When The Tears Fall

After the last year of my life, somehow i really question how i have managed to even stay on my feet.

In all of the bad times of my life in the previous years, if i added up all of my troubles from those years, all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the tears, all of the desperation...they would not even hold a candle to how bad this last year of my life has been.

And, honestly, as much as i want this year to be a good one...so far, i am only able to stand at all, because i have faith that God will not allow me to be torn down and ripped apart forever. Nothing looks any different, nothing looks any better. If blessings are coming, and i have to believe that they are...i do not see them out there anywhere...

So, i do what i can do to survive. I worship. Not because i want to, and not because i feel like it; i worship, because there is nothing else to do. And i hold on to God with a death-grip.

I told God just a day or so ago, that i wondered how much longer i was going to have my feet held to the fire. I wondered how much longer trials would be thrown at me, over and over and over again, without respite. How long, God, will it be, until You give me some rest from this? How long until i begin to see some sort of reward? Cuz this is starting to feel like Old Testament punishment. I do not want to walk around the mountain for 40 years until i die, Lord! But, i said to God, If He is testing and trying me to see if this will make me turn away from Him...it won't happen. I long ago realized that i have nowhere else to go. I have nobody else who is truly in my corner. There is nobody else who understands me. No matter what happens, i...will...not...let...go...of...my...God!

I can't. I have nothing else.


Seems like a fitting time to reprint these lyrics...



When The Tears Fall - by Tim Hughes

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, You sustain me
My defender for ever more

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You
I will praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You
I will praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord You'll be there
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend

Still I'll praise You
Jesus praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true...


If you have ever been at this place in your life, and especially if like me you are in that place now, then know this - you have my pity, and my respect.

I have been in this place, almost daily, for almost a full year. It is one step away from death. But, it is also a place where you are closest to God. In my greatest pain, comes my fullest realization of Who God is.