?

Is there an answer? If there is, I do not see it.