nuts

My daily devotional got me instantly contemplative, and God spoke to me.


September 7
We Need a Great Savior

[Peter] shouted, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught Peter.
Matthew 14:30-31 (NCV)

We come to Christ in an hour of deep need. We abandon the boat of good works. . . .We realize, like Peter, that spanning the gap between us and Jesus is a feat too great for our feet. So we beg for help. Hear his voice. And step out in fear, hoping that our little faith will be enough. . . .

Faith is a desperate dive out of the sinking boat of human effort and a prayer that God will be there to pull us out of the water. Paul wrote about this kind of faith . . . :

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast" (Eph. 2:8-9 NIV).




I get it, Lord.

I thought I was having faith, and I was; but faith in WHAT? When I examine, I know the answer - faith in myself. I had faith that You would enable me to be able to accomplish things that benefitted myself and glorified myself.

I was wrong. I am so sorry, Lord.

Here then is the answer I have been searching so long now for; right here, laid out in front of me. This is why things did not work out as I thought they would.

I had faith; faith that I could cause her to love me, faith that my friendship would enable me to lead her to Christ, faith that I was the only one who could accomplish these things in her.

I had faith in me.

In so doing, I became faithless. I became all about me, all about my wants, and making (trying to make) God line up with my desires.

Meanwhile, God was all about using these experiences to make me need Him more, to draw me closer to Him, and to change me within.

As I have been learning lately, change hurts. Change happens in great upheaval and stress in life. God uses these things, even allows them, to change us within.

Now, I have my answer. I have no more reason to question my past, and now I need to allow God to make the changes in me (as He has been slowly doing) that allow me to move on in Him. My past is behind me, and my future is in His eyes and His hands. All I need to do is look to Him.
Truly, it is all about Jesus.

Might be a good time to admit, I went to church this Sunday, for the first time in about a year. It was "alright". But it wasn't about me, so much as it was about being obedient and cultivating good habits in my life.

God is love. So, let Your love rain down upon my head, Lord.

please watch

Please click on the below link and watch this short video. It is very important that we support God's work in these perilous times. Thank you.

www.youtube.com/cseministry


God bless this ministry. And He will.

poetric equation

New poem posted here


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/09/bleed.html

Thanks!

guiltee

I am guilty as charged.

I find myself guilty of something, something that I am only recently realizing...

Even though the Bible says not to compare, and I agree with that wholeheartedly, too many times I find myself comparing my own life to my father's life. Perhaps because I desperately want to be like him?

And, too often, I feel discouraged, because I hear about all the stories of what my dad accomplished in his life, all the things God did in and through him, and I feel like I will never ever be like that, like I am some sort of abysmal failure. Here I am, a grown man, and I am accomplishing so very little in my life or the lives of those around me!

But lately, I have realized something, something significant...

I look at my dad, and I am proud of him; I see a man of God, a man after God's own heart. He has always been this to me - as far back as I can remember my one over-riding thought about my Dad is that he was and is a Godly man.

Nothing wrong with that, that is for sure!

But to compare myself to him, is so very unfair to me. Also, it is unfair to God. Not only am I a completely different type of person than my father is, but we lead different lives in different times in different ways. And, also, and here is what I found REALLY significant;

Yes, my Dad to me has always been a Godly man. As long as I have known him. But, I may be an adult, but I am only 38 years old. My Dad was very nearly 48 years old, when I was born!

So...even if I started noticing that my Dad was a Godly man by the time I was ten years old, for instance, that would mean that he was 58 at the time. A full twenty years older than I am now!

God just needs more time with me! LOL. He isn't finished yet...He is just getting started!

One day, I will have my own stories to tell of how God touched me and my life. Heck, I have got a bushel full of those already!

I spend too much time comparing a seed to a full-grown tree, and wondering why I do not have the same branches...

Lord, forgive me. Keep helping me grow, even when it hurts me to. Amen.



Billy Talent's song "Tears Into Wine"

(highlighted portions by me)

The gun is loaded when the class is full
Down the hatch and the trigger's pulled
Off the wake and they're back onto the stool

I know that when I stare into your eyes
I can see all the years of lies
Ghosts and demons you never exorcised

All the friends that I've ever known
Are the street lamps I follow home
And I'm in the crowd but I'm all alone

Oh Lord, I just can't
Tear the moon from the stars tonight
Twist my arm like a knife tonight
And if you wanna leave, that's alright
Well, I'll just turn these tears into wine

His fate was written on a neon sign
A DUI never changed his mind
He got hooked like a fish caught on a line

You never gave yourself a chance to shine
Your destination's a chalk outline
And when you get to the gates you'll be denied

All the friends that I've ever known
Are the street lamps I follow home
And I'm in the crowd but I'm all alone

Oh Lord, I just can't
Tear the moon from the stars tonight
Twist my arm like a knife tonight
And if you wanna leave, that's alright
Well, I'll just turn these tears into wine

Tear the moon from the stars tonight
Twist my arm like a knife tonight
And if you wanna leave, that's alright
Well, I'll just turn these tears into wine

All the friends that I've ever known
Are the street lamps I follow home
The tide keeps pulling me down
I try to reach higher ground
I'll never give up and drown

Even though I just can't
Tear the moon from the stars tonight
Twist my arm like a knife tonight
And if you wanna leave, that's alright
Well, I'll just turn these tears into wine

Tear the moon from the stars tonight
Twist my arm like a knife tonight
And if you wanna leave, that's alright
Well, I'll just turn these tears into wine
Tears into wine, tears into wine
Well, I'll just turn these tears into wine



'Til next time, faithful readers...
Slainte!


"One idea or direction from God can forever change the course of your life. God can do anything if you will simply stop limiting Him in your thinking."

"One idea...or direction...from God...can...forever...change...the course...of your life."

part 2

Two messages from my Hope For Today Bible…


New Names:
“I will return to you about this time next year, and your wife, Sarah, will have a son!”
(Genesis 18:10)

When God told Abraham and Sarah that they were going to have a child, they were both well beyond the childbearing years. No wonder Sarah laughed. She must have said, “Abraham, what are you talking about? Me? Have a child? I’m an old woman. I don’t think so.”
God had to change the image they had of themselves before they could ever have that child. How did God do that? He changed their names; He changed the words they were hearing. He changed Sarai to Sarah, which means “princess”. He changed Abram to Abraham, which means “father of many nations”. Think about it. Before Abraham had a single child, God called him, by faith, the father of many nations. Every time somebody said, “Hey, Abraham. How you doing?” they were saying, “Hello, father of many nations.” He heard that so often, it began to sink down inside him.
Sarah was an older woman who had never had any children. She probably didn’t feel much like a princess, but every time somebody said, “Hello, Sarah,” they were saying, “Hello, princess.” Over time, that changed her self-image. She no longer saw herself as an older, barren woman; she began to see herself as a princess. Eventually, she gave birth to a child whom she named Isaac (there’s a story behind that name, too), as God had instructed.
Perhaps God has whispered something to your heart that seems totally impossible. It may seem impossible for you to ever be well again, or impossible for you to get out of debt, to get married, to lose weight, to start that new business. In the natural, physical realm, all the odds seem to be against you; you don’t see how it could happen. But if you’re going to see those dreams come to pass, you have to get your mouth moving in the right direction and use your words to help you develop a new image on the inside.
No matter how impossible something looks, no matter how you feel, start boldly declaring, “I am strong in the Lord. I can do all things through Christ. I am well able to fulfill my destiny.” Call in what God has promised you. There’s a song that says, “Let the weak say I am strong.” You may not feel well today, but don’t go around saying, “I don’t think I’m ever going to get over this sickness.” Instead, start boldly declaring, “God is restoring health to me. I am getting better every day in ever way.”
Or maybe your financial situation doesn’t look good. Stars declaring, “I am blessed. I am prosperous. I’m the head and not the tail. I will lend and not borrow.”
Don’t merely use your words to describe your situation; use your words to change your situation.


God Without Limits:
Then the Lord said to Abraham…”Is anything too hard for the Lord?”
(Genesis 18:13-14)

Abraham and Sarah were stuck in the natural – they couldn’t see beyond what they couldn’t do. So they had a hard time imagining what God could do!
We often have the same problem when we think that our situation is beyond God’s control or power. But God is not limited by your education or lack of it. He’s not limited by what you have or what you don’t have. The Bible declares “with God all things are possible.”
Your job, your creativity, and your efforts are not your source. God is your source, and His creativity and resources are unlimited! One idea or direction from God can forever change the course of your life. God can do anything if you will simply stop limiting Him in your thinking.

part 1

If you live in the natural, all you will get will be the natural.

As for me, I want to live super-natural...

(more on this later...)

123lmnop

Another awesome daily devotional. What a great image to start off September with!



God, Your Guardian



He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you can hide.
Psalm 91:4 (NCV)



The image of living beneath Shaddai’s shadow reminds me of a rained-out picnic. My college friends and I barely escaped a West Texas storm before it pummeled the park where we were spending a Saturday afternoon. As we were leaving, my buddy brought the car to a sudden stop and gestured to a tender sight on the ground. A mother bird sat exposed to the rain, her wing extended over her baby who had fallen out of the nest. The fierce storm prohibited her from returning to the tree, so she covered her child until the wind passed.

From how many winds is God protecting you? His wing, at this moment, shields you. A slanderous critic heading toward your desk is interrupted by a phone call. A burglar en route to your house has a flat tie. A drunk driver runs out of gas before your car passes his. God, your guardian, protects you.

I'm A Lifer

Life is about admitting your mistakes. Those who cannot admit their mistakes, are doomed to repeat them.

I met a girl like that once; even fell in love with her. In her life, everything bad that happened was somebody else's fault. By blaming others, she never felt the need to take responsibility for her own life's situations, so she never changed herself. It was always somebody else who needed to change to suit her. And, if she never changes that tune, she will always be the willing victim in her life. That's sad.

So, my life, my mistakes. Not learning to be more unselfish in my twenties, that was my mistake, and it cost me my first marriage. Not wanting or willing to be alone, that was my mistake, and it led to me marrying my second wife. Not dealing with my past and hiding my head in the sand, that was my mistake, and that helped lead to my second marriage failing. Falling in love with someone, when I was married to somebody else, that was my mistake, and it hurt somebody I really had no desire to hurt. Falling in love with a non-Christian, that was my mistake, and it has led me to a lifetime of pain and a crossroads in my life.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve, and being open...that wasn't a mistake, that is just me, that is who I am.

All of my mistakes, they lead me to who I am today. Today...today is a new day. Each and every day, is a new day, a day of choices and opportunities. A day of forgiveness. Each and every day, is a blessing, a gift from God to me.

I admit my mistakes. I learn from them. I am forgiven. And I move on into my future.

This is my life. I accept it, I live it, and I am thankful for it. May God bless it, and use it for His glory.

Oh, Ow! I Love Jesus

I was searching through some of my various piles of stuff and what-nots and junk on some of my shelves, sorting through it all to find what to throw, what to keep, what to store, etcetera.

I came upon a card that I had tucked away. It was from my second wife, Rachelle. She had given it to me sometimes after we had separated. The card was encouraging me to get close to God, that we COULD work things out between us still and that she believed in me and would be there for me.

Ouch. Good thing that God is forgiving, isn't it?

I do not beleive in coincidences, so I guess was meant to find this now...

When Rachelle and I split up, I was hurt, very very hurt and very tired of trying. Although I feigned some "trying" (to work on our relationship) for her sake, I spent most of my time ignoring her. The only thing that I ignored more than her, was me and my own problems. I didn't have the strength to face myself. So, I didn't. I put my life on "ignore", and spent my time doing anything but making my own life or my own self better. I did not FEEL supported by Rachelle - after everything we had gone through, I just felt very very judged. There was little to no trust left between us, she had spied on me without reason too many times. She had attacked me too many times. And the fact that the same person who ridiculed me for my strong stand with God, would turn to Him only when we were split up...well, that is just like human nature, isn't it?

I hate letting people down. I let Rachelle and Chelsea both down. And, by the time I HAD spent some time working on me and mine, it was too late, she wanted nothing to do with me, as I had hurt her several more times in between.

I guess I will never know how things would have turned out, if Melanie had not come into my life. On the one hand, she drove me away from Rachelle. On the other hand, she was the impetus for change in my inner life, making me beleive that God wanted to use me, and encouraging me to look within myself and find some good. And when Mel and I went our separate ways, I was forced to deal with all the things in me that I did not like (still am, I suppose).

Huh. Life...some wild ride it is, huh?

Yeah, some...wild...ride...

dv

I really liked my daily devotional for today...


When the Time Comes

God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Matthew 6:34 (MSG)

That last phrase is worthy of your highlighter: “when the time comes.”

You may be wanting to know everything to soon. Could it be that God will reveal answers to you when the time comes?

The key is this: Meet today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow’s strength yet. You simply have enough for today.

Without A Vision, Man Perishes

I have a vision in my mind.

I am standing there, with one arm around my lovely daughter, Keegan. My other arm is around my wife. I cannot see who she is, of course. A lot of this vision is cloudy yet, but I am sure it will get clearer when it is supposed to. My wife has one or maybe two children in front of her, pressed close in against our legs; I cannot see their faces or tell what sex they are or what age they are. My wife also has a young baby in the crook of one arm, a very young baby wrapped up tight.

Everyone is smiling. Even though I cannot see the faces, I know that everyone is smiling and happy and relaxed. We are family. Family, a place of love.

I beleive this vision is coming.

I have a vision in my mind. And I am working hard to keep it there, to encourage myself with. To give me hope, and a future. My God has plans for me. It says so in Jeremaiah 29:11.

It is my vision, and I like it, and I call it to me.

Take Care

I am learning to take care of myself.

Some will say that when I decided I was not going back to my second wife to try to make things work (not that they had EVER really worked between the two of us), that it was a selfish decision.

Can't say that I would disagree with them; they're right.

However, to assume that the story has ended with that statement, would be completely false. As with every coin, there are two sides, both equally correct.

The fact is, when I decided not to go back, I was spreading my wings. I was leaving the nest. I needed "me" time, time to discover who I was and what I wanted.

What I DIDN'T want, was to be stuck in a loveless marriage that made me (and everybody else) miserable. I did not want to be in a place where I was being told what I had to be (something completely different than who and what I was). So I chose to re-make myself. I set myself free, and gave myself permission to do it. I did it, and then I forgave myself. It helped to know that my God had forgiven me.

So, I moved on. It has been a bumpy road. A curvy road. The ride has not been fun. But, it was (and still is) necessary.

I am learning about myself; I know what I am like under pressure, and what I'm like when I am happy to be alive, I know Who I rely on when I am down and what happens to me when I turn to distractions instead. I am not relying on anybody to take care of me, but me (and God, of course). Some days, I just cannot like myself at all. A lot of days, I am not very pleased with my life. But, I am determined to own myself as never before. What happens, happens because I allow it to. My life is nobody's fault but my own, and only I can change it (or, only God can change me for the better, but only if I let Him).

It is about personal responsibiliy. If I step on your toes, it is because I mean to; deal with it. If you step on my toes, then it is my decision whether to allow you to be close enough to me to possibly step on them again. My life, my choice - my responsibility.

There are areas of my life where I am fairly 'okay' in. For instance, most of the time I do not feel that I need a woman in my life to complete me. It isn't that I do not 'want' a good woman in my life - I just do not "need" one. I want to be more of a giving person, and I want to be a compassionate lover and sharer, and I desire to have a special someone in my life that I can be like that with - but, it'll happen when it happens, and in the meantime it is just me, I need to take care of me.

Problem being, women do not like my openness; it scares them. Nor do they like "me", as they all want to change me. No acceptance of what IS in their love. Well, I cannot accept that, nor will I accept that. That isn't good for me, and I only want what is good for me in my life.

See? I am learning to take care of myself. Me, all by myself, like a big boy.

20 years since I have become an adult, and I am just now starting to figure it all out...and I have a long long long way to go yet...sigh...

CDFF-Lucky This Time by Mr. Big - lyrics

Lyrics to "CDFF-Lucky This Time" by Mr. Big


Lost and alone in this city of darkness
Empty of lovers and full of lies
You build a wall between your dreams and the madness
I reach out my hand but you run and hide
I've watched you cry in the rain
I wanna bring back the joy again

Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time

No guarantees when you risk your emotion
So you surrender and it all went astray
Bitter and hopeless in your cold isolation
But you my love won't ever fade away
I wanna dry all your tears
You know there's nothin' to fear, baby

Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time

And when the shadows start to fall
Let my love break down the walls

Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time

Open your heart to mine
I believe, I believe, you won't be sorry
This time, baby
Open your heart tonight
I believe, I believe you might
Be lucky this time
You might be lucky this time

Spilled Soul

Something interesting happened to me tonight. A workmate was telling me that she had recently contacted MJ via telephone to congratulate her on the new baby girl, Amelia. (Amelia, it’s Hebrew meaning is “work of the Lord.”)

There was some stuff passed on, mainly Melanie’s continuing declaration that her “husband” is never there for her, that he is never at home and just leaves her on her own with the (now) three kids, and that she is miserably unhappy. (Same old stuff she always spouts; she never takes responsibility to change her own life for the better, though)

My name never came up. She only asked about one person here at work, another supervisor, the only person she still feels she can manipulate here; and she is right, she can manipulate that person – she has proven it time and time again, and others have done so as well.

As my workmate and I discussed, Melanie has always been about manipulating people and things around her. She is all about subtle control. She manipulates everything and everyone in her life. That is how she manages her fears (fears which she says she does not have).

The reason my name never came up, is she has changed the facts in her life to make me 'the bad guy'. She has manipulated the facts, and tried hard to manipulate those around her to believe the facts as she now sees them. She cannot ask about me, even if she wanted to (which I highly doubt she does), for to ask about me would destroy the façade she has built up where everything was my fault that happened between us. Pure, unfair manipulation. Thankfully, God is my judge, and He knows the truth.

Know what the amazing thing is? I still feel deeply for her, and about her. She still carries my heart with her; I just no longer believe that my love for her will ever be returned in this lifetime. She is incapable of it. I pray for her, that God saves her as He promised to, and that He changes her life for the better. And I also continue to pray that God does not allow me to see her, not ever, not unless He wishes for it to happen (God will not give me more than I can bear).

And I try to move on. Hurting still, but moving on, slowly and at my own pace. I’m doing things the only way that I know how, and praying for God’s strength and wisdom to see me through. I hope and believe that I am becoming more and more ready to have a real, and a really good, relationship with a nice Christian woman who loves God passionately. I think that I deserve a good safe happy loving relationship with somebody special, and I think that there is somebody out there who deserves having me in their life. I just wish that I knew where God was leading me. I wish I knew where my life was going, or at least had some small idea. My life has been a sucking whirlpool of aloneness for so long, I just tire of it. I want excitement, I want passion; Lord, I want to love again.

I am ready to live again. To live, to give, and to love. Lord, send it my way, and soon. Fulfill Your promise to me. Make me useful again.






Sometimes, you do not know what you are missing, because you never had it before. Then, when you do have it, and then lose it, you almost wish you had never experienced it, because the loss is so much greater than you can bear.

“I gave her my heart…and she gave me a pen.” – Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything

People get wrapped up in the thinking that I had a romantic, fairytale love for Melanie, and that I should 'grow up, get real, and move on'. People miss the point, they entirely miss the point…

The love I had for her, was not romantic, it was not a heart-love – I was truly in love with her SOUL, because I recognized it. Talking to her and getting to know her, was like getting slapped in the face with the realization that you have a twin that you never knew about. On the surface, we were quite different – but my soul recognized something in her, my spirit recognized her, and it was if I had always known her. It was her SOUL that I loved, and I could not help it. Still to this day, in spite of all my hurt, I STILL recognize her soul. Nothing has changed. I weep for her, because she needs Jesus. I miss her terribly. I wish that I could lay down my life, right here and now, and die for her. If my death would guarantee her salvation, I’d give my life without a second thought – can’t say as I’ve ever felt like THAT about anybody else before this!

I know I can’t have her. I realize that I cannot even be her friend. And I hate it. But I accept it. It is indescribable loss to me.

The reason I never want to see her again, is because I know that if I do, I will have to walk away. Walk away, when every fibre of my being screams not to. I have already had to walk away from her once, to protect myself from her manipulations; I do not jest when I say it almost cost me my sanity. I have never been closer to losing my mind. It has taken me ten months to get to a sane place again. To have to do that again, to have to PHYSICALLY walk away from her….it would kill me.

When I say she still has my heart, it is because I recognize her soul. I’ll never forget her soul. Her soul, I believe it is 'marked' – it belongs to God, she just does not know it yet. I cannot think badly about her, because I love her on a spiritual level. I no longer love her physically, mentally, or emotionally. But spiritually, I think I always will on that level. It can’t be helped.

I gave her my everything, because I was supposed to. I planted seeds, and I watered seeds planted by others. I did my job. Now, God will continue to do His. She WILL be saved. End of story.

For those of you who cannot understand what I say about her; I am sorry. Hopefully, God will lead me to a wonderful woman whom I fall madly in love with, and we will be very happy together. I know that it is possible. I’ve experienced love on a level I never thought I could, so I know it is out there…I’ve just never ever had it returned to me by someone else…



Green-Tinted Sixties Mind by Mr. Big

She just woke up, but she's still tired
Is that the telephone ringing?
The curtains can't hold back the light
That's reaching into her dreams
Down in her heart
If it had fingers, it'd be tearing it apart

You be lookin' groovy
In a sixties movie
Maybe tell the press you died
Little legend baby
Try your very best to hide
A green-tinted sixties mind


She keeps some memories locked away
But they are always escaping
Neglect won't make them fade away
They're reaching into her dreams
Down in her heart
Don't need fingers to be tearing it apart


Gotta face the day
There is no other way
To clear the fog inside your mind
Fill it up with dreams
But all that you can seem to find
A green-tinted sixties mind


Hangin' out with Janis
Movin' to Atlantis
Could've made it if you tried
What's the point of force
It's easy as a horse to ride
A green-tinted sixties mind


You be looking groovy
In a sixties movie
Maybe tell the press you died
Little legend baby
Try your very best to hide
A green-tinted sixties mind
-U can't hide-





And, a poem that I wrote tonight...



http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/improbable-drift.html

Tag, I'm It!

This is the new photo of me, just taken today. It is for my new gaming tag at work.






Click on the photo, to see me in scary-big-size!

I

I cannot stand when people are all friendly with you for a while, and then they seem to disappear and back completely off the face of the earth. Because you know that they will come back around at some point, suck you in again, and then walk off and ignore you again. No thought for others' feelings, only for their own.

By this logic, i admit that i probably hate myself, as i am quite sure i am guilty of this as well at times...

Y'know, this probably explains why I want nothing to do with Melanie, why i live in fear of seeing her, bumping into her somewhere, why I literally pray every day that God will not allow me to meet her anywhere. I do not want falseness in my life. I do not want users in my life. I do not want fairweather friends. I really have never been a believer in casual friendships; i am quite sure that they do not exist. A casual friend, is an acquaintance. Nothing more. I have people at work who tell me that i am their friend - i tell them, "No, i am a work acquaintance. A friend whom you only see because your work dictates that you have to, that isn't a friend. A friend is somebody you care about, you stay in contact with, and you make time for. Somebody you consciously and frequently go out of your way to be with, that is a friend."

So, I have had very few friends in my life. I have had some people who were friends for a period, but that period has long since ended. They were friends, now they are acquaintances. Currently, i haven't had a deep and pentrating and meaningful and lasting friendship in close to ten years. I have some people that i am friendly with at times, some people whom i enjoy talking to at times. But are we close? Not really, no. Do i see them on a regular basis? No, not at all. Are they there for me? Again, no.

That isn't to lay any blame. Some of you reading this may have thought you were casual friends, and now you see that i place very high value on that descriptive word, "friend". To me, being a friend really MEANS something. It has value. It has heart. It isn't about 'like', it is about sacrifice and sharing and time spent together with purpose.

I guess I just expect a lot out of life, out of friendships. I usually only have one (or none) friend at a time. I get kicked enough from life, i don't need to get hurt or let down from those I allow close to me. Because that just sucks.

And that is my opinion on that.

me

You know, i am never quite sure what to think or how to react when somebody asks me if I "live on Facebook". I have been asked this question several times.

I have to consider the people who ask me these sorts of questions. Usually, they tend to be people who i once knew, people who have never apparently given me a second thought in the last twenty years or so, and who only converse with me on Facebook for a scant few seconds, probably to help themselves feel as if they show care for me by speaking to me once in twenty years.

As well, they are usually busy people, people with friends and family (and as happens with those whom I once knew, they tend to have a flock to look after as well).

Just once, i wish people would walk a mile in my shoes before they leap over the keyboard and judge me with a snide remark!

So sorry that I have no family. So sorry that I am twice divorced, middle-aged, and have no friends that I can get together with. So sorry that life has crapped on me, and i spend too much time in my little apartment where it is safe, where people can't hurt me - problem is, they can; as soon as one reaches out, even on Facebook, you open yourself up to possibly judgemental and narrowminded people who say they love people but yet have no time for you except to mock you or insult you or ignore you.

And I am so sorry that I only have twenty "friends" on Facebook, not the hundreds that some people might have. So sorry that of those twenty people, two of them are from my work (and I am not even allowed to see them outside of work or risk getting fired), one of them I speak with (long-distance) semi-regularly via computer, and one of them i see on an occasional basis (because I used to be married to her); the rest are people who have no time for me at all.

I am so tired of people refusing to see the real me. Maybe that is why i spend so much time on Facebook, hoping against hope that somebody out there will care about me. And maybe i spend time on Facebook, not because i want to chat with people and force myself into their lives, but because it gives a lonely bachelor a chance to play a few games online and fill out a few quizzes, soemthing to fill my time while i try to piece my life together; a job that is made more difficult, when people ridicule me and do not try to understand me or reach out to me and cause me more hurt feelings than i already have.

I am tired of "fake" people. You can call yourself a Christian all that you want, but you need to act like it to prove it. If your words and actions don't add up, then it does not matter what you do or what you profess, you are just another faker.

It is people like that, that cause people like me to hide at home in disgust.

I'd rather be real here in my home, than profess to be something that I am not to the world at large.

my review of Stryper's Murder By Pride

Murder By Pride – by Stryper … my album review by Dredd Sweet.





CD Case – Personally, I prefer a case that closes and stays closed, and one not made of cardboard that will break down and ruin faster than one made totally of plastic.

Artwork – The artwork is good. It means something, which is nice.

Liner notes – Lyrics are very hard to read at times. A full photo of the band would have been nice, too.


Track one –
Eclipse For The Son –
Has the raw guitars and vocals of The Yellow And Black Attack, but the smooth gang vocals and slightly 90’s sounding chorus of In God We Trust. Good break-down at times where the music quiets and almost stops while Michael screams some of the lyrics. Excellent guitar solo. A very good track. Great lyrics, very meaningful. May have made a better track two than a track one, though. Love the bass-guitar solo right at the end by Tracy Ferrie, very cool stuff. Robert’s drums sound very…ordinary, I wish he had put a little more into it (or they had done the drum production on this album differently). I will give this track a 9/10.

Track two –
4 Leaf Clover –
Guitars start off reminiscent of a mid-tempo track from Soldiers Under Command, but when the vocals come in they sound way too polished, they do not match the guitars. The song starts great, but the vocals change the entire song into something other than what it originally was. Again, it is that In God We Trust influenced vocal style. For me, the lyrics are fairly weak, dealing with fantasy and fairy-tale themes, not very typical Stryper stuff. When the vocals are not present, the guitars sound good, just a tad over-produced. Again, an awesome bass guitar breakdown in this song, followed by one of Michael’s better screams. I will give this track a 7/10.

Track three –
Piece of Mind –
This is a Boston cover track, and features guitarist Tom Scholz of Boston. This is an excellent song when performed by Boston, and a close-to-excellent track when done by Stryper. Lyrically, you cannot go wrong with this. I think Robert’s drumming on this song is better than what he displays on the first two tracks. Lots of good screams by Michael, it sounds like he really has fun with this track. Guitars, of course, are excellent. The bass is buried quite a bit in the mix, but listen to it on headphones and you will appreciate what Tracy brings to this band. I will give this track a 10/10, as they did a bang-up job with this cover tune. It rocks, it is fun, and the band’s enthusiasm and professionalism show throughout this song.

Track four –
Alive –
Opens with piano. Michael’s vocals here are the best they have ever been on a ballad. The lyrical content is incredibly emotional. I will have to give this highly-charged ballad a 10/10.

Track five –
The Plan –
Good guitar tone to start off. Vocals start off sounding like their last album, Reborn. Again, the song could have been so much better, but it has been over-produced to a slickness. Shades of In God We Trust era production values. This song could have been a really great song, it had the potential, but instead it sounds more like something off of Against The Law, some mid-tempo song that doesn’t know what it wants to be, and neither the producer nor the band know what to do with it. So much potential, so wasted. I will only give this track a 5/10.

Track six –
Murder By Pride –
Good Soldiers Under Command style guitars riffs to open the song. Excellent lyrics. Great vocals, especially on the chorus. The chunky rhythm guitar sound makes the song great. This song definitely gets the full-bore treatment, they held back on the production just enough to keep it sounding raw and emotional. Guitar solos are top-notch. Just wish Robert Sweet had gone a little more nuts with the drumming, instead of playing it safe. All told, when it is all added up, this is THE song of the album, and fully earns its rating of 10/10.

Track seven –
Mercy Over Blame –
Starts with Michael yelling his lyrics, and the guitars going for it; makes me think they are having fun, right out of the gate. Very strong lyrics on this one. Again, the bass guitar is buried in the mix, but still does a bang-up job. Mr. Robert Sweet does a little better job with this song; they brought his drums forward in the mix a little more, which helps to make him sound a little bit angrier. Michael’s screams are controlled but still hit hard. I do wish the guitar solo could have been a bit longer, it was over way too fast. I will give this track a 10/10, in spite of the IGWT gang-vocals at the end. We are definitely at a good place in the album at this point. Keep it goin’, boys!

Track eight –
I Believe –
Michael’s wonderful voice, and a soft electric guitar bring this song to life. Drums come in and fit right in perfectly. Soft and quiet, then it unleashes in the chorus. Cannot get better lyrics than these ones, folks! After the chorus, back to the controlled fury of the quietness. This song could very easily have fit into To Hell With The Devil, and from me that is a high compliment indeed! Nice solo-ing, of a tasty enough length. Michael Sweet’s screams are at the top of his game in this song. I will have no problem giving this song another 10/10.

Track nine –
Run In You –
Starts off with an almost jazz-rock feel, like something Bruce Hornsby might do. Beautiful lyrics. This seems to be an up-tempo ballad. Lots of acoustic picking, keyboards, great bass line throughout. I will give it an 8/10.

Track ten –
Love Is Why –
Some IGWT-type guitars start off, then fall away to acoustic. This probably would have been better off as a ballad, instead they made it into a pseudo-soft-rock song, and it doesn’t really work for me. The lyrics are nice and all, but listening to them there is really no question that this should be a piano ballad, not what they went and made it into. Sorry boys, but this one is a failure in my books. Too bland, too passé; it’s 4/10 for this one. Michael should have kept this for one of his solo albums…

Track eleven –
Everything –
Starts off with semi-strong guitars (looking for more muscle here, Oz!) and some of Michael's screams and grunts. Again, cannot fault the lyrics at all, they are extremely strong again. Not only that, but I like how Michael arranges the lyrics and sings them on this tune. I wish the producer had brought the guitars a little further forward in the mix. Robert again sounds a tad bit better on this song. I love the chorus, it really hits you at gut level. Once again, have to pass out another 10/10.

Track twelve –
My Love (I’ll Always Show) –
This is the song from The Yellow And Black Attack album, but this time recorded how it was originally written; not as a ballad, but as a rock song. I have to admit, I like it. I didn’t think I would, but I really do. This has the raw sound that I wish some of the other tracks here had. The fact that this got ballad-ized on their first album shocks me; whose decision was that?! There isn’t much to say about this song; think Yellow And Black Attack meets Reborn, and you’ll get an idea, although the sound (of course) is much closer to their original sound as a band than anything else here. Got to give this one only a nine, I cannot rate it a ten because it really does not match anything else on the album! Then again…it is one of my favourite tracks, so 10/10 it is!


Okay then. A total of twelve tracks, each track rated out of ten. So out of a possible 120, this album rated a very strong 103. Only tracks 5 and 10 did not work for me. With a little less over-production, some longer guitar solos, and less reticence by Robert Sweet to really hammer on those drums, this album could have been their best ever. As it is, I feel it still rates a long ways below both To Hell With The Devil and Soldiers Under Command. Also, I would have considered putting Mercy Over Blame first on the album, following it with Eclipse For The Son and then Peace Of Mind, thereby giving the album a little bit of a stronger start. Track four then could have been Alive, followed by 4 Leaf Clover and The Plan, and going on from there.

I do have to admit, with an album this good, Stryper has shown that they are not just back to do a reunion tour, they are back for as long as they want to be.

mooooore

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/ewe-not-uwe-krupp.html

digitz

Like the five digits on a hand, here are five more of my poetic creations!


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/its-my-life.html

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/process-this.html

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/love-light-never-dies.html

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/mouthful-of-funny.html

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/stupify.html

songs

I happily present here the lyrics to four songs from Stryper’s new album that have touched my heart and spirit tonight.

Buried in the middle of the 12-song album, these songs are the crux of what the Christian life is really about.

May they touch you…


The Plan

Ten years ago
I know I loved You so
Right here, right now
I just don’t know

I’ve tried, I’ve lied
I’ve told the truth sometimes
I’ve laughed, I’ve cried
I’ve slept with open blinds

Where do I go from here?
I’ve gotta crucify my fear

(Chorus)
I want to be the man, the one I know You see
I want to live the plan, the one with You and me

I’m worn, I’m torn
I’m sheared from side to side
But Your love, Your light
Is something I won’t hide

I wanna go somewhere from here
So I can sail a sky that’s clear

(Chorus)
I want to be the man, the one I know You see
I want to live the plan, the one with You and me



Murder By Pride

Saturday night’s a lie, I follow every cue
Sunday is sanctified, I smile and take the pew
Monday it’s back to school – Am I learning, not at all
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I just crawl

(Chorus)
Gotta fight, gotta stop living a lie
Gotta fall, gotta lay down and die
Gotta stand and run to the other side
Gotta live or it’s murder by pride

Seeds that were growing have been dried up by my flesh
I walk the walk and talk the talk but where’s the rest
I could have everything even what’s behind the stars
But I built my prison without windows, without bars

(Chorus)
Gotta fight, gotta stop living a lie
Gotta fall, gotta lay down and die
Gotta stand and run to the other side
Gotta live or it’s murder by pride



Mercy Over Blame

Love saves the soul
Hate kills the heart
Fear robs the goal
Hope gives a start

Forgiveness is a gift
Bitterness a chain
The ugliness we sift
His beauty still remains

(Chorus)
When we all reach Heaven
There will be no shame
‘Cause when we stand before Him
It’s mercy over blame

Faith heals the scars
That pride has brought upon
Grace will be ours
When all we have is gone

(Chorus)
When we all reach Heaven
There will be no shame
‘Cause when we stand before Him
He will know each name
It’s all about believing
He died and took the pain
When we all reach Heaven
It’s mercy over blame



I Believe

I believe in You and You believe in me
I believe in Love and Love believes in me
I believe in faith and hope and destiny
I believe

I believe in Life and Life believes in me
I believe in God and what He sees in me
I believe there’s more to life eternally

(Chorus)
I believe
I believe
I receive
I believe

I believe in peace and peace believes in me
I believe in grace and grace believes in me
I believe in mercy ‘cause it’s holding me
I believe

I believe in what is good and what is right
I believe in darkness there’s a shining light
I believe to win the war you have to fight

(Chorus)
I believe
I believe
I receive
I believe




A full review of Stryper's "Murder By Pride" should be posted here in the coming days/weeks. Stay tuned.

link, and quote

Posting another new poem link here...


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/isnt-it-ironic.html


"Good sense makes one slow to anger,
and it is his glory to overlook an offense."

—Proverbs 19:11

love is a comedic tragedy

Is it wrong for me to say here that I am still in love with my first wife? I have to admit, it always feels good to admit it. :)

Just spent time with her (and our daughter).

I don’t know why it is, but she inspires me so much. I find it funny, that when I spend time with her, when I leave I am always filled with this huge sense of how much God loves her, so much that it makes me grin and cry at the same time.

The only other person I have felt that sense of God’s love for (other than my daughter), is Melanie.

Rachelle, my second wife…as I have said before, I loved Rachelle. I liked Rachelle a lot. I appreciated her stability. I admired some of her traits. Plus, she was there, and she was available. I do not think either Rachelle or I needed each other all that much, I just think we needed “somebody”, and so we took a chance on each other.

I loved Rachelle. But I was never “in love” with her. Not in any way that really counted, anyways. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be. I knew I was supposed to be, and I wanted to be; so I “made myself” be in love with her. Funny thing about love – you cannot control it like that. Rachelle was a friend, and a roommate, who became a lover. But I was never really in love with her. I guess I was still ‘in love’ with somebody else…

Y’know how the Bible says that the people need to come back to their first love, meaning God? And y’know how the Bible says to train a child up in the way that he should go and he will not depart from it? I believe there is an unexplored Biblical principle therein. See, I believe that when a heart is young, when you train that heart to love at first, that love never departs from it. In a sense, because Shiray was my first love, she will never be out of my heart. And I am okay with that.

Hey, when I say I love my first wife, I am not talking about romantic mushy feelings and kiss-on-the-lips type stuff. There has not been that kind of love between us in many a year. That just isn’t there. It would be totally inappropriate to even think about having that sort of love right now. So I won’t go there. Now, three or four or five or more years down the road, if the opportunity came up between us, would I consider it then; sure I would. But until that far off (if ever) day, I can say that I love her without having to worry about it being misconstrued like that.

To me, Shiray is many things. She is like a mommy. I still remember the many times she took care of me (in her own way, she still does!), and to this day a word of encouragement from her (or a hug) goes a long long way towards making me feel invincible and not-alone. She is like a sister. She may tease me at times, but she does admire who I am, and for the most part she has been around to see me grow up in life. She knows where I am came from and what I have accomplished, and besides which she is also my sister in Christ. She is like a lover. Well, she is a former lover, obviously, but she is also a lover of the real me. To be bluntly honest, I do not think anybody else in life has ever taken the time to get to know me that she has. And, go figure, she still likes me! Wow. And lastly, she is like little girl. I see her, and she does such silly things, and she makes my face smile and my heart leap. Truly, she is a wonder to behold. So, yes indeed, she is my Mother, Sister, Lover, and my Little Girl. (Can you tell I have been listening to Mr. Big songs lately?)

I am so proud of Shiray. I know where she has come from. I support her in the battles she has gone through, and is still going through. Because, you see, I have the inside track, I know how her race is going to turn out, and I know that she comes in as a winner, as a champion, as an over-comer. I am so very proud of what she has accomplished in her life. I know she has been hurt many times (and I sorrow over the fact that I have been one of the ones to hurt her), and yet she has picked herself up and trudged on. It wasn’t easy, but she has done it. And it shows in her strength of character. She has strength that she does not even know is there. She is an encouragement to me, she is both an anchor to hold on to in the storm, and also somebody who gives me strength to encourage her and believe for God’s very best for her.

So, yes, I am in love with my first wife still. Does anybody think that is alright? But really, what is not to love?


"Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go"

Here's lookin' at you, kiddo. You're still number one in my books!

oy

Yes, another poem.



http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/me-song-poem.html

A Muse Ing

Obey the muse, or die.

That seems to sum up me, lately.

I am going through a whirlwind of emotions, most of them bad. I still have so much in my life, in my thoughts, and in my heart, to deal with.

So, not having anybody to talk with, and not having any idea what i would say even if I could talk (Lord, i long for the day when i can just sit by someone, put my head on their shoulder, and cry while they hug me until i feel better!), i continually pour my soul onto paper.

5 more poems I have written lately...


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/care-and-poison-in-my-heart-heat-that.html


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/haphazard-way-of-life-of-self-hater.html


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/drawing-me-out.html


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/fracturing-psyche-of-nothing.html


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/ck-cat.html

mooooorrrrreeeee....

Writing lot sof poetry lately, it is just spilling out of me. Must be a healing thing.



http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/walk-like-shark-bait.html

and

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/full-of-you-and-thus-nothing.html

and

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/cerberus-and-bitch-that-i-loved-love.html

future-birth

From my Hope For Today Bible by Joel and Victoria Osteen.



Take Heart

God has granted me another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed (Genesis 4:25).

Imagine the disappointment and devastation Adam and Eve must have felt when they discovered that their son Cain had killed their son Abel. Despite their pain, they said in Genesis 4:25 that God granted them another son. They were saying in effect, “We are horrified that something like this could happen in our family, and we feel wiped out. But we’re not going to mourn forever.”

In your difficult times when you feel like conditions couldn’t get any worse, God still says, “Take heart. I’m going to provide another. I’m going to do a new thing.” God always has a plan. He always has a way, even when there seems to be no way.

Remember, if you will do your part to let go of the old and start pressing forward, you will give birth to more in the future than you’ve lost in the past.

newp

new poetic utterances can be found here;


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/stage-dive-of-life.html

and at


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/08/square-me-in-round-hole.html

Thanks!

Gimme More (Gimme All) Of You

lyrics to "Take The World" by Tim Hughes


The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah

The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah

is not enough for me

you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! yeah

The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah

you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! yeah

The world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, the world is not enough for me, Yeah

you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You! yeah

All I want is You, all I need is You, yeah, All I want is You, all I need is You!

you can take the world, just give me You! you can take the world, just give me You!

All I want is You, Jesus I love You,

all I have is You, all I want is You.

E.L. and T.C.

“Enjoying life” should not be a goal, nor should it be a way-of-life or how a person’s life should be lived. It is not a motto.

To enjoy life is a side-effect of a life well-lived, a life that is fulfilling and giving, a life that honours God in everything and follows His commandments. Enjoyment of life comes out of knowing who you are and what you are on earth for, what you were created for, what you were born to do, your sense of meaning and of destiny.

If you live your life to enjoy yourself, you only honour yourself. You become a selfish hedonist, wanting your own pleasure above all else, and naming yourself God of your own life.

True enjoyment of one’s life comes from a good relationship with God built on true faith in the Lord Jesus, from understanding that you have worth because God loves you and because Jesus died for you, from realizing that God has a plan and a purpose for your life, and from walking in His light and His truth. From knowing that you can gain the blessings of God that He has for you to walk in, simply by putting Him first in your life and by knowing that there are Biblical principles that you must follow in order for His blessings to be able to flow to you.

When you put God first and others second, when you honour God by obeying His commandments, when you walk a life of faith and of love and charity, then you will enjoy your life.

And, just as enjoyment of life should not be a lifestyle, so too one should not have a motto of “just survive.” To live this way, is to sell yourself short, and to sell short the spark of greatness that God has placed in you. To just try to survive each day until the next, is to hide your gifts and be ineffective in life. It is to not believe what God says about you, and to not believe that God is in control. It is a life without faith, without hope, and without love.

There are two ends of the spectrum; both are wrong. Both sabotage God’s plan for your life, and keep you from being what He created you to be.

Living a life of faith and belief and obedience, is not easy. Some find it easier to give up; others, to ignore and focus just on self.

But living the life God has prepared for you and wants for you, that is not an extreme act, that is not going out on a limb – it is merely settling down and understanding who you truly are, and being confident that faith will lead you to where you should be. It isn’t crazy, it is the sanest and most wonderful thing that you can do.

You can be everything God says you can be, and live your life to the fullest. Or you can hide from your destiny. Thanks to free will, the choice is always yours.

Thanks to God, there IS a choice…and He eagerly waits for you to make it.

True contentment always comes when you are where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing.

what.

The person who is unsaved, whether they be a spouse, a lover, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or a neighbour, such a person can never be what we (we, the born-again) need them or want them to be.

They are totally and completely incapable, just as we too once were.

It is a hard lesson to learn. Many of us never learn it. Those who do learn, often learn through great pain and misery.

Fact is, God's Word is true. What can darkness have to do with light? What can the two have in common?

Really, nothing. Everything we have in common with an unsaved person, is temporary. It is based in a temporary life, one that is only a drop in the bucket of our eternity. The things we will have in common with these people, will mainly revolve around things that are fleeting, things that will pass away, temporary things, things designed to lead us AWAY from God and from our calling, things that distract us.

This is not to say that the unsaved are evil. They are merely without God, and as such they are incapable of filling any true void in our life.

Unless we let go of what we see in some of these people in our life, God is blocked from bringing into our life the people and things that He desires for us.

The people that are saved, but ignore God, at least they have the potential to change. To be something. To follow God, and His commandments, and His will for their life. The potential may stay untapped, but it is there. In the unsaved, the only hope they have is in salvation. Aside from that, they have nothing we need or desire. And if we could all figure that out in life, and remember it, we'd all be better off.

ASA

I think that modern technology, and breakthroughs in various specialty fields, are simply amazing. And I am thankful for them. They work. Amazing. Simply amazing.

new poems posted

I was feeling something, so I used that to write. Here is the birthed emotion.


http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/sands-of-slipping-tides-of-turmoil-7.html

and

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/sense.html

and finally

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/haley-called-but-operator-cannot.html

Me

Heartache does not control me, or define me. I choose not to wallow in it. But, when it shows up, I accept it, go through it, and move on until next time.

That's me, in a heartachey nutshell.

:-)

define

The worst thing about being alone physically, is being alone emotionally. Friends and family are great, but you need somebody to be there for you on an emotional level, somebody to share with you, to cry with you, to laugh with you.

When you do not have that…that is the definition of alone.

So, raise a glass to better times…they are out there, somewhere.

Drew

Drew Barrymore makes me cry now.

That probably sounds pretty stupid. It definitely does not make me sound very manly, that much I know. But I cannot help it, it is just the truth.

It might be because she reminds me of somebody, somebody who said she looked a bit like her (and she was right). And it might be because Drew acts in romance movies that have a lot of reality in them, a rawness of need.

I just finished watching "Lucky You." Most people would say that it isn't a very good movie. But I thought it was great. In its fiction, there was more reality than most people are used to seeing in films nowadays, and more reality than they know how to deal with. The emotions aren't over the top, they have soft undertones and harshly-jangled overtones; you have to look to see overall tune, but it is when you can finally pick out the hidden melody in the emotions that you truly grasp how great of an actress this woman really is.

Music and Lyrics; yeah, there is a movie that I am not sure that I can ever watch again. It was awesome, and i will never forget it, but...it is like Hi Fidelity starring John Cusack, a movie that has TOO much emotional attachment for me to be able to even remotely enjoy it.

Yeah, I am blabbering now. I think I want to end this blog-post by saying this; I may not have a special someone in my life right now, but they ARE out there somewhere, and we will meet and be together, it is a sure thing, and I look forward to the day it happens.

Peace, hope, and love to you all...

2 things

1. Some lyrics...

We've Lost Ground - by Idle Cure


When I sit back and listen, I can hear
It's getting worse year after year
"In God we trust" a thing of the past
If we keep on going we're never gonna last

Who will lead and who will follow
Where's the rock for tomorrow
God and country are drifting away
It doesn't look good but there's still another day

(Chorus)
We've lost ground, reclaim the glory
We've lost ground, don't throw away the key
We've lost ground, reclaim the glory
We've lost ground, it's up to you and me

When all is said and done, we've been blessed
Many lives were put to the test
We had honor, we made a stand
It took a country with a Bible in it's hand

Now it's changed, we've sent God home
We'll never make it on our own
Candle lights last for a while
Then fade fast and get thrown into a pile

(Chorus)

Do or die, the future's before us
Good things never come easy
We will survive, stand up and be counted
Too many people wanna push it to the side

(Chorus)



2. movie review.

I do not usually push on my readers what mvoies they should watch. But, i just finished watching "Burn After Reading", and, if you do not mind some cursing and some violence, this is seriously the most frigged-up movie i have seen in a long, long time! Check it out, and see what I mean!

surrendering self

You will never, in this life, know who you really and truly are, until you ask the One Who made you, the One Who knows you better than any other (and loves you just the same).

You will never ask the One Who knows you who you really and truly are, unless you trust Him and the answer He will give you.

You will never trust Him, if you do not know Who He is.

You will never know Who He is, unless you spend time with Him. Unless you spend time sitting at His feet and listening to Him, opening up your heart and mind to Him. Drinking Him in, until He fills your very soul to overflowing. Revering Him, worshipping Him, being thankful to Him for everything.

You will never, in this life, know who you really and truly are, unless you spend enough time with God (worshipping Him and listening to Him and expressing thankfulness to Him) that you can trust Him and believe what He says (and what you read in His holy Word).

Without God, you are nothing. With God, you are everything He says that you are, and you are everything that He has declared you to be, everything that He has made you to be, and fully equipped to do every good work that He pre-destined for you before the beginning of time.


Center Of It All – by Tim Hughes

In the beginning
Before You set the world in motion
Uncreated God eternal

Radiant beauty
Infinite, the God-head, three-in-one
Perfect Father, Spirit, Savior

And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all

All of the Universe explodes in song before designer King
Valley-shaper, mountain-maker
The stars sing out, they can't contain the praises of their God
Earth creator, heaven shaker

And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all

Beginning of it all
The reason for it all
The centre of it all

And it all begins and ends with You
It all begins and ends with You
The first, the last, the center of it all
And in You all things are held together
The sun, the moon, the stars, the heavens
Creator God, the center of it all



Living For Your Glory – by Tim Hughes

What good is it to gain the whole world
But lose your soul?
What good is it to make a sweet sound
But remain proud?
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all

And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory

The road I’m on that leads nowhere without You
And the life I live that finds meaning and surrender
In view of God’s mercy, I offer my all

And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory

And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory

Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord
Seeking first the Kingdom
Seeking first the Kingdom of my Lord

And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory

And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory

And take my life, let it be
Everything, all of me
Here I am, use me for Your glory
In everything I say and do
Let my life honour You
Here I am, living for Your glory






Life without God, is no life at all. Life without total surrender to the Master, is wasted.

Lord, let me not waste what You have given me…

May everything I touch, everything that I see and taste and hear and do, may it all turn to unsatisfying dust in my hands and in my heart, until my life is completely Yours.

Take me, Lord Jesus.

hero sandwich

Hero.

I have always wanted to be a hero.

I think there is something that lies within each and every man, a burning part of us; this something is put there by our Creator, our God, our Lord. It is the desire to be a hero. It is accompanied by the desire to create and give life to something, to create something from nothing, something lasting; for this reason, men throw themselves into their work, into providing for themselves and for others. In the same way, I believe that women have implanted within them the desire to be rescued, to be cherished, and to give life and nurture to a child; and for this reason, women sacrifice themselves for a family and especially for their children.

A hero.

It is all part of the Great Romance. Rescuing from danger is a part of it, and being rescued from danger. This is a good thing, given to us by the Great Romancer Himself.

I’ve always wanted to rescue a woman, to have her feel that I am her knight-in-shining-armour. I’ve wanted that feeling of power and omnipotence, that satisfied feeling that comes from knowing you have given all to save what and who you love most, and you have succeeded.

Never really been there, though. Close at times. On the right path? Perhaps. But never quite there.

I am still hoping to, one day. Be that hero, that is.

God willing, I might still be, I might still be. After all, I have it within me. I am capable, because God equipped me to be able to be that hero. He gave me everything that I need; now I just need the right opportunity, and the right princess to save.

Again, God willing, it’ll happen. His job is to set up the perfect opportunity; my job is to have the faith to stand up and move into it when I see it unfolding before me.

The future…who knows what it holds?

Not I…but, I do know the One Who does.

Hero.

upsetting the balance

A just had a thought. It happened while listening to the following song in my car. The song was both sobering and awe-inspiring. See below.


DeGarmo & Key – “Let’s Get Upset”

I was raised in America when streets were safe
And children learned to pray, learned to pray.
Things have changed, and it's not the same,
The hand of God that we felt has gone away, gone away.

Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.

We used to blush at vulgarity,
Now we watch while the TV plays all night, plays all night.
Used to stand with our backbones strong,
Now the drugs turn our courage into fright; It's not right.

Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.

If we Christians pray, the Lord will clear the way,
We are examples to the rest.
And if we place God first,
He will heal all our hurts,
And we will see our country blessed, blessed.

Let's get upset! And turn this country upside down!
Let's get upset! With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around.
Let's get upset!
Let's get upset!
With Jesus' help we'll turn this land around!
Let's get upset!
Let's get upset!




So, here is my thought…

When I was young, I looked to the adults in my life, the adults around me, my parents and my pastors, to be the ones to lead the charge for glory. If God needed things done on this earth, they were the ones to do it. They answered His call.

Now, I look around, and I see a hell-bound humanity that is running away from God and embracing sickness and disease and sin at an alarming rate. I see the economy failing, politicians making things worse, and people despairing. I see a world that is ripe for the coming of the anti-christ. I feel sickened in my spirit.

And then, then I realize something, something sobering and awe-inspiring both; if God wants to do anything in this earth, “I” am the one who must now stand up and be used! I am the adult now. I am the maturing Christian that God desires to use to reach out to a lost world. He wants to heal people, and He wants to use me. Signs and wonders? Yup, He wants to do those through me as well. When God desires somebody to stand up and sound an alarm to His people, that somebody He desires to use? Yep, once again, that is me!

I am the person that others around me once were. Nobody else is gonna do it for me anymore. It is my responsibility. My duty. My privilege. It is up to me. I have to be willing. I have to jump up and down on my fear and stand up in faith and move forward. I have to listen to God and obey Him. Me. It is all up to me…

God, may I be found willing, and then You make me able.

a quote i heard today

"Your destiny is not tied to the people in your life who walk away." - Joel Osteen

poem a nouveau

Another new poetic creation lies within...



http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/somnolence-of-your-innocence.html

Slainte!

new poem

New Poem posted here...

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-liked-girl.html

Thanks for caring!

hope for today

Just wanted to share with you what it says inside my new Hope For Today Bible that I received from Joel Osteen’s Ministry.

Dear Friend,

What you hold in your hand is more than just a good book; it is without question the most valuable possession you will ever own and the best gift you could ever receive or share with someone.

These pages are filled with the promise, the hope, and the power to live the abundant life that Jesus came to give. Proverbs 10:28 tells us that “the hopes of the godly result in happiness.” We believe wholeheartedly that hope in the Word of God is the very foundation for a well-lived, happy, prosperous, and fulfilled life.

What does it mean to have hope in the Word of God? It means that no matter what you may be facing, no matter where you may have been, no matter what anyone may have said, you can live in victory because you have a promise from Almighty God. Are you facing difficult times today? You can have hope because God promises that the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter (Proverbs 4:18). Do you have a need in any area of your life? You can have hope because God promises to restore you and fulfill the desires He has placed in your heart (Psalm 37:4). You can have hope for today and every day because God promises that His plans for you are good – to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

As you make time to consistently read and study His Word, hope will be ignited in your heart. The Scripture promises us that God rewards the people who seek after Him, so decide today to put Jesus first in everything you do. As you do, we believe what it says in Romans 15:13, that “God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him”!

We love you and believe your best days are still ahead,

Joel & Victoria

my pride

I decided something on the way to work today.

I decided to give myself permission to be proud of myself.

This last year, year and a half, has been very hard on me. And i have been very hard on myself, always looking and digging to try to find where I have made mistakes. I think i need to stop doing that (so much) now. I know i made mistakes. But, i am also proud of myself; proud of myself for trying, proud of myself for caring, proud of myself for believing in the face of much opposition.

I am thinking that it is time to throw my shoulders back, raise my gaze up off of the ground, put a smile on my face, and get out there. Have confidence again. It has been awhile, it’d be nice to be confident again.

There is more to be proud of myself for. Much more. I am beginning to find a little pride in my decision to move on, to not keep my heart bound to MJ forever, to recognize that as much as i cared about her and for her that i now see that she is not good for me. Not that she is a bad person, but because she isn’t good FOR ME. It hurts me still to have to admit that. It hurts me still to have to walk away from what i had faith in. It hurts me not to see her. But i need to move on. And i recognize that, and i am proud of myself for doing what has to be done, for doing what is best for me.

I am giving myself permission to be proud of myself.



In honour of my new-found pride in myself, I am presenting here my newest favourite song. I must have played this 4 or 5 times in a row today. Although it is a bit harsh, and although not all of the lyrics actaully apply to me, still it strikes a chord within me; a chord of hope.

I Love Myself Today - by Bif Naked

You left me like a broken doll,
In pieces as I took the fall
For you, you dumb chump!
You left me free-falling like space junk,
Burning up in the atmosphere of life.

Well I sound like a philosopher,
But I'm a fool who's off her rocker
'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time.

I've had enough, made up my mind,
I'm gonna get up, and out, and...wahhh!!!

I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever

Well look at you, you're all puffed up,
In that big red truck- but you're outta luck (this time),
Well, that's tough
'Cause I'm on fire - too hot to touch
With a chatroom full of lovers on the line.
Gonna step right up, Spit shine my soul,
I'm gonna be proud, and loud, and outta control!

I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever

I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see;
I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me,
'Cause being with you is like a hangman's noose,
I was living my life in dead man's shoes!!

I've had enough, Made up my mind,
I'm gonna get up, and out, and...wahhh!!!

I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now

I love myself today
Not like yesterday
You're dead and gone
I'm gonna get my way
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever!!

I love myself today [x7]

my my my

This is my daily devotional for today.

Definitely a good word.




We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit Himself speaks to God for us.
Romans 8:26 (NCV)


You know, we really don't know what to pray for, do we?

What if God had answered every prayer that you ever prayed?

Just think who you'd be married to.
Just think where you'd be living.
Just think what you'd be doing.

God loves us so much that sometimes He gives us what we need and not what we ask.

empty socket of the lightbulb in my soul - need spark, send help.

Romance. Love.

Just words.


Just words?

Funny, but they are more too; aren’t they?


Every time…oh, I don’t know what I want to say!

There was a time that I was mourning love lost (or unfulfilled, perhaps), and during this period I cried a lot. I cried when I saw love.

I seem to be back to it, or in a similar period of my life. Once again, the mere sight or sound or smell of love, of romance, and people connecting and hearts soaring, it sets my eyes to violently gushing. It generally only lasts a few seconds, and then I either stuff it back down or I pray that God will send me love soon.

I do not want to be feeling sorry for myself. Not sure if that is what makes me cry, or not.

After all, its just words, right? But when it is words that you are without, it means a lot to not have them.

Sometimes in life, it is alright to be by yourself, to be unloved and to not love another. I know, I have gone through a period like that lately. It is part of life. But I am through that period, and on to another.

I want to love again. Is that so wrong?

Choice

Choice.

I choose to be happy (“more or less at peace”), to be thankful, for my situation.

What a blessed life I live! Thank You, Lord.

I may not have close friends or a loved one of my own right now, but that is okay. It is okay, because God has blessed me by putting me into this situation.

When God looks at me, He sees all of me; the good, the bad, and the good-lookin’. When God looks at me, He sees my entire life laid out in front of Him. He knows all about me. He knew before I was ever born, that I would be in this situation right now, and He knows how He will be able to use me and bless me because of it.

I can look at my life with natural eyes, and see a lonely middle-aged man, with nobody in his life, sad and depressed and with no future.

Hah! Not much good to look at things that way, is it?

Or, I can look with God’s eyes, with the eyes of my spirit. With those eyes, I can leap for joy, because God has a plan, and nothing I have done in my life has derailed that plan or caused God to change His plans for me. Not one thing has surprised my Father in heaven. When I look at myself with spiritual eyes, I am thankful to God. I am thankful that He knew that both of my marriages would end in divorce, and so He chose to teach me Godly principles through those hard times, so that I could be of great use to the next woman God caused to love me. I may not have any close friends to spend time with right now, but God allowed that because He is preparing for me a future circle of influence. I may not be young, but I am entering the prime of my life, and I expect to do greater things to bring glory to the name of Jesus in the next few years than I have done in the first 38 years. I may only have one child, but she is a wonderful girl whom I adore, and I am not so old that I cannot father some more if God is willing!

Choice.

We make choices every day. How will we look at things; the way God wants us to, or the way the devil tells us to?

toooooday

As I meander my way through this life, I keep coming back to the same basic thought: I don’t know enough, nor will I ever.

I am like a ball in a pinball game too often, I cannot seem to control my own destiny very well, and it is only by getting whacked with a flipper that I actually get anywhere. I spend much more time trying to stay alive than I do reaching out to try to get a high score.

How could I possibly know what I need to know about even myself, let alone about others?

It is easy enough to see when somebody is doing something wrong. But it is much harder to see when they are doing some things right, or what their motivation is for what they do, or to truly understand how somebody feels and thinks and reasons and chooses. Can’t be done. As humans, we can never understand another person in that way.

It is no wonder that God tells us not to judge others.

To anyone who has felt judged, shamed, picked on, or turned off by anything that I have said, wrote, done, acted, or inferred; please accept my apologies. Sometimes, I do things because I am hurt, and I lash out. Sometimes, I just am too narrow-sighted to see enough of the big picture. And sometimes, sometimes I am just not Godly enough. Mostly, though, I do believe that I wish to spare people pain. Unfortunately, as we all find out in life, we have to learn from both our successes and failures in life, and we have to live our lives our way, nobody can do it for us.

So, my apologies.

Unfortunately, I will not always be in this sort of mood; within mere moments, I may resort back to the ‘other me’, the less-sensitive one, and hurt somebody again. Because that is what I do; I am human, therefore I hurt (within, and I hurt others). That is why I need God; He is much more than human.

Happy July 1st holiday, everybody. I love you all.