story of the year

Thoughts. Running, parading, stampeding thru my mind.


Nobody in human history can better understand what it feels like to be betrayed, than Jesus. He was betrayed by a friend and a confidante, a trusted person inside his most loyal of circles, someone who was supposed to, was expected to understand Who He was and why He was here.

Surely then, God completely understands the pain I felt, and sometimes still feel a shadow of, the pain of my having somebody who believed in me, who briefly believed in us, turn around and walk away, leaving behind desolation.

As painful and shocking as that was, God did not turn away and grimace when it happened; to Him, or to me. He saw it, He took it upon Himself, and He opened His arms wide in love. And at that moment, He saw me and all of my hurts, one of which was my heartache at what has befallen my life. He truly understands, as nobody else can; it happened to Him, too, but on a much larger and grander scale.

Desolation. Described as; devastation, ruin, the state of being abandoned or forsaken, loneliness, wretchedness, misery.

Is there anything more alone, than having connected with somebody on a meaningfully, life-changing level, and then losing them forever?

Yet, by the grace of God, I survive!

God promises to restore to us the locust years, the years that the destroyer takes from us. I believe that this includes the years that I potentially had, with a soul that was bound to mine, yet never got.

Somebody told me recently, that the connection and rapport you have with your first spouse, you never get back. Your future spouses, you never have that with them, and that this is a cruel joke of life.

I disagree. It took me a while, but I now disagree. You see, it happened to me; twice.

The rapport and connection I had with my first wife, was built upon time; time together, in our more formative stages of life, built that relationship to where it was. To where you think alike, you know what the other is thinking. You have some real understanding of your partner. I had that with my first wife. It took time, but we built that between us.

I did not have it with my second wife. But, with Melanie, I discovered something; anything that man can do himself through time, God can do on a spiritual level in a nanosecond. Melanie and I connected, in a deep and extremely meaningful way, almost overnight, to the point where I felt I had a real instantaneous understanding of her, of her faults, of her pains, of her motives, and of her wants. She didn’t have to teach me these things, over time – God just showed them to me.

This CAN happen this way. God is the God of the miraculous. And the God of 2nd chances.

One last thought; I will not settle for a life of being alone and lonely. I do not deserve it, and as a child of God I will not expect it. I will get better than that, because of Who God is. This is my year. My year to find somebody. Miraculously. Wonderfully. A deep connection beyond my wildest imaginings. This is my year.