Ha!

What did the nervous man say to the maitre d' at the fine new restaurant?

"I have some reservations about this place."

Ha!



I wrote two new poems. They came about partially because 'somebody' mentioned that my poetry tended towards the dreary and pained. So, here's for you! :P (ps - this means it is all your fault. Ha!)

The first poem came about because I had a daydream during the ending credits of The Bourne Identity, to which I asked myself the question, "Self, wouldn't it suck if you wanted to be a dentist, but your siamese-twin wanted to be an assassin?"

The second poem came about, because I was feeling silly, and felt like being mildly inappropriate and offensive.


Shattered Dreams of Dentistry (Duck and Cover, Creep and Kill)

I had a dream, of dentistry
From a child young, a longing
As I grew, I just surely knew
The profession would give me a sense of belonging.

I studied and learned, midnight oil burned
Excelled in all that I applied
Day I got my smock and novocaine
Was a day my dream shone bright, and I cried.

I had a brother whose desire was to be an assassin
Which shouldn’t have been so hard on me
Excepting that my brother was a twin
And this twin happened to be Siamese.

It’s hard to do a proper root canal
To keep things neat and tidy
When your Siamese-twin keeps you up all night
And lack of sleep you attempt to be hiding.

I do not mean to be a complaining sort
I am thankful for the life I’ve been given
I just wish my sibling had the intelligence
To know that a Siamese-twin assassin makes it hard for me
To make a livin’.

He spends his nights in enemy territory
Creeping with stealth and much skulduggery
Whilst I bump and bruise along behind him
(Even a dentist knows that nothing good rhymes with skulduggery).

Dentistry is my profession chosen
And it is all I ever wanted to have been
But I curse the day my brother chose
To be my Siamese-twin paid assassin.

(with apologies to the physically-joined, and anyone born in Siam)



August 1st, 2010





Stutterer’s Delight


Stutterer’s d-d-d-de-l-l-light
S-s-s-seeing my l-l-love on
On a, on, on a, on a
S-s-sum-summer’s b-b-breez-breez-breezy
Night.


( I am SO going to Hell for this, aren’t I? )


August 2nd, 2010




Meanwhile, in my Baldur's Gate game, in the town of Beregost the six adventurers met up with the Bard named Garrick outside of the Burning Wizard pub. He hires the six on the spot, to protect his employer, a woman named Silke, from, some thugs who are out to kill her. Garrick leads them around the corner, to a place outside of the Red Sheaf Inn. There they meet Silke, who says that three thugs are approaching now and that the six must kill them on the spot before they are allowed to speak as they might cast magic spells and kill them all.

The three 'thugs' appraoch, and it is immediately obvious that they are not what Silke made them out to be, as she seems to be their employer and has asked them to meet her here at this spot. Penelope refuses to attack them, and Silke turns on the six instead. As she begins to cast a magic spell herself, the six attack and take her down. Looting her corpse reveals a magic-enhanced quarterstaff, which Jaheira takes to replace her regular one.

The three merchants (not thugs) reward Penelope with a potion. Garrick asks if he can join the group, but Penelope declines, thinking he is either entirely untrustworthy or a real dupe. Garrick stumbles off in a hough.

They head off next to the famous Thunderhammer Smithy, where the magical quarterstaff is properly identified and where penelope upgrades her armour to plate mail.

Then they go back and enter the Red Sheaf, where the assassin Karlat (a dwarf) awaits. After a tough battle, the group takes him down.