This is from one of my devotionals yesterday...
The majority is not always right.
If the majority had ruled, the children of Israel never would have left Egypt. They would have voted to stay in bondage.
If the majority had ruled, David never would have fought Goliath. His brothers would have voted for him to stay with the sheep.
What's the point? You must listen to your own heart.
God says you're on your way to becoming a disciple when you can keep a clear head and a pure heart.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
For Me
These lyrics are so cool! I heard this song today, and I just had to put them up here...
She Likes Me For Me - by Third Eye Blind
She don't care about my car,
and she don't care about my money,
and that's real good cuz I don't got a lot to spend,
but if I did it would mean nothing.
She likes me for me,
not because I look like Tyson Bedford,
with the charm of Robert Redford
oozing out my ears,
what she sees,
are my most rending decisions,
my insecure conditions,
and the tears upon the pillow that I shed.
She don't care about my big screen,
or my collection of dvds,
things like that just never mattered much to her,
plus she don't watch too much tv.
She don't care that I could fly her,
to places she ain't never been,
if she really wants to go,
I think deep down she knows that,
all she has to say is when.
She likes me for me,
not because I hang with Leonardo,
or that guy who played in Fargo,
I think his name was Steve.
She's the one for me,
and I just can't live without her,
my arms belong around her,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
yeah I'm so glad I found her once again.
Gazing at the ceiling,
as we entertain our feelings in the dark,
things that we're afraid of,
are gonna show us what we're made of in the end.
She likes me for me,
not because I sing like Pavarotti,
or because I'm such a hottie.(sigh)
I like her for her,
not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford,
she has got so much to offer,
why does she waste all her time with me?
There must be something there that I don't see,
I don't see.
She likes me for me,
not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry,
make her laugh just like Jim Carrey,
I'm like the Cable Guy,
but what she sees,
is that I can't live without her,
my arms belong around her,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
I found her once again,
once again,
yeah I'm so glad I found her once again.
She Likes Me For Me - by Third Eye Blind
She don't care about my car,
and she don't care about my money,
and that's real good cuz I don't got a lot to spend,
but if I did it would mean nothing.
She likes me for me,
not because I look like Tyson Bedford,
with the charm of Robert Redford
oozing out my ears,
what she sees,
are my most rending decisions,
my insecure conditions,
and the tears upon the pillow that I shed.
She don't care about my big screen,
or my collection of dvds,
things like that just never mattered much to her,
plus she don't watch too much tv.
She don't care that I could fly her,
to places she ain't never been,
if she really wants to go,
I think deep down she knows that,
all she has to say is when.
She likes me for me,
not because I hang with Leonardo,
or that guy who played in Fargo,
I think his name was Steve.
She's the one for me,
and I just can't live without her,
my arms belong around her,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
yeah I'm so glad I found her once again.
Gazing at the ceiling,
as we entertain our feelings in the dark,
things that we're afraid of,
are gonna show us what we're made of in the end.
She likes me for me,
not because I sing like Pavarotti,
or because I'm such a hottie.(sigh)
I like her for her,
not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford,
she has got so much to offer,
why does she waste all her time with me?
There must be something there that I don't see,
I don't see.
She likes me for me,
not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry,
make her laugh just like Jim Carrey,
I'm like the Cable Guy,
but what she sees,
is that I can't live without her,
my arms belong around her,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
I found her once again,
once again,
yeah I'm so glad I found her once again.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Words
Words. Words are interesting. They convey much, sometimes even simple singular words can tell us lots more than entire paragraphs.
I recently sent to a few people an email “game” that was sent to me. The objective is for people to describe you in one word. I got a few interesting answers back.
But, then I decided to search for a singular word that describes myself at this point in my life.
And I came up with the word “veneer.”
Veneer – a thin facing of finishing material. One ply or one thickness of something. A plastic, porcelain, or composite material used to improve the attractiveness of a stained or damaged tooth. Sheets of wood used to cover other materials (usually plywood) to create the “illusion” of solid wood. A very thin layer used as a facing. A thin layer of superior wood glued to a base of inferior wood. A thin decorative covering of fine wood applied to coarser wood or other material; an attractive appearance that covers or disguises true nature or feelings.
It is funny, how many people who know me see me as “strong”, as a “bend but not break” sort of personality, somebody who bounces back from tragedies with a good attitude.
Funny as in “ironic", not funny as in “ha ha.”
Anybody guess yet why I chose the word “veneer” to describe myself right now?
Let me let you in on a secret – that strength of character you see in me? It is just a thin shell; the real me is inside there somewhere, and it (he, I) isn’t nearly as pretty to look at (or deal with, or live with).
I am NOT strong. I am NOT in control. And I am NOT able to bounce back and maintain a good attitude.
Truth be told, I am horribly, terribly, morbidly…
…Afraid.
It hasn’t been a good year for me (actually, it hasn’t been a terribly good lifetime for me).
I turned 37 years old; time is racing by me.
And I lost my second marriage.
That second point alone would be enough to show that my year has been horrid. A marriage break-up is never a fun thing. It can be horribly difficult to deal with. It affects every single area of your life; there is no way of getting around that.
But, then the unthinkable happened for me. In the midst of a bad year, one of the greatest things to ever happen to me, did (the only things that top it, right now, are Being born, Having a daughter, and Getting saved). I fell in love, with the most interesting person I have ever met.
I thought God had given me a wonderful gift. I was staring at a blessing that I did not deserve, and could never have imagined was even possible.
And then, life pulled the rug out from under me.
Now, I do not even know if she and I are friends anymore. We have no contact. And the person who I loved , isn’t even in my life.
So, yeah…I am terribly AFRAID.
I am seriously afraid, because I think I have lost the most wonderful thing in the world. God showed me a beautiful pearl, and when He placed it into my hands, I dropped it somewhere and lost it. Possibly (probably) never to be found again.
Love doesn’t come into my life very often.
I do not understand life anymore. Oh, I can give all the standard Christianese answers to life, I have much head-knowledge about God and stuff. But, truthfully, life has ceased to make sense.
All I do know, is this. In the midst of a huge storm in my life, I found a priceless treasure. It made everything that I had gone through in my life seem worthwhile. Then life turned around and kicked me while I was down, a real shot to the unmentionables. My heart got cut out and tossed aside, not by her, but by the unfairness of life.
When I seriously LEAST needed another boot to the gonads, I got one anyways. And this one will be felt for the rest of my life.
I am shattered inside. And I am afraid. I am afraid that the very best thing to happen to me in a very long time, is now gone forever, never to return. I am afraid that from here on in, life is a downhill race; that brief glimpse of potential happiness that I got? Yeah, that was the best that my life will ever be.
So, yeah. Veneer; a facing, an illusion, something to cover and hide true nature or feelings.
It's been a few days
Since you've left and said goodbye
There's got to be a way
To stop the pain inside
Oh how I miss you baby
Looking at the pictures in my hand
Wondering if I'll see you
Ever again
I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you
It's been a few nights
That I've spent my time at home
But somehow I know
I'm not in this alone
Oh how I miss you baby
Looking at the pictures in my hand
Wondering if I'll see you
Ever again
I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you
Why don't you listen to reason
There ain't no problem we can't solve
This hard times only a season
We've got to fight gotta fight for our love
I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you
("Cryin' Over You" - by Barren Cross)
I recently sent to a few people an email “game” that was sent to me. The objective is for people to describe you in one word. I got a few interesting answers back.
But, then I decided to search for a singular word that describes myself at this point in my life.
And I came up with the word “veneer.”
Veneer – a thin facing of finishing material. One ply or one thickness of something. A plastic, porcelain, or composite material used to improve the attractiveness of a stained or damaged tooth. Sheets of wood used to cover other materials (usually plywood) to create the “illusion” of solid wood. A very thin layer used as a facing. A thin layer of superior wood glued to a base of inferior wood. A thin decorative covering of fine wood applied to coarser wood or other material; an attractive appearance that covers or disguises true nature or feelings.
It is funny, how many people who know me see me as “strong”, as a “bend but not break” sort of personality, somebody who bounces back from tragedies with a good attitude.
Funny as in “ironic", not funny as in “ha ha.”
Anybody guess yet why I chose the word “veneer” to describe myself right now?
Let me let you in on a secret – that strength of character you see in me? It is just a thin shell; the real me is inside there somewhere, and it (he, I) isn’t nearly as pretty to look at (or deal with, or live with).
I am NOT strong. I am NOT in control. And I am NOT able to bounce back and maintain a good attitude.
Truth be told, I am horribly, terribly, morbidly…
…Afraid.
It hasn’t been a good year for me (actually, it hasn’t been a terribly good lifetime for me).
I turned 37 years old; time is racing by me.
And I lost my second marriage.
That second point alone would be enough to show that my year has been horrid. A marriage break-up is never a fun thing. It can be horribly difficult to deal with. It affects every single area of your life; there is no way of getting around that.
But, then the unthinkable happened for me. In the midst of a bad year, one of the greatest things to ever happen to me, did (the only things that top it, right now, are Being born, Having a daughter, and Getting saved). I fell in love, with the most interesting person I have ever met.
I thought God had given me a wonderful gift. I was staring at a blessing that I did not deserve, and could never have imagined was even possible.
And then, life pulled the rug out from under me.
Now, I do not even know if she and I are friends anymore. We have no contact. And the person who I loved , isn’t even in my life.
So, yeah…I am terribly AFRAID.
I am seriously afraid, because I think I have lost the most wonderful thing in the world. God showed me a beautiful pearl, and when He placed it into my hands, I dropped it somewhere and lost it. Possibly (probably) never to be found again.
Love doesn’t come into my life very often.
I do not understand life anymore. Oh, I can give all the standard Christianese answers to life, I have much head-knowledge about God and stuff. But, truthfully, life has ceased to make sense.
All I do know, is this. In the midst of a huge storm in my life, I found a priceless treasure. It made everything that I had gone through in my life seem worthwhile. Then life turned around and kicked me while I was down, a real shot to the unmentionables. My heart got cut out and tossed aside, not by her, but by the unfairness of life.
When I seriously LEAST needed another boot to the gonads, I got one anyways. And this one will be felt for the rest of my life.
I am shattered inside. And I am afraid. I am afraid that the very best thing to happen to me in a very long time, is now gone forever, never to return. I am afraid that from here on in, life is a downhill race; that brief glimpse of potential happiness that I got? Yeah, that was the best that my life will ever be.
So, yeah. Veneer; a facing, an illusion, something to cover and hide true nature or feelings.
It's been a few days
Since you've left and said goodbye
There's got to be a way
To stop the pain inside
Oh how I miss you baby
Looking at the pictures in my hand
Wondering if I'll see you
Ever again
I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you
It's been a few nights
That I've spent my time at home
But somehow I know
I'm not in this alone
Oh how I miss you baby
Looking at the pictures in my hand
Wondering if I'll see you
Ever again
I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you
Why don't you listen to reason
There ain't no problem we can't solve
This hard times only a season
We've got to fight gotta fight for our love
I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you
("Cryin' Over You" - by Barren Cross)
new poem
My newest poetic creation can be seen here...
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2008/11/ode-to-bb.html
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2008/11/ode-to-bb.html
S S
When I ran from the hounds of hell
Twist my foot, I nearly fell
I was lucky I was alive
One look back I could have died
I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter
When I saw it I was amazed
One time glory right in my gaze
I saw the sorrow, I saw the joy
Right in the darkness none could destroy
I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter
And from the wreckage I will arise
Cast the ashes back in their eyes
See the fire, I will defend
Just keep on burning right to the end
I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter
[ "Sole Survivor" by Asia]
And lately, I think I must be the Soul Survivor...
Twist my foot, I nearly fell
I was lucky I was alive
One look back I could have died
I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter
When I saw it I was amazed
One time glory right in my gaze
I saw the sorrow, I saw the joy
Right in the darkness none could destroy
I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter
And from the wreckage I will arise
Cast the ashes back in their eyes
See the fire, I will defend
Just keep on burning right to the end
I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter
[ "Sole Survivor" by Asia]
And lately, I think I must be the Soul Survivor...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wow
Going over old postings to my blog, and found this.
It is very deep, and I thought i would share it with you. Enjoy!
http://dreaming-of-leprechauns.blogspot.com/2005/08/another-deeep-thought.html
It is very deep, and I thought i would share it with you. Enjoy!
http://dreaming-of-leprechauns.blogspot.com/2005/08/another-deeep-thought.html
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Today's Stuffffff...
Today’s blog posting is full of random thoughts and lyrics…
I have come a long way where I started from
but I'm still not even close to where I'm going
(and now) I can no longer see the shine
that has been lighting up my way
I cannot feel its glowing
The fire in my heart is dying
and the zeal I had is gone
This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside
Why did I ever choose to go this way
The question I keep asking myself all the time
I guess it was my instinct for self-destruction
that pointed me down this way
The fire in my eyes is dying
and the dream I had is gone
This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside
Lyrics to “Broken” by Sentenced
Why is it that the church cannot figure out how to deal with those going through a divorce? How difficult is it to show a little compassion?
Why want to club people over the head with “what you are doing is a sin”; why beat down those who are already beat down in life? Is divorce any more of a sin than lying, greed, or driving over the speed limit? If so, show me where the bible says that. If not, then why not attack EVERYBODY on the entire planet as we are ALL sinners, why single out those who need your compassion and alienate them from human kindness?
Where is the grace? Where is the love? Where is the understanding? Sometimes, the church never looks LESS like Christ…
The city streets are wet with rain tonight
Taxi drivers swerve from lane to lane
A lonely guitar man playin’ down the hall
Midnight blues comin’ through the walls
I tried to call you on the telephone
I left it off the hook
Just to hear it ring
You told me you were better off alone
I never knew that tears could stain
I’m on the roof and I’m starin’ at the stars
Lookin’ down at all the cars
I can see you
In the window of your favorite corner bar
But to reach you is just too far
And I might as well be on Mars
The city seems so old and grey and beat
It closes in and makes me wanna suffocate
And you just live across the street
But that’s a billion miles away
You’ve turned my world into a dark and lonely place
Like a planet lost in space, my light is fadin’
I’d cross the universe to be right where you are
But I’m right in your backyard
And I might as well be on Mars
I might as well be on Mars
You can’t see me
I might as well be the man in the moon
You can’t hear me
Oh, can you feel me, so close
And yet so far
Baby, I might as well be on Mars
Baby, I can’t fly
If I could I’d come down to ya
Maybe I should try
I’m on the roof and I’m starin’ at the stars
Lookin’ down at all the cars
I can see you
In the window of your favorite corner bar
But to reach you is just too far
And I might as well be on Mars
I might as well be on Mars
You can’t see me
I might as well be the man in the moon
You can’t hear me
Oh, can you feel me, so close
And yet so far
Baby, I might as well be on Mars
Lyrics to “Might As Well Be On Mars” by Alice Cooper
Where do you go when nothing seems to be left?
Did I hear from God, or did I hear from me? That is the unanswerable question that haunts me. Without an answer to it, I remain lost.
How do you ask God a question, when you can no longer trust yourself to know if you are hearing His response, or your own?
I think I will trudge around this mountain again. Round and round, circle upon circle. The sand is hot, but at least I have my own tracks to follow…
Seems fitting to end this posting with BOTH sets of lyrics to this song, so I will…
Don’t Cry (Alt Vers) – by Guns N Roses
If we could see tomorrow
What of your plans
No one can live in sorrow
Ask all your friends
Times that you took in stride
They're back in demand
I was the one who's washing
Blood off your hands
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
I know the things you wanted
They're not what you have
With all the people talkin'
It's drivin' you mad
If I was standin' by you
How would you feel
Knowing your love's decided
And all love is real
An don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
I thought I could live in your world
As years all went by
With all the voices I've heard
Something has died
And when you're in need of someone
My heart won't deny you
So many seem so lonely
With no one left to cry to baby
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
Don’t Cry (Orig Vers) – by Guns N Roses
Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby
And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
There’s a heaven above you; I hope you find it. If not, then I have failed you. And I will be eternally sorry.
I have come a long way where I started from
but I'm still not even close to where I'm going
(and now) I can no longer see the shine
that has been lighting up my way
I cannot feel its glowing
The fire in my heart is dying
and the zeal I had is gone
This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside
Why did I ever choose to go this way
The question I keep asking myself all the time
I guess it was my instinct for self-destruction
that pointed me down this way
The fire in my eyes is dying
and the dream I had is gone
This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside
Lyrics to “Broken” by Sentenced
Why is it that the church cannot figure out how to deal with those going through a divorce? How difficult is it to show a little compassion?
Why want to club people over the head with “what you are doing is a sin”; why beat down those who are already beat down in life? Is divorce any more of a sin than lying, greed, or driving over the speed limit? If so, show me where the bible says that. If not, then why not attack EVERYBODY on the entire planet as we are ALL sinners, why single out those who need your compassion and alienate them from human kindness?
Where is the grace? Where is the love? Where is the understanding? Sometimes, the church never looks LESS like Christ…
The city streets are wet with rain tonight
Taxi drivers swerve from lane to lane
A lonely guitar man playin’ down the hall
Midnight blues comin’ through the walls
I tried to call you on the telephone
I left it off the hook
Just to hear it ring
You told me you were better off alone
I never knew that tears could stain
I’m on the roof and I’m starin’ at the stars
Lookin’ down at all the cars
I can see you
In the window of your favorite corner bar
But to reach you is just too far
And I might as well be on Mars
The city seems so old and grey and beat
It closes in and makes me wanna suffocate
And you just live across the street
But that’s a billion miles away
You’ve turned my world into a dark and lonely place
Like a planet lost in space, my light is fadin’
I’d cross the universe to be right where you are
But I’m right in your backyard
And I might as well be on Mars
I might as well be on Mars
You can’t see me
I might as well be the man in the moon
You can’t hear me
Oh, can you feel me, so close
And yet so far
Baby, I might as well be on Mars
Baby, I can’t fly
If I could I’d come down to ya
Maybe I should try
I’m on the roof and I’m starin’ at the stars
Lookin’ down at all the cars
I can see you
In the window of your favorite corner bar
But to reach you is just too far
And I might as well be on Mars
I might as well be on Mars
You can’t see me
I might as well be the man in the moon
You can’t hear me
Oh, can you feel me, so close
And yet so far
Baby, I might as well be on Mars
Lyrics to “Might As Well Be On Mars” by Alice Cooper
Where do you go when nothing seems to be left?
Did I hear from God, or did I hear from me? That is the unanswerable question that haunts me. Without an answer to it, I remain lost.
How do you ask God a question, when you can no longer trust yourself to know if you are hearing His response, or your own?
I think I will trudge around this mountain again. Round and round, circle upon circle. The sand is hot, but at least I have my own tracks to follow…
Seems fitting to end this posting with BOTH sets of lyrics to this song, so I will…
Don’t Cry (Alt Vers) – by Guns N Roses
If we could see tomorrow
What of your plans
No one can live in sorrow
Ask all your friends
Times that you took in stride
They're back in demand
I was the one who's washing
Blood off your hands
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
I know the things you wanted
They're not what you have
With all the people talkin'
It's drivin' you mad
If I was standin' by you
How would you feel
Knowing your love's decided
And all love is real
An don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
I thought I could live in your world
As years all went by
With all the voices I've heard
Something has died
And when you're in need of someone
My heart won't deny you
So many seem so lonely
With no one left to cry to baby
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
Don’t Cry (Orig Vers) – by Guns N Roses
Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby
And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
There’s a heaven above you; I hope you find it. If not, then I have failed you. And I will be eternally sorry.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Tonight I Ache
Should I miss somebody who isn’t right for me?
That is a question I am struggling with. It is hard to ignore your heart when it aches so much. Of course, maybe the real question I should be asking is, “IS she right for me?” There are so many things in my life that I just do not understand right now; I need to add this one to the top of my list.
Is it possible that a person’s heart can be so deceitful? In my lifetime, I have never had to ask that question; not until now. Can I have fallen, can I have connected so much, with somebody I truly have no right to be falling for or connecting with? Or are my circumstances with her just a big mess right now, one that I cannot sort out within myself, and is it possible that (in the future) God may yet cause something to bloom (or re-bloom) in these circumstances?
And, the other question is, Should I even be thinking along these lines? Am I just hurting myself and prolonging my agony by refusing to let go of the best thing that ever happened to me?
Do I really want to completely let go of this, and lose forever my chances of happiness in this regard?
Life sucks. It is full of confusion and heartache. Being religious, or a Christian, does not really help it be any better. Life is a struggle. Nothing tends to make sense the way that you think it should.
I hurt. I feel wounded, like there is a big bite out of my soul, a wound that cannot heal. The last few days, I find myself fighting back tears a lot. The rest of the time, I find myself ignoring my feelings and trying not to think; but I always come back to “what might have been, and might yet be.”
This song was a tear-jerker for me tonight…I am probably killing myself slowly by even writing out these lyrics, but tonight I just cannot help it!
Austin – by Blake Shelton
She left without leavin' a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got
If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling
If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not
buyin'
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you
The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then
If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone, all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you
Well, this time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'
And this is what he heard
If you're callin' 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you
I still love you
Hope. I think it is the only thing that makes life worth living.
Please God, do not take my last hope away from me. It is all that i have got left.
That is a question I am struggling with. It is hard to ignore your heart when it aches so much. Of course, maybe the real question I should be asking is, “IS she right for me?” There are so many things in my life that I just do not understand right now; I need to add this one to the top of my list.
Is it possible that a person’s heart can be so deceitful? In my lifetime, I have never had to ask that question; not until now. Can I have fallen, can I have connected so much, with somebody I truly have no right to be falling for or connecting with? Or are my circumstances with her just a big mess right now, one that I cannot sort out within myself, and is it possible that (in the future) God may yet cause something to bloom (or re-bloom) in these circumstances?
And, the other question is, Should I even be thinking along these lines? Am I just hurting myself and prolonging my agony by refusing to let go of the best thing that ever happened to me?
Do I really want to completely let go of this, and lose forever my chances of happiness in this regard?
Life sucks. It is full of confusion and heartache. Being religious, or a Christian, does not really help it be any better. Life is a struggle. Nothing tends to make sense the way that you think it should.
I hurt. I feel wounded, like there is a big bite out of my soul, a wound that cannot heal. The last few days, I find myself fighting back tears a lot. The rest of the time, I find myself ignoring my feelings and trying not to think; but I always come back to “what might have been, and might yet be.”
This song was a tear-jerker for me tonight…I am probably killing myself slowly by even writing out these lyrics, but tonight I just cannot help it!
Austin – by Blake Shelton
She left without leavin' a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got
If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling
If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not
buyin'
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you
The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then
If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone, all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you
Well, this time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'
And this is what he heard
If you're callin' 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you
I still love you
Hope. I think it is the only thing that makes life worth living.
Please God, do not take my last hope away from me. It is all that i have got left.
from the tome of goodness
This is from my devotionals today...
"God created you to praise Him, to recognize Him as eternal, sovereign Lord and King of all creation. There are no other gods before Him, and none besides the Almighty deserve your adoration and deepest love.
When you pray, do you praise God before you bring Him your petitions? Is worship your primary concern? Learning to praise God is key to spiritual growth, to understanding Who He is and how He works in your life.
It is difficult to pull your mind off personal problems and place it on God, especially when your heart is troubled. But by focussing on Him, you can see your life the way God does. You are aware of His grace and daily care, and your spirit is revitalized. Pride and self-reliance vanish in the face of an all-sufficient Lord.
Read and heed Psalm 147:1: ' It is good to sing praises to our God.' As you give God the glory and honour, you experience His joy and peace in a fresh, transforming way. "
"Many of God's people are like employees in an airplane production plant. They cannot hear God's voice because they are too busy assembling the pieces of their lives. They wear the earplugs of worldly thinking, becoming complacent toward the things of God. When the bottom drops out, they wonder why God allowed it. But in actuality, God spent months and in some cases years shouting warnings that went unheeded.
In your life, is it time to take out the earplugs, turn off the machinery of the world, and listen to God's voice?"
Psalm 118:17, 18 -
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord.
The Lord has chastened me sorely, but He has not given me over to death.
"God created you to praise Him, to recognize Him as eternal, sovereign Lord and King of all creation. There are no other gods before Him, and none besides the Almighty deserve your adoration and deepest love.
When you pray, do you praise God before you bring Him your petitions? Is worship your primary concern? Learning to praise God is key to spiritual growth, to understanding Who He is and how He works in your life.
It is difficult to pull your mind off personal problems and place it on God, especially when your heart is troubled. But by focussing on Him, you can see your life the way God does. You are aware of His grace and daily care, and your spirit is revitalized. Pride and self-reliance vanish in the face of an all-sufficient Lord.
Read and heed Psalm 147:1: ' It is good to sing praises to our God.' As you give God the glory and honour, you experience His joy and peace in a fresh, transforming way. "
"Many of God's people are like employees in an airplane production plant. They cannot hear God's voice because they are too busy assembling the pieces of their lives. They wear the earplugs of worldly thinking, becoming complacent toward the things of God. When the bottom drops out, they wonder why God allowed it. But in actuality, God spent months and in some cases years shouting warnings that went unheeded.
In your life, is it time to take out the earplugs, turn off the machinery of the world, and listen to God's voice?"
Psalm 118:17, 18 -
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord.
The Lord has chastened me sorely, but He has not given me over to death.
Mumble Jumble
Tom Petty; American rock icon.
Tom Petty is a talented songwriter. Now, not to take anything away from Tom's talent, but, seriously, has anybody in the history of the planet earth smoked more pot than this guy?
It makes it very difficult sometimes to figure out just what he is supposed to be singing about!
Take this well-known Tom Petty song as an example...
Runnin’ through a stream
The minnows would call to me
Lookin’ for Hercules
I like carrots and peas
Runnin’ through a stream
Tom, Tom, Tom...put down the weed, and enunciate! You're not making any sense!
Tom Petty is a talented songwriter. Now, not to take anything away from Tom's talent, but, seriously, has anybody in the history of the planet earth smoked more pot than this guy?
It makes it very difficult sometimes to figure out just what he is supposed to be singing about!
Take this well-known Tom Petty song as an example...
Runnin’ through a stream
The minnows would call to me
Lookin’ for Hercules
I like carrots and peas
Runnin’ through a stream
Tom, Tom, Tom...put down the weed, and enunciate! You're not making any sense!
heart-dropped
Yesterday, something eerily prophetic happened to me.
When I was leaving work, I had my poppy pinned to my jacket lapel. Well, it came apart. The pin stayed in my jacket, but the rest of it fell off and landed at my feet.
The irony?
Today, I feel like my heart has dropped out of my body and landed at my feet as well.
I feel like I have wrinkled parchment for skin, and I am wearing it like a coat. Underneath it, I am nothing. No heart, no love, no feelings beyond mild despair.
I do not feel well today. All of the stuff I have been experiencing lately has all started to catch up to me. I miss being in love. Desperately miss it, actually. I do not feel like a whole person right now…
Worse, I am again starting to wonder if I can ever love somebody else.
Do I want her back? Honestly, I do not know (funny that I would think about wanting her “back”, when I never really did have her to begin with…). Do I want to have those sorts of emotions for her again? Hmm…well, I do know that I want to feel “something” for her again, and I do definitely want her in my life again. How, and in what way? I am not sure.
Truthfully, as poorly as I feel right now, I am thankful that at last I am feeling something! I have been in a dead place of self-ignoring for too long now. And that is no way to live.
Yesterday, my heart dropped off of my sleeve and fell to the ground. Today, i realized that my heart is not in my body - and it isn't coming back anytime soon, evidentally...
When I was leaving work, I had my poppy pinned to my jacket lapel. Well, it came apart. The pin stayed in my jacket, but the rest of it fell off and landed at my feet.
The irony?
Today, I feel like my heart has dropped out of my body and landed at my feet as well.
I feel like I have wrinkled parchment for skin, and I am wearing it like a coat. Underneath it, I am nothing. No heart, no love, no feelings beyond mild despair.
I do not feel well today. All of the stuff I have been experiencing lately has all started to catch up to me. I miss being in love. Desperately miss it, actually. I do not feel like a whole person right now…
Worse, I am again starting to wonder if I can ever love somebody else.
Do I want her back? Honestly, I do not know (funny that I would think about wanting her “back”, when I never really did have her to begin with…). Do I want to have those sorts of emotions for her again? Hmm…well, I do know that I want to feel “something” for her again, and I do definitely want her in my life again. How, and in what way? I am not sure.
Truthfully, as poorly as I feel right now, I am thankful that at last I am feeling something! I have been in a dead place of self-ignoring for too long now. And that is no way to live.
Yesterday, my heart dropped off of my sleeve and fell to the ground. Today, i realized that my heart is not in my body - and it isn't coming back anytime soon, evidentally...
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Truth Still
I found this old post. It best expresses how I still feel, to this day.
http://dreaming-of-leprechauns.blogspot.com/2008/07/truth.html
http://dreaming-of-leprechauns.blogspot.com/2008/07/truth.html
Today's Heart-Muse
So, I was talking with God as I was driving to work. Basically, I told Him the truth – that it sucks to have given my heart to somebody, and to have lost them.
It isn’t necessarily that I want her back. It isn’t that, at this point in my life, I want her to give her heart to me. At the place I am at right now in my life, that isn’t what I am about.
The thing is…well, I really do not even know. I just know that it feels sucky. To have felt so emotionally attached to her as a person, and then…nothing. That feels horrible.
And now, to make it worse, I really have no idea what is going on in her life. I do not know whether she is mad at me, or blaming me for anything. I do not see her, I have no contact with her.
Ultimately, I hope that I do have contact with her at some point in the future. I want to be able to have a friendship with her, and to be able to be an influence on her life. I want to be that example to her of what a believer’s life looks like.
But only if God wants it.
It is totally out of my hands. It is totally up to God. And, truth be told, I do not know for sure what God desires for me in the future when it comes to her. I have no clue anymore.
I am trying not to tie any part of my future to her. But, I do miss her. I miss her a lot.
I just want God’s will. That being said, I have to be willing to just leave it with Him.
Doesn’t make me miss her any less. Nor does it make me worry for her and about her any less. Concern is a good thing, isn't it?
It is, what it is.
And that is just how it is. Only God knows where we go from here.
It still sucks. I still feel like a part of me is missing. I gave my heart, I gave my all. It wasn’t accepted. It wasn’t returned.
Not meaning to be melodramatic, but I ain’t too sure that I will ever be the same person, for having gone through this.
Yup, it sucks, the way it turned out.
One way or the other, God will have His way. Which way will that be? Only time will tell...
As I drove to work, these lyrics were playing on the car stereo…
Please awake you holy one
Please awake 'cause freedom awaits
Now awake my only one
Please awake 'cause freedom awaits
They are from "Freedom Awaits" by Angel Dust.
I long to see her awaken spiritually. I long to see her embrace God and His love, and become a believer, to embrace God’s love and His healing in her life.
And, yes, I still sometimes feel like she is “my only one.” Sometimes, I still do. That “connection” between us still lurks there, below the surface…
Whether it ever gets a jump-start and becomes something beautiful or not, I don’t know. I do not have the ability right now to come out and hope for it. I merely await, waiting to see what good God brings into my life.
That is all that I can do.
It is what it is. And God is Who He is. He is love.
And that has to be good enough for me.
And, for the most part, it is.
Still sucks.
Oh well...
It isn’t necessarily that I want her back. It isn’t that, at this point in my life, I want her to give her heart to me. At the place I am at right now in my life, that isn’t what I am about.
The thing is…well, I really do not even know. I just know that it feels sucky. To have felt so emotionally attached to her as a person, and then…nothing. That feels horrible.
And now, to make it worse, I really have no idea what is going on in her life. I do not know whether she is mad at me, or blaming me for anything. I do not see her, I have no contact with her.
Ultimately, I hope that I do have contact with her at some point in the future. I want to be able to have a friendship with her, and to be able to be an influence on her life. I want to be that example to her of what a believer’s life looks like.
But only if God wants it.
It is totally out of my hands. It is totally up to God. And, truth be told, I do not know for sure what God desires for me in the future when it comes to her. I have no clue anymore.
I am trying not to tie any part of my future to her. But, I do miss her. I miss her a lot.
I just want God’s will. That being said, I have to be willing to just leave it with Him.
Doesn’t make me miss her any less. Nor does it make me worry for her and about her any less. Concern is a good thing, isn't it?
It is, what it is.
And that is just how it is. Only God knows where we go from here.
It still sucks. I still feel like a part of me is missing. I gave my heart, I gave my all. It wasn’t accepted. It wasn’t returned.
Not meaning to be melodramatic, but I ain’t too sure that I will ever be the same person, for having gone through this.
Yup, it sucks, the way it turned out.
One way or the other, God will have His way. Which way will that be? Only time will tell...
As I drove to work, these lyrics were playing on the car stereo…
Please awake you holy one
Please awake 'cause freedom awaits
Now awake my only one
Please awake 'cause freedom awaits
They are from "Freedom Awaits" by Angel Dust.
I long to see her awaken spiritually. I long to see her embrace God and His love, and become a believer, to embrace God’s love and His healing in her life.
And, yes, I still sometimes feel like she is “my only one.” Sometimes, I still do. That “connection” between us still lurks there, below the surface…
Whether it ever gets a jump-start and becomes something beautiful or not, I don’t know. I do not have the ability right now to come out and hope for it. I merely await, waiting to see what good God brings into my life.
That is all that I can do.
It is what it is. And God is Who He is. He is love.
And that has to be good enough for me.
And, for the most part, it is.
Still sucks.
Oh well...
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Some Enlightenment
Something just came to me, something a little bit profound. Something that helps me to make some more sense of what has happened in my life for some months now.
You cannot win somebody into the Kingdom, unless you are prepared to love them in.
You cannot win somebody into the Kingdom, unless you are prepared to love them in.
Friday, November 7, 2008
cleanliness and trespasses - who is the judge?
John chapter 8, verses 15 through 17 –
You set yourselves up to judge according to the flesh – by what you see; you condemn by external, human standards. I do not set Myself up to judge or condemn or sentence anyone. Yet even if I do judge, My judgement is true – My decision is right; for I am not alone in making it, but there are two of Us, I and the Father Who sent Me. In your own Law it is written that the testimony (evidence) of two persons is reliable and valid. [Deut. 19:15]
Psalm chapter 51, verses 1 through 4 –
Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies and loving-kindnesses blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly and repeatedly from my iniquity and guilt, and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin! For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done that which is evil in Your sight; so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgement.
There are times when God uses people to bring us to repentance. When we refuse to listen to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit, or when we refuse to obey what God has set out for us in His Word, then there are times when God will use a person to come to us and in a Godly manner point out our sins to us. It happened to King David, just before he wrote the 51st Psalm.
But, when a person has already recognized their mistake, has asked for God’s forgiveness and has been forgiven by God, and has changed their ways afterwards, does God then send somebody to berate them and challenge them and throw past mistakes in their face? Does God send somebody to scream at them in rage and accuse them of things they have never done?
As it says in the first quote above, we as people judge by the flesh, by what we can see. But God is the only true judge of us.
I do not profess to be perfect. Far from it, actually. But, I am forgiven. I know the wrong that I have done, and have had to live with the consequences of it in my life. “My sin is ever before me,” as King David said. God is a God of tender mercies and steadfast love, a God of forgiveness and a God of righteousness and justice.
Once forgiven, always forgiven.
Those who attack me, for things I have done and for things I have not done, are wrong. I do not need to point fingers at them, God’s Word clearly states that they are wrong. So, I leave it in God’s hands. That is good enough for me.
You set yourselves up to judge according to the flesh – by what you see; you condemn by external, human standards. I do not set Myself up to judge or condemn or sentence anyone. Yet even if I do judge, My judgement is true – My decision is right; for I am not alone in making it, but there are two of Us, I and the Father Who sent Me. In your own Law it is written that the testimony (evidence) of two persons is reliable and valid. [Deut. 19:15]
Psalm chapter 51, verses 1 through 4 –
Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies and loving-kindnesses blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly and repeatedly from my iniquity and guilt, and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin! For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done that which is evil in Your sight; so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgement.
There are times when God uses people to bring us to repentance. When we refuse to listen to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit, or when we refuse to obey what God has set out for us in His Word, then there are times when God will use a person to come to us and in a Godly manner point out our sins to us. It happened to King David, just before he wrote the 51st Psalm.
But, when a person has already recognized their mistake, has asked for God’s forgiveness and has been forgiven by God, and has changed their ways afterwards, does God then send somebody to berate them and challenge them and throw past mistakes in their face? Does God send somebody to scream at them in rage and accuse them of things they have never done?
As it says in the first quote above, we as people judge by the flesh, by what we can see. But God is the only true judge of us.
I do not profess to be perfect. Far from it, actually. But, I am forgiven. I know the wrong that I have done, and have had to live with the consequences of it in my life. “My sin is ever before me,” as King David said. God is a God of tender mercies and steadfast love, a God of forgiveness and a God of righteousness and justice.
Once forgiven, always forgiven.
Those who attack me, for things I have done and for things I have not done, are wrong. I do not need to point fingers at them, God’s Word clearly states that they are wrong. So, I leave it in God’s hands. That is good enough for me.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
We All Suck !!!
As people, we are not very good at changing ourselves. Even when we can spot the character flaws within us, we just are not very good at changing them.
The reason? We cannot change ourselves. We all have a sin nature at work within us. And, in our own strivings, no matter how hard we try to change, we cannot.
That is why we try so hard to change the symptoms of our problems, instead of changing the root problem.
Only God can touch us and change us deep within. We cannot do it ourselves. When we try, we fail, time and time again.
I should know. Two failed marriages, and a love-friendship failure, and I have come to the understanding that I cannot change who I am. But…God can.
How? By putting God first in our lives, by seeking His face, by making Him the number one priority, by seeking above all else to please Him. By spending quality time in His presence, by being real with Him, by studying His Word and what He says about us and to us, by allowing The Holy Spirit to pierce us with His Word and work within us to make us more Christ-like; that is the only way to change.
At some point (or points) in every believer’s lifetime, life crashes down around us. We are forced to admit that we are a failure, and that our way of doing things has failed us and oftentimes those around us that we care about, too. Most of us, when this occurs, do the natural human thing; we collapse, disengage, and ignore the problems, we blame others, and we refuse to change, because deep down where we cannot even admit it, we know that we cannot change ourselves. And we are too prideful to allow God His proper place in our lives, and so we go on and repeat our same mistakes, over and over and over again.
We enter new relationships, new jobs, we move, we give up on friendships, we do whatever is necessary to give ourselves a new chance to do things the right way – and then we eventually fail again.
We just do not get it. Our lives are NOT our own! We were meant to live to please God, to seek God, to spend time with God, to speak to God (much different that asking Him to give us what we want – we should be asking Him what HE wants of US) and to be spoken to by Him, to spend time in His Word; we were meant to be living ambassadors to the world of Who God is, by becoming more like Him.
But we don’t. We, instead, choose to live by this world’s system of doing things, never stopping to realize that if we follow the world’s way of doing things, then we are disobeying God and wandering off of His path for our lives.
The only way to lasting and abiding change, is to soak in God’s presence. To ALLOW God full access to our lives, to admit that He is in charge and that whatever He chooses to bring into our lives, whatever He chooses to do in our lives, wherever He calls us to go, whatever He calls us to say, whatever He calls us to do, that is our main duty to perform. That is how we please God, by obeying him. And how do we know what is pleasing to God? By spending time with Him, by studying His Word, by spending time in prayer and asking God to change us from within and to reveal to us where we need to make changes and then for Him to make those changes within us.
But we do not do that, do we? Instead, we try to change our own circumstances, rather than allowing God to change our wayward hearts. We try to change others around us, rather than allowing God to work within us. We struggle for control, and our struggle really is against God Himself! We insist on being in the driver’s seat in our lives, and think that God will honour that. Well, He doesn’t. He is a jealous God, and He will allow nothing in our lives to come before Him, not even our own selves.
Why do relationships fail? Isn’t it because we are not whole people; we are trying to get others to meet needs within us that are meant to be met by God Himself. We put God on the back-burner, and then wonder why nothing turns out right in our lives, and blame people and God. How stupid are we as human beings?!!
Relationships fail because God is love. All love apart from God is a farce, a scam, a sham, something that is destined to fail. Nobody can meet those needs we have, but God; eventually, that longing to have those needs met will surface. We will feel unloved, and unlovable. We will lash out at those around us for not meeting those needs. We will withdraw and refuse to try to meet the needs of others. We will feel sorry for ourselves.
And all this time, God is waiting with open arms, wanting to make us into something beautiful, if only we would let Him. He is the Lover Of Our Soul. He is the Great Romancer, and His Holy Word is all about the romantic love that He has for us. It should not be a power struggle between us and God, afraid to let Him have control of our lives and our destinies. So why is it that way? When will we learn?
God, do not let me do things my way; help me, and change me, to allow You to do things Your way in my life. Make my life pleasing to You.
The reason? We cannot change ourselves. We all have a sin nature at work within us. And, in our own strivings, no matter how hard we try to change, we cannot.
That is why we try so hard to change the symptoms of our problems, instead of changing the root problem.
Only God can touch us and change us deep within. We cannot do it ourselves. When we try, we fail, time and time again.
I should know. Two failed marriages, and a love-friendship failure, and I have come to the understanding that I cannot change who I am. But…God can.
How? By putting God first in our lives, by seeking His face, by making Him the number one priority, by seeking above all else to please Him. By spending quality time in His presence, by being real with Him, by studying His Word and what He says about us and to us, by allowing The Holy Spirit to pierce us with His Word and work within us to make us more Christ-like; that is the only way to change.
At some point (or points) in every believer’s lifetime, life crashes down around us. We are forced to admit that we are a failure, and that our way of doing things has failed us and oftentimes those around us that we care about, too. Most of us, when this occurs, do the natural human thing; we collapse, disengage, and ignore the problems, we blame others, and we refuse to change, because deep down where we cannot even admit it, we know that we cannot change ourselves. And we are too prideful to allow God His proper place in our lives, and so we go on and repeat our same mistakes, over and over and over again.
We enter new relationships, new jobs, we move, we give up on friendships, we do whatever is necessary to give ourselves a new chance to do things the right way – and then we eventually fail again.
We just do not get it. Our lives are NOT our own! We were meant to live to please God, to seek God, to spend time with God, to speak to God (much different that asking Him to give us what we want – we should be asking Him what HE wants of US) and to be spoken to by Him, to spend time in His Word; we were meant to be living ambassadors to the world of Who God is, by becoming more like Him.
But we don’t. We, instead, choose to live by this world’s system of doing things, never stopping to realize that if we follow the world’s way of doing things, then we are disobeying God and wandering off of His path for our lives.
The only way to lasting and abiding change, is to soak in God’s presence. To ALLOW God full access to our lives, to admit that He is in charge and that whatever He chooses to bring into our lives, whatever He chooses to do in our lives, wherever He calls us to go, whatever He calls us to say, whatever He calls us to do, that is our main duty to perform. That is how we please God, by obeying him. And how do we know what is pleasing to God? By spending time with Him, by studying His Word, by spending time in prayer and asking God to change us from within and to reveal to us where we need to make changes and then for Him to make those changes within us.
But we do not do that, do we? Instead, we try to change our own circumstances, rather than allowing God to change our wayward hearts. We try to change others around us, rather than allowing God to work within us. We struggle for control, and our struggle really is against God Himself! We insist on being in the driver’s seat in our lives, and think that God will honour that. Well, He doesn’t. He is a jealous God, and He will allow nothing in our lives to come before Him, not even our own selves.
Why do relationships fail? Isn’t it because we are not whole people; we are trying to get others to meet needs within us that are meant to be met by God Himself. We put God on the back-burner, and then wonder why nothing turns out right in our lives, and blame people and God. How stupid are we as human beings?!!
Relationships fail because God is love. All love apart from God is a farce, a scam, a sham, something that is destined to fail. Nobody can meet those needs we have, but God; eventually, that longing to have those needs met will surface. We will feel unloved, and unlovable. We will lash out at those around us for not meeting those needs. We will withdraw and refuse to try to meet the needs of others. We will feel sorry for ourselves.
And all this time, God is waiting with open arms, wanting to make us into something beautiful, if only we would let Him. He is the Lover Of Our Soul. He is the Great Romancer, and His Holy Word is all about the romantic love that He has for us. It should not be a power struggle between us and God, afraid to let Him have control of our lives and our destinies. So why is it that way? When will we learn?
God, do not let me do things my way; help me, and change me, to allow You to do things Your way in my life. Make my life pleasing to You.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Men
I’ve always wanted to be an author.
I think it is the act of creation that fascinates me so much. Giving life to a story, breathing life into a character or plot. That is awesome stuff; the goal to create is something I believe is put into us by our Creator.
If I could write a book at this moment, I would likely title it “Men Without Honour.”
There are some things in life that really get me riled up, and this is one of them. No, I am not talking about the U.S. election that was held yesterday (don’t even get me started on Barack “Let’s-Welcome-In-The-AntiChrist” Obama); no, I am speaking here about the failure of men in our society to do what is right, particularly in our own homes.
And I fully admit to being one of those men; before I point a finger at anybody else, I recognize that four are pointed back at me (What a dumb saying – shouldn’t that be “three” fingers pointing back? Know anybody whose thumb points backwards?), and I accept that.
Men all over this planet have failed in their duties. They have failed in their duties to God, their duties to their spouses, and their duties to their families. This is particularly true of the western world. And I should know, because I have been one of these men.
I am so sick and tired of seeing women and children hurting, because men have neglected their duties. It sickens me, it makes me angry, and it makes me sorrowful and repentive.
Too many Christian men have lost their first love. There is no higher duty, no higher call, than to love God with all your heart, and to seek His face above all else.
When they (we) fail in this, our first and most important commandment, is it any wonder that we lose the ability to love our wives and families as we should?
What makes us men so stubborn? Why cannot we see that our very lives crumble and shatter around us, when God is not placed first in our hearts and lives?
I have too many female friends whom are hurting, because of their husbands’ failures. Too many women without hope for things to get better. Too many men who have lost their way, and in their pride insist that they can “turn things around” on their own, just by trying harder. No, no, no! You can’t! Take it from me, you cannot do it! Die to self, that is the only way to be a better person. Seek God, allow Him to change you gradually into the image of Christ. Seek God for Who He is, not for what He can do for you. He is not a Santa Claus, He is the lover of your soul, the Great Romancer.
I am not sure what else to say on this subject. I am sure I could go on ranting for a very long time, but in the end I would just be repeating what I have already said.
I no longer want to be that failure that I have been in the past. My goal is to grow close to God daily. To allow God to quicken my spirit and mend my heart, to keep me on the right paths in life, and awaken within me the ability to love others as He loves me. I want to be a whole person, before I attempt to love another woman. After all, I am not sure that I could live with myself, if I ruined another life by my own sinful nature and pride.
I think it is the act of creation that fascinates me so much. Giving life to a story, breathing life into a character or plot. That is awesome stuff; the goal to create is something I believe is put into us by our Creator.
If I could write a book at this moment, I would likely title it “Men Without Honour.”
There are some things in life that really get me riled up, and this is one of them. No, I am not talking about the U.S. election that was held yesterday (don’t even get me started on Barack “Let’s-Welcome-In-The-AntiChrist” Obama); no, I am speaking here about the failure of men in our society to do what is right, particularly in our own homes.
And I fully admit to being one of those men; before I point a finger at anybody else, I recognize that four are pointed back at me (What a dumb saying – shouldn’t that be “three” fingers pointing back? Know anybody whose thumb points backwards?), and I accept that.
Men all over this planet have failed in their duties. They have failed in their duties to God, their duties to their spouses, and their duties to their families. This is particularly true of the western world. And I should know, because I have been one of these men.
I am so sick and tired of seeing women and children hurting, because men have neglected their duties. It sickens me, it makes me angry, and it makes me sorrowful and repentive.
Too many Christian men have lost their first love. There is no higher duty, no higher call, than to love God with all your heart, and to seek His face above all else.
When they (we) fail in this, our first and most important commandment, is it any wonder that we lose the ability to love our wives and families as we should?
What makes us men so stubborn? Why cannot we see that our very lives crumble and shatter around us, when God is not placed first in our hearts and lives?
I have too many female friends whom are hurting, because of their husbands’ failures. Too many women without hope for things to get better. Too many men who have lost their way, and in their pride insist that they can “turn things around” on their own, just by trying harder. No, no, no! You can’t! Take it from me, you cannot do it! Die to self, that is the only way to be a better person. Seek God, allow Him to change you gradually into the image of Christ. Seek God for Who He is, not for what He can do for you. He is not a Santa Claus, He is the lover of your soul, the Great Romancer.
I am not sure what else to say on this subject. I am sure I could go on ranting for a very long time, but in the end I would just be repeating what I have already said.
I no longer want to be that failure that I have been in the past. My goal is to grow close to God daily. To allow God to quicken my spirit and mend my heart, to keep me on the right paths in life, and awaken within me the ability to love others as He loves me. I want to be a whole person, before I attempt to love another woman. After all, I am not sure that I could live with myself, if I ruined another life by my own sinful nature and pride.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Poem Posted
If you click this link
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2008/11/zombie.html
you will be brought to the latest poem i have posted. I stumbled across this poem yesterday, and it really seemed to fit the mood of my heart right now, so i thought i would post it up for all to see.
Also, i just think it is a dang good poem, very well written if i do say so myself!
http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2008/11/zombie.html
you will be brought to the latest poem i have posted. I stumbled across this poem yesterday, and it really seemed to fit the mood of my heart right now, so i thought i would post it up for all to see.
Also, i just think it is a dang good poem, very well written if i do say so myself!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Things
Things That I Have Learned In The Hard Times Lately (And Am Still Learning)
1. You can love non-Christians, but do not be IN love with them. What do darkness and light have in common?
2. In love, your heart and mind and spirit must all work together. If one of them rebels against the other two, it is time to pull back and re-examine and re-evaluate what you are doing.
3. Not all good people are good for you...no matter how often you tell yourself that they are.
4. I'm not God. I'm not in charge of my life. It isn't about me and what I want, it is about God and what He wants. My life's goal is to bring glory to God.
5. Pain and heartache can be lived with. Anger and bitterness cannot. You can live, and love, through pain. Anger and bitterness choke off and kill love.
6. Like any loving father, God will allow me to fall down and hurt myself, so that I may grow up to understand life's dangers. God has given me "fences" in His Word to keep me from danger; like how the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. When i climb over the fence, I pay a steep price. But God uses it. God uses all things in my life to make me more like Him.
7. It is good to love. It is best to love God, and then be able to love yourself. Love others out of your love for God and self, not out of unmet needs. Be a whole person who gives love to others, not a partial person looking to gain love from others.
1. You can love non-Christians, but do not be IN love with them. What do darkness and light have in common?
2. In love, your heart and mind and spirit must all work together. If one of them rebels against the other two, it is time to pull back and re-examine and re-evaluate what you are doing.
3. Not all good people are good for you...no matter how often you tell yourself that they are.
4. I'm not God. I'm not in charge of my life. It isn't about me and what I want, it is about God and what He wants. My life's goal is to bring glory to God.
5. Pain and heartache can be lived with. Anger and bitterness cannot. You can live, and love, through pain. Anger and bitterness choke off and kill love.
6. Like any loving father, God will allow me to fall down and hurt myself, so that I may grow up to understand life's dangers. God has given me "fences" in His Word to keep me from danger; like how the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. When i climb over the fence, I pay a steep price. But God uses it. God uses all things in my life to make me more like Him.
7. It is good to love. It is best to love God, and then be able to love yourself. Love others out of your love for God and self, not out of unmet needs. Be a whole person who gives love to others, not a partial person looking to gain love from others.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.bmp)
