Things

Things That I Have Learned In The Hard Times Lately (And Am Still Learning)

1. You can love non-Christians, but do not be IN love with them. What do darkness and light have in common?

2. In love, your heart and mind and spirit must all work together. If one of them rebels against the other two, it is time to pull back and re-examine and re-evaluate what you are doing.

3. Not all good people are good for you...no matter how often you tell yourself that they are.

4. I'm not God. I'm not in charge of my life. It isn't about me and what I want, it is about God and what He wants. My life's goal is to bring glory to God.

5. Pain and heartache can be lived with. Anger and bitterness cannot. You can live, and love, through pain. Anger and bitterness choke off and kill love.

6. Like any loving father, God will allow me to fall down and hurt myself, so that I may grow up to understand life's dangers. God has given me "fences" in His Word to keep me from danger; like how the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. When i climb over the fence, I pay a steep price. But God uses it. God uses all things in my life to make me more like Him.

7. It is good to love. It is best to love God, and then be able to love yourself. Love others out of your love for God and self, not out of unmet needs. Be a whole person who gives love to others, not a partial person looking to gain love from others.

True Thanksgiving

God worked in me through this situation. I have not been able to see that clearly until now, my pain has been too great. But God chose to use this time to work into me some things He wanted in my life.

So…God did not fail me. Love did not fail me. I did not fail me. Faith did not fail me. Prayer and belief did not fail me. All happened just as God knew it would, and He has used it to my greater good.

So…thank You, Lord. On this Thanksgiving weekend, even though my heart is heavy with grief, I choose to be thankful, that You use every situation that comes into my life to work within me for a greater good.

Lord, thank You for Your love.

Heads

I blogged earlier about heads rolling, God surgically striking with precision and cutting off the head.

I thought this was a word from God about something, but it ended up being about something else entirely.

The head came off, all right. But the head that had to be severed by God, was MINE. The head that God needed to cut off was MY WILL.

Do i still have a will of my own? Of course i do. I still have dreams, i still have wishes, i still have emotions.

But, does my will really matter to God? In a sense, no, and in a sense, yes. See, my will matters ot God, only in that it is subjected to His will.

In a nutshell, to put this in me-speak, I have learned that I suck. I am the one who gets in the way of God having His will in my life, and His blessings flowing to me.

Life is not about me; it is about Him. God doesn't want me to get the glory in life, He wants to use my life to bring glory to Himself.

The lessons that I am learning, they burn and sear the heart, they try the spirit. God talks about throwing our works on the fire, and seeing what burns up and what is left. Right now, in my life, not much is left.

I am trying to count it as a blessing that God is allowing me to realize this. I guess it is because He wants to use me. Truly, I am the last person God should be desiring to use!

There is a quote I have been using a lot lately, about hottest fires being used to temper the finest steel, or something to that effect.

I am just starting to realize just how hot the holy fire of God in a person's life is...


I will go through this, Lord, and I will come out as more of a servant to You than when I went in. But...please do not let me go through this alone, Lord...I have prayed that once before in my life, Lord, and You answered my prayer. Please do so again...I need that good woman to support me in this!

Updating My Life

Love is a powerful emotion.

But the heart can be deceitful, and should not always be trusted. It has a tendency to overpower all your other senses, leaving you blind to reason.

Love is a beautiful thing, but it can also be a poison-dripping dagger.

This year, I fell in love. But, she was wrong for me. I did not listen to my head, only to my heart.

The lessons that I have learned lately have broken my heart. I feel crushed.

I also lost my sanity.

Now, I feel terribly alone. If not for my faith in God, I do not think I would still be able to stand up at all.

It has been that bad for me. My life is a shambles. Only my spiritual self, only my soul and my fellowship with God has lived through this; the rest of me has died.

In the end, I should have known better. She was not meant for me. I know that now. Now, I know that.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

And now, now it is truly over. It must be over, as now I feel that I can write about it here. And, indeed, I feel I NEED to write about it here, to get off of my chest how my life has changed.

Right now, I find myself so very ALONE.

I know that I am a good person. I know that I am capable of loving a woman and treating her right. I have learned that this year.

I also know that, in spite of that, I am alone. And I am feeling it; alone. Eternal, soul-aching aloneness. Emptiness of joy and mirth and belief and vision for my life. Nobody to share with, no one to share my joys and triumphs, my walk with God, my hard times, nobody to share life with.

This is not a good time for me.

I want to share my life with a special woman. I NEED to.

And soon.

But yet, I find myself alone, again.

Just me and my Creator.

At least I have God. At least I have a God Who has promised that He has somebody for me.

Lord, I am so tired of being alone!

I am so lonely…

So empty…

So alone.

And I am feeling it, feeling it deeply right now, an ache in my bones, an ache in my heart, an ache in my spirit.

I cannot go on like this forever, Lord. Be merciful and send me somebody. Somebody right for me. Somebody You approve of. Please be merciful and send her to me soon. A life lived alone is no life at all. I was not made to be alone...so please do not leave me here. I know, Lord, that You are here with me, and I thank You for that. But I need somebody to partner with, another life to give into, another to share life with.

Being alone is not good, not good at all. And, realistically, i have been alone for so long now...

As DC Talk sings (in "Supernatural")..
I need an intervention
A touch of providence
It goes beyond religion
To my very circumstance

God, You have taught me so much through all of this, and You have stood by me and propped me up when I deserved nothing more than to fall down on the ground dead. You have been more than faithful; You have been my all.

All I need is You, it is true. Yet, it is also true that You have made me to desire human companionship, partnership, and earthly love. Do not let these God-given desires go unfulfilled. Do not let my heart grow bitter and disillusioned. Keep my heart soft and tender towards You and towards others. And send me, in Your love and mercy and grace, that one woman who will understand me, accept me, and tenderly love me as no other can. And, in turn, I will commit to her very best in life, to constantly uphold her before You, to lead her into all good things that You provide, and to never leave her or forsake her. Perhaps, Lord, that last is the thing I still need to learn in relationships; yet, without being in one, how can I learn it?


Lord, You are good. You are a good God, and Your love endures forever. Help me to be able to share that love with another. I know that I am capable of it; this last year has taught me that. Give me that chance, Lord, give me that chance. I will not let You down!

quote

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ in me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man
Who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man
Who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

- Saint Patrick

still small voice

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

My life is in God's hands. He will do as He deems best. I will let Him guide me as He chooses to.

My faith is not dead; it is just in GOD now, rather than in what I want Him to bring me...

A hard lesson to learn, to be sure. But a worthwhile one.

My Prayer

Still
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God


When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
I will be still and know You are God

DC Talk - Supernatural

This world's a tortured place to be
So many things to torment me
And as I stumble down this road it takes a toll
These days and nights I turn to You
No human hand can pull me through
No cosmic force or magic brew will ever do

But I can see it coming
You're not so far away
'cause I can feel Your power
Surging through the whole of me

God is there and He is watching
He tells me all is well (it's supernatural)
God is there, there's no denying
He's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

Beyond this physical terrain
There's an invisible domain
Where angels battle over souls in vast array
But down on earth is where I am
No wings to fly, no place to stand
Here on my knees I am a stranger in this land

I need an intervention
A touch of providence
It goes beyond religion
To my very circumstance

God is there and He is watching
He tells me all is well (it's supernatural)
God is there, there's no denying
He's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

God is there and He is watching
The signs are everywhere (the signs are everywhere)
God is there, there's no denying
It's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

In six days, the universe was made
Supernatural
And from the dead a man was raised
Supernatural
They say He walked across the waves
Supernatural
And I'll believe it to my grave

But I can see You coming
You're not so far away
'cause I can feel Your power
Surging through the whole of me

[yeah, yeah, yeah]
[God is supernatural]
[yeah, yeah, yeah]

God is there and He is watching
He tells me all is well (it's supernatural)
God is there, there's no denying
He's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

[some things just can't be explained]


Lord, I need a touch; I need a shot of what only You can give. Hit me with it, Lord!

t-full

Be thankful for the little things in life.

To those who are needy and hurting and struggling, there really is no such thing as a little thing. Those things that we see as little, are really hugely important.

Write them down. Write down the ways that God blesses you, and keep them somewhere where you can look back over them when you are feeling down or lost or alone. Let them encourage you. Be encouraged by God's faithfulness.

You are not alone. God walks with you. God is in control. God is God alone. Give Him the patience and faith to beleive that He will come through for you and bless you, and He will.

In the meantime, be thankful for the little things.

Lord...thank You.

Benevolence Of God

Hi!

I am not sure why I titled my blog that today. Just...came to me, I guess?

Anyways, on my way to work today, I was still feeling so very very very VERY down. But, i was smart; I brought my favourite CD with me, FFH's Worship In The Waiting.

As per usual, I find that the first two songs make me weep like a baby, but that is a good thing. It is a drawing closer to God thing. Although i still feel pretty numb today, I feel closer to God, and I know that my faith is still at work deep down in my heart.

Anyhoo...here are the lyrics to these two encouraging songs. I would encourage anybody who is feeling down in life, to get this album. Don't delay...get it now!


You Are God Alone – FFH

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You're the only God
Whose power none can contend
You're the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God
Who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God, And that's just the way it is

You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone


Worship In The Waiting – FFH

I’ve seen the red sea part, I’ve seen the mountains move
But now it seems so dark, I can’t even feel You
If You choose to be silent, I’ll be silent too
I will worship in the waiting, quiet before You
Until Your voice like manna from the sky falls

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING

I’ve seen the blooms of spring, new life in everything
But now it seems so grey, bright colors fade away
This winter seems much longer and colder than before
But I will worship in the waiting, expecting something more
Until the sun shines warm upon my face again

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING

He Leadeth me, He leadeth me
By His own hand, He leadeth me
His faithful follower I would be
For by His hand, He leadeth me

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING

Stars, Tears, Heads

The nice thing about being up so late at night, is being able to go out on my porch, and gaze up at the heavens.

For the last two nights, i have been able to clearly see both the big dipper and the little dipper. God's majestic handiwork, there for all to see.

As the song by Steven Curtis Chapmnan says, "I can see the fingerprints of God"


Tonight, i cried literal buckets of tears. After a day when i seemed to have messed up so badly, it was good to let the tears fall.

What is even better, is that they were not tears of self-pity. Many of those tears were tears of joy.



The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10



"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - John M. Mitchell

The winds of change are blowing this month. This is no light breeze. This is the wind storm that the sailors thought would sink the boat, so they awoke Jesus in fear. This is the wind that brings hordes of locusts in. This is the wind that brings in the smoke of the battlefield and the stench of rotting corpses. This is the wind that brings in the dust storm that strips the flesh off of your bones.
The aftermath of such a wind is not a pretty place to be.
BUT...when the wind dies down and things settle, that is when the reconstruction of life begins!

hello, i love you

Hello - by Lionel Richie


I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you

wow

This was always one of my favourite songs. Never knew the lyrics until today, and what they meant. Very cool...

Mr. Mister - Kyrie

The wind blows hard against this mountain side
Across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide
Setting my feet upon the road

My heart is old it holds my memories
My baby burns a gem-like flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine
Is where I find myself again

Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the light

When I was young I thought of growing old
Of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road
Or only wished what I could be

Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the light


Kyrie Eleison is Greek for “Lord have mercy”

My World; My Life; My Heart

I have learned something lately. Something God is teaching me.

And that thing that I have learned, is this; how to be thankful in all circumstances.

It has been a tough lesson. But, now that I have learned it, I am a better man for it.

I have learned that when I turn on the television, and I see commercials or tv shows or movies where people are in love…I have learned that when I see couples walking down the street holding hands…

That it is okay to let the tears fall. It is okay to want that, to believe for that, to hold on to hope and to faith.

And, I have learned instead of being bitter, to be thankful.

I have learned to turn to God, and to thank Him. I thank Him for the circumstances that I am in.

Even though my life can seem hard sometimes, I KNOW there is a better future coming for me. Maybe right around the corner, or maybe months down the road, or even years. I do not know when, because that decision is not up to me.

The Bible says that patience brings perseverance, and that perseverance brings about good (Godly) character traits.

I guess that must be true. I don’t know, I don’t think I feel very Godly.

By being thankful to God, by being able to see my hard times as a blessing rather than as a curse, I am able to find peace, I am able to find shelter in my storms. I am able to persevere. I am able to keep waiting. I am able to go on, day by day, and not grow bitter.


Thank You, Lord. Thank You, Lord, for showing me what love really is.

truth that sets us free!

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

definition of my life

Integrity – definition –

The state or quality of being entire or complete; wholeness; entireness; unbroken state; as, the integrity of an empire or territory.

Moral soundness; honesty; freedom from corrupting influence or motive; -- used especially with reference to the fulfillment of contracts, the discharge of agencies, trusts, and the like; uprightness; rectitude.

Unimpaired, unadulterated, or genuine state; entire correspondence with an original condition; purity.

My good friend told me that what I have is "integrity".

She told me that I have "integrity".

That was an interesting way to look at things. For me, i guess i agree, it may be that what she sees in me is integrity; i do beleive that i have that.

I get it now

"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - John M. Mitchell

Yeah, i get it now, Lord.

He puts us through the fire.

The fire is hot; the fire hurts.

But we come out the other side stronger.

I finally understand what God has been doing in me. I finally let go of something, because i understand now that it isn't my wants that are important, it is what God wants that is important. Sometimes, that means giving up our dreams, in order to be better servants.

The fire is hot; the fire hurts.

Yeah, i get it now, Lord. I get it.

And, Lord...thank You. Thank You for the fire.

Shouldn't Be Too Hard

You know what?

I have made an attitude shift within myself lately!

From now on, i am just going to enjoy being single.

Oh, it's not that i don't want to be with somebody, because i do! But why should i be sad and moan about it?

Instead, i am going to live my life. I am going to enjoy being me. I am going to find happiness and peace in my life, just as I am.

steel

"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - John M. Mitchell

deepness of character

Life is a series of choices, we make them every day. The most important choice that we make, on a daily basis, is our attitude towards life and towards God.

Faithfulness and thankfulness and confidence. That, it seems to me, is the real key to the joy of the Lord. Being thankful in any and every circumstance. We all have things we can be thankful for.