hero-need

I don’t want to be a cowboy. But I do want to be a hero.

Perhaps this “hero-need” is what drives my fascination with certain things, like - Action movies with a clearly-defined heroic male lead, the rough and tough guys who can manage to handle any bad situation thrown at them, and save not just themselves but those in need around them. Or comic-book superheroes, those blessed with great powers or abilities and who use them to fight injustice. And especially, fantasy-based video games...

Really, there is no greater thrill for me, than to feel a connect ion with a character who you propel through their “life”, making their moral choices for them, choosing their dialogue and interactions, and using their physical abilities to overcome great odds to be a hero on behalf of the downtrodden and needy who cannot protect themselves.

It is more than a desire, it is a NEED. Perhaps this need is more powerful within me, after having failed so many times, in so many opportunities, to be that hero in my life to somebody else. In both of my marriages, in spite of the fact that I truly believe that I am a “nice guy”, I failed to be a lasting hero figure to my spouses. I also had a “close friendship” in the last few years that I ended up failing miserably with, much to my chagrin and internal pain. So, having failed at this important part of my life too many times, I reach out to find other ways to self-soothe my pain and distress, trying to find ways to pump up that fragmented hero portion within myself. Mind you, for all the times that I have failed at being a hero, how often have I recollected the times that, to somebody else, I WAS a hero? Perhaps that is part of the problem; that I only remember the times I failed, and not at all the times that I succeeded...

So, I pour myself into video games. I choose fantasy-based games, and I go about creating a character that is perhaps part of my own deep-seated desires to be a hero, and part of my character is perhaps quite literally part of my character; that is to say, perhaps in the creation process (and, as children of God, what is more natural for us than to create?) I actually infuse my video-character with elements of my own real character (or what I envision my own character to be, anyways).

Then, I walk my character through the video-world, choosing situations that can enlarge my heroic persona. It is funny, but I NEVER play an evil character. It goes against what I am, what I stand for. I long for a life in which your good morality, together with your compassion and your physical fitness, would in and of itself allow you to be a hero if you so desire. But it does not exist, at least not in the “real” world.


So, I recently finished playing Neverwinter Nights 2, which was a totally awesome game, just as good (if not slightly better) than the original Neverwinter Nights. Now, I have moved on to playing Dragon Age: Origins. I was originally a little hesitant about this game, there was some nervousness that it might be too hard or difficult for me, as I am NOT a professional gamer; indeed, my very slow reaction time means I refuse to play any “real time” strategy games, I only play games where you can pause battles and give out commands to your party members one turn at a time. Anyways...Dragon Age: Origins is an awesome game. Seriously, out of all the fantasy video games that I have played, this looks like totally the best one ever. The graphics are incredible, the facial details are amazing. The way that you can control the destiny of your character...man! The choices that your character can make, in every conversation, is almost limitless, and each choice leads you down a path to yet more choices that you unlock through the choices you have already made. Plus, you have a choice of about 12 different character backgrounds to choose from, and depending on which one you choose, the game-play is completely different than if you had chosen another background. The length, breadth, and scope of this game, is beyond my imagination to conceive of. All in all, it is beautiful, a thing of true beauty.

For those of you who are interested in these things, you can read all about my adventures in various video-game worlds at my fantasy-game blog site at http://ward-of-gorion.blogspot.com/

There, you can see me wax poetic about my very favourite video game of all time, Baldur’s Gate. As well, you can click on the various links and read my day-by-day adventures in games such as Icewind Dale, Neverwinter Nights 2, and now, Dragon Age: Origins. Unfortunately for all reading this, at that blog I will proboably never mention the world's greatest coffee shop, Tim Horton's. Sorry 'bout that; get your daily fix by actually going to Timmy's and buying yourself a great coffee (and pick me up one too! XL, 2 cream! Thanx!).

In real life, I am well aware that moral goodness and physical strength do not make a person into a hero, the rescuer of thousands who is adored forever. That is just not reality. We, as people, can do little things that help us feel heroic, but can never truly be “heroes” in the broader and more grandiose use of the term. Nevertheless, I am blessed to have a close friendship with The Hero, Jesus Christ, and by serving under His kingly banner I can support and be on the side of The Hero, the only hero this world will ever need. This is a good time to mention, that playing these sorts of games, actually helps one understand a lot better how Kingdom principles work. Nowadays, we no longer have kings and kingdoms, we either have dictators or democracies. Because of that, most people do not understand how a kingdom works, the relationships that must exist between the King and His people, and how ambassadors of the King must act and present themselves. But, playing games (and reading books, etcetera) that operate under the principles of a kingdom help me to understand this better.

And another point to mention here is that no hero can rescue or save someone who does not desire to be rescued or saved. Even God Himself understands and must abide by that truth. As much as you try to help another, if the sin of pride keeps them from wanting your help, then you cannot help them, try as you might. I have ran into this truth (head-on at a dead run, usually) many times in my life. The faster you are going at the time, and the more determined you are to save the person, the more it hurts when you hit that wall and fall flat. The last time it happened to me, it sucked the air out of my lungs, and the very will-to-go-on out of my life; it made me want to die. I did not want to live in a world where people could choose to stay in their present conditions of poverty, abuse, hopelessness, and Godlessness, and where there was not one dang thing I could do about it, try as I might. It took years to recover enough to be able to pick myself up and move on. And it will take my entire life and more to totally recover from this hit to my very soul. And, here is the thing...as much as this hurt me, how much more must it hurt my King and my Lord, when He feels the pain from every single person who does not accept Him? Yet, He goes on, He does not give up. And that is why He is my Hero, why He is the One I trust to save me. Because He never quits, He never fails, and He never stops loving and acting in a loving manner towards me. And that is why Jesus Christ is my ultimate Hero.

In my gaming in Dragon Age: Origins, I was able to throw in a little bit of my love of comic book characters into it. My character has a marabi war-hound as a companion, a large dog the size of a small pony that only can be controlled by its one master. The first time that I see this war-hound, the game asked me to choose a name for it, that it would then be known by. My love of the Teen Titans animated television series led me to choose the superhero Cyborg’s rallying cry as a name for my pet; and thus, my marabi war-hound was dubbed “Booyah”.

Well, that is it for now. Ta-ta!