Lyrics to Tim Hughes’ Out Of The Darkness
I could live a thousand years
Never earn a moment of Your grace
Even in my darkest day
You shine on me
You shine on me
And out of the darkness
You brought me into Your glorious light
Saved from the death I was facing
Rejoicing in the future, a hope that is mine
The greatest of all gifts
From the greatest of all givers
Jesus there upon the cross
True love displayed for all to see
And out of the darkness
You brought me into Your glorious light
Saved from the death I was facing
Rejoicing in the future, a hope that is mine
And your grace runs after me
Runs after me
Everyday of my life
And your mercies they never fail
They never fail
Everyday of my life
And out of the darkness
You brought me into Your glorious light
Saved from the death I was facing
Rejoicing in the future, a hope that is mine
And out of the darkness
You brought me into Your glorious light
Saved from the death I was facing
Rejoicing in the future, a hope that is mine
Blessings. Blessings are a funny thing, aren’t they? I can wait patiently for them. I can expect them. I can receive them when they come. But, after all, I live a life that is extremely blessed; each and every day, I get to experience God. I am blessed, not by what He is doing for me or has done for me or will do for me; no, I am blessed because I get to know God. Not just to know OF Him, but to KNOW Him. What greater blessing is there than that? What brings greater joy to my heart? What brings tears of thanksgiving and wonder to my eyes quicker than this? Truly, I am a blessed man, not because of what I have, not because of what God is doing, but because God allows me to know Him. Thank You, Lord. :)
Isaiah 41:10 (Amplified Version) –
Fear not; (there is nothing to fear) for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you (to difficulties); yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice.
As Pastor Creflo Dollar helped to show me, God is hardening me through what I am going through. Because of this, I will eventually no longer be bothered by what people say about me at work. This is God’s work in me.
Acts 18:10 (Amplified Version) –
For I am with you, and no man shall assault you to harm you; for I have many people in this city.
I am blessed to have God’s protection over me. Although He causes things to happen in different ways than what I would often wish for…the joy of knowing Him overcomes all other sorrows in this world. Truly, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Not so much the joy that God gives or grants to me, but the joy that comes from knowing Him. (I think this may be a new revelation for me!)
The Lord, my God, my strength, my song, has now become my victory! Tell me, who can take away this joy from me? Truly, in every thing, in every circumstance, there is a greater victory, in that I know God and that knowing is a joy that does not cease, does not end, does not diminish or fade or go away.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Yes, it is.
And, as a friend (Hi Shiray! Thank you!) pointed out part of this to me, I am going to include a good-sized chunk of it here. It applies to me, and I receive it. And, since I have my beloved Amplified Bible out, I shall use it yet again…
Proverbs 2:1-15, and Proverbs 3:3-8, 13-18
My son, if you will receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to skillful and Godly Wisdom, and inclining and directing your heart and mind to understanding – applying all your powers to the quest for it; yes, if you cry out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek Wisdom as silver, and search for skillful and Godly Wisdom as for hid treasures; then you will understand the reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of (our omniscient) God. For the Lord gives skillful and Godly Wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He hides away sound and Godly Wisdom and stores it for the righteous – those who are upright and in right standing with Him; He is a shield to those who walk uprightly and in integrity, that He may guard the paths of justice. Yes, He preserves the way of His saints. Then you will understand righteousness, justice and fair dealing (in every area and relation); yes, you will understand every good path. For skillful and Godly Wisdom shall enter into your heart, and knowledge shall be pleasant to you; discretion shall watch over you, understanding shall keep you; to deliver you from the way of evil and the evil man, from men who speak perverse things and are liars, men who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness, who rejoice to do evil and delight in the perverseness of evil, who are crooked in their ways, wayward and devious in their paths.
Let not mercy and kindness (shutting out all hatred and selfishness), and truth (shutting out all deliberate hypocrisy or falsehood) forsake you. Bind them about your neck; write them upon the tablet of your heart; so shall you find favour, good understanding and high esteem in the sight (or judgement) of God and man. Lean on, trust and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind, and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn (entirely) away from evil. It shall be health to your nerves and sinews, and marrow and moistening to your bones.
Happy (blessed, fortunate, enviable) is the man who finds skillful and Godly Wisdom, and the man who gets understanding – drawing it forth from God’s Word and life’s experiences. For the gaining of it is better than the gaining of silver, and the profit of it than fine gold. Skillful and Godly Wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you can wish for is to be compared to her. Length of days is in her right hand, and in her left are riches and honour. Her ways are highways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who lay hold on her, and happy (blessed, fortunate, to be envied) is every one who holds her fast.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
treasure
Today is all about finding encouragement. Not in my surroundings, not in my circumstances, but in my God.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Think
I think that expecting someone who is unsaved to treat us in a good manner, is not only blind but it is stupid. And expecting that because somebody HAS treated us well in the past, that they will continue to do so, is just wrong on our parts.
We all wear masks. As humans, our mask is our physicality. We forget that we are spirits, inhabiting a body. We live in a spiritual world that is cloaked in the physical.
And any spirit that is not bound to God and His love, is against Him. And thereby, against us.
They will be used to torment us, to anger us, to try to screw up our lives. Our neighbours will be used, our co-workers will be used, the person next to us in traffic, our politicans, our government, they will all be used by the enemy against us.
They cannot help it. Wthout God, they are putty in the enemy's hands. They have no choice.
The very person who smiles at you on a daily basis, can be the very catalyst that will one day attempt to make you question God or your faith, to try to make you ineffective in your Christian walk.
The world is a tough place to live, when we forget who we are, where we are. Spiritual beings, in the middle of a battlefield. Too often, we forget, until life kicks us in the gut.
Never put your faith in human beings. Put your faith in God, Who cannot be faithless.
And never be surprised by what or who will be used against you by the enemy.
By The Way...
Did anybody else notice that the very next day after blogging about how I am blessed, that my world crashed down around me and the enemy moved in to try to destroy me?
Huh. Coincidence? I think not!
We all wear masks. As humans, our mask is our physicality. We forget that we are spirits, inhabiting a body. We live in a spiritual world that is cloaked in the physical.
And any spirit that is not bound to God and His love, is against Him. And thereby, against us.
They will be used to torment us, to anger us, to try to screw up our lives. Our neighbours will be used, our co-workers will be used, the person next to us in traffic, our politicans, our government, they will all be used by the enemy against us.
They cannot help it. Wthout God, they are putty in the enemy's hands. They have no choice.
The very person who smiles at you on a daily basis, can be the very catalyst that will one day attempt to make you question God or your faith, to try to make you ineffective in your Christian walk.
The world is a tough place to live, when we forget who we are, where we are. Spiritual beings, in the middle of a battlefield. Too often, we forget, until life kicks us in the gut.
Never put your faith in human beings. Put your faith in God, Who cannot be faithless.
And never be surprised by what or who will be used against you by the enemy.
By The Way...
Did anybody else notice that the very next day after blogging about how I am blessed, that my world crashed down around me and the enemy moved in to try to destroy me?
Huh. Coincidence? I think not!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Mitt's words
A Campaign Begins Today [Mitt Romney]
America has just witnessed an unconscionable abuse of power. President Obama has betrayed his oath to the nation — rather than bringing us together, ushering in a new kind of politics, and rising above raw partisanship, he has succumbed to the lowest denominator of incumbent power: justifying the means by extolling the ends. He promised better; we deserved better.
He calls his accomplishment “historic” — in this he is correct, although not for the reason he intends. Rather, it is an historic usurpation of the legislative process — he unleashed the nuclear option, enlisted not a single Republican vote in either chamber, bribed reluctant members of his own party, paid-off his union backers, scapegoated insurers, and justified his act with patently fraudulent accounting. What Barack Obama has ushered into the American political landscape is not good for our country; in the words of an ancient maxim, “what starts twisted, ends twisted.”
His health-care bill is unhealthy for America. It raises taxes, slashes the more private side of Medicare, installs price controls, and puts a new federal bureaucracy in charge of health care. It will create a new entitlement even as the ones we already have are bankrupt. For these reasons and more, the act should be repealed. That campaign begins today.
Mitt Romney is the former Governor of Massachussets.
America has just witnessed an unconscionable abuse of power. President Obama has betrayed his oath to the nation — rather than bringing us together, ushering in a new kind of politics, and rising above raw partisanship, he has succumbed to the lowest denominator of incumbent power: justifying the means by extolling the ends. He promised better; we deserved better.
He calls his accomplishment “historic” — in this he is correct, although not for the reason he intends. Rather, it is an historic usurpation of the legislative process — he unleashed the nuclear option, enlisted not a single Republican vote in either chamber, bribed reluctant members of his own party, paid-off his union backers, scapegoated insurers, and justified his act with patently fraudulent accounting. What Barack Obama has ushered into the American political landscape is not good for our country; in the words of an ancient maxim, “what starts twisted, ends twisted.”
His health-care bill is unhealthy for America. It raises taxes, slashes the more private side of Medicare, installs price controls, and puts a new federal bureaucracy in charge of health care. It will create a new entitlement even as the ones we already have are bankrupt. For these reasons and more, the act should be repealed. That campaign begins today.
Mitt Romney is the former Governor of Massachussets.
???
Why is it that hell pulls out all the stops to try to keep you from doing something as simple as going to church?
Could it be that the devil sees that as long as he can keep you in a place where you are least effective, he makes your life so much less than it could be for God?
Hm. Makes me want to run to God all the more, not the opposite. Drat, guess the devil loses again! lol.
Could it be that the devil sees that as long as he can keep you in a place where you are least effective, he makes your life so much less than it could be for God?
Hm. Makes me want to run to God all the more, not the opposite. Drat, guess the devil loses again! lol.
Friday, March 19, 2010
blessed
I really feel like it is my time to be blessed.
I do not know for sure if I am feeling God tell me that, or if I am just desiring it so badly; it is hard to tell with these things.
Traditionally for me, Spring and Summer are a horrible time. It's hot, it's bright, I do not sleep well, and there is nothing that makes you feel more miserable and lonely than seeing happy couples walking around together.
BUT...
...This is my time. This is my year. This is my season; after years of (bleak and barren) Winter, this is truly my Spring.
I am expecting good things. I am expecting to be blown away by God's goodness and His grace. Not because I deserve it, but because that is the sort of God that I know and love and serve.
Come what may, it is my time to be blessed. I wait expectantly.
Thank You, Lord.
I am not going through this year alone. I was not made to walk alone through this life, so I am not going to. God has somebody for me. I beleive that. I receive that. It's coming.
Good things, blessings, God's goodness. Waiting for my blessings.
I do not know for sure if I am feeling God tell me that, or if I am just desiring it so badly; it is hard to tell with these things.
Traditionally for me, Spring and Summer are a horrible time. It's hot, it's bright, I do not sleep well, and there is nothing that makes you feel more miserable and lonely than seeing happy couples walking around together.
BUT...
...This is my time. This is my year. This is my season; after years of (bleak and barren) Winter, this is truly my Spring.
I am expecting good things. I am expecting to be blown away by God's goodness and His grace. Not because I deserve it, but because that is the sort of God that I know and love and serve.
Come what may, it is my time to be blessed. I wait expectantly.
Thank You, Lord.
I am not going through this year alone. I was not made to walk alone through this life, so I am not going to. God has somebody for me. I beleive that. I receive that. It's coming.
Good things, blessings, God's goodness. Waiting for my blessings.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Today
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Another day I used to love to celebrate.
But, I hate doing stuff alone, so...just another day, now.
Meh.
Bleh.
Bah-humbug.
Another day I used to love to celebrate.
But, I hate doing stuff alone, so...just another day, now.
Meh.
Bleh.
Bah-humbug.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Bi-Zee !
Wow, am I busy lately.
Let's see. I am in the middle of yet another game of Dragon Age:Origins, which I haven't touched in about ten or twelve (definitely not eleven, though) days, but mean to get back to relatively soon. I also just started playing a game called "Sacred" early Tuesday morning (or late Monday night). Really simple type of game, but a lot of fun anyways. Also, I was waiting for Tech Support to get back to me on a game I downloaded about 6 months ago that I am finally ready to play (called "Torchlight"), but I had lost my activation code for it; they got back to me yesterday, so when I have time I plan on starting that up - maybe in a week or two? I watched Zombieland on DVD the other day, as well as just recently having finished watching the Justice League animated series on DVD and the Justice League-Crisis On Two Earths animated movie.
On top of all this, I am currently way behind on my online comic; I took a brief hiatus from it to re-spark my creativity, and hope to get back to writing it tomorrow. Meanwhile, my creative juices started flowing in unusual and unexpected directions, and next thing I knew, I had joined the Deviantart community. So, I have been sharing photos I have taken and photos of myself (and getting some responses to them from other artsy types), and as well I am planning on sharpening my pencils and trying my hand at doing some simple drawings and posting them (which should be a hoot, as my artistic skills do NOT lend themselves to drawing! lol).
All of this, plus reading my Bible daily (and reminding God He promised me a helpmeet - this is my year!), reading some comic books, I just finished reading a novel and am halfway through another larger one, and I have been working on house-cleaning today when I was not watching hockey on TV. And going out to the post office, paying bills, getting my tax stuff together so I can do my taxes...and did a bit of grocery shopping, too!
Oh...my...goodness!
Where do I find time in my day to fit all of this stuff in?
I do not know how I do it right now...I seem to have a rush of energy lately...
Which is weird, because I haven't been sleeping well for a while now. Hm...
Anyways, that is all that is going on in my life, LOL.
Toodles. Gotta read some comics, then go to bed, so I can get up and do some laundry.
Let's see. I am in the middle of yet another game of Dragon Age:Origins, which I haven't touched in about ten or twelve (definitely not eleven, though) days, but mean to get back to relatively soon. I also just started playing a game called "Sacred" early Tuesday morning (or late Monday night). Really simple type of game, but a lot of fun anyways. Also, I was waiting for Tech Support to get back to me on a game I downloaded about 6 months ago that I am finally ready to play (called "Torchlight"), but I had lost my activation code for it; they got back to me yesterday, so when I have time I plan on starting that up - maybe in a week or two? I watched Zombieland on DVD the other day, as well as just recently having finished watching the Justice League animated series on DVD and the Justice League-Crisis On Two Earths animated movie.
On top of all this, I am currently way behind on my online comic; I took a brief hiatus from it to re-spark my creativity, and hope to get back to writing it tomorrow. Meanwhile, my creative juices started flowing in unusual and unexpected directions, and next thing I knew, I had joined the Deviantart community. So, I have been sharing photos I have taken and photos of myself (and getting some responses to them from other artsy types), and as well I am planning on sharpening my pencils and trying my hand at doing some simple drawings and posting them (which should be a hoot, as my artistic skills do NOT lend themselves to drawing! lol).
All of this, plus reading my Bible daily (and reminding God He promised me a helpmeet - this is my year!), reading some comic books, I just finished reading a novel and am halfway through another larger one, and I have been working on house-cleaning today when I was not watching hockey on TV. And going out to the post office, paying bills, getting my tax stuff together so I can do my taxes...and did a bit of grocery shopping, too!
Oh...my...goodness!
Where do I find time in my day to fit all of this stuff in?
I do not know how I do it right now...I seem to have a rush of energy lately...
Which is weird, because I haven't been sleeping well for a while now. Hm...
Anyways, that is all that is going on in my life, LOL.
Toodles. Gotta read some comics, then go to bed, so I can get up and do some laundry.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
deleted
Hey There,
I deleted these two blogs recently, as I have no time to give to them, I am stretched too thin as it is.
http://ward-of-gorion.blogspot.com/
and
http://benevolent-kingdom.blogspot.com/
Also, it is time for me to freely admit that, as much as I love this blog here,
http://canadas-own-the-flight.blogspot.com/
there is no chance that I will ever post anything there again, unless Marvel Comics gets off there butts and starts printing another run of Alpha Flight comics.
That being said, i will still be posting here often, and I will still be posting up my poetry at that other site (with links there from this one). And, i hope to continue my online comic, I have just taken a momentary hiatus from it as I feel a little overwhelmed at this time.
See you on the 'net!
I deleted these two blogs recently, as I have no time to give to them, I am stretched too thin as it is.
http://ward-of-gorion.blogspot.com/
and
http://benevolent-kingdom.blogspot.com/
Also, it is time for me to freely admit that, as much as I love this blog here,
http://canadas-own-the-flight.blogspot.com/
there is no chance that I will ever post anything there again, unless Marvel Comics gets off there butts and starts printing another run of Alpha Flight comics.
That being said, i will still be posting here often, and I will still be posting up my poetry at that other site (with links there from this one). And, i hope to continue my online comic, I have just taken a momentary hiatus from it as I feel a little overwhelmed at this time.
See you on the 'net!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
the last time
For my Lord...
lyrics to Rob Rock's "This Time Is The Last Time"
The answer is staring me right in the face
Been trying so hard but I’ve made my mistakes
I’ve been down this road before
And I’ve always wanted so much more
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
So hard to believe when you’ve been cut down and torn
I’ve waited so long just to walk through this door
Now my heart is in Your hands
We must realize the sacred plan
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
This is the last time!
I feel You come closer and my heart lies next to me
I feel You come closer and my soul won’t let me be
This Time – Last Time
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
lyrics to Rob Rock's "This Time Is The Last Time"
The answer is staring me right in the face
Been trying so hard but I’ve made my mistakes
I’ve been down this road before
And I’ve always wanted so much more
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
So hard to believe when you’ve been cut down and torn
I’ve waited so long just to walk through this door
Now my heart is in Your hands
We must realize the sacred plan
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
This is the last time!
I feel You come closer and my heart lies next to me
I feel You come closer and my soul won’t let me be
This Time – Last Time
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
This time is the last time
I will give my heart away
This time is the last time
I will ever trust again
Monday, March 8, 2010
poem
A poem I wrote, about waiting for the woman of my dreams...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-tarry-until-you.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-tarry-until-you.html
Sunday, March 7, 2010
story of the year
Thoughts. Running, parading, stampeding thru my mind.
Nobody in human history can better understand what it feels like to be betrayed, than Jesus. He was betrayed by a friend and a confidante, a trusted person inside his most loyal of circles, someone who was supposed to, was expected to understand Who He was and why He was here.
Surely then, God completely understands the pain I felt, and sometimes still feel a shadow of, the pain of my having somebody who believed in me, who briefly believed in us, turn around and walk away, leaving behind desolation.
As painful and shocking as that was, God did not turn away and grimace when it happened; to Him, or to me. He saw it, He took it upon Himself, and He opened His arms wide in love. And at that moment, He saw me and all of my hurts, one of which was my heartache at what has befallen my life. He truly understands, as nobody else can; it happened to Him, too, but on a much larger and grander scale.
Desolation. Described as; devastation, ruin, the state of being abandoned or forsaken, loneliness, wretchedness, misery.
Is there anything more alone, than having connected with somebody on a meaningfully, life-changing level, and then losing them forever?
Yet, by the grace of God, I survive!
God promises to restore to us the locust years, the years that the destroyer takes from us. I believe that this includes the years that I potentially had, with a soul that was bound to mine, yet never got.
Somebody told me recently, that the connection and rapport you have with your first spouse, you never get back. Your future spouses, you never have that with them, and that this is a cruel joke of life.
I disagree. It took me a while, but I now disagree. You see, it happened to me; twice.
The rapport and connection I had with my first wife, was built upon time; time together, in our more formative stages of life, built that relationship to where it was. To where you think alike, you know what the other is thinking. You have some real understanding of your partner. I had that with my first wife. It took time, but we built that between us.
I did not have it with my second wife. But, with Melanie, I discovered something; anything that man can do himself through time, God can do on a spiritual level in a nanosecond. Melanie and I connected, in a deep and extremely meaningful way, almost overnight, to the point where I felt I had a real instantaneous understanding of her, of her faults, of her pains, of her motives, and of her wants. She didn’t have to teach me these things, over time – God just showed them to me.
This CAN happen this way. God is the God of the miraculous. And the God of 2nd chances.
One last thought; I will not settle for a life of being alone and lonely. I do not deserve it, and as a child of God I will not expect it. I will get better than that, because of Who God is. This is my year. My year to find somebody. Miraculously. Wonderfully. A deep connection beyond my wildest imaginings. This is my year.
Nobody in human history can better understand what it feels like to be betrayed, than Jesus. He was betrayed by a friend and a confidante, a trusted person inside his most loyal of circles, someone who was supposed to, was expected to understand Who He was and why He was here.
Surely then, God completely understands the pain I felt, and sometimes still feel a shadow of, the pain of my having somebody who believed in me, who briefly believed in us, turn around and walk away, leaving behind desolation.
As painful and shocking as that was, God did not turn away and grimace when it happened; to Him, or to me. He saw it, He took it upon Himself, and He opened His arms wide in love. And at that moment, He saw me and all of my hurts, one of which was my heartache at what has befallen my life. He truly understands, as nobody else can; it happened to Him, too, but on a much larger and grander scale.
Desolation. Described as; devastation, ruin, the state of being abandoned or forsaken, loneliness, wretchedness, misery.
Is there anything more alone, than having connected with somebody on a meaningfully, life-changing level, and then losing them forever?
Yet, by the grace of God, I survive!
God promises to restore to us the locust years, the years that the destroyer takes from us. I believe that this includes the years that I potentially had, with a soul that was bound to mine, yet never got.
Somebody told me recently, that the connection and rapport you have with your first spouse, you never get back. Your future spouses, you never have that with them, and that this is a cruel joke of life.
I disagree. It took me a while, but I now disagree. You see, it happened to me; twice.
The rapport and connection I had with my first wife, was built upon time; time together, in our more formative stages of life, built that relationship to where it was. To where you think alike, you know what the other is thinking. You have some real understanding of your partner. I had that with my first wife. It took time, but we built that between us.
I did not have it with my second wife. But, with Melanie, I discovered something; anything that man can do himself through time, God can do on a spiritual level in a nanosecond. Melanie and I connected, in a deep and extremely meaningful way, almost overnight, to the point where I felt I had a real instantaneous understanding of her, of her faults, of her pains, of her motives, and of her wants. She didn’t have to teach me these things, over time – God just showed them to me.
This CAN happen this way. God is the God of the miraculous. And the God of 2nd chances.
One last thought; I will not settle for a life of being alone and lonely. I do not deserve it, and as a child of God I will not expect it. I will get better than that, because of Who God is. This is my year. My year to find somebody. Miraculously. Wonderfully. A deep connection beyond my wildest imaginings. This is my year.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
well
Well. As in, better. As in, it is well; with my soul.
Or a bit better, at least.
I am going thru some stuff right now. 'Bout time, i guess. Cannot stuff my emotions and memories forever, and never deal with them. God is softening me up, softening up my heart - that causes pain. But that's okay. If God is bringing things to the surface, there is a reason, so I will trust Him to see me thru.
Below are some beautiful lyrics, from Rob Rock's song "Calling Angels";
I need to know if someone or something is there
Watching every move that I make
There’s got to be a reason for the cross that I bear
If I open my eyes will I wake?
Shattered emotions and seasons of change
Riding the wind bringing troubles again
Living on the edge I have made my mistakes
But that was yesterday
Calling Angels, come watch over me
Catch me from falling I want to believe
Calling Angels, spread your wings over me,
Cover my heart, from pains’ memory
I don’t know where I’m going but I sure know where I’ve been
I’m feeling the walls closing in
I’ve got to break these chains that are holding me down
The healing inside must begin
Turning the corner and starting again
Rise from the ashes, take hold of the flame
I must have faith there’s an answer above
To make it through the night
Calling Angels, come watch over me
Catch me from falling I want to believe
Calling Angels, spread your wings over me,
Cover my heart, from pains’ memory
Calling Angels, come watch over me
Catch me from falling I want to believe
Calling Angels, spread your wings over me,
Cover my heart, from pains’ memory
Calling Angels
Cover my heart, spread your wings over me
I want to believe, I want to believe
Calling Angels
Or a bit better, at least.
I am going thru some stuff right now. 'Bout time, i guess. Cannot stuff my emotions and memories forever, and never deal with them. God is softening me up, softening up my heart - that causes pain. But that's okay. If God is bringing things to the surface, there is a reason, so I will trust Him to see me thru.
Below are some beautiful lyrics, from Rob Rock's song "Calling Angels";
I need to know if someone or something is there
Watching every move that I make
There’s got to be a reason for the cross that I bear
If I open my eyes will I wake?
Shattered emotions and seasons of change
Riding the wind bringing troubles again
Living on the edge I have made my mistakes
But that was yesterday
Calling Angels, come watch over me
Catch me from falling I want to believe
Calling Angels, spread your wings over me,
Cover my heart, from pains’ memory
I don’t know where I’m going but I sure know where I’ve been
I’m feeling the walls closing in
I’ve got to break these chains that are holding me down
The healing inside must begin
Turning the corner and starting again
Rise from the ashes, take hold of the flame
I must have faith there’s an answer above
To make it through the night
Calling Angels, come watch over me
Catch me from falling I want to believe
Calling Angels, spread your wings over me,
Cover my heart, from pains’ memory
Calling Angels, come watch over me
Catch me from falling I want to believe
Calling Angels, spread your wings over me,
Cover my heart, from pains’ memory
Calling Angels
Cover my heart, spread your wings over me
I want to believe, I want to believe
Calling Angels
Friday, March 5, 2010
broke
I don't know what is wrong with me. But I think I should go and kneel down and have a talk with God.
I truly do not think that anybody is meant to feel this battered and beaten, this broken, this unwhole, for this length of time. It isn't healthy, and surely it isn't right.
Something is wrong, because I am still broken...
Lyrics to Broken by Seether featuring Amy Lee
(Verse 1)
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain …away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
(Chorus 1)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
(Bridge)
You've gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore
(Verse 2)
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain…away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
(Chorus 2)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
(Chorus 2)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
(Chorus 1)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone … away
(Bridge)
You're gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore
I truly do not think that anybody is meant to feel this battered and beaten, this broken, this unwhole, for this length of time. It isn't healthy, and surely it isn't right.
Something is wrong, because I am still broken...
Lyrics to Broken by Seether featuring Amy Lee
(Verse 1)
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain …away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
(Chorus 1)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
(Bridge)
You've gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore
(Verse 2)
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain…away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
(Chorus 2)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
(Chorus 2)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
(Chorus 1)
‘cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone … away
(Bridge)
You're gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Ouch
So, I just got back from taking a drive to Zellers. I went a slightly different way than I normally would; not a big deal, just several blocks over, came at it from a different angle is all.
Wouldn’t you know it; I saw her.
Or, rather, to be more exact, I saw her car, and I believe she was driving but cannot be certain. I am…unsure…as to whether or not I really wanted to know…
I hate that she still brings up feelings in me. Or, possibly, I love that she does, because it tells me my feelings were real. I am conflicted, and confused; and somehow I doubt I ever will NOT be.
I hate that seeing her, or thinking I see her, brings up feelings of anger and pain in me still. I hate it, because I think I do not hate her, yet I react like I do hate her when she is potentially near me. I wish her well, when I think of her, but realistically I know that she will never want to see me, so there can be nothing there. On a mental level, I am okay with that. Emotionally…I think I am still more numb, more in a spiritual state of shock, than “okay”.
This reminds me of when, a few weeks ago while cleaning up my closet, I found the birthday gift I had wrapped up for her, the one she had refused to accept. I kept that thing in my closet for over a year and a half. When I found it, I cried, then I threw it away. It hurt too much to remember that. I still remember her birthday. I still remember how she takes her coffee. I still remember her fears. I still remember the few times I saw tears in her eyes. I still remember sharing God’s love with her, and how when I shared that everything in life felt completely right for the first time ever in my life. And, I still remember what it felt like to lose that; I still feel it, when I let myself.
It is funny, the things that you remember and hold onto. Funny, and sad. I still have a framed picture of her, sitting on my living room floor underneath some papers. I know where it is. It is face-down, so I do not have to look at it. Maybe I should not have it. Maybe I should. What is the right answer? I do not know; but I cannot get rid of it. The emptiness of the whole situation defeats me, still; I seriously thought I would never lose with this one. I’m not sure how to deal with the fact that I DID lose her. I cannot make it make any sense.
More than anything, this whole situation just makes me want to weep. Not so much self-pity tears, although some of them would be from that I am sure. I have just never experienced feeling God’s love for an unsaved person before, and then having to face that they have rejected Him, and you too. I…you have nowhere to go with that feeling. There is no bright light that you can turn on, no spotlight that beams down and helps you find a silver lining; there’s nothing. Just black, empty, nothingness. Void. Death. Eternal aloneness. Unspeakable pain. And, it is going to happen to somebody you care deeply for, and have no more influence with. There…is no way to soothe that pain away, is there? You live with it, you deal with it, but you cannot ever make it go away; it just IS.
I don’t blame her. I do miss her. But I cannot be around her.
Life is funny that way. Funny, in a permanently painful sort of way.
Like, who would have thought that I would be more broken up from Melanie, than I would be over my marriage? Just shows where the real connection was...
Just doesn't make any sense. All this time later, there still is no sense to it...
Wouldn’t you know it; I saw her.
Or, rather, to be more exact, I saw her car, and I believe she was driving but cannot be certain. I am…unsure…as to whether or not I really wanted to know…
I hate that she still brings up feelings in me. Or, possibly, I love that she does, because it tells me my feelings were real. I am conflicted, and confused; and somehow I doubt I ever will NOT be.
I hate that seeing her, or thinking I see her, brings up feelings of anger and pain in me still. I hate it, because I think I do not hate her, yet I react like I do hate her when she is potentially near me. I wish her well, when I think of her, but realistically I know that she will never want to see me, so there can be nothing there. On a mental level, I am okay with that. Emotionally…I think I am still more numb, more in a spiritual state of shock, than “okay”.
This reminds me of when, a few weeks ago while cleaning up my closet, I found the birthday gift I had wrapped up for her, the one she had refused to accept. I kept that thing in my closet for over a year and a half. When I found it, I cried, then I threw it away. It hurt too much to remember that. I still remember her birthday. I still remember how she takes her coffee. I still remember her fears. I still remember the few times I saw tears in her eyes. I still remember sharing God’s love with her, and how when I shared that everything in life felt completely right for the first time ever in my life. And, I still remember what it felt like to lose that; I still feel it, when I let myself.
It is funny, the things that you remember and hold onto. Funny, and sad. I still have a framed picture of her, sitting on my living room floor underneath some papers. I know where it is. It is face-down, so I do not have to look at it. Maybe I should not have it. Maybe I should. What is the right answer? I do not know; but I cannot get rid of it. The emptiness of the whole situation defeats me, still; I seriously thought I would never lose with this one. I’m not sure how to deal with the fact that I DID lose her. I cannot make it make any sense.
More than anything, this whole situation just makes me want to weep. Not so much self-pity tears, although some of them would be from that I am sure. I have just never experienced feeling God’s love for an unsaved person before, and then having to face that they have rejected Him, and you too. I…you have nowhere to go with that feeling. There is no bright light that you can turn on, no spotlight that beams down and helps you find a silver lining; there’s nothing. Just black, empty, nothingness. Void. Death. Eternal aloneness. Unspeakable pain. And, it is going to happen to somebody you care deeply for, and have no more influence with. There…is no way to soothe that pain away, is there? You live with it, you deal with it, but you cannot ever make it go away; it just IS.
I don’t blame her. I do miss her. But I cannot be around her.
Life is funny that way. Funny, in a permanently painful sort of way.
Like, who would have thought that I would be more broken up from Melanie, than I would be over my marriage? Just shows where the real connection was...
Just doesn't make any sense. All this time later, there still is no sense to it...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
I Need More
"There must be more than this,
Oh breath of God, come breathe within..."
I had an interesting dream last night.
I dreamt I was following Jesus. There was a bunch of us, and we were following Him; literally. Going with Him (or after Him, depending) through fields and along country paths. Hanging out with Him in indoor pools, hot tubs, and feasting together. Just hanging out, laughing, and hanging off of His every word.
A very ‘different’ interpretation of Jesus than I have really ever had before. Pretty cool. A more laid-back, gregarious, life-loving Jesus than how I have pictured Him before.
Lyrics to "She Don't Know She's Beautiful"
We go out to a party somewhere
The moment we walk in the door
People stop and everybody stares
She don't know what they're staring for
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
There she goes just walking down the street
And someone lets a whistle out
A girl like her she just can't see
What the fuss is all about
And she don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
Morning comes and her hair's all a mess
That's when she thinks she looks her worst
It's times like this she don't know why
I can't take my eyes off her
'Cause she don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
I am feeling pretty darned emotional lately, about a lot of things. I’m missing having somebody in my life to tell them that they are beautiful and special. I mean, I know I have my daughter, and I love her to pieces, I do. But, it is not the same things as having that lady in your life who makes you want to protect her, want to cherish her, want to put her on a pedestal for all of the world to see, make her believe in herself and see herself as the treasure that she is. I miss that. Some days, more than others. I want, I need, somebody to talk with, share with, somebody to seek God with, a partner, someone to enrich my life and make it be more passionate and exciting. It’s been too long without, and my life is starting to suffer because of it. I do not want to deteriorate, I want to accelerate. I don’t want to grow old, I want to grow wild.
God, keep my heart safe, and soft, until that lady arrives.
"Fill us anew each day,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise..."
Oh breath of God, come breathe within..."
I had an interesting dream last night.
I dreamt I was following Jesus. There was a bunch of us, and we were following Him; literally. Going with Him (or after Him, depending) through fields and along country paths. Hanging out with Him in indoor pools, hot tubs, and feasting together. Just hanging out, laughing, and hanging off of His every word.
A very ‘different’ interpretation of Jesus than I have really ever had before. Pretty cool. A more laid-back, gregarious, life-loving Jesus than how I have pictured Him before.
Lyrics to "She Don't Know She's Beautiful"
We go out to a party somewhere
The moment we walk in the door
People stop and everybody stares
She don't know what they're staring for
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
There she goes just walking down the street
And someone lets a whistle out
A girl like her she just can't see
What the fuss is all about
And she don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
Morning comes and her hair's all a mess
That's when she thinks she looks her worst
It's times like this she don't know why
I can't take my eyes off her
'Cause she don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
I am feeling pretty darned emotional lately, about a lot of things. I’m missing having somebody in my life to tell them that they are beautiful and special. I mean, I know I have my daughter, and I love her to pieces, I do. But, it is not the same things as having that lady in your life who makes you want to protect her, want to cherish her, want to put her on a pedestal for all of the world to see, make her believe in herself and see herself as the treasure that she is. I miss that. Some days, more than others. I want, I need, somebody to talk with, share with, somebody to seek God with, a partner, someone to enrich my life and make it be more passionate and exciting. It’s been too long without, and my life is starting to suffer because of it. I do not want to deteriorate, I want to accelerate. I don’t want to grow old, I want to grow wild.
God, keep my heart safe, and soft, until that lady arrives.
"Fill us anew each day,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise..."
Saturday, February 27, 2010
My "Peace" Of Art
So, I am really having a lot of fun over here lately,
http://peace-keepers-canada-inc-onlinecomic.blogspot.com/
writing the adventures of the Canada Peace Keepers Inc team of superheroes.
Initially, I planned to tell the story from the point of view of a constantly changing character, so that no two stories ever seemed alike because different personalities would be living them and telling them. “The world through many camera lenses” sort of deal. But, something strange happened on the way to the Coliseum…
I ended up getting really hooked on the first team member I introduced. So much so, that I have written pages and pages and pages of stuff, and it has all revolved around her and the way she sees things, unveiling to the reader bit by bit just who she is and what she is really like.
It wasn’t the way I intended to do things, but sometimes when you write, things just write themselves. Sometimes characters surprise you, and turn out different than you thought they were. Sometimes a strong personality just leaps to the forefront, and stays there, despite your plans. Such is the life of an artiste. Called by the muse, serenaded under the moon, then jerked about by the puppeteer until your arms threaten to fall off, and you realize that the creation is controlling the creator, the inmates are running the asylum…and you smile, and couldn’t be happier.
The story, such as it is so far, is taking a lot longer to tell than I thought it would. I am learning, that this is what happens when you have a strong female lead character who cries out for more of the limelight. I am really enjoying writing a female character – I find that Vanessa Jensson has unexpected strength, little time for idiots, yet loves people and the little pleasures in life. I think I more enjoy trying to write from behind the eyes of a female character, because they are so much more complex, so many different layers to them. Men are too simple. Really, men are almost exactly how they seem to be. Women, though…fascinating creatures.
The story is also taking twists in directions that I already never expected to go. As parts of the characters’ personalities begin to emerge, the story drives itself in new and untold directions. It goes from the framework you have in your mind, and builds itself piece by piece into a city of fantastic beauty and grandiose architecture. The characters truly choose their own paths, and the paths they choose help to determine just who exactly they are. I have already written scenes that I never, ever expected to be writing; but the characters brought me to them.
I enjoy playful interactions, flirting, subtle eye and facial gestures and body language that certain people pick up on, and others have no clue about. I love introducing someone, and knowing very little about them, and then having one single line of conversation twist and turn in upon itself, and it opens up a whole new level of who this person is, and suddenly I am sitting here filling in their background in my notes. I like writing friendships that do not seem likely but become obvious after you write them, and I like writing two characters side-by-side who do not seem to like each other, but trying hard not to give that away to the reader all at once. I love the thought processes that go into storytelling, I love the background, the history, the bit players who become important, and the characters whom you expect to be one way but you write them in a completely different manner in order to shock the reader and cause the story’s playing field to tilt in an unusual direction. I love researching foreign names and cities on the internet, looking at pictures of moving dollies to firmly fix in your mind what they look like, and also just the feeling of intense satisfaction (and intense pressure) from knowing you are creating a world that did not previously exist. And I love the internet, where you can “publish” these works without having to go through rejection letters and red tape.
All in all, I am thoroughly enjoying my time writing these adventures. But they do take up a lot of my time, so anybody who wants to send me pre-packaged and pre-cooked meals that I can pop in the microwave, that’d be great; that, and some clean clothes. And a new toothbrush, because toiletries are an essential item, don’t you know! And a new keyboard, I am wearing mine out. Oh, and about that food – if you can make it takeout from Rudy’s drive-in in Texas, that’d be just perfect…
Oh, and did I mention how hard it is to be a man and have to learn how to describe women's clothing in writing? Anybody who can help me understand these things, I'll hire you as my assistant (the wages are lousy, but the benefits are...well, non-existent, quite frankly).
So, I hope you enjoy reading my stuff. If you don’t have time for it, or don’t enjoy it, no worries. Not everybody appreciates fine art, after all.
Toodles! And, see you in the funny pages!
http://peace-keepers-canada-inc-onlinecomic.blogspot.com/
writing the adventures of the Canada Peace Keepers Inc team of superheroes.
Initially, I planned to tell the story from the point of view of a constantly changing character, so that no two stories ever seemed alike because different personalities would be living them and telling them. “The world through many camera lenses” sort of deal. But, something strange happened on the way to the Coliseum…
I ended up getting really hooked on the first team member I introduced. So much so, that I have written pages and pages and pages of stuff, and it has all revolved around her and the way she sees things, unveiling to the reader bit by bit just who she is and what she is really like.
It wasn’t the way I intended to do things, but sometimes when you write, things just write themselves. Sometimes characters surprise you, and turn out different than you thought they were. Sometimes a strong personality just leaps to the forefront, and stays there, despite your plans. Such is the life of an artiste. Called by the muse, serenaded under the moon, then jerked about by the puppeteer until your arms threaten to fall off, and you realize that the creation is controlling the creator, the inmates are running the asylum…and you smile, and couldn’t be happier.
The story, such as it is so far, is taking a lot longer to tell than I thought it would. I am learning, that this is what happens when you have a strong female lead character who cries out for more of the limelight. I am really enjoying writing a female character – I find that Vanessa Jensson has unexpected strength, little time for idiots, yet loves people and the little pleasures in life. I think I more enjoy trying to write from behind the eyes of a female character, because they are so much more complex, so many different layers to them. Men are too simple. Really, men are almost exactly how they seem to be. Women, though…fascinating creatures.
The story is also taking twists in directions that I already never expected to go. As parts of the characters’ personalities begin to emerge, the story drives itself in new and untold directions. It goes from the framework you have in your mind, and builds itself piece by piece into a city of fantastic beauty and grandiose architecture. The characters truly choose their own paths, and the paths they choose help to determine just who exactly they are. I have already written scenes that I never, ever expected to be writing; but the characters brought me to them.
I enjoy playful interactions, flirting, subtle eye and facial gestures and body language that certain people pick up on, and others have no clue about. I love introducing someone, and knowing very little about them, and then having one single line of conversation twist and turn in upon itself, and it opens up a whole new level of who this person is, and suddenly I am sitting here filling in their background in my notes. I like writing friendships that do not seem likely but become obvious after you write them, and I like writing two characters side-by-side who do not seem to like each other, but trying hard not to give that away to the reader all at once. I love the thought processes that go into storytelling, I love the background, the history, the bit players who become important, and the characters whom you expect to be one way but you write them in a completely different manner in order to shock the reader and cause the story’s playing field to tilt in an unusual direction. I love researching foreign names and cities on the internet, looking at pictures of moving dollies to firmly fix in your mind what they look like, and also just the feeling of intense satisfaction (and intense pressure) from knowing you are creating a world that did not previously exist. And I love the internet, where you can “publish” these works without having to go through rejection letters and red tape.
All in all, I am thoroughly enjoying my time writing these adventures. But they do take up a lot of my time, so anybody who wants to send me pre-packaged and pre-cooked meals that I can pop in the microwave, that’d be great; that, and some clean clothes. And a new toothbrush, because toiletries are an essential item, don’t you know! And a new keyboard, I am wearing mine out. Oh, and about that food – if you can make it takeout from Rudy’s drive-in in Texas, that’d be just perfect…
Oh, and did I mention how hard it is to be a man and have to learn how to describe women's clothing in writing? Anybody who can help me understand these things, I'll hire you as my assistant (the wages are lousy, but the benefits are...well, non-existent, quite frankly).
So, I hope you enjoy reading my stuff. If you don’t have time for it, or don’t enjoy it, no worries. Not everybody appreciates fine art, after all.
Toodles! And, see you in the funny pages!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
2nd chances
Happy 87th birthday, Dad. As always, you are my hero, and the person I strive the most to be like. God's continued grace be with you.
“Second Chances”
The very phrase makes me weep.
I am so glad to serve a God of second chances. And, it is amazing, how when as a person you least feel like you deserve one…He is there.
I have been watching the Justice League DVDs lately. A 6-season tv show, running I think from 2003 to 2009. I never saw it on tv, but I have the first four seasons on DVD. You know, the Justice League – Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, Superman, and many other DC Comics heroes.
At the end of season two of Justice League, there is a heart-stopping moment; the Thanagarians have just invaded the earth and been beaten off. Hawkgirl, a member of the Justice League, was revealed to be a commander in the Thanagarian army, and a spy sent to earth to learn its weaknesses. Despite the fact that she helped free the Justice League and save the earth from doom against the wishes of her own people, the Justice League does not know if they can trust her and are voting as to whether to allow her to remain one of them. Before they tell her the verdict, she quits and walks away in tears. Alone on a planet not her own, without a friend, without family, having betrayed the people of her birth planet and of earth, she is left broken-hearted and alone. Near the end of season three, she returns, a changed person, but still searching for meaning in her life. Not expecting any acceptance, she nevertheless finds it, as the League tells her that despite the feelings of most humans because of her betrayal, that they still believe in her, and that the vote they took ended up being to keep her in the league. And they welcome her back. Strangely enough, she doesn’t feel welcome, or trusted, or like she deserves to be forgiven…
After getting over the ‘weepies’ at this development in the show, I pondered…isn’t this exactly how we are when we mess up in our lives?
I know people who know me (not that there are that many of you who do) are concerned for me, because I do not have a woman in my life at this time. (Although, my parents keep reminding me that I am the same age now as my dad was when my mom met and married him)
Of more concern for me, is that I have not had a true, close friend in a very, very long time. By my calculation, about 12 years. That is a long time to have nobody to trust, to share deeply with, to care about, and who reciprocates that in kind.
Too long. It is a wonder that even I have survived that long without one. Only by the grace of God…
What seems like a long time ago now, but isn’t really that long ago, I met a girl. It was a time when my heart was just beginning to tenderize after taking a frightful pounding for a few years. This girl wasn’t special to anybody else. Just an ordinary girl. Nothing much to look at. Full of problems.
I fell in love with her soul. Her immortal soul, that spark that God places in all of us. I couldn’t help it. Nor, if I could go back and change it, would I, in spite of all that has happened to me since.
No, I did not get a crush on her. I did not rebound and fall for her. This isn’t about that, not at the beginning, anyways. It was her soul; it called to me. It was crushed, bruised, beaten, despised. She was in hopeless straits in her life. She reminded me so much of my Saviour, of what He went through to save us from the same.
I didn’t fall FOR her; I fell, because somebody had to, somebody needed to, and I was willing. She needed somebody to believe in her, somebody to tell her she was worthwhile, somebody to show her that God loved her. I wasn’t the perfect person to do it, and I think I proved that point through what went down. But I may have been the only one. I don’t know, I cannot answer that question.
In spite of the hurt that I took out of this, and still bear with me on many days, I do not regret being the one to stand forth for her. It had to be done, because, to God, she was worth it. I tried to be God’s humble servant; I failed. His strength, became my own strength. His love that I felt for her, got twisted up and became my own love for her as well. I was not strong enough, though perhaps the point that I needed to learn (and am still learning, obviously) was that I was never meant to be strong enough – just obedient. I wasn’t meant to be the be-all, end-all for her, merely a vessel-in-play along her path.
I think back to Moses, who I am reading about in the Bible now. He was called. Called to bring freedom to God’s people. To show them the love of the Saviour who was coming, through his actions. Moses felt weak, too. He asked God to not let him be the one. He asked to bring Aaron along to speak for him. All God wanted, was for him to be willing and obedient. It was God who was going to do it, not him. Moses tried to solve the problems facing God’s people on his own; he saw something he did not like, and took up the sword and tried to change things himself. In my own story, I did the same too many times; trying on my own to get her saved, God’s way seemed to slow. I wanted to SEE her get saved, I wanted to BE there. I didn’t want to water the seed, I wanted to harvest it. And, like Moses, my plans came crashing down around me.
Maybe, just maybe, like Moses, far down the road, I will get to see the end result. I am not holding my breath. But I would dearly love to see that redemption moment for her. Maybe God still has a way that He can use me in her life. After all, Moses was not involved with his people for like 60 years or so, until God called him from the bush to go back and finish what God was starting. Maybe, just maybe, one day God will place me in her path.
I can only pray that if that happens, that I fall to my knees and worship Him, and tell my God that I am willing to do things His way, not my way.
I think that I am STILL in love with her soul. But now, I know it is not MY soul to have, it is HIS. He can use me, or He cannot. I just pray that He remembers the work that He started in her, and completes it.
Melanie Joy Young, welcome to a life changed, a life re-arranged, a life worth living. Whether you know it or not, it is waiting there for you. Waiting with outstretched arms, arms nailed to a wooden cross for you. He died with your name on His lips. I believe that He will see you home.
Second Chances. Not just for me, but for everyone that God calls by name. Melanie included.
As for me, mine are coming as well. Can’t see them yet, but they are coming. “God will provide all my needs; according to His riches in glory.” Amen.
By the way, anybody interested in Hawkgirl and the Justice League, here are two short videos, one showing how Hawkgirl leaves the league and her lover, Green Lantern, behind, and the other a montage of Hawkgirl scenes set to some love song. (Something new for me - embedding the video right onto my blog!)
and
Enjoy. I know I did. Sometimes, even the simplest things, like Saturday morning cartoon shows, can speak more to the heart, and the soul, than the best-meant words of those closest to you. Funny what God uses to help restore hope to a shattered life, isn't it?
Looking forward to being completely able to look forward to what my story has on the next page. I'm getting there, just slowly.
“Second Chances”
The very phrase makes me weep.
I am so glad to serve a God of second chances. And, it is amazing, how when as a person you least feel like you deserve one…He is there.
I have been watching the Justice League DVDs lately. A 6-season tv show, running I think from 2003 to 2009. I never saw it on tv, but I have the first four seasons on DVD. You know, the Justice League – Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, Superman, and many other DC Comics heroes.
At the end of season two of Justice League, there is a heart-stopping moment; the Thanagarians have just invaded the earth and been beaten off. Hawkgirl, a member of the Justice League, was revealed to be a commander in the Thanagarian army, and a spy sent to earth to learn its weaknesses. Despite the fact that she helped free the Justice League and save the earth from doom against the wishes of her own people, the Justice League does not know if they can trust her and are voting as to whether to allow her to remain one of them. Before they tell her the verdict, she quits and walks away in tears. Alone on a planet not her own, without a friend, without family, having betrayed the people of her birth planet and of earth, she is left broken-hearted and alone. Near the end of season three, she returns, a changed person, but still searching for meaning in her life. Not expecting any acceptance, she nevertheless finds it, as the League tells her that despite the feelings of most humans because of her betrayal, that they still believe in her, and that the vote they took ended up being to keep her in the league. And they welcome her back. Strangely enough, she doesn’t feel welcome, or trusted, or like she deserves to be forgiven…
After getting over the ‘weepies’ at this development in the show, I pondered…isn’t this exactly how we are when we mess up in our lives?
I know people who know me (not that there are that many of you who do) are concerned for me, because I do not have a woman in my life at this time. (Although, my parents keep reminding me that I am the same age now as my dad was when my mom met and married him)
Of more concern for me, is that I have not had a true, close friend in a very, very long time. By my calculation, about 12 years. That is a long time to have nobody to trust, to share deeply with, to care about, and who reciprocates that in kind.
Too long. It is a wonder that even I have survived that long without one. Only by the grace of God…
What seems like a long time ago now, but isn’t really that long ago, I met a girl. It was a time when my heart was just beginning to tenderize after taking a frightful pounding for a few years. This girl wasn’t special to anybody else. Just an ordinary girl. Nothing much to look at. Full of problems.
I fell in love with her soul. Her immortal soul, that spark that God places in all of us. I couldn’t help it. Nor, if I could go back and change it, would I, in spite of all that has happened to me since.
No, I did not get a crush on her. I did not rebound and fall for her. This isn’t about that, not at the beginning, anyways. It was her soul; it called to me. It was crushed, bruised, beaten, despised. She was in hopeless straits in her life. She reminded me so much of my Saviour, of what He went through to save us from the same.
I didn’t fall FOR her; I fell, because somebody had to, somebody needed to, and I was willing. She needed somebody to believe in her, somebody to tell her she was worthwhile, somebody to show her that God loved her. I wasn’t the perfect person to do it, and I think I proved that point through what went down. But I may have been the only one. I don’t know, I cannot answer that question.
In spite of the hurt that I took out of this, and still bear with me on many days, I do not regret being the one to stand forth for her. It had to be done, because, to God, she was worth it. I tried to be God’s humble servant; I failed. His strength, became my own strength. His love that I felt for her, got twisted up and became my own love for her as well. I was not strong enough, though perhaps the point that I needed to learn (and am still learning, obviously) was that I was never meant to be strong enough – just obedient. I wasn’t meant to be the be-all, end-all for her, merely a vessel-in-play along her path.
I think back to Moses, who I am reading about in the Bible now. He was called. Called to bring freedom to God’s people. To show them the love of the Saviour who was coming, through his actions. Moses felt weak, too. He asked God to not let him be the one. He asked to bring Aaron along to speak for him. All God wanted, was for him to be willing and obedient. It was God who was going to do it, not him. Moses tried to solve the problems facing God’s people on his own; he saw something he did not like, and took up the sword and tried to change things himself. In my own story, I did the same too many times; trying on my own to get her saved, God’s way seemed to slow. I wanted to SEE her get saved, I wanted to BE there. I didn’t want to water the seed, I wanted to harvest it. And, like Moses, my plans came crashing down around me.
Maybe, just maybe, like Moses, far down the road, I will get to see the end result. I am not holding my breath. But I would dearly love to see that redemption moment for her. Maybe God still has a way that He can use me in her life. After all, Moses was not involved with his people for like 60 years or so, until God called him from the bush to go back and finish what God was starting. Maybe, just maybe, one day God will place me in her path.
I can only pray that if that happens, that I fall to my knees and worship Him, and tell my God that I am willing to do things His way, not my way.
I think that I am STILL in love with her soul. But now, I know it is not MY soul to have, it is HIS. He can use me, or He cannot. I just pray that He remembers the work that He started in her, and completes it.
Melanie Joy Young, welcome to a life changed, a life re-arranged, a life worth living. Whether you know it or not, it is waiting there for you. Waiting with outstretched arms, arms nailed to a wooden cross for you. He died with your name on His lips. I believe that He will see you home.
Second Chances. Not just for me, but for everyone that God calls by name. Melanie included.
As for me, mine are coming as well. Can’t see them yet, but they are coming. “God will provide all my needs; according to His riches in glory.” Amen.
By the way, anybody interested in Hawkgirl and the Justice League, here are two short videos, one showing how Hawkgirl leaves the league and her lover, Green Lantern, behind, and the other a montage of Hawkgirl scenes set to some love song. (Something new for me - embedding the video right onto my blog!)
and
Enjoy. I know I did. Sometimes, even the simplest things, like Saturday morning cartoon shows, can speak more to the heart, and the soul, than the best-meant words of those closest to you. Funny what God uses to help restore hope to a shattered life, isn't it?
Looking forward to being completely able to look forward to what my story has on the next page. I'm getting there, just slowly.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
and
I am not following the Olympics much. Mainly, cuz I do not care, so why bother?
However, I said before they started that Canada would not do well in men's hockey. I said that the US would beat Canada in their match, and after it I stated that Canada would not even get a medal in hockey.
My pre-game prediction for the upcoming game, is; Germany 2, Canada 1
We'll see how close I am on that one!
However, I said before they started that Canada would not do well in men's hockey. I said that the US would beat Canada in their match, and after it I stated that Canada would not even get a medal in hockey.
My pre-game prediction for the upcoming game, is; Germany 2, Canada 1
We'll see how close I am on that one!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
gone
R.I.P. Uncle Jim.
Gone but not forgotten,
In the Father's loving arms,
Joy and peace abounding,
Ever safe from harm.
Gone but not forgotten,
In the Father's loving arms,
Joy and peace abounding,
Ever safe from harm.
Friday, February 19, 2010
rockin'
Rockin' out to some Saint lately.
Outside of Stryper, possibly the best Christian lyrics for this style of music.
lyrics to "Abyss" by Saint
The battle happened in Heaven,
The battle happened a long time ago,
Satan in a rage, I think it's something we all should know,
The devil took by his side one third of Heaven to fall with him,
And now the demons they cry and the False Prophet burns with them
Well you know it's not safe to go out at night
His wrath comes so quick, but my God never lies
Welcome to Abyss, I hope you have fun
Look for the masquerader, look for the one who lied
He's dressed like Dr.Jeckyl, but he's really Mr.Hyde
He wants to deceive you, he wants to drag you down besides
There is another choice, and by His strength the dragon dies
And you know it's not safe to go out at night
Life in fear, that's your right
So do you get the drift about spiritual suicide
That comes with following the devil, he wants to see genocide
He wants to rip off your flesh, he wants to poke out your eyes
He's trying to get you in trouble, and yes he wants us all to die
But you know it's not safe to go out at night
His wrath comes so quick, but my God never lies
Don't want to see you in Abyss, you're not going to have fun
Forever is a long time when there ain't nowhere to run
Don't want to see you in Abyss
Outside of Stryper, possibly the best Christian lyrics for this style of music.
lyrics to "Abyss" by Saint
The battle happened in Heaven,
The battle happened a long time ago,
Satan in a rage, I think it's something we all should know,
The devil took by his side one third of Heaven to fall with him,
And now the demons they cry and the False Prophet burns with them
Well you know it's not safe to go out at night
His wrath comes so quick, but my God never lies
Welcome to Abyss, I hope you have fun
Look for the masquerader, look for the one who lied
He's dressed like Dr.Jeckyl, but he's really Mr.Hyde
He wants to deceive you, he wants to drag you down besides
There is another choice, and by His strength the dragon dies
And you know it's not safe to go out at night
Life in fear, that's your right
So do you get the drift about spiritual suicide
That comes with following the devil, he wants to see genocide
He wants to rip off your flesh, he wants to poke out your eyes
He's trying to get you in trouble, and yes he wants us all to die
But you know it's not safe to go out at night
His wrath comes so quick, but my God never lies
Don't want to see you in Abyss, you're not going to have fun
Forever is a long time when there ain't nowhere to run
Don't want to see you in Abyss
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Making a difference...
...He's making a difference in me.
lyrics to "Primed And Ready" by Saint
The red of dawn is on the rise
you know it comes as no surprise,
The earth quake came, the wars are here
the end of time is getting near,
Poison waters fill the land
are you ready for the last stand,
Armor up, it’s not too late,
to join the few, to delegate
“Primed and Ready”
The end of time is near
“Someone’s Shouting”
He’s coming back for those who care
Soon the earth will burn in flames
and wickedness will stake it’s claim,
What’s to come out from the east
the son of death, the mighty beast,
Sinful men will hear his cry
On judgment day they all will die,
Evil's got them by the tail
And with their gods, they’ll burn in hell
“Primed and Ready”
The end of time is near
“Someone’s Shouting”
He’s coming back for those who care
When it all has come to pass
When the first have become last,
When evil's lost the final fight
To the King and all His might,
Memories will fade away
The horrors of forgotten days,
Except the one who’s chosen wrath,
He's tasting death, who’s laughing last?
“Primed and Ready”
The end of time is near
“Someone’s Shouting”
He’s coming back for those who care
lyrics to "Primed And Ready" by Saint
The red of dawn is on the rise
you know it comes as no surprise,
The earth quake came, the wars are here
the end of time is getting near,
Poison waters fill the land
are you ready for the last stand,
Armor up, it’s not too late,
to join the few, to delegate
“Primed and Ready”
The end of time is near
“Someone’s Shouting”
He’s coming back for those who care
Soon the earth will burn in flames
and wickedness will stake it’s claim,
What’s to come out from the east
the son of death, the mighty beast,
Sinful men will hear his cry
On judgment day they all will die,
Evil's got them by the tail
And with their gods, they’ll burn in hell
“Primed and Ready”
The end of time is near
“Someone’s Shouting”
He’s coming back for those who care
When it all has come to pass
When the first have become last,
When evil's lost the final fight
To the King and all His might,
Memories will fade away
The horrors of forgotten days,
Except the one who’s chosen wrath,
He's tasting death, who’s laughing last?
“Primed and Ready”
The end of time is near
“Someone’s Shouting”
He’s coming back for those who care
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
so far...but yet
So far, this year of 2010 has tried to keep me down. It has tried to crush me under its weight, and make me lose sight of God's goodness.
But God has good things in store for me. I might be in financial difficulty now, but God has already made a way out, and He will show it to me.
God's blessings are coming to me this year. Just you wait, and I will be able to show them to you.
I will seek God's Wisdom, and He will show me the paths I am to walk. End of story. Blessings to follow.
But God has good things in store for me. I might be in financial difficulty now, but God has already made a way out, and He will show it to me.
God's blessings are coming to me this year. Just you wait, and I will be able to show them to you.
I will seek God's Wisdom, and He will show me the paths I am to walk. End of story. Blessings to follow.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Shaded poem
I am really proud of this one.
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/02/shaded.html
I wrote it a month or so ago, but never blogged it until now. I am so happy, both with the way it expresses emotional turmoil and regret (and fear), and with the way it rolls off the page and the tongue (when spoken.
One of the better poems I have written in a few years.
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/02/shaded.html
I wrote it a month or so ago, but never blogged it until now. I am so happy, both with the way it expresses emotional turmoil and regret (and fear), and with the way it rolls off the page and the tongue (when spoken.
One of the better poems I have written in a few years.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Well, I have decided to start up an online comic book, combining my love of superheroes with my love of writing. Alas, no art skills, sorry. :(
http://peace-keepers-canada-inc-onlinecomic.blogspot.com/
is where it will all be happening. Feel free to check it out, or join up as a fan!
http://peace-keepers-canada-inc-onlinecomic.blogspot.com/
is where it will all be happening. Feel free to check it out, or join up as a fan!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
lost, not a slave
I refuse to be a slave to television.
There is nothing I hate worse, than HAVING to be at home on a certain day or night, at a certain time, to watch some stupid tv show. I have seen too many lives lost to the bube-tube. Too many people, rotting their minds away behind the tv screen, begging for more even as we drool away all of our sanity. When I say that I hate television with a passion, I mean it.
About a year and a half ago or so, I got Lost. I bought the first season of Lost on DVD a few months before that, I had heard so much about it, and it intrigued me. And I got hooked. To my mind, it is the best-written drama series ever put on television.
But I refuse to watch it on tv.
Since I bought, and watched, that first season on DVD, I have bought the next four seasons, and watched all but Season 5. And I have never, ever, watched an episode on tv. The only thing I watch on tv, besides the odd religious show, is hockey, and I tape that on my Digital Recorder and watch it later (that way, I can forward through the commercials, and get done much quicker).
I waited until Seaosn 6 had already started airing on tv, before delving into the Season 5 DVDs. That way, I will not be a slave to the tv. This way, I keep my independance, I make my own choices, and I live my life the way that I choose to (not the way some station executive chooses for me).
Season 6 of Lost has started. And I have opened my DVDs of Season 5. I am now 5 episodes in. I had to MAKE myself stop watching, to take a break, a breather; it is that good of a show.
I may be Lost, but I am a free man, not a slave.
Season 6 of Lost is to be the last season of the show. The DVD will come out in October, most likely. And, when it does, I will watch Season 6; on my time, in my way. Because I am free.
Lost, but free.
There is nothing I hate worse, than HAVING to be at home on a certain day or night, at a certain time, to watch some stupid tv show. I have seen too many lives lost to the bube-tube. Too many people, rotting their minds away behind the tv screen, begging for more even as we drool away all of our sanity. When I say that I hate television with a passion, I mean it.
About a year and a half ago or so, I got Lost. I bought the first season of Lost on DVD a few months before that, I had heard so much about it, and it intrigued me. And I got hooked. To my mind, it is the best-written drama series ever put on television.
But I refuse to watch it on tv.
Since I bought, and watched, that first season on DVD, I have bought the next four seasons, and watched all but Season 5. And I have never, ever, watched an episode on tv. The only thing I watch on tv, besides the odd religious show, is hockey, and I tape that on my Digital Recorder and watch it later (that way, I can forward through the commercials, and get done much quicker).
I waited until Seaosn 6 had already started airing on tv, before delving into the Season 5 DVDs. That way, I will not be a slave to the tv. This way, I keep my independance, I make my own choices, and I live my life the way that I choose to (not the way some station executive chooses for me).
Season 6 of Lost has started. And I have opened my DVDs of Season 5. I am now 5 episodes in. I had to MAKE myself stop watching, to take a break, a breather; it is that good of a show.
I may be Lost, but I am a free man, not a slave.
Season 6 of Lost is to be the last season of the show. The DVD will come out in October, most likely. And, when it does, I will watch Season 6; on my time, in my way. Because I am free.
Lost, but free.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Ran Dumb
Some random thoughts, spilling from my head...
So, I am sitting here thinking…how many people enter into marriage, or any other long-term committed relationship, with the goal being that they want to be happy or find happiness?
What is it with us, that we do that? How come so many of us never learn?
We wander around with our extension cords in our hands, looking for a place to plug them in. We want that light in our hearts to come on. But, we keep looking to plug into another person. And, that person most often has an extension cord in their hands as well! It’s insane!
If you cannot even be happy with yourself, how can you possibly enter into a relationship, fooling yourself into believing that you can make another unhappy person happy and that the same unhappy person can make you happy?! That’s nuts!
Relationships should only be for the emotionally healthy, for those who love God and accept His love for them, for people with peace in their lives and love overflowing in their hearts.
Think about it; why is it, usually, that people get divorced or break up? Either they aren’t happy, or they think somebody else can make them happier. HEL-LO! Why are we relying on somebody else for our happiness?!
Happy Birthday to ; Axl Rose, Natalie Cole, Tom Brokaw, Rip Torn, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Babe Ruth, and President Ronald Reagan.
And, a quote from my favourite move, Say Anything:
"I wouldn't get my hopes up, Lloyd."
"I'm sorry, it's just that you're a really nice guy and we don't want to see you get hurt."
"I wanna get hurt!!"
So, I am sitting here thinking…how many people enter into marriage, or any other long-term committed relationship, with the goal being that they want to be happy or find happiness?
What is it with us, that we do that? How come so many of us never learn?
We wander around with our extension cords in our hands, looking for a place to plug them in. We want that light in our hearts to come on. But, we keep looking to plug into another person. And, that person most often has an extension cord in their hands as well! It’s insane!
If you cannot even be happy with yourself, how can you possibly enter into a relationship, fooling yourself into believing that you can make another unhappy person happy and that the same unhappy person can make you happy?! That’s nuts!
Relationships should only be for the emotionally healthy, for those who love God and accept His love for them, for people with peace in their lives and love overflowing in their hearts.
Think about it; why is it, usually, that people get divorced or break up? Either they aren’t happy, or they think somebody else can make them happier. HEL-LO! Why are we relying on somebody else for our happiness?!
Happy Birthday to ; Axl Rose, Natalie Cole, Tom Brokaw, Rip Torn, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Babe Ruth, and President Ronald Reagan.
And, a quote from my favourite move, Say Anything:
"I wouldn't get my hopes up, Lloyd."
"I'm sorry, it's just that you're a really nice guy and we don't want to see you get hurt."
"I wanna get hurt!!"
Monday, January 25, 2010
finis ?
I finished playing Dragon Age: Origins about 4 hours ago. Nice to be a hero!
I celebrated my hero status by doing an hour of exercise, mainly walking to Safeway and buying some fruits and veggies, then walking back home carrying them. It wasn't fun, but it was good for me.
And surely that one walk made up for the three months of video-game playing I have been doing. Right?
Since DAO has four major variations to its ending sequence, as well as massive amounts of previous variations one can make that completely change the game-playing experience, I plan to revisit this game...soon, and often.
Oh, and on my list of newest DVD television series that I am enjoying, is none other than "Painkiller Jane". 5 episodes in, and I love it. Yet another tv show based on a bestselling comic book character...
Oh, by the way, happy birthday to Robert Burns, Virginia Woolf, Etta James, and Alicia Keys.
I celebrated my hero status by doing an hour of exercise, mainly walking to Safeway and buying some fruits and veggies, then walking back home carrying them. It wasn't fun, but it was good for me.
And surely that one walk made up for the three months of video-game playing I have been doing. Right?
Since DAO has four major variations to its ending sequence, as well as massive amounts of previous variations one can make that completely change the game-playing experience, I plan to revisit this game...soon, and often.
Oh, and on my list of newest DVD television series that I am enjoying, is none other than "Painkiller Jane". 5 episodes in, and I love it. Yet another tv show based on a bestselling comic book character...
Oh, by the way, happy birthday to Robert Burns, Virginia Woolf, Etta James, and Alicia Keys.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Vid
Video: Green Math by Glenn Beck
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/videos/?uri=channels/338017/758324
January 22nd - Happy Birthdays to...
Diane Lane, Steven Adler and Steve Perry, Linda Blair, and Sir Francis Bacon.
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/videos/?uri=channels/338017/758324
January 22nd - Happy Birthdays to...
Diane Lane, Steven Adler and Steve Perry, Linda Blair, and Sir Francis Bacon.
2 more sucking worms
I seem to have a lot on the inside that needs to get out. "Write or wrong", here are two more of my poetic creations...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/unlovely-life.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/in-sand-inside.html
Enjoy! (or not)
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/unlovely-life.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/in-sand-inside.html
Enjoy! (or not)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wrote a poem, one that I am quite proud of.
:)
Still hurting at times. Never felt so alive before, and so dead (numb) now.
:(
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/windowpane.html
"I have glimpsed our future. And all I can say is.....go back." - Diane Court, Say Anything
January 21st - Happy Birthdays going out to...
Telly Savalas, Wolfman Jack, Jack Nicklaus, Geena Davis, Hakeem Olajuwon, and Emma Lee Bunton.
:)
Still hurting at times. Never felt so alive before, and so dead (numb) now.
:(
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/windowpane.html
"I have glimpsed our future. And all I can say is.....go back." - Diane Court, Say Anything
January 21st - Happy Birthdays going out to...
Telly Savalas, Wolfman Jack, Jack Nicklaus, Geena Davis, Hakeem Olajuwon, and Emma Lee Bunton.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
20th
January 20th - Happy Birthday to Deforest Kelley.
Star Trek just hasb't been the same wthout you...
Star Trek just hasb't been the same wthout you...
Monday, January 18, 2010
BD fun
Today is January 18th. I would be remiss if I did not wish a happy birthday to ...
author A. A. Milne
actor Cary Grant
actor and entertainer Danny Kaye
actor Kevin Costner
and hockey player Mark Messier.
And, here is another cool quote from author Ed Greenwood...
“Together we stand against hosts
And prevail, glorious, victorious.
Together we rouse kingdoms
Gathering trouble as farmers reap turnips
Together we share laughter
And dig and remember each other’s graves.”
author A. A. Milne
actor Cary Grant
actor and entertainer Danny Kaye
actor Kevin Costner
and hockey player Mark Messier.
And, here is another cool quote from author Ed Greenwood...
“Together we stand against hosts
And prevail, glorious, victorious.
Together we rouse kingdoms
Gathering trouble as farmers reap turnips
Together we share laughter
And dig and remember each other’s graves.”
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Who Let The Madwits Out?
“Well may dragon roar
And dying captains shout
For the fields are red with gore
And they’re letting the madwits out.”
- Ed Greenwood
And if you do not know who Ed Greenwood is, shame on you! After all, he is the creator of The Forgotten Realms (or do most people forget that?)!
A great quote, from a great author of sword-n-sorcery fantasy with liberal doses of palace intrigue and arcane skullduggery.
Anyways, what is new in my life? Perhaps the above quote best describes me right now. The madwits are out. The inmates are running the asylum.
Looks like I may get a pay-raise this year, but it'll likely be quite small, smaller than usual. I may get a bonus as well, but that remains to be seen; "Only time will tell, Fuzzbuddy, only time will tell."
My child support payments are going up 250%, which is gonna put a mean crimp in my budget. Oh well, the little rugrat is worth it, right?
Work is as hectic as ever. Personally, still doing plenty of gaming, and still being alone and lonely an awful lot; some days it bothers me a lot, some days not-so-much.
Not much else to say. Wrote a poem tonight...
See it here.
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/nary-good-thought-of-you-anymore.html
And dying captains shout
For the fields are red with gore
And they’re letting the madwits out.”
- Ed Greenwood
And if you do not know who Ed Greenwood is, shame on you! After all, he is the creator of The Forgotten Realms (or do most people forget that?)!
A great quote, from a great author of sword-n-sorcery fantasy with liberal doses of palace intrigue and arcane skullduggery.
Anyways, what is new in my life? Perhaps the above quote best describes me right now. The madwits are out. The inmates are running the asylum.
Looks like I may get a pay-raise this year, but it'll likely be quite small, smaller than usual. I may get a bonus as well, but that remains to be seen; "Only time will tell, Fuzzbuddy, only time will tell."
My child support payments are going up 250%, which is gonna put a mean crimp in my budget. Oh well, the little rugrat is worth it, right?
Work is as hectic as ever. Personally, still doing plenty of gaming, and still being alone and lonely an awful lot; some days it bothers me a lot, some days not-so-much.
Not much else to say. Wrote a poem tonight...
See it here.
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/nary-good-thought-of-you-anymore.html
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Me, and The Poem
Not feeling so hot. Not sick. Just...
How do you deal with life, when you feel like yours is severely lacking in spark, in creativity, in passion, in excitement? What do you do, when your soul is weary of being stuck in a place where you are emotionless and you walk through your days like an autonomous robot? When your very soul feels stifled? And where you can see no signs of change for the better?
Me, I write a poem about it. Doesn't seem like there is much more that I can do...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/naked.html
How do you deal with life, when you feel like yours is severely lacking in spark, in creativity, in passion, in excitement? What do you do, when your soul is weary of being stuck in a place where you are emotionless and you walk through your days like an autonomous robot? When your very soul feels stifled? And where you can see no signs of change for the better?
Me, I write a poem about it. Doesn't seem like there is much more that I can do...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2010/01/naked.html
Sunday, January 10, 2010
BD # 39
Hi.
it's me.
It is my birthday. Or, as I type these words, it will be my birthday in under 2 minutes.
My birfday. Yes, i have trouble pronouncing the word birthday, it is true. If I do not really concentrate, my "th" becomes an "f".
My 39th birfday.
Y'know, i did not think that being alone on my birthday would bother me much. I even took the weekend off from work, planning on doing nothing more exciting than perhaps a little house-cleaning.
But, life has a way of throwing you some unexpected curveballs. Ain't that the truth!
I was visiting my daughter and her mom Friday night. They have a new Wii system, with Wii Fit. So, Saturday evening, I suddenly realize that I think i want one. Not for gaming purposes (I am old-fashioned and do all my gaming on my pc) , but for the exercise aspects of it.
So, at 8:30 pm, I head out to WalMart. They have no Wii's. So i go to Futureshop, getting there just before they close. They tell me that every store in town has been out of Wii systems since before Christmas, and they have no idea when they will get more in stock.
SoI am in my car in Futureshop parking lot, mildly bummed. Well, I figure that maybe that means I am just not meant to get one; so i shrug it off.
Then i start aimlessly driving in my car. Suddenly, I realize that really I am looking to get myself a birfday gift.
And, at this point, most unexpectedly, I start to cry.
Cry? Why!? Well, i do not know. But, I did. And at 39 years old, I am old enough to admit it.
I ended up going to Safeway and spending $120 on groceries instead. Even bought a movie there, "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" which i actually really enjoyed (but the parts where he was 38 years old and single and could not get a date, that had me sniffling again).
So, here I am. Alone on my birthday. You know what? It DOES bother me, a fair amount. I do not want to be alone.
I am contented with who I am and how my life is. I can live with it. But I miss the excitement and passion of having a true love.
Thta is all I have to say.
Happy Birthday, me.
it's me.
It is my birthday. Or, as I type these words, it will be my birthday in under 2 minutes.
My birfday. Yes, i have trouble pronouncing the word birthday, it is true. If I do not really concentrate, my "th" becomes an "f".
My 39th birfday.
Y'know, i did not think that being alone on my birthday would bother me much. I even took the weekend off from work, planning on doing nothing more exciting than perhaps a little house-cleaning.
But, life has a way of throwing you some unexpected curveballs. Ain't that the truth!
I was visiting my daughter and her mom Friday night. They have a new Wii system, with Wii Fit. So, Saturday evening, I suddenly realize that I think i want one. Not for gaming purposes (I am old-fashioned and do all my gaming on my pc) , but for the exercise aspects of it.
So, at 8:30 pm, I head out to WalMart. They have no Wii's. So i go to Futureshop, getting there just before they close. They tell me that every store in town has been out of Wii systems since before Christmas, and they have no idea when they will get more in stock.
SoI am in my car in Futureshop parking lot, mildly bummed. Well, I figure that maybe that means I am just not meant to get one; so i shrug it off.
Then i start aimlessly driving in my car. Suddenly, I realize that really I am looking to get myself a birfday gift.
And, at this point, most unexpectedly, I start to cry.
Cry? Why!? Well, i do not know. But, I did. And at 39 years old, I am old enough to admit it.
I ended up going to Safeway and spending $120 on groceries instead. Even bought a movie there, "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" which i actually really enjoyed (but the parts where he was 38 years old and single and could not get a date, that had me sniffling again).
So, here I am. Alone on my birthday. You know what? It DOES bother me, a fair amount. I do not want to be alone.
I am contented with who I am and how my life is. I can live with it. But I miss the excitement and passion of having a true love.
Thta is all I have to say.
Happy Birthday, me.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
HNY
Happy New Year.
I am praying that my next year is more people-oriented than this last one was. I find myself being more 'lonely' than normal lately.
I think it is about time I met someone. I hope God agrees.
I am praying that my next year is more people-oriented than this last one was. I find myself being more 'lonely' than normal lately.
I think it is about time I met someone. I hope God agrees.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
10
I hate liars. I hate being lied to. And I hate being made a fool of. I also hate being played, through lies and manipulations. I hate it when people try to destroy you through falsehoods.
This explains why 2008 was such a horrible year for me. It should also explain why I have taken the entirety of 2009 off from people, just stuck with myself (because I can be honest with myself) for the most part.
And I have great expectations, that 2010 will show me that there are people out there that are worth trusting, because they are truthful and they are real.
I cannot take another year of getting burned.
Realistically, I also cannot take another year of staying by myself, either...
I have found happiness and contentment in the last year...but I have nobody to share it with, nobody to share ME with. That is sad, because that means that somebody out there is missing out on the blessing that is me!
Let's hear it for 2010; my breakout party.
This explains why 2008 was such a horrible year for me. It should also explain why I have taken the entirety of 2009 off from people, just stuck with myself (because I can be honest with myself) for the most part.
And I have great expectations, that 2010 will show me that there are people out there that are worth trusting, because they are truthful and they are real.
I cannot take another year of getting burned.
Realistically, I also cannot take another year of staying by myself, either...
I have found happiness and contentment in the last year...but I have nobody to share it with, nobody to share ME with. That is sad, because that means that somebody out there is missing out on the blessing that is me!
Let's hear it for 2010; my breakout party.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Ankle
Okay, so i twisted my ankle on December 6th 2009.
Here are photos from December 7th.
From December 9th.
From December 14th.
From December 15th.
Today is now December 18th. My top of my foot, my ankle, and around my ankle bones on either side of my foot, are all still somewhat swollen. I've iced it, and that has helped bring some of the swelling down. All the ugly red bruising is still there, and it is tender to the touch. Hard to beleive that I had no pain from this, isn't it? God is good.
Here are photos from December 7th.
From December 9th.
From December 14th.
From December 15th.
Today is now December 18th. My top of my foot, my ankle, and around my ankle bones on either side of my foot, are all still somewhat swollen. I've iced it, and that has helped bring some of the swelling down. All the ugly red bruising is still there, and it is tender to the touch. Hard to beleive that I had no pain from this, isn't it? God is good.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
...with a twist...
I twisted my ankle 8 and a half days ago.
I do not heal very quickly anymore. Although 90% of the swelling has disappeared, my right ankle is still a LOT bigger than my left one. As the swelling recedes, the ugly bruises are showing through. All down the outside of my foot, and around my anklebone area. That was two days ago. Still have those bruises, but now they have been joined by bruising on my toes as well. Not just normal-type bruises, but angry dark red bruises.
I will hopefully get around to posting a few photos soon...
I do not heal very quickly anymore. Although 90% of the swelling has disappeared, my right ankle is still a LOT bigger than my left one. As the swelling recedes, the ugly bruises are showing through. All down the outside of my foot, and around my anklebone area. That was two days ago. Still have those bruises, but now they have been joined by bruising on my toes as well. Not just normal-type bruises, but angry dark red bruises.
I will hopefully get around to posting a few photos soon...
Sunday, December 6, 2009
hero-need
I don’t want to be a cowboy. But I do want to be a hero.
Perhaps this “hero-need” is what drives my fascination with certain things, like - Action movies with a clearly-defined heroic male lead, the rough and tough guys who can manage to handle any bad situation thrown at them, and save not just themselves but those in need around them. Or comic-book superheroes, those blessed with great powers or abilities and who use them to fight injustice. And especially, fantasy-based video games...
Really, there is no greater thrill for me, than to feel a connect ion with a character who you propel through their “life”, making their moral choices for them, choosing their dialogue and interactions, and using their physical abilities to overcome great odds to be a hero on behalf of the downtrodden and needy who cannot protect themselves.
It is more than a desire, it is a NEED. Perhaps this need is more powerful within me, after having failed so many times, in so many opportunities, to be that hero in my life to somebody else. In both of my marriages, in spite of the fact that I truly believe that I am a “nice guy”, I failed to be a lasting hero figure to my spouses. I also had a “close friendship” in the last few years that I ended up failing miserably with, much to my chagrin and internal pain. So, having failed at this important part of my life too many times, I reach out to find other ways to self-soothe my pain and distress, trying to find ways to pump up that fragmented hero portion within myself. Mind you, for all the times that I have failed at being a hero, how often have I recollected the times that, to somebody else, I WAS a hero? Perhaps that is part of the problem; that I only remember the times I failed, and not at all the times that I succeeded...
So, I pour myself into video games. I choose fantasy-based games, and I go about creating a character that is perhaps part of my own deep-seated desires to be a hero, and part of my character is perhaps quite literally part of my character; that is to say, perhaps in the creation process (and, as children of God, what is more natural for us than to create?) I actually infuse my video-character with elements of my own real character (or what I envision my own character to be, anyways).
Then, I walk my character through the video-world, choosing situations that can enlarge my heroic persona. It is funny, but I NEVER play an evil character. It goes against what I am, what I stand for. I long for a life in which your good morality, together with your compassion and your physical fitness, would in and of itself allow you to be a hero if you so desire. But it does not exist, at least not in the “real” world.
So, I recently finished playing Neverwinter Nights 2, which was a totally awesome game, just as good (if not slightly better) than the original Neverwinter Nights. Now, I have moved on to playing Dragon Age: Origins. I was originally a little hesitant about this game, there was some nervousness that it might be too hard or difficult for me, as I am NOT a professional gamer; indeed, my very slow reaction time means I refuse to play any “real time” strategy games, I only play games where you can pause battles and give out commands to your party members one turn at a time. Anyways...Dragon Age: Origins is an awesome game. Seriously, out of all the fantasy video games that I have played, this looks like totally the best one ever. The graphics are incredible, the facial details are amazing. The way that you can control the destiny of your character...man! The choices that your character can make, in every conversation, is almost limitless, and each choice leads you down a path to yet more choices that you unlock through the choices you have already made. Plus, you have a choice of about 12 different character backgrounds to choose from, and depending on which one you choose, the game-play is completely different than if you had chosen another background. The length, breadth, and scope of this game, is beyond my imagination to conceive of. All in all, it is beautiful, a thing of true beauty.
For those of you who are interested in these things, you can read all about my adventures in various video-game worlds at my fantasy-game blog site at http://ward-of-gorion.blogspot.com/
There, you can see me wax poetic about my very favourite video game of all time, Baldur’s Gate. As well, you can click on the various links and read my day-by-day adventures in games such as Icewind Dale, Neverwinter Nights 2, and now, Dragon Age: Origins. Unfortunately for all reading this, at that blog I will proboably never mention the world's greatest coffee shop, Tim Horton's. Sorry 'bout that; get your daily fix by actually going to Timmy's and buying yourself a great coffee (and pick me up one too! XL, 2 cream! Thanx!).
In real life, I am well aware that moral goodness and physical strength do not make a person into a hero, the rescuer of thousands who is adored forever. That is just not reality. We, as people, can do little things that help us feel heroic, but can never truly be “heroes” in the broader and more grandiose use of the term. Nevertheless, I am blessed to have a close friendship with The Hero, Jesus Christ, and by serving under His kingly banner I can support and be on the side of The Hero, the only hero this world will ever need. This is a good time to mention, that playing these sorts of games, actually helps one understand a lot better how Kingdom principles work. Nowadays, we no longer have kings and kingdoms, we either have dictators or democracies. Because of that, most people do not understand how a kingdom works, the relationships that must exist between the King and His people, and how ambassadors of the King must act and present themselves. But, playing games (and reading books, etcetera) that operate under the principles of a kingdom help me to understand this better.
And another point to mention here is that no hero can rescue or save someone who does not desire to be rescued or saved. Even God Himself understands and must abide by that truth. As much as you try to help another, if the sin of pride keeps them from wanting your help, then you cannot help them, try as you might. I have ran into this truth (head-on at a dead run, usually) many times in my life. The faster you are going at the time, and the more determined you are to save the person, the more it hurts when you hit that wall and fall flat. The last time it happened to me, it sucked the air out of my lungs, and the very will-to-go-on out of my life; it made me want to die. I did not want to live in a world where people could choose to stay in their present conditions of poverty, abuse, hopelessness, and Godlessness, and where there was not one dang thing I could do about it, try as I might. It took years to recover enough to be able to pick myself up and move on. And it will take my entire life and more to totally recover from this hit to my very soul. And, here is the thing...as much as this hurt me, how much more must it hurt my King and my Lord, when He feels the pain from every single person who does not accept Him? Yet, He goes on, He does not give up. And that is why He is my Hero, why He is the One I trust to save me. Because He never quits, He never fails, and He never stops loving and acting in a loving manner towards me. And that is why Jesus Christ is my ultimate Hero.
In my gaming in Dragon Age: Origins, I was able to throw in a little bit of my love of comic book characters into it. My character has a marabi war-hound as a companion, a large dog the size of a small pony that only can be controlled by its one master. The first time that I see this war-hound, the game asked me to choose a name for it, that it would then be known by. My love of the Teen Titans animated television series led me to choose the superhero Cyborg’s rallying cry as a name for my pet; and thus, my marabi war-hound was dubbed “Booyah”.
Well, that is it for now. Ta-ta!
Perhaps this “hero-need” is what drives my fascination with certain things, like - Action movies with a clearly-defined heroic male lead, the rough and tough guys who can manage to handle any bad situation thrown at them, and save not just themselves but those in need around them. Or comic-book superheroes, those blessed with great powers or abilities and who use them to fight injustice. And especially, fantasy-based video games...
Really, there is no greater thrill for me, than to feel a connect ion with a character who you propel through their “life”, making their moral choices for them, choosing their dialogue and interactions, and using their physical abilities to overcome great odds to be a hero on behalf of the downtrodden and needy who cannot protect themselves.
It is more than a desire, it is a NEED. Perhaps this need is more powerful within me, after having failed so many times, in so many opportunities, to be that hero in my life to somebody else. In both of my marriages, in spite of the fact that I truly believe that I am a “nice guy”, I failed to be a lasting hero figure to my spouses. I also had a “close friendship” in the last few years that I ended up failing miserably with, much to my chagrin and internal pain. So, having failed at this important part of my life too many times, I reach out to find other ways to self-soothe my pain and distress, trying to find ways to pump up that fragmented hero portion within myself. Mind you, for all the times that I have failed at being a hero, how often have I recollected the times that, to somebody else, I WAS a hero? Perhaps that is part of the problem; that I only remember the times I failed, and not at all the times that I succeeded...
So, I pour myself into video games. I choose fantasy-based games, and I go about creating a character that is perhaps part of my own deep-seated desires to be a hero, and part of my character is perhaps quite literally part of my character; that is to say, perhaps in the creation process (and, as children of God, what is more natural for us than to create?) I actually infuse my video-character with elements of my own real character (or what I envision my own character to be, anyways).
Then, I walk my character through the video-world, choosing situations that can enlarge my heroic persona. It is funny, but I NEVER play an evil character. It goes against what I am, what I stand for. I long for a life in which your good morality, together with your compassion and your physical fitness, would in and of itself allow you to be a hero if you so desire. But it does not exist, at least not in the “real” world.
So, I recently finished playing Neverwinter Nights 2, which was a totally awesome game, just as good (if not slightly better) than the original Neverwinter Nights. Now, I have moved on to playing Dragon Age: Origins. I was originally a little hesitant about this game, there was some nervousness that it might be too hard or difficult for me, as I am NOT a professional gamer; indeed, my very slow reaction time means I refuse to play any “real time” strategy games, I only play games where you can pause battles and give out commands to your party members one turn at a time. Anyways...Dragon Age: Origins is an awesome game. Seriously, out of all the fantasy video games that I have played, this looks like totally the best one ever. The graphics are incredible, the facial details are amazing. The way that you can control the destiny of your character...man! The choices that your character can make, in every conversation, is almost limitless, and each choice leads you down a path to yet more choices that you unlock through the choices you have already made. Plus, you have a choice of about 12 different character backgrounds to choose from, and depending on which one you choose, the game-play is completely different than if you had chosen another background. The length, breadth, and scope of this game, is beyond my imagination to conceive of. All in all, it is beautiful, a thing of true beauty.
For those of you who are interested in these things, you can read all about my adventures in various video-game worlds at my fantasy-game blog site at http://ward-of-gorion.blogspot.com/
There, you can see me wax poetic about my very favourite video game of all time, Baldur’s Gate. As well, you can click on the various links and read my day-by-day adventures in games such as Icewind Dale, Neverwinter Nights 2, and now, Dragon Age: Origins. Unfortunately for all reading this, at that blog I will proboably never mention the world's greatest coffee shop, Tim Horton's. Sorry 'bout that; get your daily fix by actually going to Timmy's and buying yourself a great coffee (and pick me up one too! XL, 2 cream! Thanx!).
In real life, I am well aware that moral goodness and physical strength do not make a person into a hero, the rescuer of thousands who is adored forever. That is just not reality. We, as people, can do little things that help us feel heroic, but can never truly be “heroes” in the broader and more grandiose use of the term. Nevertheless, I am blessed to have a close friendship with The Hero, Jesus Christ, and by serving under His kingly banner I can support and be on the side of The Hero, the only hero this world will ever need. This is a good time to mention, that playing these sorts of games, actually helps one understand a lot better how Kingdom principles work. Nowadays, we no longer have kings and kingdoms, we either have dictators or democracies. Because of that, most people do not understand how a kingdom works, the relationships that must exist between the King and His people, and how ambassadors of the King must act and present themselves. But, playing games (and reading books, etcetera) that operate under the principles of a kingdom help me to understand this better.
And another point to mention here is that no hero can rescue or save someone who does not desire to be rescued or saved. Even God Himself understands and must abide by that truth. As much as you try to help another, if the sin of pride keeps them from wanting your help, then you cannot help them, try as you might. I have ran into this truth (head-on at a dead run, usually) many times in my life. The faster you are going at the time, and the more determined you are to save the person, the more it hurts when you hit that wall and fall flat. The last time it happened to me, it sucked the air out of my lungs, and the very will-to-go-on out of my life; it made me want to die. I did not want to live in a world where people could choose to stay in their present conditions of poverty, abuse, hopelessness, and Godlessness, and where there was not one dang thing I could do about it, try as I might. It took years to recover enough to be able to pick myself up and move on. And it will take my entire life and more to totally recover from this hit to my very soul. And, here is the thing...as much as this hurt me, how much more must it hurt my King and my Lord, when He feels the pain from every single person who does not accept Him? Yet, He goes on, He does not give up. And that is why He is my Hero, why He is the One I trust to save me. Because He never quits, He never fails, and He never stops loving and acting in a loving manner towards me. And that is why Jesus Christ is my ultimate Hero.
In my gaming in Dragon Age: Origins, I was able to throw in a little bit of my love of comic book characters into it. My character has a marabi war-hound as a companion, a large dog the size of a small pony that only can be controlled by its one master. The first time that I see this war-hound, the game asked me to choose a name for it, that it would then be known by. My love of the Teen Titans animated television series led me to choose the superhero Cyborg’s rallying cry as a name for my pet; and thus, my marabi war-hound was dubbed “Booyah”.
Well, that is it for now. Ta-ta!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Al Gore's ClimateGate
(from the LA Times, December 4th, 2009)
Take Back Al Gore's Oscar, 2 Academy Members Demand In Light Of ClimateGate
No, it wouldn't do anything for the environment.
But two Hollywood conservatives (yes, there are some) have called upon the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to rescind the prestigious, profitable gold Oscar statuette that it gave ex-Vice President Al Gore et al two years ago for the environmental movie "An Inconvenient Truth."
Roger L. Simon and Lionel Chetwynd, both Academy members, are among a small, meandering pack of known political conservatives still believed to be on the loose in the liberal bastion of movie-making.
In 2007, Hollywood's Academy sanctified Gore's cinematic message of global warming with its famous statue, enriched his earnings by $100,000 per 85-minute appearance ( http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2007/07/more-on-gore.html ) and helped elevate the Tennesseean's profile to win the Nobel Peace Prize despite losing the election battle of 2000 to a Texan and living in a large house with lots of energy-driven appliances.
Chetwynd and Simon were prompted to make their hopeless demand this week by the....
...leak two weeks ago of a blizzard of British academic e-mails purporting to show that scientists at the University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit systematically falsified data to document the appearance of global warming in recent years.
The university is reportedly investigating the claims, which added dry fuel to the never-ending political debate over whether the Earth really is warming as a result of human activity or if it's just normal natural cycles and the debate is what's heated. The demand to withdraw Gore's award provides yet another opportunity to argue.
The startling leak comes at an inconvenient time just before next week's United Nations' climate change meeting that will cause an immense carbon footprint with thousands of people flying up or over to Denmark to talk about saving the environment.
These airplanes will include Air Force One with its primary passenger President Obama, who's returning to the Copenhagen scene where he didn't help win the 2016 Summer Olympics for Chicago, which could do with a little global warming at this time of year.
Simon, a screenwriter who is also chief executive officer of Pajamas Media, a network of conservative online blogs, conceded he knew of no precedent for the Academy withdrawing a previously-awarded Oscar, despite decades of Hollywood hijinks and worse. But, he added, "I think they should rescind this one."
The controversial leaked documents have been assembled here by Pajamas Media ( http://www.climate-gate.org/ ) and the Competitive Enterprise Institute. The joint demand by Simon and filmmaker Chetwynd is available on video here ( http://www.pjtv.com/video/Poliwood/Climategate_Hits_Hollywood%3A_Should_the_Academy_Rescind_Gore%27s_Oscar%3F/2780/;jsessionid=abcowwO-8vPzC5mPVAyvs ).
The television news-watching world in America has not learned much about the so-called Climategate scandal because it has not really been mentioned on the air except for a notorious cable news channel named for a three-lettered, wily, wild animal that often seems to revel in debunking liberal shibbeloths.
Network news programs have been far more concerned with the obviously more important White House party-crasher story involving a couple of formally-dressed phonies.
The falsified documents do not come up in Gore interview excerpts published late last night here ( http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1209/30063.html ) by Politico's John F. Harris and Mike Allen.
This week White House Press Secy. Robert Gibbs claimed that global warming was no longer in dispute by most people. But a subsequent Rasmussen Reports poll ( http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/current_events/environment_energy/americans_skeptical_of_science_behind_global_warming ) of Americans finds only one in four adults believe most scientists agree on the topic.
And while only 20% claim to have followed the leaked e-mail story Very Closely, nearly 60% believe it is at least somewhat likely that scientists have falsified environmental data to support their own global warming beliefs and theories.
-- Andrew Malcolm
Take Back Al Gore's Oscar, 2 Academy Members Demand In Light Of ClimateGate
No, it wouldn't do anything for the environment.
But two Hollywood conservatives (yes, there are some) have called upon the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to rescind the prestigious, profitable gold Oscar statuette that it gave ex-Vice President Al Gore et al two years ago for the environmental movie "An Inconvenient Truth."
Roger L. Simon and Lionel Chetwynd, both Academy members, are among a small, meandering pack of known political conservatives still believed to be on the loose in the liberal bastion of movie-making.
In 2007, Hollywood's Academy sanctified Gore's cinematic message of global warming with its famous statue, enriched his earnings by $100,000 per 85-minute appearance ( http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2007/07/more-on-gore.html ) and helped elevate the Tennesseean's profile to win the Nobel Peace Prize despite losing the election battle of 2000 to a Texan and living in a large house with lots of energy-driven appliances.
Chetwynd and Simon were prompted to make their hopeless demand this week by the....
...leak two weeks ago of a blizzard of British academic e-mails purporting to show that scientists at the University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit systematically falsified data to document the appearance of global warming in recent years.
The university is reportedly investigating the claims, which added dry fuel to the never-ending political debate over whether the Earth really is warming as a result of human activity or if it's just normal natural cycles and the debate is what's heated. The demand to withdraw Gore's award provides yet another opportunity to argue.
The startling leak comes at an inconvenient time just before next week's United Nations' climate change meeting that will cause an immense carbon footprint with thousands of people flying up or over to Denmark to talk about saving the environment.
These airplanes will include Air Force One with its primary passenger President Obama, who's returning to the Copenhagen scene where he didn't help win the 2016 Summer Olympics for Chicago, which could do with a little global warming at this time of year.
Simon, a screenwriter who is also chief executive officer of Pajamas Media, a network of conservative online blogs, conceded he knew of no precedent for the Academy withdrawing a previously-awarded Oscar, despite decades of Hollywood hijinks and worse. But, he added, "I think they should rescind this one."
The controversial leaked documents have been assembled here by Pajamas Media ( http://www.climate-gate.org/ ) and the Competitive Enterprise Institute. The joint demand by Simon and filmmaker Chetwynd is available on video here ( http://www.pjtv.com/video/Poliwood/Climategate_Hits_Hollywood%3A_Should_the_Academy_Rescind_Gore%27s_Oscar%3F/2780/;jsessionid=abcowwO-8vPzC5mPVAyvs ).
The television news-watching world in America has not learned much about the so-called Climategate scandal because it has not really been mentioned on the air except for a notorious cable news channel named for a three-lettered, wily, wild animal that often seems to revel in debunking liberal shibbeloths.
Network news programs have been far more concerned with the obviously more important White House party-crasher story involving a couple of formally-dressed phonies.
The falsified documents do not come up in Gore interview excerpts published late last night here ( http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1209/30063.html ) by Politico's John F. Harris and Mike Allen.
This week White House Press Secy. Robert Gibbs claimed that global warming was no longer in dispute by most people. But a subsequent Rasmussen Reports poll ( http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/current_events/environment_energy/americans_skeptical_of_science_behind_global_warming ) of Americans finds only one in four adults believe most scientists agree on the topic.
And while only 20% claim to have followed the leaked e-mail story Very Closely, nearly 60% believe it is at least somewhat likely that scientists have falsified environmental data to support their own global warming beliefs and theories.
-- Andrew Malcolm
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Higher Learning
Something I wrote up a few days ago during some downtime at work, but forgot about until now...
Some things in life that I have learned lately...
There is no grey. There is absolute truth, and there is absolute right and absolute wrong.
That being said, when it comes to dealing with people, there is no black and white. Because, quite simply, it is impossible to judge a person or a situation involving people without literally being the person you are attempting to judge. What looks black or white from the inside, may look entirely different when you are the person involved.
God is the only Judge, so stop trying to figure everything out. Being willing to stop and smile and relax, to let go and let God, this is the best way to live life. Live life to the fullest, and live it well by living it for God. Concentrate on loving God and spending time with Him, and allow others the freedom to do as they choose (and they'll answer to God if need be, but not to you).
Let others work out their own walk with God. Work on your own walk. Don’t judge, just accept others, and love others.
Don’t point fingers at others, because God does not point fingers at you. You are only forgiven, because Jesus paid the price you could not. It wasn’t anything you did, so stop comparing yourself to others (or others to you).
The harder that you try to understand people (and situations), the more screwed up you will get. The trick is to stop trying to understand things; understanding is just another word for controlling. My job is to love God, and to show love to others; let God be in control, He is much more qualified than I am.
"Aloneness" and "Loneliness" are too completely different things; neither of them are good for a person, long-term. Interestingly enough, a person can be alone and yet not lonely, and a person can also be lonely and yet not alone.
One of the most important things that you can give away, is grace. If you give grace to others, it means that you accept them where they are at on their journey (and we are all on a journey, aren’t we?). You do not judge them, because God is the only One Who can judge. We accept them and love them, not based on what they have or have not done, but based on the fact that God loves them, plain and simple. Giving people grace, means you can allow them to fall, allow them to fail, because quite frankly you recognize that God is not finished with them yet so they are allowed to be imperfect (just like you are).
Some things in life that I have learned lately...
There is no grey. There is absolute truth, and there is absolute right and absolute wrong.
That being said, when it comes to dealing with people, there is no black and white. Because, quite simply, it is impossible to judge a person or a situation involving people without literally being the person you are attempting to judge. What looks black or white from the inside, may look entirely different when you are the person involved.
God is the only Judge, so stop trying to figure everything out. Being willing to stop and smile and relax, to let go and let God, this is the best way to live life. Live life to the fullest, and live it well by living it for God. Concentrate on loving God and spending time with Him, and allow others the freedom to do as they choose (and they'll answer to God if need be, but not to you).
Let others work out their own walk with God. Work on your own walk. Don’t judge, just accept others, and love others.
Don’t point fingers at others, because God does not point fingers at you. You are only forgiven, because Jesus paid the price you could not. It wasn’t anything you did, so stop comparing yourself to others (or others to you).
The harder that you try to understand people (and situations), the more screwed up you will get. The trick is to stop trying to understand things; understanding is just another word for controlling. My job is to love God, and to show love to others; let God be in control, He is much more qualified than I am.
"Aloneness" and "Loneliness" are too completely different things; neither of them are good for a person, long-term. Interestingly enough, a person can be alone and yet not lonely, and a person can also be lonely and yet not alone.
One of the most important things that you can give away, is grace. If you give grace to others, it means that you accept them where they are at on their journey (and we are all on a journey, aren’t we?). You do not judge them, because God is the only One Who can judge. We accept them and love them, not based on what they have or have not done, but based on the fact that God loves them, plain and simple. Giving people grace, means you can allow them to fall, allow them to fail, because quite frankly you recognize that God is not finished with them yet so they are allowed to be imperfect (just like you are).
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
you are being duped
Click the below link to watch a short (4 minute) video blog by Glenn Beck. Glenn exposes the fraud that is global warming, using real emails sent by top scientists (who nicely admit to lying to you, faking the data, and say that the earth is cooling right now and not warming at all). Honestly, just watch it! Is 4 minutes of your life going to be wasted doing nothing, or are you going to spend 4 minutes getting some truth?
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/videos/?uri=channels/338017/667734
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/videos/?uri=channels/338017/667734
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Hell
Or: "Hell - Who Is There?"
Seems to me, if you ask most Christians, the response to the question of "who is hell for" would be "sinners" or something of that nature.
I am here to say that if that is your answer, then I believe you are wrong.
I could go ahead and say the obvious thing, that hell is for the devil and the demons, that is who God created it for. But I am not trying to be that obvious, just trying to spark an interesting (one-sided) conversation.
If hell was for sinners, we would all be there. Anybody who was born a human being, was born a sinner. Anybody who breathed even one breath on this earth, has sinned. And, even though God does not call Christians "sinners" but rather "saints", we know this is not from a lack of sin on our parts but by an over-abundance of righteousness that Jesus has and gives to us.
So, who is hell for?
I am going to put it to you, that hell is for the proud. Each and every person in hell, is guilty of pride. Pride was the overriding factor that caused them to reject Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour.
The Bible tells us that no one has an excuse. No one can stand before God and say that they did not know of Him. Every person born to humanity on this earth, has seen God through creation, and therefore knows that there is a God.
Ponder that for a moment. Basically put, this means that there are NO atheists. There are people who CALL themselves atheists, but God says that they actually know that there is a God, they are merely rejecting the truth.
Why do they reject the Truth? Why does anybody reject the Truth? Pride.
Pride. It was the downfall of Satan, and it is the downfall of every person who ends up in hell. This is why the Bible says that God hates the proud. We know that God does not hate sinners - if so, He would have to hate His very own people. John 3:16 teaches us that God loves sinners, and our own conversion experience has shown us that God loves us enough to die for us while we were yet sinners. But pride, pride God hates. It is pride that causes us to know the truth, but turn away from it. So "the proud", those who live a life defined by pride, does God hate them? Yes, He does; but only because of their pride, which keeps them from Him and His love for them.
Yes, it is true that sinners go to hell. But that is only a partial story. If you asked the question, "what are HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lanes for?", and I answered "they are for motorized vehicles to travel in", my answer would be correct. But, it would not tell the whole story. Yes, every lane of traffic on the road is made and designed for motorized traffic to travel on to get from one point to another point, this is absolutely true. But HOV lanes are ALSO there for vehicles carrying at least two people in them. You see, the answer was correct, but left out a lot of details.
In the same way, yes, everybody who ends up in hell is/was a sinner. But, not all people who sin end up there, just like not all vehicles can travel in an HOV lane.
The truth is, hell is for the proud. Pride is the original sin. Pride is what keeps people from God. Pride, therefore, is the sin that sends people to hell.
Seems to me, if you ask most Christians, the response to the question of "who is hell for" would be "sinners" or something of that nature.
I am here to say that if that is your answer, then I believe you are wrong.
I could go ahead and say the obvious thing, that hell is for the devil and the demons, that is who God created it for. But I am not trying to be that obvious, just trying to spark an interesting (one-sided) conversation.
If hell was for sinners, we would all be there. Anybody who was born a human being, was born a sinner. Anybody who breathed even one breath on this earth, has sinned. And, even though God does not call Christians "sinners" but rather "saints", we know this is not from a lack of sin on our parts but by an over-abundance of righteousness that Jesus has and gives to us.
So, who is hell for?
I am going to put it to you, that hell is for the proud. Each and every person in hell, is guilty of pride. Pride was the overriding factor that caused them to reject Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour.
The Bible tells us that no one has an excuse. No one can stand before God and say that they did not know of Him. Every person born to humanity on this earth, has seen God through creation, and therefore knows that there is a God.
Ponder that for a moment. Basically put, this means that there are NO atheists. There are people who CALL themselves atheists, but God says that they actually know that there is a God, they are merely rejecting the truth.
Why do they reject the Truth? Why does anybody reject the Truth? Pride.
Pride. It was the downfall of Satan, and it is the downfall of every person who ends up in hell. This is why the Bible says that God hates the proud. We know that God does not hate sinners - if so, He would have to hate His very own people. John 3:16 teaches us that God loves sinners, and our own conversion experience has shown us that God loves us enough to die for us while we were yet sinners. But pride, pride God hates. It is pride that causes us to know the truth, but turn away from it. So "the proud", those who live a life defined by pride, does God hate them? Yes, He does; but only because of their pride, which keeps them from Him and His love for them.
Yes, it is true that sinners go to hell. But that is only a partial story. If you asked the question, "what are HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lanes for?", and I answered "they are for motorized vehicles to travel in", my answer would be correct. But, it would not tell the whole story. Yes, every lane of traffic on the road is made and designed for motorized traffic to travel on to get from one point to another point, this is absolutely true. But HOV lanes are ALSO there for vehicles carrying at least two people in them. You see, the answer was correct, but left out a lot of details.
In the same way, yes, everybody who ends up in hell is/was a sinner. But, not all people who sin end up there, just like not all vehicles can travel in an HOV lane.
The truth is, hell is for the proud. Pride is the original sin. Pride is what keeps people from God. Pride, therefore, is the sin that sends people to hell.
Friday, November 20, 2009
time of my life
It has been a good weekend for me so far. My "weekend" this week was/is Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
Got to play lots of my current video game passion, Neverwinter Nights 2. Watched all of The Batman Season 4, and also got to watch Phantasm (the first one). Slam Dunk Ernest, too.
Didn't manage (yet) to get to use the laundry room here in my building. Oh well, i have enough clothes and stuff to make it another week, it'll just mean i have that much more laundry to do next week.
Watched some NHL hockey this weekend. Had to endure my Penguins losing to the Senators, but then got to enjoy the Blackhawks beating up on the Flames. Currently, I have my eye on the Washington/Montreal game. In my hockey pool, I am in a good spot for now, sitting in third place.
Just got a batch of older comics in from Mile High Comics. Probably be the last order I get from there for a while, due to budget constraints.
My first (ex-)wife has had the swine flu, so i did not get to visit with her and my girl this weekend, but we have tentative plans to visit my parents for dinner next Thursday.
Also, been busy on http://ward-of-gorion.blogspot.com/ , where I have not only been blogging my video game adventures on a daily basis, but I found the time to upgrade the home-page a little bit and make it easier to understand (and a little bit more fun, too!).
That's all for now. Hope you are all safe and content. Slainte.
Got to play lots of my current video game passion, Neverwinter Nights 2. Watched all of The Batman Season 4, and also got to watch Phantasm (the first one). Slam Dunk Ernest, too.
Didn't manage (yet) to get to use the laundry room here in my building. Oh well, i have enough clothes and stuff to make it another week, it'll just mean i have that much more laundry to do next week.
Watched some NHL hockey this weekend. Had to endure my Penguins losing to the Senators, but then got to enjoy the Blackhawks beating up on the Flames. Currently, I have my eye on the Washington/Montreal game. In my hockey pool, I am in a good spot for now, sitting in third place.
Just got a batch of older comics in from Mile High Comics. Probably be the last order I get from there for a while, due to budget constraints.
My first (ex-)wife has had the swine flu, so i did not get to visit with her and my girl this weekend, but we have tentative plans to visit my parents for dinner next Thursday.
Also, been busy on http://ward-of-gorion.blogspot.com/ , where I have not only been blogging my video game adventures on a daily basis, but I found the time to upgrade the home-page a little bit and make it easier to understand (and a little bit more fun, too!).
That's all for now. Hope you are all safe and content. Slainte.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
dreams
Genesis 40:8 - "Interpreting dreams is God's business," Joseph said.
And with that one line, God gets my attention.
I have had a lot of dream lately. For the last 8 days, I have had the unusual "pleasure" of waking up and remembering my dreams (which doesn't happen very much to me).
But, in this case, I think God is talking more about my dreams in life, my goals, my aspirations. He is the One Who interprets them, because He is the One Who gives them to me.
Something interesting to think upon throughout my day.
And with that one line, God gets my attention.
I have had a lot of dream lately. For the last 8 days, I have had the unusual "pleasure" of waking up and remembering my dreams (which doesn't happen very much to me).
But, in this case, I think God is talking more about my dreams in life, my goals, my aspirations. He is the One Who interprets them, because He is the One Who gives them to me.
Something interesting to think upon throughout my day.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Losing It
LOST, Season 5, available on DVD December 8th 2009.
My pre-order with amazon.ca is in; is yours?
My pre-order with amazon.ca is in; is yours?
Heart-Plummet, Free Fall Stomach
At work tonight, I saw somebody. Somebody I did NOT want to see; Melanie.
She, of course, did not see me. But I definitely saw her. Laughing. Having fun. Scheming. Walking around in MY WORKPLACE, where she almost ruined me, acting like she belongs here.
I am calmer now. Then, not so much. My heart fell into my shoes. I instantly wanted to throw up. Then I got angry, very angry.
I could say a lot, but I won't say very much right now. I am not ready to yet.
Truthfully, I was not ready to see her. Even just to "see" her...I wasn't ready. I have prayed, oh so often i have prayed, that God would not let me see her or bump into her, not ever, not unless it was His will. So, what do I then take out of this sighting of her, and my reaction to it? How do I categorize this, other than by saying "more painful than I can express"? Was God not able to answer my prayer? Did God choose to have me see her, for a reason, or was this just chance rearing its ugly head? What was the reason? What does God want to work in me through this?
So many questions. One thing I know...on the way to work, i put my favourite worship CD, Worship In The Waiting by FFH, into my car stereo. I haven't listened to it in quite some time, but felt compelled to do so today. This is the CD that God used to get me through the hard times (the hardest times my life has ever had) with Melanie. The fact that God had me put that CD into my stereo today, and that it was on God Of Promise when I drove home...that was no fluke. God knew, and God prepared. He smoothed my way somewhat.
My reaction to her, however, tells me that as much healing as I thought I had gone through, I really have a lot more to go yet...
Why, Lord? Why so much deep-down pain over this one woman? What did she do to me, and how, and why?
The older I get, the less I understand, and the more I admit it.
God, be merciful to me, and heal me.
She, of course, did not see me. But I definitely saw her. Laughing. Having fun. Scheming. Walking around in MY WORKPLACE, where she almost ruined me, acting like she belongs here.
I am calmer now. Then, not so much. My heart fell into my shoes. I instantly wanted to throw up. Then I got angry, very angry.
I could say a lot, but I won't say very much right now. I am not ready to yet.
Truthfully, I was not ready to see her. Even just to "see" her...I wasn't ready. I have prayed, oh so often i have prayed, that God would not let me see her or bump into her, not ever, not unless it was His will. So, what do I then take out of this sighting of her, and my reaction to it? How do I categorize this, other than by saying "more painful than I can express"? Was God not able to answer my prayer? Did God choose to have me see her, for a reason, or was this just chance rearing its ugly head? What was the reason? What does God want to work in me through this?
So many questions. One thing I know...on the way to work, i put my favourite worship CD, Worship In The Waiting by FFH, into my car stereo. I haven't listened to it in quite some time, but felt compelled to do so today. This is the CD that God used to get me through the hard times (the hardest times my life has ever had) with Melanie. The fact that God had me put that CD into my stereo today, and that it was on God Of Promise when I drove home...that was no fluke. God knew, and God prepared. He smoothed my way somewhat.
My reaction to her, however, tells me that as much healing as I thought I had gone through, I really have a lot more to go yet...
Why, Lord? Why so much deep-down pain over this one woman? What did she do to me, and how, and why?
The older I get, the less I understand, and the more I admit it.
God, be merciful to me, and heal me.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Chicken, Pickin', Lickin'
IF
I were, today, asked to pick the Olympic roster for the Canadian Men's Ice Hockey Team,
here is who would be on my team as of today...
Goaltenders:
1. Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins
2. Roberto Luongo, Vancouver Canucks
3. Marty Turco, Dallas Stars
Defencemen:
1st pair:
Jay Bouwmesster, Calgary Flames
Duncan Keith, Chicago Blackhawks
2nd pair:
Chris Pronger, Philadelphia Flyers
Scott Niedermayer, Anaheim Ducks
3rd pair:
Shea Weber, Nashville Predators
Robyn Regehr, Calgary Flames
extra pair:
Tyler Myers, Buffalo Sabres
Stephane Robidas, Dallas Stars
Forwards:
1st line:
Rick Nash, Columbus Blue Jackets
Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins
Jarome Iginla, Calgary Flames
2nd line:
Jeff Carter, Philadelphia Flyers
Ryan Getzlaf, Anaheim Ducks
Corey perry, Anaheim Ducks
3rd line:
Brenden Morrow, Dallas Stars
Mike Richards, Philadelphia Flyers
Jordan Staaal, Pittsburgh Penguins
4th line:
Ryan Smyth, Los Angeles Kings
Brad Richards, Dallas Stars
Rene Bourque, Calgary Flames
extra forwards:
Patrick Sharp, Chicago Blackhawks
Shane Doan, Phoenix Coyotes
My Captain would be Crosby, and my two assistant captains would be Niedermayer and Nash.
I were, today, asked to pick the Olympic roster for the Canadian Men's Ice Hockey Team,
here is who would be on my team as of today...
Goaltenders:
1. Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins
2. Roberto Luongo, Vancouver Canucks
3. Marty Turco, Dallas Stars
Defencemen:
1st pair:
Jay Bouwmesster, Calgary Flames
Duncan Keith, Chicago Blackhawks
2nd pair:
Chris Pronger, Philadelphia Flyers
Scott Niedermayer, Anaheim Ducks
3rd pair:
Shea Weber, Nashville Predators
Robyn Regehr, Calgary Flames
extra pair:
Tyler Myers, Buffalo Sabres
Stephane Robidas, Dallas Stars
Forwards:
1st line:
Rick Nash, Columbus Blue Jackets
Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins
Jarome Iginla, Calgary Flames
2nd line:
Jeff Carter, Philadelphia Flyers
Ryan Getzlaf, Anaheim Ducks
Corey perry, Anaheim Ducks
3rd line:
Brenden Morrow, Dallas Stars
Mike Richards, Philadelphia Flyers
Jordan Staaal, Pittsburgh Penguins
4th line:
Ryan Smyth, Los Angeles Kings
Brad Richards, Dallas Stars
Rene Bourque, Calgary Flames
extra forwards:
Patrick Sharp, Chicago Blackhawks
Shane Doan, Phoenix Coyotes
My Captain would be Crosby, and my two assistant captains would be Niedermayer and Nash.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
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