The Fairer Sex

Women.

Women seem to appreciate some things about me. They tend to like my calm personality, they like that I am quiet and easy-going and respectful, that I am a thinker, that I am loyal, that I am not a drinker or a partier, and that I am not too horrible looking.

Unfortunately, after a while, they all seem to want things from me that I am not. They want me to be a Super-Man, instead of just the man that I am. They tend to forget about the good points, and instead see only my faults.

Faults that I am only too aware of, thank you very much! Yes, I know that I am not great with children (nor am I very good at producing them). Yes, I know that I can be boring, lazy, and apathetic. I recognize that I have trouble motivating myself, and I am not very good with change. I have trouble being comfortable with people, and especially with many people in a social setting. I tend not to share a lot about myself, unless I implicitly trust somebody, and that trust has to be earned over time. I am a thinker, not a do-er, so I do not get out and get involved in a lot of activities. A lot of times, I have trouble making decisions, and will just “go with the flow”, allowing others to make the decisions for me and happily going along with that. I can also be stubborn on a few things, especially spiritual matters. Although I think I am a romantic at heart, I have trouble with the daily applications of that romanticism. And when things get rough in my life, I tend to withdraw into myself.

Do any of these things, separately or together, make me a bad person? I don’t think so. I think they just make me…me. We all have a personality, we all have traits, both bad and good, that make us who we are. I am a person who has studied myself, and the personalities of others, and I like to think that I am very conscious of who I am as a person, and have accepted both my good and bad qualities and learned to live with the person that I am. And I think that is a good thing. I know my strengths, and my limitations.

When I like a woman, I like her for who she is, not for what I hope that she might one day be. But it seems to me that women live with a fairy-tale type mentality when it comes to men. They do not want to live in the nitty-gritty details of real life, they want the fairy-tale, happily-ever-after ending. When they like a man, it seems to me that they recognize his good qualities, but they also have high hopes that they can change his more poor tendencies and make him into the man they have always dreamed of having. Whereas men fall in love with the woman before them, and just want that woman to love and respect and support them, and just want to happily live out their days with that woman, the women tend to fall in love with the idea of what this man can be with their own manipulations of him. Men love the woman in front of them; women love the idea of what this man might one day become.

Of course, one of my problems when it comes to meeting (and falling for) women, is that I always want to “rescue” somebody (Knight In Shining Armour Syndrome?). I overlook all the flaws, and reach down and try to see the person deep down within and draw them out. I usually am attracted to women who do not know their own beauty, their own special-ness, and their own potential, and I just naturally want them to discover some of that by being with me. Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The problem is, is that I end up being attracted to fatally flawed women. Those with problems too big for them to overcome, or who are too scared to overcome the way their life is right now. And they do not want to change, or they are too scared to change, or they think they do not need to change. And so, I get hurt, and I lose out. I put too much of myself into these women, and they cannot accept that they are lovely and special, and so they run away. And I get left holding the broken pieces of my life.

You know, call me crazy, but just once, I would like to meet a woman who has it all together, who knows who she is, and who likes me for who I am. Does such a woman even exist? Well, it just seems like the way that I have done it in the past, that way is not working for me…

Me and love, we just do not mix too well. Every time I get too close to her, she slaps me in the face.

Women.

Women are lovely creatures, one of God’s most amazing creations. Soft, gentle, warm, loving, talkative, sharing, deep-feeling, intuitive, family-oriented, romantically-inclined, homemakers. Nothing about any of my past relationship failures has led me to be down on women. Really, I still believe in the ideal of love, too. Romantic love is a special blessing from God.

Someday, I hope to experience it again. With the right woman. One who accepts me for me.