My Recent Feelings

Okay, so this is going to sound weird.

It sounds weird to me. Even I do not understand what I am going through lately. Yesterday, and then again today…I am SO emotional…

At odd times, something will strike a nerve within me. It is like something causes a bell to go off inside of me, and it reverberates within my heart.

When that happens, I tear up, and I stop whatever I am doing, and just think. I just stop and think about whatever it is that is making me feel this feeling. It may have been a thought, or a line from a movie or tv show. Maybe it is something I read in the Bible. But whatever it is, it always has the same effect.

It moves me. Deeply moves me.

You know what it is? You know what it boils down to?

I do. But it is going to sound weird. After everything that I have gone through, after everything that I have been through, after the year or so that I have had…nobody is going to believe that I am sane. But I know that I am.

God has been working in me mightily. And He still is.

Lately, when I feel so strongly, like I have been lately, I start to believe that God is preparing me to love again.

See…sounds weird, sort of insane like, doesn’t it?

Thing is…I totally, 100% truthfully believe that it is so.

One of the (many) things I have learned in this last year, is that God is in favour of love. God created love, and God is love. The whole Bible is God’s love song to mankind. It is The Great Romance, God searching out and winning to Himself His people that He loves, to take them as His bride.

God is the author of love. God even designed and created romantic love. God is love, and God is a lover.

And, at this point in my life, I want to be a lover, too.

I want to be in love. I want to revel in the beauty of loving somebody else in a romantic sense. But, I am smart enough to know that I do not want just anybody…I want THE ONE that God has for me.

With all that I am feeling and sensing lately, I am hoping that she is near.

Is that so wrong?

What is so wrong, with wanting to be in love? With wanting to be a giver? With wanting to show Christ’s love to another person, every day for the rest of my life?

I have a lot to give. And, one day, hopefully soon, I will begin to give that love to somebody special, somebody whom God has picked out for me to love, and for them to love me too.

That’ll be…cool. The ultimate expression, in life, is love.

Lord…I wait. Expectantly so, because I remember Your promise to me. Thank You.