life right now

Well, as of May 1st, I was declared (legally) single again.

Let the bells ring out? Meh.

Truthfully, I am CHOOSING to see this as a good thing. Not because being married wasn’t nice (at times), and not because there were not good things about being married, and not because the single life is so great, and not because I dislike the person I was married to or have a bad opinion of her. I am choosing to be positive, because that is what God would (and does) choose for me; at this point in time, at this point in my life, God smiles down on me just like He always does, He has nothing but good thoughts towards me and He wants me to have the same.

Being single (again), and being divorced (twice), these are neither good nor bad things. They just ARE. This is my life, and I am going to live it and give God the most glory that I can while doing so.






Some people. Some people in life are just messed up.

So, what do you do when you meet somebody like that? Somebody whose life, a life without God and His goodness and His forgiveness and His presence, their life is just a huge mess, and they are literally crying out for somebody to save them from their life, from the situations they have gotten themselves into, and from themselves?

What do you do, when God brings a person like that into your life, and gives you huge amounts of Godly compassion for them?

You know what you do? As a Christian, you do what you can to help them. You listen to them, you sympathise and empathize with them, and you point them towards the Answer. You show them Christ, and what He has done in your life. And you offer to help and support them.

Now, what do you do when that person turns away from the Answer?

When this happens, trust me, life unravels. All hell seems to empty itself against you.

This has happened to me. Say what you like. Believe what you like. I know the truth about this situation.

She came into my life. She was hurting, empty, fragile, a shell of a person. And God allowed me to see her how He sees her. I lent an ear, a hand, and a heart. And I showed her God, and what He had done for my life.

I wanted to share so much more with her. I wanted to see her come to Him, and for Him to beautifully change her.

It didn’t happen (at least, not YET it didn’t). She turned away. She, in her filth and her vomit, saw what was being offered. She understood. She looked at the offer. But then, she decided to go with her pride. She felt she didn’t need help, she didn’t need change, she didn’t need God. To me, this was such obvious deception and lies. But, it was what she flung back in my face. The more I prayed and asked God to work in her, the more I stood by her even when she hurt me, the more I believed, the more I tried to share God’s love with her, the more I tried to point her again and again towards the Answer…the more angry she became with me, the more enraged, the more spiteful.

Now, the person I, just last year, said was the best friend I have ever had, she is trying to destroy my life.

Won’t happen. God won’t let it.

You know why?

Here is the secret. See, despite what people think, despite what people say, despite what people see when they look at me and at this situation…I know, I KNOW, that I did what God told me to do, and I had faith in what I believed that God was telling me.

So, my God protects me. Although I did not succeed, I tried. I honestly tried. And in the end, even though this still hurts at times, I know that it is not ME that she is rejecting, it is Christ in me.

The storm I suffer, is for Him.

Once again, for that reason alone, I would not change a thing.

Lord, I choose to pray for her still. Not for me, or for my benefit, but for her eternal benefit. Please God, do not forget about her. Bless her, and do not curse her. Do not give up on her. Follow after her with a heart of love, and claim her as Your own. Reveal Yourslef to her, and save her soul and change her life. In Jesus' name I ask, Amen.