For Me

These lyrics are so cool! I heard this song today, and I just had to put them up here...


She Likes Me For Me - by Third Eye Blind


She don't care about my car,
and she don't care about my money,
and that's real good cuz I don't got a lot to spend,
but if I did it would mean nothing.

She likes me for me,
not because I look like Tyson Bedford,
with the charm of Robert Redford
oozing out my ears,
what she sees,
are my most rending decisions,
my insecure conditions,
and the tears upon the pillow that I shed.

She don't care about my big screen,
or my collection of dvds,
things like that just never mattered much to her,
plus she don't watch too much tv.

She don't care that I could fly her,
to places she ain't never been,
if she really wants to go,
I think deep down she knows that,
all she has to say is when.

She likes me for me,
not because I hang with Leonardo,
or that guy who played in Fargo,
I think his name was Steve.
She's the one for me,
and I just can't live without her,
my arms belong around her,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
yeah I'm so glad I found her once again.

Gazing at the ceiling,
as we entertain our feelings in the dark,
things that we're afraid of,
are gonna show us what we're made of in the end.

She likes me for me,
not because I sing like Pavarotti,
or because I'm such a hottie.(sigh)

I like her for her,
not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford,
she has got so much to offer,
why does she waste all her time with me?
There must be something there that I don't see,
I don't see.

She likes me for me,
not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry,
make her laugh just like Jim Carrey,
I'm like the Cable Guy,
but what she sees,
is that I can't live without her,
my arms belong around her,
and I'm so glad I found her once again,
I found her once again,
once again,
yeah I'm so glad I found her once again.

Words

Words. Words are interesting. They convey much, sometimes even simple singular words can tell us lots more than entire paragraphs.

I recently sent to a few people an email “game” that was sent to me. The objective is for people to describe you in one word. I got a few interesting answers back.

But, then I decided to search for a singular word that describes myself at this point in my life.

And I came up with the word “veneer.”

Veneer – a thin facing of finishing material. One ply or one thickness of something. A plastic, porcelain, or composite material used to improve the attractiveness of a stained or damaged tooth. Sheets of wood used to cover other materials (usually plywood) to create the “illusion” of solid wood. A very thin layer used as a facing. A thin layer of superior wood glued to a base of inferior wood. A thin decorative covering of fine wood applied to coarser wood or other material; an attractive appearance that covers or disguises true nature or feelings.


It is funny, how many people who know me see me as “strong”, as a “bend but not break” sort of personality, somebody who bounces back from tragedies with a good attitude.

Funny as in “ironic", not funny as in “ha ha.”

Anybody guess yet why I chose the word “veneer” to describe myself right now?

Let me let you in on a secret – that strength of character you see in me? It is just a thin shell; the real me is inside there somewhere, and it (he, I) isn’t nearly as pretty to look at (or deal with, or live with).

I am NOT strong. I am NOT in control. And I am NOT able to bounce back and maintain a good attitude.

Truth be told, I am horribly, terribly, morbidly…
…Afraid.

It hasn’t been a good year for me (actually, it hasn’t been a terribly good lifetime for me).
I turned 37 years old; time is racing by me.
And I lost my second marriage.

That second point alone would be enough to show that my year has been horrid. A marriage break-up is never a fun thing. It can be horribly difficult to deal with. It affects every single area of your life; there is no way of getting around that.
But, then the unthinkable happened for me. In the midst of a bad year, one of the greatest things to ever happen to me, did (the only things that top it, right now, are Being born, Having a daughter, and Getting saved). I fell in love, with the most interesting person I have ever met.
I thought God had given me a wonderful gift. I was staring at a blessing that I did not deserve, and could never have imagined was even possible.

And then, life pulled the rug out from under me.

Now, I do not even know if she and I are friends anymore. We have no contact. And the person who I loved , isn’t even in my life.

So, yeah…I am terribly AFRAID.

I am seriously afraid, because I think I have lost the most wonderful thing in the world. God showed me a beautiful pearl, and when He placed it into my hands, I dropped it somewhere and lost it. Possibly (probably) never to be found again.

Love doesn’t come into my life very often.

I do not understand life anymore. Oh, I can give all the standard Christianese answers to life, I have much head-knowledge about God and stuff. But, truthfully, life has ceased to make sense.

All I do know, is this. In the midst of a huge storm in my life, I found a priceless treasure. It made everything that I had gone through in my life seem worthwhile. Then life turned around and kicked me while I was down, a real shot to the unmentionables. My heart got cut out and tossed aside, not by her, but by the unfairness of life.

When I seriously LEAST needed another boot to the gonads, I got one anyways. And this one will be felt for the rest of my life.

I am shattered inside. And I am afraid. I am afraid that the very best thing to happen to me in a very long time, is now gone forever, never to return. I am afraid that from here on in, life is a downhill race; that brief glimpse of potential happiness that I got? Yeah, that was the best that my life will ever be.

So, yeah. Veneer; a facing, an illusion, something to cover and hide true nature or feelings.






It's been a few days
Since you've left and said goodbye
There's got to be a way
To stop the pain inside

Oh how I miss you baby
Looking at the pictures in my hand
Wondering if I'll see you
Ever again

I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you

It's been a few nights
That I've spent my time at home
But somehow I know
I'm not in this alone

Oh how I miss you baby
Looking at the pictures in my hand
Wondering if I'll see you
Ever again

I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you

Why don't you listen to reason
There ain't no problem we can't solve
This hard times only a season
We've got to fight gotta fight for our love

I'm cryin' oh oh
Can't you see my heart is breaking
I'm cryin' oh oh
But I get my strength from up above
I'm cryin' oh oh
My love she isn't taking
I'm cryin' oh oh
Over you


("Cryin' Over You" - by Barren Cross)

comedy

Funny comedian skit on U-Tube...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

new poem

My newest poetic creation can be seen here...

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2008/11/ode-to-bb.html

S S

When I ran from the hounds of hell
Twist my foot, I nearly fell
I was lucky I was alive
One look back I could have died

I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter

When I saw it I was amazed
One time glory right in my gaze
I saw the sorrow, I saw the joy
Right in the darkness none could destroy

I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter

And from the wreckage I will arise
Cast the ashes back in their eyes
See the fire, I will defend
Just keep on burning right to the end

I was the sole survivor
Sole survivor
Sole survivor
Solitary fighter

[ "Sole Survivor" by Asia]


And lately, I think I must be the Soul Survivor...

Wow

Going over old postings to my blog, and found this.
It is very deep, and I thought i would share it with you. Enjoy!

http://dreaming-of-leprechauns.blogspot.com/2005/08/another-deeep-thought.html

Today's Stuffffff...

Today’s blog posting is full of random thoughts and lyrics…




I have come a long way where I started from
but I'm still not even close to where I'm going
(and now) I can no longer see the shine
that has been lighting up my way
I cannot feel its glowing

The fire in my heart is dying
and the zeal I had is gone

This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside

Why did I ever choose to go this way
The question I keep asking myself all the time
I guess it was my instinct for self-destruction
that pointed me down this way

The fire in my eyes is dying
and the dream I had is gone

This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside

Lyrics to “Broken” by Sentenced




Why is it that the church cannot figure out how to deal with those going through a divorce? How difficult is it to show a little compassion?
Why want to club people over the head with “what you are doing is a sin”; why beat down those who are already beat down in life? Is divorce any more of a sin than lying, greed, or driving over the speed limit? If so, show me where the bible says that. If not, then why not attack EVERYBODY on the entire planet as we are ALL sinners, why single out those who need your compassion and alienate them from human kindness?
Where is the grace? Where is the love? Where is the understanding? Sometimes, the church never looks LESS like Christ…




The city streets are wet with rain tonight
Taxi drivers swerve from lane to lane
A lonely guitar man playin’ down the hall
Midnight blues comin’ through the walls

I tried to call you on the telephone
I left it off the hook
Just to hear it ring
You told me you were better off alone
I never knew that tears could stain

I’m on the roof and I’m starin’ at the stars
Lookin’ down at all the cars
I can see you
In the window of your favorite corner bar
But to reach you is just too far
And I might as well be on Mars

The city seems so old and grey and beat
It closes in and makes me wanna suffocate
And you just live across the street
But that’s a billion miles away

You’ve turned my world into a dark and lonely place
Like a planet lost in space, my light is fadin’
I’d cross the universe to be right where you are
But I’m right in your backyard
And I might as well be on Mars

I might as well be on Mars
You can’t see me
I might as well be the man in the moon
You can’t hear me
Oh, can you feel me, so close
And yet so far
Baby, I might as well be on Mars

Baby, I can’t fly
If I could I’d come down to ya
Maybe I should try

I’m on the roof and I’m starin’ at the stars
Lookin’ down at all the cars
I can see you
In the window of your favorite corner bar
But to reach you is just too far
And I might as well be on Mars

I might as well be on Mars
You can’t see me
I might as well be the man in the moon
You can’t hear me
Oh, can you feel me, so close
And yet so far
Baby, I might as well be on Mars

Lyrics to “Might As Well Be On Mars” by Alice Cooper




Where do you go when nothing seems to be left?

Did I hear from God, or did I hear from me? That is the unanswerable question that haunts me. Without an answer to it, I remain lost.

How do you ask God a question, when you can no longer trust yourself to know if you are hearing His response, or your own?

I think I will trudge around this mountain again. Round and round, circle upon circle. The sand is hot, but at least I have my own tracks to follow…


Seems fitting to end this posting with BOTH sets of lyrics to this song, so I will…


Don’t Cry (Alt Vers) – by Guns N Roses

If we could see tomorrow
What of your plans
No one can live in sorrow
Ask all your friends
Times that you took in stride
They're back in demand
I was the one who's washing
Blood off your hands

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

I know the things you wanted
They're not what you have
With all the people talkin'
It's drivin' you mad
If I was standin' by you
How would you feel
Knowing your love's decided
And all love is real

An don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

I thought I could live in your world
As years all went by
With all the voices I've heard
Something has died
And when you're in need of someone
My heart won't deny you
So many seem so lonely
With no one left to cry to baby

An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight


Don’t Cry (Orig Vers) – by Guns N Roses

Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know


Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight


Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby


And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight


And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby


And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight




There’s a heaven above you; I hope you find it. If not, then I have failed you. And I will be eternally sorry.

Tonight I Ache

Should I miss somebody who isn’t right for me?

That is a question I am struggling with. It is hard to ignore your heart when it aches so much. Of course, maybe the real question I should be asking is, “IS she right for me?” There are so many things in my life that I just do not understand right now; I need to add this one to the top of my list.

Is it possible that a person’s heart can be so deceitful? In my lifetime, I have never had to ask that question; not until now. Can I have fallen, can I have connected so much, with somebody I truly have no right to be falling for or connecting with? Or are my circumstances with her just a big mess right now, one that I cannot sort out within myself, and is it possible that (in the future) God may yet cause something to bloom (or re-bloom) in these circumstances?

And, the other question is, Should I even be thinking along these lines? Am I just hurting myself and prolonging my agony by refusing to let go of the best thing that ever happened to me?

Do I really want to completely let go of this, and lose forever my chances of happiness in this regard?


Life sucks. It is full of confusion and heartache. Being religious, or a Christian, does not really help it be any better. Life is a struggle. Nothing tends to make sense the way that you think it should.

I hurt. I feel wounded, like there is a big bite out of my soul, a wound that cannot heal. The last few days, I find myself fighting back tears a lot. The rest of the time, I find myself ignoring my feelings and trying not to think; but I always come back to “what might have been, and might yet be.”

This song was a tear-jerker for me tonight…I am probably killing myself slowly by even writing out these lyrics, but tonight I just cannot help it!

Austin – by Blake Shelton

She left without leavin' a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling
If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not
buyin'
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then

If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone, all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

Well, this time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'
And this is what he heard

If you're callin' 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you

I still love you




Hope. I think it is the only thing that makes life worth living.

Please God, do not take my last hope away from me. It is all that i have got left.

from the tome of goodness

This is from my devotionals today...

"God created you to praise Him, to recognize Him as eternal, sovereign Lord and King of all creation. There are no other gods before Him, and none besides the Almighty deserve your adoration and deepest love.

When you pray, do you praise God before you bring Him your petitions? Is worship your primary concern? Learning to praise God is key to spiritual growth, to understanding Who He is and how He works in your life.

It is difficult to pull your mind off personal problems and place it on God, especially when your heart is troubled. But by focussing on Him, you can see your life the way God does. You are aware of His grace and daily care, and your spirit is revitalized. Pride and self-reliance vanish in the face of an all-sufficient Lord.

Read and heed Psalm 147:1: ' It is good to sing praises to our God.' As you give God the glory and honour, you experience His joy and peace in a fresh, transforming way. "



"Many of God's people are like employees in an airplane production plant. They cannot hear God's voice because they are too busy assembling the pieces of their lives. They wear the earplugs of worldly thinking, becoming complacent toward the things of God. When the bottom drops out, they wonder why God allowed it. But in actuality, God spent months and in some cases years shouting warnings that went unheeded.

In your life, is it time to take out the earplugs, turn off the machinery of the world, and listen to God's voice?"



Psalm 118:17, 18 -
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord.
The Lord has chastened me sorely, but He has not given me over to death.

Mumble Jumble

Tom Petty; American rock icon.

Tom Petty is a talented songwriter. Now, not to take anything away from Tom's talent, but, seriously, has anybody in the history of the planet earth smoked more pot than this guy?

It makes it very difficult sometimes to figure out just what he is supposed to be singing about!

Take this well-known Tom Petty song as an example...

Runnin’ through a stream
The minnows would call to me
Lookin’ for Hercules
I like carrots and peas
Runnin’ through a stream


Tom, Tom, Tom...put down the weed, and enunciate! You're not making any sense!

heart-dropped

Yesterday, something eerily prophetic happened to me.

When I was leaving work, I had my poppy pinned to my jacket lapel. Well, it came apart. The pin stayed in my jacket, but the rest of it fell off and landed at my feet.

The irony?

Today, I feel like my heart has dropped out of my body and landed at my feet as well.

I feel like I have wrinkled parchment for skin, and I am wearing it like a coat. Underneath it, I am nothing. No heart, no love, no feelings beyond mild despair.

I do not feel well today. All of the stuff I have been experiencing lately has all started to catch up to me. I miss being in love. Desperately miss it, actually. I do not feel like a whole person right now…

Worse, I am again starting to wonder if I can ever love somebody else.

Do I want her back? Honestly, I do not know (funny that I would think about wanting her “back”, when I never really did have her to begin with…). Do I want to have those sorts of emotions for her again? Hmm…well, I do know that I want to feel “something” for her again, and I do definitely want her in my life again. How, and in what way? I am not sure.


Truthfully, as poorly as I feel right now, I am thankful that at last I am feeling something! I have been in a dead place of self-ignoring for too long now. And that is no way to live.


Yesterday, my heart dropped off of my sleeve and fell to the ground. Today, i realized that my heart is not in my body - and it isn't coming back anytime soon, evidentally...

Truth Still

I found this old post. It best expresses how I still feel, to this day.

http://dreaming-of-leprechauns.blogspot.com/2008/07/truth.html

Today's Heart-Muse

So, I was talking with God as I was driving to work. Basically, I told Him the truth – that it sucks to have given my heart to somebody, and to have lost them.

It isn’t necessarily that I want her back. It isn’t that, at this point in my life, I want her to give her heart to me. At the place I am at right now in my life, that isn’t what I am about.

The thing is…well, I really do not even know. I just know that it feels sucky. To have felt so emotionally attached to her as a person, and then…nothing. That feels horrible.

And now, to make it worse, I really have no idea what is going on in her life. I do not know whether she is mad at me, or blaming me for anything. I do not see her, I have no contact with her.

Ultimately, I hope that I do have contact with her at some point in the future. I want to be able to have a friendship with her, and to be able to be an influence on her life. I want to be that example to her of what a believer’s life looks like.

But only if God wants it.

It is totally out of my hands. It is totally up to God. And, truth be told, I do not know for sure what God desires for me in the future when it comes to her. I have no clue anymore.

I am trying not to tie any part of my future to her. But, I do miss her. I miss her a lot.

I just want God’s will. That being said, I have to be willing to just leave it with Him.

Doesn’t make me miss her any less. Nor does it make me worry for her and about her any less. Concern is a good thing, isn't it?

It is, what it is.

And that is just how it is. Only God knows where we go from here.

It still sucks. I still feel like a part of me is missing. I gave my heart, I gave my all. It wasn’t accepted. It wasn’t returned.

Not meaning to be melodramatic, but I ain’t too sure that I will ever be the same person, for having gone through this.

Yup, it sucks, the way it turned out.

One way or the other, God will have His way. Which way will that be? Only time will tell...

As I drove to work, these lyrics were playing on the car stereo…

Please awake you holy one
Please awake 'cause freedom awaits
Now awake my only one
Please awake 'cause freedom awaits

They are from "Freedom Awaits" by Angel Dust.

I long to see her awaken spiritually. I long to see her embrace God and His love, and become a believer, to embrace God’s love and His healing in her life.

And, yes, I still sometimes feel like she is “my only one.” Sometimes, I still do. That “connection” between us still lurks there, below the surface…

Whether it ever gets a jump-start and becomes something beautiful or not, I don’t know. I do not have the ability right now to come out and hope for it. I merely await, waiting to see what good God brings into my life.

That is all that I can do.

It is what it is. And God is Who He is. He is love.

And that has to be good enough for me.

And, for the most part, it is.

Still sucks.

Oh well...

Some Enlightenment

Something just came to me, something a little bit profound. Something that helps me to make some more sense of what has happened in my life for some months now.

You cannot win somebody into the Kingdom, unless you are prepared to love them in.

cleanliness and trespasses - who is the judge?

John chapter 8, verses 15 through 17 –

You set yourselves up to judge according to the flesh – by what you see; you condemn by external, human standards. I do not set Myself up to judge or condemn or sentence anyone. Yet even if I do judge, My judgement is true – My decision is right; for I am not alone in making it, but there are two of Us, I and the Father Who sent Me. In your own Law it is written that the testimony (evidence) of two persons is reliable and valid. [Deut. 19:15]

Psalm chapter 51, verses 1 through 4 –

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies and loving-kindnesses blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly and repeatedly from my iniquity and guilt, and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin! For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done that which is evil in Your sight; so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgement.



There are times when God uses people to bring us to repentance. When we refuse to listen to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit, or when we refuse to obey what God has set out for us in His Word, then there are times when God will use a person to come to us and in a Godly manner point out our sins to us. It happened to King David, just before he wrote the 51st Psalm.

But, when a person has already recognized their mistake, has asked for God’s forgiveness and has been forgiven by God, and has changed their ways afterwards, does God then send somebody to berate them and challenge them and throw past mistakes in their face? Does God send somebody to scream at them in rage and accuse them of things they have never done?

As it says in the first quote above, we as people judge by the flesh, by what we can see. But God is the only true judge of us.

I do not profess to be perfect. Far from it, actually. But, I am forgiven. I know the wrong that I have done, and have had to live with the consequences of it in my life. “My sin is ever before me,” as King David said. God is a God of tender mercies and steadfast love, a God of forgiveness and a God of righteousness and justice.

Once forgiven, always forgiven.

Those who attack me, for things I have done and for things I have not done, are wrong. I do not need to point fingers at them, God’s Word clearly states that they are wrong. So, I leave it in God’s hands. That is good enough for me.

We All Suck !!!

As people, we are not very good at changing ourselves. Even when we can spot the character flaws within us, we just are not very good at changing them.

The reason? We cannot change ourselves. We all have a sin nature at work within us. And, in our own strivings, no matter how hard we try to change, we cannot.

That is why we try so hard to change the symptoms of our problems, instead of changing the root problem.

Only God can touch us and change us deep within. We cannot do it ourselves. When we try, we fail, time and time again.

I should know. Two failed marriages, and a love-friendship failure, and I have come to the understanding that I cannot change who I am. But…God can.

How? By putting God first in our lives, by seeking His face, by making Him the number one priority, by seeking above all else to please Him. By spending quality time in His presence, by being real with Him, by studying His Word and what He says about us and to us, by allowing The Holy Spirit to pierce us with His Word and work within us to make us more Christ-like; that is the only way to change.

At some point (or points) in every believer’s lifetime, life crashes down around us. We are forced to admit that we are a failure, and that our way of doing things has failed us and oftentimes those around us that we care about, too. Most of us, when this occurs, do the natural human thing; we collapse, disengage, and ignore the problems, we blame others, and we refuse to change, because deep down where we cannot even admit it, we know that we cannot change ourselves. And we are too prideful to allow God His proper place in our lives, and so we go on and repeat our same mistakes, over and over and over again.

We enter new relationships, new jobs, we move, we give up on friendships, we do whatever is necessary to give ourselves a new chance to do things the right way – and then we eventually fail again.

We just do not get it. Our lives are NOT our own! We were meant to live to please God, to seek God, to spend time with God, to speak to God (much different that asking Him to give us what we want – we should be asking Him what HE wants of US) and to be spoken to by Him, to spend time in His Word; we were meant to be living ambassadors to the world of Who God is, by becoming more like Him.

But we don’t. We, instead, choose to live by this world’s system of doing things, never stopping to realize that if we follow the world’s way of doing things, then we are disobeying God and wandering off of His path for our lives.

The only way to lasting and abiding change, is to soak in God’s presence. To ALLOW God full access to our lives, to admit that He is in charge and that whatever He chooses to bring into our lives, whatever He chooses to do in our lives, wherever He calls us to go, whatever He calls us to say, whatever He calls us to do, that is our main duty to perform. That is how we please God, by obeying him. And how do we know what is pleasing to God? By spending time with Him, by studying His Word, by spending time in prayer and asking God to change us from within and to reveal to us where we need to make changes and then for Him to make those changes within us.

But we do not do that, do we? Instead, we try to change our own circumstances, rather than allowing God to change our wayward hearts. We try to change others around us, rather than allowing God to work within us. We struggle for control, and our struggle really is against God Himself! We insist on being in the driver’s seat in our lives, and think that God will honour that. Well, He doesn’t. He is a jealous God, and He will allow nothing in our lives to come before Him, not even our own selves.

Why do relationships fail? Isn’t it because we are not whole people; we are trying to get others to meet needs within us that are meant to be met by God Himself. We put God on the back-burner, and then wonder why nothing turns out right in our lives, and blame people and God. How stupid are we as human beings?!!

Relationships fail because God is love. All love apart from God is a farce, a scam, a sham, something that is destined to fail. Nobody can meet those needs we have, but God; eventually, that longing to have those needs met will surface. We will feel unloved, and unlovable. We will lash out at those around us for not meeting those needs. We will withdraw and refuse to try to meet the needs of others. We will feel sorry for ourselves.

And all this time, God is waiting with open arms, wanting to make us into something beautiful, if only we would let Him. He is the Lover Of Our Soul. He is the Great Romancer, and His Holy Word is all about the romantic love that He has for us. It should not be a power struggle between us and God, afraid to let Him have control of our lives and our destinies. So why is it that way? When will we learn?

God, do not let me do things my way; help me, and change me, to allow You to do things Your way in my life. Make my life pleasing to You.

Men

I’ve always wanted to be an author.

I think it is the act of creation that fascinates me so much. Giving life to a story, breathing life into a character or plot. That is awesome stuff; the goal to create is something I believe is put into us by our Creator.

If I could write a book at this moment, I would likely title it “Men Without Honour.”

There are some things in life that really get me riled up, and this is one of them. No, I am not talking about the U.S. election that was held yesterday (don’t even get me started on Barack “Let’s-Welcome-In-The-AntiChrist” Obama); no, I am speaking here about the failure of men in our society to do what is right, particularly in our own homes.

And I fully admit to being one of those men; before I point a finger at anybody else, I recognize that four are pointed back at me (What a dumb saying – shouldn’t that be “three” fingers pointing back? Know anybody whose thumb points backwards?), and I accept that.

Men all over this planet have failed in their duties. They have failed in their duties to God, their duties to their spouses, and their duties to their families. This is particularly true of the western world. And I should know, because I have been one of these men.

I am so sick and tired of seeing women and children hurting, because men have neglected their duties. It sickens me, it makes me angry, and it makes me sorrowful and repentive.

Too many Christian men have lost their first love. There is no higher duty, no higher call, than to love God with all your heart, and to seek His face above all else.

When they (we) fail in this, our first and most important commandment, is it any wonder that we lose the ability to love our wives and families as we should?

What makes us men so stubborn? Why cannot we see that our very lives crumble and shatter around us, when God is not placed first in our hearts and lives?

I have too many female friends whom are hurting, because of their husbands’ failures. Too many women without hope for things to get better. Too many men who have lost their way, and in their pride insist that they can “turn things around” on their own, just by trying harder. No, no, no! You can’t! Take it from me, you cannot do it! Die to self, that is the only way to be a better person. Seek God, allow Him to change you gradually into the image of Christ. Seek God for Who He is, not for what He can do for you. He is not a Santa Claus, He is the lover of your soul, the Great Romancer.

I am not sure what else to say on this subject. I am sure I could go on ranting for a very long time, but in the end I would just be repeating what I have already said.

I no longer want to be that failure that I have been in the past. My goal is to grow close to God daily. To allow God to quicken my spirit and mend my heart, to keep me on the right paths in life, and awaken within me the ability to love others as He loves me. I want to be a whole person, before I attempt to love another woman. After all, I am not sure that I could live with myself, if I ruined another life by my own sinful nature and pride.

Poem Posted

If you click this link

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/2008/11/zombie.html

you will be brought to the latest poem i have posted. I stumbled across this poem yesterday, and it really seemed to fit the mood of my heart right now, so i thought i would post it up for all to see.

Also, i just think it is a dang good poem, very well written if i do say so myself!

Things

Things That I Have Learned In The Hard Times Lately (And Am Still Learning)

1. You can love non-Christians, but do not be IN love with them. What do darkness and light have in common?

2. In love, your heart and mind and spirit must all work together. If one of them rebels against the other two, it is time to pull back and re-examine and re-evaluate what you are doing.

3. Not all good people are good for you...no matter how often you tell yourself that they are.

4. I'm not God. I'm not in charge of my life. It isn't about me and what I want, it is about God and what He wants. My life's goal is to bring glory to God.

5. Pain and heartache can be lived with. Anger and bitterness cannot. You can live, and love, through pain. Anger and bitterness choke off and kill love.

6. Like any loving father, God will allow me to fall down and hurt myself, so that I may grow up to understand life's dangers. God has given me "fences" in His Word to keep me from danger; like how the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. When i climb over the fence, I pay a steep price. But God uses it. God uses all things in my life to make me more like Him.

7. It is good to love. It is best to love God, and then be able to love yourself. Love others out of your love for God and self, not out of unmet needs. Be a whole person who gives love to others, not a partial person looking to gain love from others.

True Thanksgiving

God worked in me through this situation. I have not been able to see that clearly until now, my pain has been too great. But God chose to use this time to work into me some things He wanted in my life.

So…God did not fail me. Love did not fail me. I did not fail me. Faith did not fail me. Prayer and belief did not fail me. All happened just as God knew it would, and He has used it to my greater good.

So…thank You, Lord. On this Thanksgiving weekend, even though my heart is heavy with grief, I choose to be thankful, that You use every situation that comes into my life to work within me for a greater good.

Lord, thank You for Your love.

Heads

I blogged earlier about heads rolling, God surgically striking with precision and cutting off the head.

I thought this was a word from God about something, but it ended up being about something else entirely.

The head came off, all right. But the head that had to be severed by God, was MINE. The head that God needed to cut off was MY WILL.

Do i still have a will of my own? Of course i do. I still have dreams, i still have wishes, i still have emotions.

But, does my will really matter to God? In a sense, no, and in a sense, yes. See, my will matters ot God, only in that it is subjected to His will.

In a nutshell, to put this in me-speak, I have learned that I suck. I am the one who gets in the way of God having His will in my life, and His blessings flowing to me.

Life is not about me; it is about Him. God doesn't want me to get the glory in life, He wants to use my life to bring glory to Himself.

The lessons that I am learning, they burn and sear the heart, they try the spirit. God talks about throwing our works on the fire, and seeing what burns up and what is left. Right now, in my life, not much is left.

I am trying to count it as a blessing that God is allowing me to realize this. I guess it is because He wants to use me. Truly, I am the last person God should be desiring to use!

There is a quote I have been using a lot lately, about hottest fires being used to temper the finest steel, or something to that effect.

I am just starting to realize just how hot the holy fire of God in a person's life is...


I will go through this, Lord, and I will come out as more of a servant to You than when I went in. But...please do not let me go through this alone, Lord...I have prayed that once before in my life, Lord, and You answered my prayer. Please do so again...I need that good woman to support me in this!

Updating My Life

Love is a powerful emotion.

But the heart can be deceitful, and should not always be trusted. It has a tendency to overpower all your other senses, leaving you blind to reason.

Love is a beautiful thing, but it can also be a poison-dripping dagger.

This year, I fell in love. But, she was wrong for me. I did not listen to my head, only to my heart.

The lessons that I have learned lately have broken my heart. I feel crushed.

I also lost my sanity.

Now, I feel terribly alone. If not for my faith in God, I do not think I would still be able to stand up at all.

It has been that bad for me. My life is a shambles. Only my spiritual self, only my soul and my fellowship with God has lived through this; the rest of me has died.

In the end, I should have known better. She was not meant for me. I know that now. Now, I know that.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

And now, now it is truly over. It must be over, as now I feel that I can write about it here. And, indeed, I feel I NEED to write about it here, to get off of my chest how my life has changed.

Right now, I find myself so very ALONE.

I know that I am a good person. I know that I am capable of loving a woman and treating her right. I have learned that this year.

I also know that, in spite of that, I am alone. And I am feeling it; alone. Eternal, soul-aching aloneness. Emptiness of joy and mirth and belief and vision for my life. Nobody to share with, no one to share my joys and triumphs, my walk with God, my hard times, nobody to share life with.

This is not a good time for me.

I want to share my life with a special woman. I NEED to.

And soon.

But yet, I find myself alone, again.

Just me and my Creator.

At least I have God. At least I have a God Who has promised that He has somebody for me.

Lord, I am so tired of being alone!

I am so lonely…

So empty…

So alone.

And I am feeling it, feeling it deeply right now, an ache in my bones, an ache in my heart, an ache in my spirit.

I cannot go on like this forever, Lord. Be merciful and send me somebody. Somebody right for me. Somebody You approve of. Please be merciful and send her to me soon. A life lived alone is no life at all. I was not made to be alone...so please do not leave me here. I know, Lord, that You are here with me, and I thank You for that. But I need somebody to partner with, another life to give into, another to share life with.

Being alone is not good, not good at all. And, realistically, i have been alone for so long now...

As DC Talk sings (in "Supernatural")..
I need an intervention
A touch of providence
It goes beyond religion
To my very circumstance

God, You have taught me so much through all of this, and You have stood by me and propped me up when I deserved nothing more than to fall down on the ground dead. You have been more than faithful; You have been my all.

All I need is You, it is true. Yet, it is also true that You have made me to desire human companionship, partnership, and earthly love. Do not let these God-given desires go unfulfilled. Do not let my heart grow bitter and disillusioned. Keep my heart soft and tender towards You and towards others. And send me, in Your love and mercy and grace, that one woman who will understand me, accept me, and tenderly love me as no other can. And, in turn, I will commit to her very best in life, to constantly uphold her before You, to lead her into all good things that You provide, and to never leave her or forsake her. Perhaps, Lord, that last is the thing I still need to learn in relationships; yet, without being in one, how can I learn it?


Lord, You are good. You are a good God, and Your love endures forever. Help me to be able to share that love with another. I know that I am capable of it; this last year has taught me that. Give me that chance, Lord, give me that chance. I will not let You down!

quote

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ in me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man
Who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man
Who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

- Saint Patrick

still small voice

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

My life is in God's hands. He will do as He deems best. I will let Him guide me as He chooses to.

My faith is not dead; it is just in GOD now, rather than in what I want Him to bring me...

A hard lesson to learn, to be sure. But a worthwhile one.

My Prayer

Still
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God


When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
I will be still and know You are God

DC Talk - Supernatural

This world's a tortured place to be
So many things to torment me
And as I stumble down this road it takes a toll
These days and nights I turn to You
No human hand can pull me through
No cosmic force or magic brew will ever do

But I can see it coming
You're not so far away
'cause I can feel Your power
Surging through the whole of me

God is there and He is watching
He tells me all is well (it's supernatural)
God is there, there's no denying
He's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

Beyond this physical terrain
There's an invisible domain
Where angels battle over souls in vast array
But down on earth is where I am
No wings to fly, no place to stand
Here on my knees I am a stranger in this land

I need an intervention
A touch of providence
It goes beyond religion
To my very circumstance

God is there and He is watching
He tells me all is well (it's supernatural)
God is there, there's no denying
He's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

God is there and He is watching
The signs are everywhere (the signs are everywhere)
God is there, there's no denying
It's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

In six days, the universe was made
Supernatural
And from the dead a man was raised
Supernatural
They say He walked across the waves
Supernatural
And I'll believe it to my grave

But I can see You coming
You're not so far away
'cause I can feel Your power
Surging through the whole of me

[yeah, yeah, yeah]
[God is supernatural]
[yeah, yeah, yeah]

God is there and He is watching
He tells me all is well (it's supernatural)
God is there, there's no denying
He's supernatural (it's supernatural)
Supernatural

[some things just can't be explained]


Lord, I need a touch; I need a shot of what only You can give. Hit me with it, Lord!

t-full

Be thankful for the little things in life.

To those who are needy and hurting and struggling, there really is no such thing as a little thing. Those things that we see as little, are really hugely important.

Write them down. Write down the ways that God blesses you, and keep them somewhere where you can look back over them when you are feeling down or lost or alone. Let them encourage you. Be encouraged by God's faithfulness.

You are not alone. God walks with you. God is in control. God is God alone. Give Him the patience and faith to beleive that He will come through for you and bless you, and He will.

In the meantime, be thankful for the little things.

Lord...thank You.

Benevolence Of God

Hi!

I am not sure why I titled my blog that today. Just...came to me, I guess?

Anyways, on my way to work today, I was still feeling so very very very VERY down. But, i was smart; I brought my favourite CD with me, FFH's Worship In The Waiting.

As per usual, I find that the first two songs make me weep like a baby, but that is a good thing. It is a drawing closer to God thing. Although i still feel pretty numb today, I feel closer to God, and I know that my faith is still at work deep down in my heart.

Anyhoo...here are the lyrics to these two encouraging songs. I would encourage anybody who is feeling down in life, to get this album. Don't delay...get it now!


You Are God Alone – FFH

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You're the only God
Whose power none can contend
You're the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God
Who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God, And that's just the way it is

You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You are God alone
From before time began, You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now, In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone


Worship In The Waiting – FFH

I’ve seen the red sea part, I’ve seen the mountains move
But now it seems so dark, I can’t even feel You
If You choose to be silent, I’ll be silent too
I will worship in the waiting, quiet before You
Until Your voice like manna from the sky falls

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING

I’ve seen the blooms of spring, new life in everything
But now it seems so grey, bright colors fade away
This winter seems much longer and colder than before
But I will worship in the waiting, expecting something more
Until the sun shines warm upon my face again

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING

He Leadeth me, He leadeth me
By His own hand, He leadeth me
His faithful follower I would be
For by His hand, He leadeth me

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
‘CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING

Stars, Tears, Heads

The nice thing about being up so late at night, is being able to go out on my porch, and gaze up at the heavens.

For the last two nights, i have been able to clearly see both the big dipper and the little dipper. God's majestic handiwork, there for all to see.

As the song by Steven Curtis Chapmnan says, "I can see the fingerprints of God"


Tonight, i cried literal buckets of tears. After a day when i seemed to have messed up so badly, it was good to let the tears fall.

What is even better, is that they were not tears of self-pity. Many of those tears were tears of joy.



The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10



"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - John M. Mitchell

The winds of change are blowing this month. This is no light breeze. This is the wind storm that the sailors thought would sink the boat, so they awoke Jesus in fear. This is the wind that brings hordes of locusts in. This is the wind that brings in the smoke of the battlefield and the stench of rotting corpses. This is the wind that brings in the dust storm that strips the flesh off of your bones.
The aftermath of such a wind is not a pretty place to be.
BUT...when the wind dies down and things settle, that is when the reconstruction of life begins!

hello, i love you

Hello - by Lionel Richie


I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you

wow

This was always one of my favourite songs. Never knew the lyrics until today, and what they meant. Very cool...

Mr. Mister - Kyrie

The wind blows hard against this mountain side
Across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide
Setting my feet upon the road

My heart is old it holds my memories
My baby burns a gem-like flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine
Is where I find myself again

Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the light

When I was young I thought of growing old
Of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road
Or only wished what I could be

Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the light


Kyrie Eleison is Greek for “Lord have mercy”

My World; My Life; My Heart

I have learned something lately. Something God is teaching me.

And that thing that I have learned, is this; how to be thankful in all circumstances.

It has been a tough lesson. But, now that I have learned it, I am a better man for it.

I have learned that when I turn on the television, and I see commercials or tv shows or movies where people are in love…I have learned that when I see couples walking down the street holding hands…

That it is okay to let the tears fall. It is okay to want that, to believe for that, to hold on to hope and to faith.

And, I have learned instead of being bitter, to be thankful.

I have learned to turn to God, and to thank Him. I thank Him for the circumstances that I am in.

Even though my life can seem hard sometimes, I KNOW there is a better future coming for me. Maybe right around the corner, or maybe months down the road, or even years. I do not know when, because that decision is not up to me.

The Bible says that patience brings perseverance, and that perseverance brings about good (Godly) character traits.

I guess that must be true. I don’t know, I don’t think I feel very Godly.

By being thankful to God, by being able to see my hard times as a blessing rather than as a curse, I am able to find peace, I am able to find shelter in my storms. I am able to persevere. I am able to keep waiting. I am able to go on, day by day, and not grow bitter.


Thank You, Lord. Thank You, Lord, for showing me what love really is.

truth that sets us free!

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

definition of my life

Integrity – definition –

The state or quality of being entire or complete; wholeness; entireness; unbroken state; as, the integrity of an empire or territory.

Moral soundness; honesty; freedom from corrupting influence or motive; -- used especially with reference to the fulfillment of contracts, the discharge of agencies, trusts, and the like; uprightness; rectitude.

Unimpaired, unadulterated, or genuine state; entire correspondence with an original condition; purity.

My good friend told me that what I have is "integrity".

She told me that I have "integrity".

That was an interesting way to look at things. For me, i guess i agree, it may be that what she sees in me is integrity; i do beleive that i have that.

I get it now

"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - John M. Mitchell

Yeah, i get it now, Lord.

He puts us through the fire.

The fire is hot; the fire hurts.

But we come out the other side stronger.

I finally understand what God has been doing in me. I finally let go of something, because i understand now that it isn't my wants that are important, it is what God wants that is important. Sometimes, that means giving up our dreams, in order to be better servants.

The fire is hot; the fire hurts.

Yeah, i get it now, Lord. I get it.

And, Lord...thank You. Thank You for the fire.

Shouldn't Be Too Hard

You know what?

I have made an attitude shift within myself lately!

From now on, i am just going to enjoy being single.

Oh, it's not that i don't want to be with somebody, because i do! But why should i be sad and moan about it?

Instead, i am going to live my life. I am going to enjoy being me. I am going to find happiness and peace in my life, just as I am.

steel

"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - John M. Mitchell

deepness of character

Life is a series of choices, we make them every day. The most important choice that we make, on a daily basis, is our attitude towards life and towards God.

Faithfulness and thankfulness and confidence. That, it seems to me, is the real key to the joy of the Lord. Being thankful in any and every circumstance. We all have things we can be thankful for.

Priorities...

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt



What is most important to me in my life? Hey, I am glad you asked! Here I present a fairly in-depth look into my life, and how I view things, as to how important certain things are…


1) The first most important thing in my life, is God. God is my Creator, my Saviour, my Comforter, my Hope, my Salvation, my Best Friend, the One Who Loves Me. In short, He is my everything. Without God in my life, I have nothing good to offer, because everything good in me comes from Him. I believe that God should be first in my life, and that is where I strive to put Him. I walk with Him, I talk with Him, I receive counsel from Him, I praise Him, I draw close to Him, I read His Word daily, and I just enjoy being accepted by Him (through the saving blood of Jesus Christ). When God is not first in my life, everything else that I touch crumbles and fades away. When God is first in my life, I trust that all will go according to His plan and that nothing will come into my life that I cannot handle by taking it to God.


2) The second most important thing in my life, is the life of the one I love. When married, this is my spouse. When single, it is whomever I am in love with (and wanting to be married to at some point). I believe that a person can never give too much into the life of the one they love. My prayers center around this lucky person, as I ask God to bless them, keep them, and help them. I also ask God to help me to be aware of their needs, and to help me to love them better and serve them better each and every day. My belief is that if the one you love is not second in your life to God, then your relationship is doomed.


3) The third most important thing in my life, is my kids. Although I say “kids” and yet I only have one at this time, I put it that way because “kids” does not always mean just your own biological children. If in a relationship with somebody who has children, then those children become like your own. You love and care for them, just like they were your own flesh and blood. Children need good examples to see, they need love and encouragement and support, as well as all the basics like food and shelter etcetera. Most importantly, children need to see an example of God’s love from an adult’s point of view, so that they too may heed the call of God one day and accept His sacrifice for them and become saved. Children are a blessing from God, and deserve to be honoured and cared for as such.

4) The fourth most important thing in life, is my self. If we do not take care of our selves, and make sure that our needs are getting met, we will end up sick and unhappy. In a proper relationship, many of your needs are being met by your love-partner, and as a Christian I believe that all of my deep needs are met by God if I allow Him to do so. Yet, we also have an obligation to take care of ourselves, so that we are emotionally and mentally and physically ready and able to take care of the needs of those we call our family.

5) The fifth most important thing in my life, is work. I believe that I work for God; He is my boss. As such, I strive to do the best that I can in my work, as a pleasing sacrifice to God. When I have complaints about my work, I take them to God in prayer. For a man, it is important to feel like you are contributing in your work, as we derive a lot of our “good” pride from how productive we feel we are in our workplace. As a Christian, though, I also derive even more pride from how I feel I am serving my family (love-partner and children), and from how close I am getting to God on a daily basis.

6) The sixth most important thing in my life, is family and friends. When I say family, I mean family-of-origin, etcetera; dad, mom, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, those who are not part of YOUR family circle (you, your spouse, your kids) but who still are your family by blood (or otherwise). Praying for family and friends is important to me. Likewise keeping in touch with them, getting together with them. However, please note, that at # 6 on my list, there are many other priorities in my life that I put before this group. If I rate these family members and friends too high on my list, then something else must suffer; my job, my self, my kids, my spouse/love, or my relationship with my God.

And that is how i prioritize my life!

annuder one

Yet another Petra song that is speaking so loudly to me right now...

You Are My Rock


Words by Bob Hartman
Based on Psalm 18:1-6, Psalm 31

Moving through the shadows of uncertainty
Clinging to the words You said
Through my loneliness and fear I long to feel You near
But I hear another voice inside my head

But then the darkness is broken into
By inescapable light from You
I'm never standing alone

(Chorus)
You are my rock, my fortress, my shield
You are my rock, let Your strength be revealed
My rock, my comfort, my peace
My salvation, my refuge, my God
You are my rock

Through the desperate night my soul cries out to You
Longing just to hear Your voice
In the quiet solitude, I sense Your magnitude
I feel the strength that makes my heart rejoice

You are the anchor securing me
I'll never drift on the shifting sea
You are the eye of the storm

(Chorus)
You are my rock, my fortress, my shield
You are my rock, let Your strength be revealed
My rock, my comfort, my peace
My salvation, my refuge, my God
You are my rock

Through all the loneliness this world could ever bring
I'll take my refuge in the shadow of Your wing

(Chorus)
You are my rock, my fortress, my shield
You are my rock, let Your strength be revealed
My rock, my comfort, my peace
My salvation, my refuge, my God
You are my rock

fitting

The most fitting lyrics i could find for my life right now, and they were playing in my car stereo on the way home from work...

Get On Your Knees And Fight Like A Man - by Petra

2 Corinthians 10:4, James 5:16
Words and Music by Bob Hartman

Out on your own with your own self reliance
You've got no one to watch your back
You find yourself caught with no strong alliance
You've been left open for attack

Over your head the condition is graver
You've given ground you can't retreive
The cards are stacked and they're not in your favor
But you've got an ace up your sleeve

[ Chorus ]
Get on your knees and fight like a man
You'll pull down strongholds if
you just believe you can
Your enemy will tuck his tail and flee
Get on your knees and fight like a man

Under the gun you've got no place to hide out
Backed in the corner on your own
This is one storm you are destined to ride out
One way to leave the danger zone

[ Chorus ]
Get on your knees and fight like a man
You'll pull down strongholds if
you just believe you can
Your enemy will tuck his tail and flee
Get on your knees and fight like a man

You've got the backbone to fight this tide
You've got the will to survive
You've got the weapon, it's at your side
You've got to learn to confide



2nd Corinthians 10:4 -
For the weapons of our warfare are not physical (weapons of flesh and blood), but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds.

James 5:16b -
The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available (dynamic in its working).

dos and don'ts

Don't - Trust your feelings implicitly. Feelings fluctuate like the tide, and can be decieving if you just go on them alone.
Do - Trust God. He is always faithful, always true, and never changes.

Today, i started out in the pits of despair, but God lifted me out, set me upright with my feet on a Rock, and encouraged me. The Holy Spirit gave me strength to stand, and not only to stand but to fight for my rights in prayer, to come boldly before the throne of God in my time of need.

1st Corinthians 2:16b – But we have the mind of Christ, the Messiah, and do hold the thoughts (feelings and purposes) of His heart.
Isaiah 40:3 –
A voice of one who cries, Prepare in the wilderness the way of the Lord – clear away the obstacles – make straight and smooth in the desert a highway for our God!
Isaiah 40:28-31 –
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength – causing it to multiply and making it abound. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and the selected young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord – who expect, look for and hope in Him – shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up (close to God) as eagles (mount up to the sun); they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint or become tired.
Psalm 32:8 –
I, the Lord, will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.
Romans 8:28 – We are assured and know that (God being a partner in their labour), all things work together and are (fitting into a plan) for good to those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose.

stuff that is or may be random

Booked my flights to San Antonio today for my October holiday.




Also, another fun photo. This is one of my favourite photos of me, and of my cat that i used to "own", Selena. This is a bathtime photo from 1999. Taken in Castlegar in the Kootenays, where i lived for a time. Yes, Selena had a tub fascination, especially when i was in it! I miss that cat...and I miss Toblerone, too.

quotie thing

A quote that i like...

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." - Tony Robbins


Why do some people insist that they should not have love, or be loved?

Why do some people choose duty over love?

Why do people stay in bad situations, and bad relationships, no matter who gets hurt, and think they deserve a medal for it?

Why are some people too blind to see something good right in front of them, and choose instead the bad that they have always chosen?

Why do people listen to the voices in their head from their past, instead of listening to what their heart is screaming at them?


"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized that true friendship." - Saint Thomas Aquinas

Alone

The lyrics to the song "Alone" by Heart have great meaning to me.

From my past, they, along with the song "The Quiet Room" by Alice Cooper, are always going to be a reminder of my past relationship with my first wife. The Quiet Room, because it was the first song on the first CD she ever made for me (actually, i think it was a cassette tape). Alone, because she used to sing it frequently, and her voice has always made me smile and/or cry. It was also the first song that i heard her sing karaoke.

Now, though, it holds other meaning as well. It perfectly sums up my life right now. So, here i present them to you, my readers.

Alone - by Heart


I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

'Til now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone

'Til now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

Heart Troubles

I do not know where my heart is today.

But wherever it is, it is hurting.

The Bible says "Hope deferred makes a heart grow sick."

I can attest to that.

I am tired of being the "nice guy" that nobody picks. I am tired of giving my heart, and being rejected day after day. I am tired of feeling not good enough, not manly enough, and just not right.

I do not know today if i want to cry, or scream.

What is wrong with me, God? Why am i never good enough for anybody else? Why am i always rejected by those i care for? Why am i misunderstood? Why am i shoved aside? Why is my love, my heart, my life, never enough?

Why must i always lose, always be the loser? Even when i do things Your way, still i feel like i lose. Why?

How much heartache and pain can one man take in a lifetime? And why do i have to be the man who finds out?

When will i ever "win"? When will i ever come out on top, be on the victorious side? How come, even when I feel that You are fighting for me, I still lose out on the blessings that i so desire? Why is everything good in my life taken from me, why does it all slip through my fingers like grains of sand?

Why do i always have the questions, but never the answers that i seek? Is this really all there is to my life? Heartache, pain, frustration, and hurt? Is that all there is? Even when i follow You, that is all there is?

I don't know where my heart is anymore, but it is growing sick and bitter...

On My Face

The Bible promises that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.

Today, i was heart-weary, hope-less, and without reason to go on.

So, i stretched myself out on my face, put on some worship music, and spent some time just beign honest with God about my feelings and my situation, spent some time just being quiet before Him.

I think out of that, I was reminded that God must be my focus, that His goodness and faithfulness must be my guide and my hope.

As i told God last night, when i look back over my entire 37 years of life, I have to admit that i can find no time in my life when my God has ever let me down.


FFH – God of Promise


Out of bondage, out of slavery
You have lead us to this place
Out of affliction from the hands of our oppressors
And we will not lose heart ‘cause this is a second start

You are God of the promise
And You will go before us
And will follow
You are God of the desert
With mercy beyond measure
And now we know
You have not forgotten us
God of the promise

You are God of Elijah
You are consuming fire
You are God of Moses
You are strong through the wilderness

You are God of Elijah
You are consuming fire
You are God of Moses
You are strong through the wilderness

You’ve been there for them
You’ll be there for me too


In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
Thus gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost it’s grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand





FFH – I’m Free

I’m being set free
I’m taking off the slave clothes that covered me
I’m being set free
‘Cause I was made for freedom not for slavery
Out of darkness You have called me
Out of bondage You have brought me

I’m free
The chains are falling You are calling me
I’m free
I’ve decided You are life to me
And I will walk where I can’t see
Knowing You are with me
I’m free



Life. It's all about Jesus. Without Him, there is no life. He is life.

Insanity, and God's will

I am stealing this quote, both because i like it, and because it fits with what i wish here to discuss...

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result."

Sometimes in life, we make wrong decisions. Sometimes these decisions, even though they may seem like good ones to us, go against what God has planned for us.

Eventually, anybody who God wants to bless, will come to rue those decisions that they have erred in making. Not because God wishes us pain or harm, but because these bad decisions that seemed so right to us will hurt us, in and of themselves.

God wants to bless those He cares for. And so, He calls us to let go of things in our lives, mistakes we have made, people we have bonded with, relationships that are harmful to us. He does this because He is God, and He knows what is best for us, and His desire to bless us motivates Him to work in our lives to bring about the necessary changes within us.

I found this on a website somewhere on the internet...
"In life, there's many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves.
It's easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you've formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it's time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.
However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it's necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path.
Letting go of your past and memories are also extremely hard. Even though old memories can be tormenting, yet you might hold on to the past and refuse to move forward. However, by refusing to let go of the painful past, it'll serve as a roadblock to love.
Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming."

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.-- Raymond Lindquist

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.-- Author Unknown

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.-- Anon

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.-- Thich Nhat Hanh

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. -- Sylvia Robinson

Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go.-- Oprah Winfrey

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.-- Joseph Campbell

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.-- Lao Tzu



God never wishes us ill will. God has His hand upon some of you who are reading this. You know who you are. He has begun to call your name, to draw you out of your circumstances. He longs to bless you, to know you, and to love you. But, you must first let go of the things that hold you back; opinions, fears, people, relationships, hurts, whatever it may be. As long as you hold onto these things, and stay outside of God's will for your life by doing so, God wants to bless you but He cannot. All He can do is continue to call to you, and wait for the time when you will trust Him enough to be obedient. And then the blessings will flow...

Pampered and Feelin' Good!

It is 1:36pm. I just got home from my spa appointment.

2 hours and 20 minutes of pampering for my face, feet, and hands. Man, do i feel spoiled! I hardly recognize my own face, my nose pores have never been so clean before!

Got to admit, i enjoyed it. Feel like a new man.

And so, i think that these lyrics are quite fitting for right now...

The Saints - Erotic Neurotic

I wanna be your lover, baby
I wanna be your man
Won't you let me be your lover baby
I'll do the best I can

Wanna be your lover, baby
I wanna be your man
Won't you let me be your lover baby
I'll do the best I can

Won't you help me be your lover, darlin'?
I'll help you understand
Won't you let me be your lover, baby?
Come on, get it while you can

Come on!

Wanna be your lover, baby
I wanna be your man
Won't you let me be your lover baby
I'll do the best I can

I wanna be your lover, baby
I wanna be your man
Won't you let me be your lover baby
I'll do the best I can

Won't you help me be your lover, darlin'?
I'll help you understand
Won't you let me be your lover, baby?
Come on, get it while you can

Come on!

Wanna be your lover, baby
I wanna be your man
Won't you let me be your lover baby
I'll do the best I can

I wanna be your lover, baby
I wanna be your man
Won't you let me be your lover baby
I'll do the best I can

Won't you help me be your lover, darlin'?
I'll help you understand
Won't you let me be your lover, baby?
Come on, get it while you can

Come on!

One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Listen!
Number eight

Yeah!

new poem

http://leplaunpoetree.blogspot.com/
new poem, follow the link, see poem entitled "I.W.L.Y."

My Thoughts On The Family Unit

It takes more than two biological parents and one or more children to make a functioning family unit.

A family is an inter-dependant organism. It thrives on sacrificial love, mutual respect, care and understanding. A good family member always puts the welfare of the other members first. A good family member weaves tight the cords of love, and holds tight to them. “I’m sorry” and “Please forgive me” and “I was wrong” are just as important phrases as the most important phrase of all, “I love you.” And, all four of these phrases need to not only be said, and said frequently and as needed, but must be shown through the actions of the individuals. Love is a verb.

A functioning family unit must have goals, both for the short-term and the long-term, that are shared by all the members. There must be an equal division of the work that needs to be done, and a clear, shared vision of where you want to go and what the family unit and goals should look like.

If, for any reason, one of the family members is not able to fulfill these sacred trusts, or is unwilling to, then all the members of the family will suffer.

A family cannot survive for long without all members pulling together. At least, not any sort of healthy survival. The harm that is done when one member, for lack of a better term, “opts out” of their responsibilities, is something that can be irreparable over time; if left long enough it will affect each and every other family member in many negative ways. Particularly the children are at risk, as they learn by what they observe, and when the cosmic axis of the family unit is off-kilter, the children are the ones who are most likely to be affected, both in the short term and in the long term. They will observe what goes on, what is said and what is done within their broken or failing family unit, and they will learn that these things they see and hear are normal, that this is the way that a functioning family unit is supposed to look, and if left long enough these learned experiences will be carried with them for life, affecting each and every relationship that they have.

For all these reasons, a family unit must function correctly; to have one do anything less than this, is to invite disaster for future generations to come.

And, to leave a broken family unit as is, is, in my humble opinion, of far greater harm than to break up a non-functioning family.

And that's my opinion.

stuff

Yesterday afternoon i was feeling a bit tired, so I lay down for a nap. I expected to sleep for an hour or so...then i woke up 4 hours later! Not only that, but i surprised myself by still sleeping 8 hours that night!

Here are some things I have read in my daily bible reading lately, things in God's Word that I am standing on in faith...


Proverbs 21:30,31 –
There is no wisdom or understanding or counsel that can prevail against the Lord. The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but deliverance and victory are of the Lord.

Proverbs 24:3,4 –
Through skilful and Godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established (on a sound and good foundation). And by knowledge shall the chambers of its every area be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

Proverbs 24:10 –
If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.

Proverbs 24:16 –
For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked are overthrown by calamity.

Proverbs 16:1, 2, 3 –
The plans of the mind and orderly thinking belong to man, but from the Lord comes the wise answer of the tongue.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits – the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Roll your works upon the Lord – commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and so shall your plans be established and succeed.

Proverbs 16:9 –
A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.

Proverbs 16:33 –
The lot is cast into the lap, but the decision is wholly of the Lord – even the events that seem accidental are really ordered by Him.

Proverbs 17:17 –
A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.

Proverbs 18:22 –
He who finds a true wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour of the Lord.

Proverbs 19:21 –
Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.

Proverbs 11:17a –
The merciful, kind and generous man benefits himself, for his deeds return to bless him.

Proverbs 11:23a –
The desire of the consistently righteous brings only good.

Proverbs 13:12 –
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life.

Proverbs 15:19b –
The way of the righteous is plain and raised like a highway.

Psalm 145:14-16,18-19 –
The Lord upholds all those of His own who are falling, and raises up all those who are bowed down. The eyes of all wait for You – looking, watching, and expecting; and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand, and satisfy every living thing with favour. The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him sincerely and in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him, He will also hear their cry, and will save them.

Words That Cannot Be Uttered

Unutterable Words of Love

For all the words that cannot yet be said,
For all the feelings that through my eyes have bled,
For every drop of blood and every tear I've shed,
For every prayer with you the center that my lips have said,
For each and every smile I've smiled throughout my days,
For all the many reason that my eyes will never stray,
For every single thing I see in you that I admire,
For every single day I see you and am inspired.
And for every thing I wanted to shout but I only quietly muttered...
These are the words that cannot (yet) be uttered.

I wrote this poem, just now, in all of two minutes. It just flowed from my heart.

"I Need You Now" - by nomeansno

I want to come home now
I've been away too long
I want to come back
I'm too sick at heart and scared to go
I can't pretend anymore
To you I can't pretend
I need a friend
I can't be alone anymore

I need you I need you

Now cut off, apart, isolated
In my pride, in my hatred
My face is sad and afraid
Black in the sun and white in the shade
The night reflects it
In every window I pass
In every pane of glass
I can't last, like this, I can't last

I need you I need you now

All those I pushed away
They walk with me, live in me now
And the silence of what I never said
Screams in my ears and pounds in my head
But when I look at you
I know I could never lie
You see all of me when I look into your eyes

I need you I need you now I

Woke up dreaming that I was dead
Beside you on the bed
I smoothed my hand across your hip
And lingered with my fingertips
From beyond, from far away
Blessing where the shadows lay
I whispered what I could not say
How you took my breath away

There is no world and I am a shadow
You are no woman and I am no man
There are only eyes and arms and hands
The eyes that cut me out
The arms that hold me 'round
T he hands that reach out to pick me up
And lift me from the ground
Go ahead, raise me from mud
Then in the light burn me down
And whether I live forever, heaven sent
Or am doomed to die, earth bound, it doesn't matter
You may let the years drip from my face
As the world turns 'round and 'round
But as long as I can breathe
Can lift my voice and make a sound
In everything I am, in everything I do
I am your servant, I need you

I need you I need you now

lyrical content inside

"Now" by nomeansno


Now if I had the courage
I'd pour into your jar
All the things that I have heard you whisper in the dark
And when that jar was heavy
With your honeyed confidence
I'd put it to my lips and drink it's meaning and it's sense

It has no end so let's pretend it's
Now
Let's get started
Now
Let's get started
NOW

Nothing could be plainer
Than the things that have been done
And there can be no mystery in what is yet to come
It's now that howls at nothing
It's now that runs and hides
It's now that winds its spineless coils and slithers out of sight
Your cries above the furrow
Draw my fingers like a plow
Through tattered ends that twist and bend about the Here and Now
The Here is blind and helpless
And strives against the dark
The Now's a well of shadows where the world has come apart

It has no end so let's pretend it's
Now
Let's get started
Now
Let's get started
NOW

There is precious little
That escapes the powers that be
The eyes that judge, the words that form our meager histories
But when your flood surrounds me
When the waters burst and come
Who knows the things that I have felt, who knows what I have done
And if I had the courage
I'd pour into your jar
All the things I have heard you whisper in the dark
And when the jar was heavy
With your honeyed confidence
I'd put it to my lips and drink it's meaning and it's sense

It has no end so let's pretend it's
Now
Let's get started
Now
Let's get started
NOW